by Caryn Walker
To me, that seems like such a twisted way to process your relationship with your own child. To have a rivalry with your toddler, to want the social worker to pay attention to you all the time and ignore the neglected, love-starved little one bringing them toys – it’s pitiful. It’s only natural for a small child to want attention, especially if they were being denied anything positive in their day-to-day life, and my heart breaks at the thought of young Jenny seeing new people coming in, hoping they would play with her or give her a cuddle, then watching as Mum tried to get all of the focus back on her.
The social workers did notice some things: ‘I noticed that Jennifer had a bruise on her forehead and Mrs Yeo and her husband stated that she banged her head on the window.’ I want to, again, scream at them to do something, not just to make a note of it – they could already see some of what was happening, they already knew there was a battle between a grown-up and a little girl, they already had Mum’s admissions that she hit Jenny, so why were bruises ignored and excuses accepted?
Every so often, there is a phrase in the files that makes me wonder if things are changing, if this is it – is this where the cavalry arrives? One such comment, written in May 1973, stabs at my heart: how terribly difficult it is for these children to come to terms with the vagaries of their parents’ whims. It goes on: there is rejection of Jennifer by her mother and she is possibly ‘heavy-handed’ when she disciplines the children, but there is nothing substantial if one wanted to remove Jennifer. The vagaries of parents, and heavy-handed mothering, were by no means enough to rescue Jenny, and when my time came they would not be enough to rescue me either.
I am torn between recognising that the social workers were keeping an eye on us and acknowledging that there was something to be wary of, and seeing that they were not actually doing much about it. Jenny’s injuries were getting more frequent and more severe, but I wonder how many they never even knew of, given that it would only be the ones they could see, or the ones that required medical treatment, which registered. Only a month after the somewhat veiled reference to Mum being ‘heavy-handed’ came one such official presentation, when Jenny had to be taken to hospital.
Mrs Yeo informed me that Jennifer had another bad fall and she had taken her to the hospital – while there, Jennifer told the doctor that a relation had pushed her down the stairs. Mrs Yeo gave her a smacking for this. There is a strong possibility that Jennifer may be severely physically disciplined by her mother who states that she has ‘very little time’ for Jennifer. Too often, this little girl has bruises on her face and her mother states that she has had a fall. Jennifer appears to be rejected by her mother. (29 June 1973)
The reports constantly state that Mum doesn’t want Jenny to go to playgroup, that she distrusts people, that she doesn’t want to be ‘watched’. They know she rejected my sister, as they note it down time and time again, but at times they do withdraw – presumably they had to do this if my parents requested it, as no complaint was actually being pressed at that time. Who, indeed, could have complained? Us little children, with no voice, no ability to do so? The only hope we had was that we would be hit so hard that it would go further – what a thing to wish for.
They have asked me not to visit again. They are of the opinion that with my regular visiting, they are being watched – the neighbours are inquisitive about a welfare officer visiting. I explained to Mrs Yeo that I would not call again but if she ever wanted advice or help, she could contact me. (3 August 1973)
While the social workers may have been forced to retreat for a while, thankfully the ‘inquisitive’ neighbours were still watching. By September 1973, one of them had made a telephone complaint to say that ‘Jennifer had a badly bruised face.’ They asked that someone make a visit ‘as soon as possible’, and the department actually ensured that happened later that day, which makes me think they were waiting for a reason to resume contact. A social worker called Mr Curran was told by Mum that Jenny ‘was always falling and banging herself’. This seems to have provided an opportunity for supervision to recommence and, the following week, some action was finally taken. A health visitor by the name of Miss Reynolds noticed that Jenny had
… severe facial bruising and asked Mrs Yeo to call the family doctor – she said that Jennifer had fallen off a wall. Social worker visited Dr Meldrum who was of the opinion that Jennifer’s bruises could not have been caused by a fall. Possibility of ‘battered baby’. Discussed case and decided to take a Place of Safety Order. Visited [ … ] where Mrs Yeo refused to let me see Jennifer and promised to bring Jennifer to the Department. Arranged court for 4:30pm. Mr Yeo visited and the position was explained fully. At 4:15pm, social worker went to their home and Mrs Yeo and Jennifer were leaving. I escorted them to Court where an application for a PSO was granted fully. (17 September 1973)
I breathed a sigh of relief when I read that – even though it had already happened, in real life, years ago.
That was it, Jenny – you were out. I know you had been taken away once before, but this time seemed different. There were so many people watching, so many people waiting for one of our parents to make a wrong move, or to let them see something they had hidden so well for so long – and, now they had. The Place of Safety Order was applied for. I wish that I could feel some hope, I wish I could feel that this was the start of it getting better, but I know the next few chapters of your story all too well. They are seeing some of it, but they don’t see it all, and they don’t give you what you need. The ‘vagaries’ are still there; the little girl is still lost.
Jenny was placed temporarily with a woman called Mrs Fenlon, and arrangements were made for an examination the next day. The results of that examination resulted in Jenny being sent to Birkenhead Children’s Hospital. The files state:
I am of the opinion that Mrs Yeo still rejects Jennifer … on previous visits, I have discussed this mother/child relationship, but Mrs Yeo acts like another child when Jennifer is difficult. I have discussed with her the discipline of the children, particularly Jennifer, and she states that when she is very naughty, she slaps her. (19 September 1973)
The files are bulky at this point and, as I read them, I’m getting dizzy. There’s so much to take in, and I feel as if I’m whirling around between the past that I’m reading about, the past that I experienced and the future I know is coming – it’s a story where I already know the ending, and there are so many voices shouting at me at once. Putting Jenny on the ‘At Risk’ register due to the bruising that was visible was the first step towards getting some sort of more established involvement for her, and letters were being sent thick and fast between all agencies and departments. In the middle of it is a comment made by Jenny’s foster-mother, Mrs Fenlon, which says so much.
‘[She] describes Jennifer as a happy, talkative, responsive child, with a healthy appetite. Jennifer appears a little frightened of adults.’ Already the foster-family could see how lovely Jenny could be when she felt safe, but they could also tell there was something that had brought about this reticence with adults. It was unsurprising given what I knew and given what I found in the files – a letter from the Birkenhead Children’s Hospital that bluntly laid out just what Jenny had endured.
Jennifer was admitted from Casualty on 18 September 1973. No history was available as the child was brought in by a social worker. On examination, the child was fully conscious. The following injuries were found on her body:
Head – haematoma in her left parietal region 3” x 4”, and in the right parietal region 1”x 1”.
Eyes – both eyes were bruised around the lids, right more than left.
Bruises over the left clavicle, and ecchymoses over both arms, and over both forearms.
Shoulders – bruises over the left shoulder.
Left buttock – large bruise.
Right buttock – healing lesion, probably a superficial burn.
Shins – multiple small bruises over both shins.
Left foot – healed linear
scar over dorsum of left foot.
Signed Dr Shahbazi, 3 October 1973
It was a hideous shopping list of abuse and it led to a care order being imposed on 8 October 1973, under the reason of ‘her proper development being avoidably impaired or neglected’. When I read that list, when I see the clear medical awareness of what was done to my sister, I can’t help but shake. I’m in my own home, reading it all, remembering it all, but at the centre of everything is a tiny little body all those years ago, with violence and hatred being rained down on it every single day. That the only escape was to be beaten so much that something could finally be done to take Jenny away is unbearably cruel and, as always, I can’t fathom how a mother and father could do all of that to their child, or how anyone could do that to any child. The following week, Jenny was taken in by a foster-carer called Mrs Cain, who reported her to be a bit of a handful to start with, before she ‘starts to conform’. What I see from that is an acting-out child who has only known awful things, and who now sees that she needs to behave in a certain way.
She looks very happy and chatters incessantly – they call her Yo-yo because she will not sit still. She has on two occasions asked Mrs Cain not to let her go home to her horrible mummy who always hits her. She does not speak of her father. She often asks for verbal affirmation that she is loved. Mrs Cain enquired whether Jennifer would definitely be in the care of the local authority until she is 18. I told her that Mrs Yeo can go back to Court at any time and that the decision must rest with the Court. She was obviously anxious that J should not be taken from them in a few years’ time.
By November, for unspecified reasons, Mum had been offered psychiatric treatment – which she refused. A letter from a consultant to the various workers involved with our family tried to summarise the situation so far, in just one page, but it makes for dire reading. Not only is it full of Mum’s lies, which they often accepted and repeated, but it shows many missed opportunities:
Thank you for asking me to see Mrs Yeo at her home yesterday [ … ] Jennifer, aged 3 and a half, was taken into care some two months ago as a battered baby, and Mrs Yeo was told the child would remain there until she was 18. This girl was brought up in a very violent and unhappy home
‘This girl’ was my mother. Yet there was absolutely no evidence of her home being violent or unhappy.
The following month (December 1973), the Cains asked for Jenny to be taken away from them. A photocopy of a letter handwritten in loopy script in the files from Mrs Cain says:
This is a rather difficult letter to write, but I think I can get my feelings down on paper, rather than try to explain over the phone.
I have in my care at the moment Jennifer Yeo, and would like to ask you if you could possibly find her a new home. This is partly because she is quite a difficult child to handle with three others, but mainly because although I thought I could accept another child into the family, I find I can’t. I can’t really explain why to you.
I know you will be disappointed for Jennifer’s sake, and I feel very sorry for the poor little one, she has had so much ill-treatment in the past. She is progressing very well physically, putting on weight, rosy cheeks etc.
I would also like to say that you don’t have to rush around to find her another home as we are not in any desperate hurry for her to go.
Yours faithfully – Glenda Cain.
Then KEEP HER! I want to shout. KEEP MY SISTER! Give her a chance, please give her a chance. If you’re in no desperate hurry for her to go, please don’t send her to someone else – give her a chance and you’ll love her, I swear you’ll love her.
Mrs Cain seemed to have second thoughts for a while. When the social worker visited after the letter was received, the following report was filed:
Her opening remark was: ‘I do not know why I wrote now. I was at my wits’ end and the situation has improved’. She has found that the relationship between herself and Jennifer has been a constant battle and she felt she could not cope. Eventually her husband had a long chat with Jennifer and since then the situation has improved. The behaviour exhibited includes pouring Vim, soap powder, etc., over the floor many times daily, marking walls, etc., a general coarseness of speech which the Cains are not used to. She also tries to play one off against the other.
Jennifer often asks, ‘Do you like me?’ and ‘Will you cry if I leave you?’ The latter especially when she has been in trouble and has decided to return to ‘Auntie Cissy’ (Mrs Fenton – previous foster-parent). She also shows fear of not being fed at mealtimes. The three boys have all accepted Yo-yo quite readily and the middle child plays with her a great deal. The only sign of jealousy has come from the youngest boy. Yo-yo is a happy, noisy, naughty child, who remains over-affectionate. There is perhaps a lack of ‘cuddly love’ in the foster home at present. The Enuresis continues and a special allowance has been applied for.
I discussed with Mrs Cain the emotional involvement and the differences between her feeling towards her own children and towards Yo-yo. She needs security and if there is any rejection by the foster-parents, this may reinforce the pattern set up by her parents. Mrs Cain thinks she will be able to assess whether she can cope with Yo-yo in about two weeks’ time; I suggested that the situation would fluctuate and difficulties may continue to occur.
This was one of the saddest things I had read so far. The extent of Jenny’s behavioural problems, the detail of it, was something I had been unaware of until now. In my mind’s eye, I could see the little girl who was so lost, so confused, swearing, pouring soap powder all over, trying to manipulate strangers into loving her, and it was heartbreaking. Ultimately, Mrs Cain decided she couldn’t go on with it, and Jenny’s options were to go back to Mrs Fenlon or return to a care home again on a short-term placement. Mrs Fenlon agreed to take her back, ‘where she had made a good relationship and was very much wanted’, and I am so glad they did that for her at that time. Jenny must have been glad too, as the files say: ‘She was very excited about the move and within five minutes of arrival had made herself completely at home.’ Within a few weeks, it’s noted that she’s no longer soiling her clothes and there is a ‘resultant diminishing of her behavioural problems’.
I really do feel that Jenny needed stability and a nonthreatening environment, but the overriding problem was that Mum kept changing her mind; she would say that she didn’t want Jenny back, then she did. She would lay down rules and regulations one minute, trying to control everything, then, the next, say that she never wanted to be reconciled with my sister anyway.
At the start of 1974, there are some of the first comments about me. I am ‘the little girl’ who Mum claims has ‘signs’ of ‘beginning to react as Jennifer has, i.e, she says that she has Jennifer’s dirty habits.’ There are also comments about police visits at this stage, but no details, and I have few memories of that stage of my life. I can only assume that I was wetting the bed, or that Mum was claiming that to be the case, and that I was doing so for the same reasons as Jenny.
There is so much between the lines of what is written in the files, and I feel there are often comments recorded there that are not expanded upon, but left for interpretation. Maybe the social workers could only say so much, maybe their hands were tied, but sometimes I can’t help but pick up on what is playing out in front of me, even when it’s written in very few words. ‘Jenny met Mum in an interview room and asks if she can come home – Mum says only when she is ‘better’ … ‘Mrs Yeo was most concerned that Jennifer call her Lesley and Mr Yeo Norman. Jenny showed no emotion when she left her mother. (21 January 1974)’
***
The only hope for some security and stability in Jenny’s life was the foster-mother, Mrs Fenlon, but even this wasn’t progressing well. Although it seemed as if the woman had worked wonders with Jenny’s bed-wetting, and had been loving towards her, in January 1974 it was noted that she didn’t want to continue as a long-term foster-parent as she felt that she was:
… too old to undertake
such a role. However, her daughter would very much like to foster Jennifer. This will be investigated. Jennifer is a difficult child. She has a good relationship with Mrs Fenlon’s daughter and it may be advisable to transfer her to foster-parents she already knows.
I wonder if my parents were told about this potential change, because at the next visit, it’s clear to the social worker that something is wrong with me – in retrospect, perhaps the frustration about the situation with Jenny had resulted in the first obvious physical marks on me.
Karen Yeo has a cut on her face. I did not see Karen during the visit but Mrs Yeo informed me that the dog had pushed Karen over. It seemed quite reasonable to accept this. However, a close watch will have to be kept on the situation. The dog has now been taken away and they have a new puppy. (31 January 1974)
This is a hurtful memory for me, and not because of the cut face. Animals, especially dogs, were used to as a method of taunting us for years. No sooner would I get attached to a new puppy than I would be told it would have to go as it didn’t fit in, or was naughty, or Mum had too much to do. Dad could be horribly cruel with them, often throwing them out into the street or hitting them. To this day, I adore animals, and my own dogs have always been like my babies to me. I know this comes from all of the puppies that were taken from me when I was growing up; and the casual way in which the files say that one dog was taken away and replaced by a new puppy, as if they were all interchangeable, cuts deeper than you could imagine.
Do you remember any of the animals, Jenny? They changed so often for me, so I imagine it would be even more confusing for you. Perhaps you never let yourself get attached – you would never know if they would be there from one visit to the next – but it was the same for me, except it was on an hour-by-hour basis. I could leave a dog in the living room while I toddled off somewhere else, and by the time I went back, Mum would be screaming that she couldn’t deal with it any more and Dad would be dragging it away, never to be seen again. I did cry, I know I did, and I never managed to harden myself to it. Every new puppy was another little life to fall in love with. I still do it; I still fall head over heels every time an animal comes into my life, and I’m glad of that. I’m glad they didn’t break that feeling I have that every soul matters.
