by Emily Mayer
Before I could let her know that she could forget about whatever was running through her scheming brain, we were rejoined by the rest of the group. Jackets and boots were slipped on and we headed out the door. I stopped a few feet from everyone when Margot opened the door to Cole's truck, doing the math quickly in my head.
"Are we all going to fit in one truck?" I asked, glancing at everyone and then back at the truck. I had a feeling I was not going to like the seating arrangements. A really bad feeling.
"We'll make it work,” Gabe said, patting me on the head. "You're in the middle, Tiny."
I swallowed, looking up at the truck like it was a monster waiting to eat me whole. I hoisted myself up into it, scooting into the middle seat. I took a deep breath anticipating the two large, handsome bodies that climbed in next to me. Both sides of me were flanked by heat, which spread from the sides directly into my face. There was a real chance I wouldn’t survive this car ride. I hoped the Shepards lived close. I frantically dug through my memory, trying to remember if I’d ever seen any houses around Pinehaven.
Jack reached into the very tiny space between my hip and his, sending my stomach down to my feet, and handed me the seatbelt. Then my hand brushed his, which sent my stomach up to my chest. I gave him a weak smile and turned toward Gabe to buckle myself in.
Gabe took the buckle from my hand and shot me one of his toe-curling grins. "I'm going to save us both the awkwardness and buckle your seatbelt for you."
I gave him a little laugh and a “Thank you,” shifting my hip a little so he could reach the other half of the seatbelt. I was careful not too lean too far into Jack’s side, especially when I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my face.
I settled into my spot after Gabe gave me the all-clear, trying to cram my short frame into the tiniest amount of space possible. Neither of the men beside me seemed to share my concerns about space. They sat with their legs spread comfortably, Gabe's elbow almost resting on my thigh. My eyes bounced from knee to knee to knee, and I felt a laugh bubble up from deep down inside. How was I living this life right now?
Margot turned up the radio and started singing along. Her voice was loud and happy, and it was impossible not to catch a little bit of her excitement. One of Cole's hands moved from the steering wheel to rest on her leg, making my heart squeeze.
A thought struck me suddenly, like a bolt of lightning appearing without warning. I wanted that. All my planning, all my dreaming—it had been about accomplishing something. It had been about building a career for myself that I could be proud of, one that checked off everything on my list. There was no room for anything or anyone else. It was hollow and empty and really sad, and it made me feel all of those things. This—being in the car with friends; Margot singing in the front seat, Gabe laughing every time she messed up the words; even being tucked close to Jack—this made me feel something so good. This was worth something.
I leaned back into the seat, closing my eyes. Taking a deep breath and smiling at the feeling of contentedness that came over me, I let myself believe that this was going to be a good night.
28.
The Shepards’ house was not, in fact, close to Pinehaven. Forty-five minutes into the trip, I had given up trying to keep from pressing into either of the people next to me and was now melting onto both of them. Gabe was the safest option for my heart, so I shifted my numb butt until my back was pressed into his arm. I lifted my head to meet his curious gaze and gave a slight shrug of my shoulder.
"My butt is numb,” I explained, nestling further into his side.
He lifted his arm, draping it across my shoulders so I had more room on the seat. The downside—or upside, depending on your perspective—of my new position was that I was now staring straight at Jack. He really did look so handsome with his hair styled back away from his face.
Jack was staring at Gabe's arm draped over my shoulder, a small crease between his eyebrows. I would have given a kidney to know what he was thinking about in that moment. Most of the time he was a complete mystery to me.
"Are you excited for your first Pine Hollow bonfire?" Gabe asked, his voice a rumble on my back.
"Yeah. It's been a long, long time since I’ve been to a bonfire,” I answered, surprised that I meant it. "Will there be s'mores?"
Both men laughed at the question. I tipped my head back to look at Gabe who was smiling down at me.
"What? Everybody loves s'mores." I defended my question with the universal truth of s'mores greatness.
"I'm not sure it's that kind of bonfire,” Gabe answered. "Can’t say I’m usually looking for s'mores though."
I scrunched up my nose. "That's a little disappointing, but I’m still excited. What are you usually looking for?"
Jack and Cole both made strangled noises and Margot let out a loud laugh.
"Wait!" I said, holding up my hands. "Don't answer that question. I can use my imagination."
Thankfully, we made it to the bonfire before I lost all the feeling in my lower half. I slid toward Jack's side of the truck, since that was the way my legs were facing. Inching forward, I tried to shake some feeling back into my legs.
"You okay?" Jack asked, his eyes roaming from my legs to my face.
"Yep, my legs were just starting to fall asleep. Middle seat problems."
I swung my legs out of the truck, then sat perched at the edge of the seat waiting for Jack to back up, giving me space to hop out of the truck. We stayed that way for one heartbeat, two heartbeats, before I accepted the fact that Jack wasn’t going to give me any room to get out of this thing without his help. Why, why, why did I ever think anything with this man might be easy?
I huffed out a breath, eyes locked on the grey and blue pattern stretching across his chest, and launched myself off the seat. Two large hands shot out to land on either side of my hips. I heard the little gasp escape before I could stop it as his grip tightened, strong fingers digging into softer flesh. Startled, I tipped my head back slowly to peer at the man who probably held so much more than my hips at this point. He just stared back with that even, neutral expression on his face, and slowly lowered me to the ground.
He kept his hands firmly on me until he was sure I could stand on my own—which honestly would have been a lot easier if he had stopped touching me. I felt one quick squeeze before Jack turned and walked away without saying a word.
"What the hell?" I said to no one. My hands moved to the spots where his had just been, while my eyes tracked his progress through the crowd. Away from me.
Margot moved around the truck and slipped her arm through mine.
"You need a drink,” she said, smiling at me and wiggling her eyebrows dramatically.
I nodded my head. "Yes, a drink. That's exactly what I need. Take me to the drinks, crazy pregnant lady."
Margot tugged me toward a folding table with a crowd gathered around it, laughing like the crazy person I had accused her of being. I looked around, trying to take in everything as we moved between row after row of pickup truck. The occasional SUV or car made an appearance, looking completely out of place here. Country music was playing from somewhere and there were people dancing off to one side of the fire. It looked like the low-budget version of every bonfire scene ever made for television. I scanned the surprisingly large crowd for Cole and Gabe, without luck. I was suddenly very grateful Margot had stuck behind to act as my unofficial tour guide.
"Oh em gee, Margot! I didn’t know you were coming!" A brunette darted out from behind the table and wrapped Margot up in a hug.
"Hey, Katie! It was kind of a last-minute thing." Margot pulled out of her arms and steered me forward. "Katie, this is Evie. She’s staying up at Pinehaven with the Danvers."
Katie gave me a friendly smile before pouncing on me. I hmphed in surprise. Everyone in this state was a hugger. I also checked her left hand for a ring as she released me, because I did that sort of thing now. She had a ring, which meant she had a husband which meant she probably wasn't
sleeping with Jack. The logic of a truly sad woman.
"It's nice to meet you, Evie. Where are you from? What brings you to Pine Hollow? Oh my gosh, listen to me! Let me get you a drink before I interrogate you. What would you like? We have lots of beer, some very fancy wine coolers, and something Boyd Smith brought in bottles, but I’d steer clear of that unless you’re a professional drinker."
I smiled, trying to keep up with this firecracker of a human being whom I definitely liked already.
"Chicago. I came with Ben for work. And a beer would be great,” I said, mentally checking off my answers to her questions as I spoke.
Katie bent down to rummage through a cooler, then walked to a smaller cooler. She handed me a beer and Margot a bottle of water.
"Thanks," I said, taking a big drink. Liquid courage didn't really call for moderation.
"So you came with Ben, huh? Are you two…?" She gestured between me and nowhere with her own beer bottle.
"No, definitely not!" I cringed at how loud my voice was, but Katie just tipped her head back, laughing. Margot was shaking her head beside me like she couldn't believe Katie had led with that question.
"Girl, good for you!" Katie clinked her bottle against mine. A lanky man with shaggy blond hair walked up next to her, slipping an arm around her waist. "Babe, this is Evie from Chicago. She came with Ben for work, but she is not sleeping with him."
I groaned at the same time Margot yelled "Katie!"
Katie just shrugged and took another drink. The man smiling indulgently at his wife stuck his hand out toward me, turning his smile my way.
"Nice to meet you, Evie from Chicago who is not sleeping with Ben. I'm Seth who is married to this already-a-little-drunk woman."
I laughed, despite the ‘sleeping with Ben’ insert, and slipped my hand into his. It was impossible to be annoyed with people who were so friendly.
"It's nice to meet you, too."
Seth said hello to Margot, pulling her into a one-armed hug and asked how she was feeling.
"Where'd your other half go off to?" Seth asked her, turning his head from side to side looking for Cole.
"He went to try to snag a couple chairs by the fire. That's my definition of partying these days." Margot held up her water bottle with one hand while the other landed on the tiny bump, just barely visible.
We lingered around the drink cooler while Katie and Seth asked Margot about how she was feeling. My attention was divided between their conversation and all the activity happening around us. I should have felt like an outsider, but I felt that strange sense of belonging that kept creeping up on me.
29.
Katie and Seth decided to tag along to find Cole. Margot hooked her arm through mine again, as if she knew I would need the extra support. She stopped along the way to introduce me to people curious about a new face—a Steve here, a Rachel there; a Pete and a Taylor. I tried to take a mental inventory of names and faces as she went, smiling and shaking hands or giving awkward waves, all the while saying a silent thank-you to the universe that Katie was too far ahead of us to include the "not sleeping with Ben" part of her introduction.
After what felt like a small eternity, we finally found Cole, who sat waiting close to what was actually a pretty big fire—like, a concerningly big fire. I had been to plenty of bonfires growing up, but they had been in backyards and contained to those little metal firepits. This was a raging inferno compared to those bonfires. If I’d seen this thing in Chicago, I would have immediately called 911 and then stopped, dropped, and rolled just to be safe.
Cole stood up when he saw us approaching and pulled Margot in for a quick kiss.
"Seats by the fire, as requested,” Cole said, gesturing to the two empty lawn chairs behind him.
"Thanks, Cole,” Margot said, raising up on tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek. I felt that same strange tug in my chest that I’d experienced in the truck earlier. I shoved it down, then tried to drown it with another drink of beer. And then another drink just to make sure it was good and dead. I knew there was going to have to be a time and a place where I analyzed all these new things I was feeling, but it was definitely not this time or this place.
"Oh shit!" Margot exclaimed, eyes going wide. "I am a terrible, terrible wife. You went off to find me a seat and I couldn't even remember to bring you a drink."
"You are a terrible wife," he agreed, pulling her into his arms. "That's why I had Gabe grab me one before he goes off to do his thing."
"Oh, I didn't see it,” Margot said, doing a quick scan for the elusive beer.
"Yeah, he left about fifteen minutes ago, so I’m not liking my odds here,” Cole responded, with a little grin and shake of his head that told me exactly how he thought Gabe got distracted.
Right on cue, Gabe appeared with his arms full of beer bottles.
"Hello, ladies; Cole. Hey Seth, how’s it going, man?" Gabe greeted us, carefully extracting one of the bottles to pass to Cole. "Who else needs refills here? Help me out."
Katie, Seth and I all shot our hands up into the air. Gabe chuckled and motioned for us to take the drinks cradled in his arms. I looked around for a trash can before following Seth's lead and setting my empty bottle on the ground. I cringed a little internally; it felt like littering. I was truly a rule-follower at heart.
A very pretty blonde appeared at Gabe's side and wound her arms around his waist. "Hey, handsome," she purred, batting her long lashes over deep brown eyes.
"Whit, I was just coming to find you." Gabe tugged her closer. He whispered something in her ear that made her giggle and sent her honey-blond hair cascading down her back.
I gagged. Was there anything worse than a giggle? I hated the way her cheeks turned a light pink and made her even more attractive. When I turned red, it looked like I had a rash.
Katie must have seen me eyeballing the pair. "Gabe and Whitney have a thing." She clearly had confused my expression for curiosity instead of what it really was—a little disgust and a whole lot of completely unfounded jealousy.
"I'm not sure it counts as a thing if you’re just sleeping with each other between relationships,” Margot chimed in.
"Do we like her?" I asked. Cole and Seth had been joined by someone I thought was named John, or maybe Mike, and were busy with their own conversation.
"Eh." Katie shrugged. "She's fine."
"She doesn't really have much of a personality,” Margot agreed.
"Which I think is what Gabe likes about her." Katie snickered. "I don't think he’s in it for her great conversation skills."
I watched Whitney's hand snake across Gabe’s chest, coming to rest on his biceps. She stretched up to say something clearly meant for only Gabe to hear.
"No, definitely not interested in the conversation,” I echoed, watching her practically rub up against him.
We watched as they made their way toward a pickup truck playing country music nearby. The music was just loud enough that I could make out the unfamiliar words of songs I didn't know. Couples and groups of people were dancing in the open space between the truck and the throng of people hanging out around the bonfire. It reminded me of the few clubs I had gone to in Chicago—but the country version, obviously.
"Oh boy, look who decided she was good enough to show up tonight,” Katie said, her voice laced with sarcasm.
I turned, trying to see who she was talking about, but there were too many faces I didn't recognize.
Margot cursed quietly beside me. "I didn't think she’d be here tonight,” she said, casting a worried glance my way.
"Who?" I asked, still trying to figure out what was happening.
Then my eyes landed on a face I would have recognized anywhere. Jack stood just to the side of the makeshift dance floor, one hand holding a drink, the other hand holding onto the hip of a tall redhead. The mystery woman turned to plaster her backside against Jack, swaying a little to the music. The flames lit her face enough for me to recognize Shelly.
"Oh,” I said, fi
nally catching up. I stood still, watching them move together and feeling like a balloon that someone had poked a hole in. I was vaguely aware of Katie saying something and Margot responding, but the pressure in my chest kept growing like a living thing. I blinked hard, feeling a different kind of pressure building in my eyes.
I felt a strong tug on my arm, and Margot physically spun me around to face her.
"Listen, I know how it looks, but I swear Jack doesn't even like Shelly. Nobody likes Shelly,” Margot said, squeezing my arms emphatically.
Katie looked from Margot to me with a concerned expression on her face. She stepped closer, making us into a little circle. I couldn't resist glancing back over my shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of Jack.
"Let's go sit down,” Katie suggested, already turning to walk toward the chairs. Margot followed Katie's lead, tugging me along after her. Once we were settled into the chairs Katie had moved into a half-circle, she cleared her throat.
"So who wants to tell me what that was?"
I took another long drink of beer, trying to numb the feelings that were starting to overwhelm me. A faint ringing in my ears alerted me to the fact that I was probably drinking too much, too fast. Screw it. I took another drink, embracing the warmth that had started to course through my body. This was a night to ignore warning signs.
"It's okay, Evie. Katie and I have been friends since we were kids. Fun fact: She was my maid of honor. You can trust us both,” Margot urged. I wasn't sure what she wanted me to say.
"When you grow up in a small town in pretty much the middle of nowhere, you either learn to keep secrets or you become a huge gossip. I'm an excellent secret-keeper, right, Margot?" Katie looked at Margot for confirmation while I continued drinking.
"I wouldn't be friends with you if you were a gossip. I mean"—Margot motioned from herself to Katie—"we gossip together, because we're female and it's a small town, but we don't spread it. Katie kept my crush on Cole a secret for like five years."
