Better Off Divorced

by Marianne Hansen

  Cindy turned around to make his sandwich.

  John considered Simon and me. Simon’s facial expression didn’t change. He didn’t look upset, exactly, just serious.

  John cleared his throat. “So, you two are getting married.” He faced Simon. “You ready to become a family man?”

  “I believe I’ve been one for a while now,” Simon said.

  John nodded a few times. “It’s different once you’re married, you know.” He shook his head as if remembering something horrific. “It sneaks up on you and then it’s all just different.”

  “I think that depends on who you choose to marry.” Simon winked at me but didn't change his facial expression. “I’ve made an excellent choice. And you’ve made a lot of mistakes.”

  John didn't move. “I’m trying to make up for that.”

  “A bit late, don’t you think?”

  “It’s never too late when it comes to family.”

  Simon smiled. It didn’t reach his eyes. “You’re wrong.”

  John clenched his jaw. He nodded again but this time the motion had more of a snap to it. “We’ll see about that. We can always go back to court. I’ve heard there’s no better honeymoon.” He laughed at his own joke. “And you’ve never been married to Grace before. You don’t know what it’s like being married to her. I do. It isn’t easy.”

  “You about finished?” I asked Cindy.

  “Just putting it in a bag,” Cindy said. “That’s six fifty.”

  John reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten. “Keep the change,” he said as he grabbed the bag and headed to the door. He stopped when he’d pushed it half open. “I’ll be seeing you, Grace.”

  After he left, Cindy said, “That was odd. He’s your ex?”

  I closed my eyes, took a breath and opened them. “Unfortunately.”

  “Want me to take him off your hands?” Cindy asked.

  “You're too good for him,” Simon and I said together.

  She snickered. “I dunno. He didn’t seem that bad. He likes roast beef.”

  I readjusted the tray in my hands and leaned forward. “Do you want me to turn the sign to closed so you can go get ready?”

  “Not yet,” she said. “I have one more to-go order coming in about fifteen minutes and then I’ll get ready. Maybe. We’ll see if I decide if I care.”

  “You should go,” Simon said. “You just saved me from getting in a fist fight with that jackass.” His head motioned to the door. “You’re at least a small business owner with a hint of conflict management.”

  “I just made him a sandwich.”

  “But you were working fast. I saw you.”

  Cindy sneered. “Maybe.”

  “We’ll drive back around in fifteen and make sure you’ve closed for the night,” Simon said.

  “You don’t need to do that. I’d prefer if you didn’t. It’s kind of creepy,” Cindy said, wiping down the counter with a red and white checkered towel.

  Simon held open the door with his back, and I edged my platter around the ones he was carrying.

  “But you’ll come tonight?” I turned around once I was out the door.

  She threw down the towel. “Fine.”

  Simon smiled at her. “Can’t wait to see you.”

  21

  Simon’s smile disappeared once we were out of Cindy’s eyeshot. He opened the trunk of his car and we put the platters inside. I watched him, as he carefully shut the trunk.

  When we got in the car, he didn’t press the ignition button. “I’m getting tired of him. I’ve been very, very patient, but that’s coming to the end.”

  I sat very still, afraid to move. Usually the black leather of Simon’s BMW made me happy. Simon wasn’t one for over-indulging, but he knew that his position at work necessitated a certain outward lifestyle.

  Right now, the dark leather just made me feel cold. “What happens when your patience comes to an end?”

  “I don't know.” Simon pushed his glasses up. “It’s a lot.”

  I nodded. The leather felt colder. I wondered if the seat cooling system was on.

  “He’s never been around this much. He’s never been around at all. I get that Trudy dumped him, but this is a lot.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “You chose this guy. I don’t get it. Sometimes I wonder what it says about me that you chose both of us.”

  “I was young and stupid.” I tried not to move. If I moved, he might see the engagement ring and remember we were eloping.

  “I guess.”

  My hands held the seat tightly until they ached. I tried to relax them.

  Simon straightened his tie. “I’ve been thinking of escalating my involvement with John.”

  “I know this isn’t easy.” I hugged myself. “Sometimes I’m surprised you’ve made it this long. I thought I’d gotten over my hatred for Trudy, but I can’t help feeling she had another affair to get at me. Like she knew you and I were serious, so she decided to break things off with John just to spite me. She may have picked a guy with more money. She’d be stupid not to. But deep down, I still feel like it's about me.”

  Simon squeezed my knee. “Should we egg her house after the dance? No one will think you did it, dressed like this and driving off in a BMW.”

  I laughed. Then I stopped. Tears filled my eyes. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know how I could’ve made such a horrible mistake. Was he always this bad and I just didn't see it? I know there was a time he was kind. He had a three-legged dog named Pepper when I met him. He treated him so well. He made him a sort of wheel chair thing. I think I fell in love with Pepper and then him. Pepper died when Paul was one. We meant to adopt a new rescue dog, but Tyler came along. And John did help more in the beginning. Then the help slowly faded, and he became more like he is now. How could he be such a jerk and yet our kids are amazing?”

  Simon leaned back in his chair. “I’d be lying if I didn't wish I’d met you before you'd met him. I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous to move in with you and be an automatic dad. I’m there as often as I can be now, but I do go home alone occasionally and decompress.”

  “You should keep your place after we’re married. I get it. I love my boys, but there were times when I breathed a sigh of relief when John had them for a weekend. It wasn’t long until Paul refused to go, but those first few years helped me have a moment of quiet. I understand if you need it too.”

  “I don’t want to keep my place.”

  “But I get it if you need it.”

  “I love your boys.”

  “I know you do. But there are times when it gets too much even for me.”

  “I can’t promise I’m going to handle our next encounter with John like I did today.”

  I nodded. “I used to call John ‘The Bastard’ and had his number under that name in my phone until James wanted to call his dad and asked what ‘The Bastard’ meant. I told him it was a cute nickname. Then he called John ‘The Bastard’ when he picked him up next. It didn't go over well.”

  Simon laughed.

  I smiled. “Luckily, James doesn’t remember that. Only Paul and Tyler do.”

  “Is that why they call their dad JB?” He paused. “For John Bastard?”

  “Well, BJ was off limits.”

  We both laughed at that one.

  “I wish I could get him out of our lives. But I haven't found a legal way to do that.”

  He grabbed my hand. “Only ten more years.”

  I sighed and rested my head on the back on the seat. “John, kids, high school reunions. I don’t know why you do it.”

  “You have to put up with uppity corporate dinners with couples who only talk about stocks, bonds, and annuities. You also have to put up with my family, and you know my brother is a narcissist.”

  “We both have a lot of baggage?” I tried to relax and believe he thought he had the same amount of problems I did.

  “Immense. I guess it’s a good thing we found each other.”
/>   “No one else would have us.” We said at the same time.

  “John would have you.”

  “Trudy would date you.”

  “I guess we should go get the cheese for this stupid dance and get it over with,” I said.

  “That's the spirit,” Simon said.

  I rubbed my hand through his hair. “I love you so much.”

  “I’m glad. I’m still paying for that diamond.”

  22

  Carrying a cheese platter on top of a meat platter, I bumped open the door to the gymnasium and walked into a wonderland of sparkling lights. It still looked like a gym with basketball hoops and bleachers pushed up against the walls, but it was cozy and bright and easier to ignore the giant jaguar mascot on the wall with some fake trees in front of it. The buffet tables were to the side of the cafeteria door.

  Rebecca had already arrived and switched the lights on. I looked over at the buffet tables and saw that she had made the punch as well.

  I placed the meat trays down and headed to the cafeteria. Simon walked in with his trays and a couple extra centerpieces balanced on top. I motioned for him to put everything down next to my trays, and I headed through the door.

  The cafeteria was a large rectangular room with white walls covered in posters about eating properly and being a good sport. The floor was white tile with black specks in it. I was pretty sure I’d had the same tile floor in my high school; maybe even in my grade school and junior high. I suspected this style of tile was required to get federal funding.

  Rebecca was dressed in a black lace, short-sleeved shift dress, and was yelling at packages of paper plates while she was trying to open them. I heard the word ‘bastard’ and was pretty sure she wasn’t talking about the plates.

  I took the package from her and picked up a plastic knife. I slit the package open and asked, “Who's the bastard?”

  “Aidan.” She picked up the plates she’d already opened and headed back out to the gym. I grabbed napkins and followed.

  “He said that he’s had a match for medical school and he’s going to take it.”

  Simon took the plates from Rebecca and placed them next to the trays. “I’ve got this,” he said.

  Rebecca and I walk back into the kitchen with the extra platters. We opened bags of rolls and placed them in large clear, plastic bowls.

  “He didn’t even talk to me about it.”

  “Aidan?” I asked.

  “Yeah.” Rebecca opened containers of condiments and poured them into smaller clear ones. “I haven’t made a decision about my future because I was waiting to discuss it with him and come to a mutual agreement. But he just ups and makes this decision all on his own.”

  “Did he have a choice? I thought medical school matches were time specific.”

  Rebecca sniffed. “He could’ve called and told me and then accepted. He had more than thirty minutes. I’m not ridiculous enough to think he’d miss his opportunity, but I am ridiculous enough to think he would actually talk to me, and then accept.”

  “You want to feel part of a decision neither of you really have a choice in.”

  “Yes. It’s been such a difficult thing for me. I’d like it to be a little difficult for him too.” She threw a handful of forks in a bowl. “Is that selfish?”

  I pulled the bowl toward me and tried to organize the forks a little. “No. If you’re going to spend your lives together, then you have to feel like you’re part of his life and the decisions he makes.”

  “How do you and Simon do it?” She grabbed a paper towel and wiped her nose with it.

  “Well, our lives already have a lot of decisions made. I have a lot of restraints on me because of decisions I made earlier in life and ones others made that affected me. I guess I decided to stay in town and share custody of my youngest, but that didn’t really feel like a choice. I couldn’t leave him to live with his father. I just couldn’t.”

  Rebecca grabbed a box of plastic knives and placed them on a clear tray. “What would you have done differently?”

  I sighed. “That’s a loaded question.” I finished with the forks and started on the spoons. “I don't know if you can ever look back once you have kids. I wish I’d never met John, but I love the boys we had together. I’d never give them up. Not for anything. I wish I could’ve had them with Simon. But then, would they be the same people? I wish their lives were easier and they didn’t have to deal with a mom and dad who can’t stand each other. That doesn’t seem fair. I’ve worked on my relationship with John, but I don’t think I’ll ever get to the point where I’ll want to have a conversation with him if I were to see him at the grocery store.” I paused and arranged the spoons to face the same direction. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get to the point where if I see him before he sees me, I won’t run down a different aisle or leave and drive to a different grocery store completely. But I did put away the voodoo doll I had of Trudy.”

  “When did that happen?”

  “When she no longer held James. Once he was too big to be in her arms, I didn’t think of ways I could sabotage her hair care products anymore.”

  “Is she really into her hair?” Rebecca stopped organizing the knives.

  “She tries to be, but she has dry hair.”

  “You have amazing hair.” She picked up a strand of my hair and looked at it. “It’s so soft and shiny. I would love to have your hair.”

  I smiled. There was no way a cute college student with long brown hair wanted anything from a middle-aged blond. Her hair looked just as shiny and soft as mine. “Thanks. I admit I was never envious of her hair. But I did think it would be fun to make it even worse by putting lemon juice in her shampoo and Nair in her conditioner. I probably would have, too, if I could’ve figure out how to do it without being caught.”

  “That’s pretty good. Did you actually do anything to Trudy?”

  “I’ve done one or two things that made me feel better for an hour or so. I sent her flowers on our anniversary with a card that said, ‘Welcome to the family.’ She may also have received sweatshirts with a scarlet letter A on it a few Christmases.”

  “What made you stop?”

  “It was a waste of money. And I was tired. I decided that although it was funny, I wasn’t moving on if I kept sending her stuff. The ironic part is that she accused me of sending hate mail.” I opened a package of napkins. “Like I have time to cut up magazines.”

  “Do you know who did it?”

  I put my fist in the napkins and twisted my arm. The napkins spread into a fan. “I don’t believe anyone did. I think she was trying to get sympathy. After going through all of this, she realized she didn’t have a lot of friends. Not many people who weren’t related to John or Trudy stuck by them. She was mad her friends had reactions to what she did. I’m unsure what they were expecting. It helped when I realized this and understood that my life was better. It was just my kids’ lives that weren’t. That stung. And then they got new friends. I wanted them to be alone forever.”

  “How do I know if I’m making the right decision?” Rebecca picked up the bowl of forks and shook it to even them out.

  “There’s no real way of knowing. If you’d asked me the day before I married John if he’d ever cheat on me, I would’ve said no way. I had so much faith and trust in him. My gut told me he would make me happy.”

  “What happened?”

  “He decided he didn’t want to.”

  “That’s it?”

  “I’m sure we both became complacent. I’m sure I could’’e been a better wife. But nothing excuses what they did. Nothing I ever did even came close to what they did. He decided not to work on us. There’s nothing you can do if the other person decides he isn’t going to work on it. Once he’s given up, the relationship is over.”

  “I think that’s what worries me. I feel like Aidan made this decision without me and what other decisions would he make without me?”

  I balanced the bowl of forks on the platter of knives and
put the napkins on top. “I think you need to ask him that. But I also think you need to remember there’s nothing you can do if he does make decisions without you. You always need a back-up plan. Do not get caught with your undies in the dryer.”

  She picked up the bowl of spoons and opened the door. “I don’t know what that means.”

  I walked through the door and saw Simon arranging the food. “It means stick with a guy who can set a table for a party without any help.”

  Rebecca followed my line of sight. “I don’t think that’s a real saying either, but I get what you mean.” She looked back at me. “Aren’t you scared to do it all again?”

  I looked at her and smiled. “Have you heard the one that goes ‘practice makes perfect?’”

  23

  People started arriving about fifteen minutes after we had everything set out. I heard a few murmurs when people saw we had a sandwich buffet, but I decided I didn’t care. Every caterer we had called wanted too much money for a sit-down meal in a gymnasium. When I was five years out of high school, I was swimming in college debt and about to get married. I could barely afford a sub sandwich. I thought about mentioning I’d bought the chips myself but decided no one would care.

  At least the dessert bar was a hit. Rebecca had gone to three local bakeries and purchased nine different kinds of brownies. She had gotten a discount by telling them she would have iPads at each table to give Yelp reviews on the brownies. I made a note to remember that for any future entertaining I may have to do.

  Rebecca had also found the DJ the high school used for her Junior and Senior proms. She had the playlist from their Senior prom five years ago and had it playing in the background. I doubted anyone would make the connection, but Rebecca had been excited she’d found DJ June. June had retired last year and had sold most of her equipment but agreed because Rebecca had cried when she saw her. She told June that her first kiss had been at her Senior prom, and it was the best first kiss ever. I overheard her telling June something about the middle of the dance floor and Justin Timberlake and her high school crush she wasn’t actually at the prom with. I didn’t ask for any more details. June agreed after hearing that the story. I wondered if it was Justin. I also wondered if Aidan should’ve kept his medical school news to himself until tomorrow.