Promise Me Always

by Lindsay Becs

  “No ones, Sugar. It just happened that way.”

  “Yes, it was. It was your sperm.”

  His deep laughter fills the room and makes me smile. “I suppose that’s true. You doing alright?” he asks, rubbing my belly and kissing me.

  “I’m alright. Just tired. Which is stupid because I’ve hardly done anything.”

  “You’re growing our baby. I’d say you’re doing plenty,” he assures as he looks at me with those blue eyes that hypnotize me.

  “How you guys doing?”

  “All done. Everything is in and where your sticky notes instructed, my lady.”

  “Can you order pizza for everyone? There are drinks in the fridge already.”

  He kisses me on the head once more. “Sure thing. You rest.”

  And I do. The next thing I know, I’m waking up and it’s dark outside. I reach over and feel Benton next to me in bed, and I relax a bit. I guess I was more tired than I thought.

  I close my eyes again with a relaxed smile on my face when I feel a sharp pain hit, and I grab where it came from. It felt like a cramp, but different. I reach for my water bottle I keep close by and drink it down, hoping that will help it pass. I read that dehydration can bring on cramps and Braxton Hicks contractions. I lie back down and try to fall asleep again, but then feel another pain like the one before.

  Frustrated, I get out of bed so I don’t bother Benton and go into the kitchen to get more water. I decide to eat a little, too. I cut up an apple and spoon some peanut butter onto my plate to go with it. I’m walking to the couch to sit when another pain hits, this time worse, and I drop the plate, making it shatter at my feet.

  I’m cleaning it up when I hear Benton. “Tatum, you alright?”

  “I’m sorry I woke you. I had a cramp and dropped the plate. Owned them for a day and already breaking them,” I grumble.

  “Let me help you clean up.” He brings over the trash can and helps clean up the big pieces before getting a towel to clean up the rest.

  “Ahh!” I yell when another pain hits. I fall to my butt and hold my stomach. Now, I’m not so sure these are just cramps.

  “Sugar…” he says with question, thinking the same thing I am.

  I nod at him, and within ten minutes we’re in the car headed to the hospital. I know my mom was early with all of us, but I wasn’t expecting to go into labor this early with my first.

  Benton is quiet as he drives us, holding my hand the entire way. I’m doing my best to stay calm and breathe, but it’s hard to do when I feel so scared.

  We arrive at the hospital, and once I’m checked in to triage, we wait. The doctor on call checks me out and confirms that I am in active labor and we are in for a night. I’m officially admitted and set up in a laboring room.

  Once settled there, I have Benton call my family to let them know, and within an hour they’re all here with me. It was especially fun to watch Ollie as each contraction hit and how he had no clue what to do. I feel bad for Bex when the day comes that they have a baby.

  Although I’m only thirty-six weeks, the doctors all assure me that everything is going fine and looks normal. Baby seems healthy and ready to meet us.

  By the time day breaks the next morning, I’m in full labor and ready to get this show on the road. I opted not to have drugs or an epidural, and right now I’m regretting that decision.

  I’ve threatened to cut off my brother’s dick if he said one more smart-ass comment, so Bex thought it best for them to wait in the waiting area with Travis and Penny.

  “You are doing bloody fantastic, Sugar,” Benton encourages me as the baby begins to crown.

  I’m exhausted and hurting and scared, and I don’t know how women have done this for hundreds of years. Why have we done this for hundreds of years?!

  The doctor tells me it’s time to push, and while Benton holds one side of my legs and arms, I bear down with a grunt and begin to push.

  Forty-seven minutes later, I’m holding the warmest little thing in my arms. I feel like I’m literally holding a piece of my heart as tears stream down my cheeks.

  “She is amazing,” Benton says in awe, looking down at our daughter. Neither of us wants to take our eyes off of her.

  “Here, hold your daughter, Daddy,” I whisper to him. He kisses me on the forehead before scooping her up.

  It’s the sweetest thing to watch this man, this big muscled and tattooed man, holding our tiny daughter in his arms. He’s so gentle with her. You can see the love pouring out of him, and I know then that I have nothing to fear. We’re going to be just fine.

  The nurses take her after a minute to get her vitals and clean her up while I’m also stitched and cleaned up.

  “Give an extra stitch in there, yeah?” Benton tells the person up in my personal space.

  “Our daughter is in the room, you pig!” I tell him through a laugh.

  The nurse hands her back to me to try to nurse, and although nothing feels right, they tell me we did alright before they take her to get a proper bath while I go to my room. Benton follows our daughter, and when I get a second to breathe and take in the hugeness that I’m a mom, it hits me how much I wish my mom were here.

  “Why are you crying in here by yourself?” Ollie asks as he and everyone else come into the room.

  “Apparently, crying wasn’t just a pregnant thing,” I say, blowing my nose. “I was just wishing Mom were here,” I admit.

  “We were saying the same thing. She’d die at the fact that you made her a grandma at the age of forty-four,” Ollie laughs. “But she’d love it, too.”

  “I can’t believe I’m an aunt!” Penny exclaims, hopping up next to me in bed. “When can I see the baby?”

  “Soon,” I tell her.

  “So, can we know? Boy or girl? I’m dying to find out!” Bex says, oozing with excitement.

  Just then a knock hits the door and in walks Benton pushing our little girl in her hospital bassinette. “There she is,” I say with a smile.”

  “She? She?!” Bex yells.

  “Yes, we have another girl in the family,” I say as Benton carries her over to me. I help Penny hold her, and it’s a surreal moment seeing my seven-year-old sister hold my daughter.

  Everyone takes turns passing her around, and I still can’t take my eyes off of her. She’s so perfect.

  “We haven’t even named her yet,” I whisper, staring at her little frame after everyone leaves.

  “Let’s do it now then, yeah?”

  We sit together on the bed with our baby girl between us and watch her sleep. We ping-pong names back and forth until we’re set on a name: Poppy Elizabeth King. Poppy because it’s the national flower of England and I happen to love my Brit, and Elizabeth because it was my mom’s middle name.

  “I might have a new favorite,” I tell Benton.

  “It’s alright, I do too,” he says, kissing my temple.

  The next day we found out that Poppy was quite jaundice due to being premature. It wasn’t horrible, but enough that we had to start phototherapy, keeping her sunbathing under lights as much as possible. But we also got to have lots of skin-on-skin contact with her, and that was the best part. Benton loved it and it was literally the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.

  Thankfully, they let us take her home with us a few days later. We had to bring her back to check her bilirubin levels every other day until the doctors were satisfied, but I could live with that. I just couldn’t leave without her.

  Soon, I realized that being a mom was exhausting. Benton was a huge help, but he also had a job to do and soon he had to leave for training. It was already scheduled, and his father was already being quite patient with him.

  In fact, Matthew was flying up in a couple days to meet Poppy and fly back to Vegas with Benton. However, I do think it was to ensure that Benton would actually leave, but either way, I was happy he wanted to be a part of our family.

  Chapter 18

  Benton

  “She really is beautiful,
” Dad says as he holds Poppy. She’s peacefully sleeping while her granddad gets to know her.

  As good of a father as he’s always been to me, he was also very straight-laced and stern. Seeing him turn to mush holding my daughter is an odd thing to witness. I’m grateful he’s here and supporting us, especially after everything that had gone on with Tatum’s father.

  “Thank you, Matthew,” Tatum tells him with a smile tugging on her lips. She’s getting back her own stern expressions and fierce way of carrying herself, except when it comes to our daughter. She can’t help but smile even the smallest smiles when it comes to her.

  “I shouldn’t be surprised between the two of you, though. You both carry good genes,” he asserts, smiling down at the baby as she begins to wiggle. “The house is nice, as well. I’m glad you decided on a place close to family to help you. These little ones take a lot of energy.”

  “We’re happy here. I enjoy it, even with the cold,” I say. “This will stay our home base as we travel during race season.”

  “Are you going to bring both of your girls on the circuit then?” Dad asks, seeming surprised that I’d want them with me.

  “Of course. Early on during training, they’ll stay here, but once Poppy is a little older, she and Tatum will join us.”

  “It’s a lot to travel with a baby. Are you sure you’ve thought this through?”

  I look at Tatum, who meets my eye. “Yes, we’ve talked it all through. Including having her continue as the face of Royal King.”

  I’m a little apprehensive about how he’ll react to this, but I hope he’ll agree with me that she is still the best person for the job and perfect face for us.

  “I’d like that very much,” he agrees, looking at Tatum. “I’ll leave it up to you when you feel ready to return. You are welcome to be a Paddock Girl again, as well, or just the main face of the company. Either way, I’m happy to have you back where you belong. I am sorry for the way I acted before.” He looks down at Poppy again. “I was wrong with how I handled it, and you. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I have. I know it wasn’t ideal how everything happened. Clean slate,” she tells him.

  “If she’s able to move on, then so am I,” I add.

  “Son, I only wanted the best for you. I hope you understand that. But I see now that this is what is best for you. I’m sorry I tried to keep you from this,” Dad says, and I swear I see tears in his eyes.

  “Thank you for that,” I say.

  We continue to have a really good day together. It’s nice having my dad here with my family in our home. It’s a setting I’m not used to.

  Once we all settle into bed for the night, I snuggle close to Tatum, breathing her in. I hate that I’m leaving her so soon after the birth of our daughter. Even if it is just for a few days, I don’t like it.

  “Stop squeezing my boobs. You’re going to make them leak,” she protests annoyed, but it makes me laugh.

  I roll her onto her back and lift her shirt. Sure enough, they’re starting to drip with the life source for our daughter.

  “Is it weird I want to suck it and see what tastes so good to Poppy?” I ask with a wry smile.

  “Are you serious? That is so weird and disgusting and not sexy,” she whines.

  “Sugar, you are always sexy. And these huge knockers are doing all kinds of things to me.”

  “Oh, my gosh, Benton. Get away, you sicko,” she says, shoving me away and turning onto her side again.

  I pull her shoulder back down and leave a searing kiss on her lips. “But I’m your favorite sicko.” I smile down at her before diving into her neck, pulling giggles from her. I love it when I make her laugh like that. That is my favorite.

  “Benny, stop!” she shrieks. “I don’t want your dad to hear.”

  “Let him hear what he’s making me leave,” I say, kissing her more.

  “But I’m also not allowed to do what you want to do yet.”

  “And what’s that, Sugar?” I ask with a smirk, wanting to hear that dirty word come from her lips.

  “Just keep your poking rod to yourself, mister.” Not what I was expecting her to say, but it makes me laugh nonetheless.

  “I love you so much, you know that? I really hate that I have to leave in the morning.”

  She cups my cheek in her small hand. “I know. But you need to go and train so you win again. And this time your daughter and I can be there to see it.”

  “How did I get so lucky?”

  “You have magic sperm that knocked me up and sealed our fate together,” she says with her signature pursed lips. Fuck, I love this woman.

  I kiss her lips, and right as my tongue traces her perfect Cupid’s bow, a cry comes over the monitor.

  “Hold that thought,” she says, putting her finger on my lips as she gets up to feed our daughter.

  I listen over the baby monitor as Tatum talks and soothes our daughter. “Eat up now, sweet girl. Daddy was trying to steal your food,” she coos, making me chuckle.

  Soon, I hear her begin to sing to Poppy, and it makes my heart clench with how much I love these two girls. I could not have asked for a better person to be the mother of my child. I never doubted her, but seeing how she is with Poppy is like I unlocked a secret that only I get to take part in.

  Tatum enters the room again, but with our daughter swaddled in her arms. She puts her on the bed between us, and we spend the next hours cuddling together as a family, talking about our lives and our future.

  After she feeds Poppy once more and puts her to bed, she comes back and falls asleep with me wrapped around her.

  When my alarm goes off early the next morning, my girl is still sleeping and so is our tiny girl. I kiss each of them on the head and say a silent goodbye as I leave with my dad. It’s going to be the longest four days of my life.

  Chapter 19

  Tatum

  When I woke up to hearing Poppy cry and realizing Benton left without waking me, I was pissed. Then I found my journal open with a note written inside, just like before, and I couldn’t stay mad.

  The days without him were long and exhausting, but we made it through. All three of us. Tears threatened to fall when he walked through the door of our home, but I refused to let him see my weakness and make him feel bad for doing his job. I knew he was beating himself up about it enough as it was.

  We quickly fell into a good routine, both when he was home and on the days when he was away training. The weeks were going by fast, and soon we’d be packing to travel the world together again, but with our Poppy in tow.

  Once I arrived in Vegas to join Benton and the rest of the Royal King team, it felt like seeing family after being away. Everyone was so sweet in their greetings to Poppy and me. Matthew had specially-made baby clothing, ear protection, and boots for her. They were the cutest things I’d ever seen.

  Now, I wait in the pit for Benton to take off for his starting position for the first race of the season. Poppy is wide-eyed in my arms with all the lights and sounds and people around her. She has on all her gear to show she’s an RK girl supporting her daddy, number thirteen.

  “Let me have her for a minute before I take off,” Benton says, reaching for her. Hugging her close, he kisses her chubby cheeks, rubs their noses together and hands her back. “My little good luck charm.”

  “I used to be your good luck charm,” I grumble.

  “Are you jealous, Sugar?” He smirks.

  I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back my smile. “A little bit.”

  Hooking his arm around my waist, he pulls me into his side. His lips push against mine in a searing kiss. “Now, I’ll have double the luck,” he says against my lips.

  “You’re my favorite.”

  Someone clears their throat close at us, popping our bubble. “Sorry to interrupt, but we need to get you on the bike and out there,” one of the crew says.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Do us proud, thirteen!” I yell as he rolls out to take his positio
n.

  I’m already so proud of him, of everything he’s done in the past few months. He’s worked his ass off with splitting his time between us and his training. And seeing him ride while wearing the Pretty Girl Garage logo shoots straight to my heart and makes me love him even more. It is everything, and he made it all happen.

  I watch him race and zigzag around The Piston Ring. He’s doing great, and my heart is pounding against Poppy’s as she’s strapped to my front. He’s going back and forth, fighting for a podium position with Travers and Delgado. Alfie might join in the madness soon, too. It’s definitely a good race and fans are going crazy, but it’s giving me a heart attack watching.

  It’s so different this time. I always got nervous watching him race before, but now, he’s more than just a man I care about and think I love. He is the man I love. The man I plan to spend my life with. The father of my child. This time it feels like my whole life is out on that track.

  Once the race finishes, with Benton taking first place, he does his victory lap. I don’t think I start to breathe again until he does a wheelie by us, blowing a kiss in mine and Poppy’s direction. And I smile because that man is mine. Ours.

  We’re about halfway through the season. Poppy has been amazing with all the travel. She’s eight months old and getting more and more mobile and active, keeping us on our toes. She’s a great baby, though. Does so well with other people and is happy more often than not. We couldn’t ask for her to be any better.

  This week we’re in the UK and thankfully have extra time here. Benton is taking us to see his ‘mum.’ I met her briefly the last time I was here, but this time things have changed a bit.

  He shows me all the places of his childhood and tells me about what it was like for him as a young boy getting into trouble. When we arrive at his mum’s house, she’s so warm and welcoming. She has a full spread for afternoon tea set for us. Instantly, she scoops Poppy up and goes full grandma on her.