Between the Lives

by Jessica Shirvington

I glanced over Lucy’s shoulder at her table plan as Mr Barlow made a last-ditch effort to get control of the class. He suggested we call out random mathematical problems and jointly solve them for a bit of fun.

  ‘Here.’ I pointed to her plan. ‘Can’t you put this table together with this one and break that one into two, like this.’ I pointed out the people to keep together and who to separate. ‘Then you’ll just have Sahara left, and she could sit on table sixteen, which would bring that up to eight.’

  Mr Barlow cleared his throat behind us.

  ‘Sorry, sir,’ I said.

  ‘Oh my god, that’s totally brilliant!’ Lucy shrieked, oblivious to the fact that her outburst earned me yet another stern look.

  ‘Perhaps you have a suggestion for what the class could work on, Sabine?’ Mr Barlow asked.

  I swallowed, looking at the whiteboard. There was an advanced trigonometry equation already up there. Math was not my strong suit.

  ‘Oh.’ My mind was racing. When I opened my mouth I didn’t seem to be able to control what flew out. ‘Er … two numbers where the sum is twenty-six and the product is one hundred and sixty-five, sir.’

  I expected Mr Barlow to snap at me for wasting everyone’s time, but instead he broke into a smile.

  ‘Just the thing we need in our final week – a little bit of lateral thinking. Well done, Sabine. Okay, class, how about it?’

  I walked out of math with Lucy singing my praises and the first answer on Ethan’s to-do list.

  I had planned to sneak away with my laptop at lunch, hoping to find out what language was on Ethan’s list, but Lucy intercepted me in the hall.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘To the sports field,’ I said vaguely.

  ‘Absolutely not. You can’t! I need you. If I don’t get this table plan finished during lunch and the order of service finalised by the end of today, I won’t be able to go to Mixons tonight.’ She pouted. ‘You have to help me, Sabine! Noah is going to be there! And I heard he still hasn’t invited anyone to the graduation dinner.’ She threw me a plaintive look.

  I smiled and sighed. Despite my dire need to be elsewhere, there was a girl code of conduct when it came to these things, and Lucy deserved to turn up to graduation on the arm of the hottie she’d been drooling over for the past two years. Mixons, the popular seniors’ hangout, was the perfect opportunity to make something happen.

  ‘On one condition,’ I said, hoping I’d still have enough time to get my final answers as well as get my car back and go to Mixons.

  ‘Anything!’ she chirped.

  ‘If I help you get everything done and Noah is there tonight, you have to promise me you’re actually going to ask him to go to the graduation dinner with you.’

  ‘But –’

  I cut her off with a hand in the air. ‘Those are my conditions, take or leave.’

  She glanced down the hall to where Noah was looking delicious, leaning against his locker and joking around with Dex and Brett. They really would be a beautiful couple, and I was sure I’d caught him checking her out when he thought no one was looking. She took a deep breath and scrunched up her face.

  ‘Okay, okay!’

  I smiled triumphantly. ‘Okay then. Let’s get to work.’

  It took all of lunchtime plus our study period to finalise the table plan and run sheet. When we finally emerged from the seniors’ lounge, Lucy looked positively delirious knowing she could now delegate the remaining tasks to the other committee members.

  ‘Now it’s just down to styling the hall on the day. Any chance you might be interested in helping?’ she asked sheepishly.

  To her surprise I nodded. By then, I was hoping I’d be a lot closer to having my own life sorted. And maybe having things to keep me busy in this world would be just what I’d need.

  ‘No problem,’ I said. ‘I’m a brilliant supervisor.’

  Lucy slapped me on the arm playfully. ‘Of course, if you’re too busy getting a bikini wax during the day …’ She elbowed me jokingly. ‘I could always make an exception.’

  ‘You are so funny,’ I quipped, ignoring the twist in my stomach.

  ‘Oh, come on, Sabine. Since when did you get all secretive about the big night? I thought you’d be planning out the entire thing. I’m surprised you haven’t worked out a script.’

  I gave her a teasing smile. ‘Well, Lucy, I don’t need a script. Not much talking involved.’

  She burst into a fit of giggles. But when she sobered, her next words threw me.

  ‘You’re happy though, right?’

  ‘I … ah … Why do you ask?’ I stammered.

  ‘You’ve just seemed a bit distracted lately. I was thinking about it the other day, and I totally get why you’ve waited this long to … you know. It’s a big thing. But you guys have been together for years. I guess I just wondered if there was any other reason that you hadn’t … before.’

  I stopped walking, stunned by the insightfulness of Lucy’s comments. It was true. I had made Dex wait a long time. I’d excused it as best I could, given all the right reasons, hidden behind properness, self-respect, age, timing, blah blah blah. But it had stopped being about those things a while back. In many ways, I’d been hoping to find that missing ingredient in our otherwise perfect relationship.

  ‘Well, I … um.’ I sighed. ‘Luce, I’m …’

  On the verge of spilling my concerns to her, I froze. This was my Wellesley life. If this life fell apart, right before graduation, what would I have then? No. I couldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t risk having both of my worlds in disarray.

  I waved a dismissive hand through the air. ‘I’m absolutely happy, more than happy. Dex and I are going to be together for, like, ever. Waiting until the right time to take this step was key. If we’d jumped into bed too soon, we wouldn’t be able to look back on this time and know how much we’d wanted it.’

  Lucy swooned. ‘Aw, you guys are so adorable. I hadn’t thought of that, but it’s so true.’ She nodded. ‘I hope Noah and I are like you two one day.’

  I blinked, surprised it had been that easy. But I gladly latched onto the change of subject. ‘Well, you’ll never find out if you don’t do something about it. Tonight.’

  ‘At least if he rejects me, I won’t have to see him at school for much longer,’ she moaned as we made our way down the hall to our last class of the day.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Wellesley, Tuesday

  To my surprise, Lucas was waiting for me after school and drove me, as promised, straight to the garage to collect my car. It was one of my favourite possessions. One thing Ryan, Lucas and I shared was a love of cars. Ryan loved how cool he thought he was in his vintage Porsche, Lucas loved the mechanics, and I loved the freedom that my new-model silver A1 gave me.

  When we arrived at the garage, I couldn’t hide my excitement. I planned to inspect the car carefully, eager to see the new rims we’d ordered. But as soon as Frank, the mechanic, came out of the garage door to greet us, I knew the news wasn’t good.

  Frank was short and thin, his wiry hair now completely grey, along with the forest of hair on his chest and arms. He’d been the family mechanic since before I was born and I imagined he would keep going until he literally couldn’t work anymore.

  ‘Sorry, darlin’. If I’d known you were comin’, I woulda called and told ya not to waste ya time. Those rims ain’t come in yet and next delivery’s not till Thursday.’ He pulled out a rag and started wiping his oil-smeared hands.

  I opened my mouth to complain, but Lucas cut me off.

  ‘No worries, Frank,’ he said from behind me. ‘I’ll give you a call in a couple of days, see how it’s going.’

  ‘Best do that, Lucas. Sorry for ya troubles.’

  Frank held out his hand to me. I shook it and tried to smile, but I felt deflated. And now dirty.

  Lucas and I hadn’t spoken on the drive to the garage and the drive back was almost as silent. We both tried a few times, but our attemp
ts were lame. What little I did say – like our thirty-word conversation about graduation, or our-less-than-twenty-word chat about how Miriam had invited me to go to the Hamptons over break – only seemed to infuriate him. For some reason, Lucas had decided that I was an inconsiderate brat and he wasn’t – as he chauffeured me around in his BMW, the car he used when he wasn’t riding his Ducati.

  I didn’t know what his problem was, but he’d been like this for as long as I could remember. I’d always put it down to something to do with Mom and Dad’s divorce. The process had been relatively smooth from our point of view. Mom and Dad had followed ‘protect the children’ protocol and taken most of their arguments behind closed doors. I’m not sure what the final straw was, why Dad eventually packed up and left – though I suspected it had something to do with the waitress at the restaurant he’d made us eat at three times a week in the months leading up to his moving out.

  When he did, Lucas decided to go with him. I think he just figured someone had to, and since Dad, a highly regarded criminal lawyer, was always in New York for work, Lucas basically had the apartment to himself.

  As we pulled up at the house I couldn’t stop checking my watch. The trip had taken longer than I’d planned. Everyone would already be at Mixons, and I still didn’t have my answers for Ethan.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Lucas asked, noticing my agitation.

  ‘I’m meant to be at Mixons already.’

  ‘Let me guess, Dex?’ His tone dripped with judgment.

  I wasn’t up for defending myself to Lucas. ‘Yep,’ I replied, not bothering to look at him.

  He turned off the engine and settled back in his seat. ‘Go get changed, or whatever you need to do. I’ll drop you at Mixons.’

  I looked at him, wide-eyed.

  He just raised his eyebrows as if to say, Hurry up before I change my mind.

  I raced up to my room and quickly changed into a little white dress that was perfect for the warm evening and pulled my hair into a high ponytail to accentuate my cheekbones. After a quick touch-up of mascara and lip-gloss, I transferred a few things from my bag to a small caramel clutch and was back in Lucas’s car within ten minutes. Even he seemed impressed.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, when we arrived at Mixons after another almost-silent trip.

  ‘No problem. I’ll let you know when your car’s ready.’ I smiled. ‘Sure, thanks again.’

  He shrugged.

  Inside, everyone was crowded around our usual booths at the back of the diner. I paused to check my reflection in the window, making sure everything was where it should be, before making my entrance.

  ‘Sabine!’ Miriam yelled from the far side of the diner, causing all eyes to turn to me.

  I put my shoulders back, smiled coyly and strutted over to the booths.

  Miriam and Lucy had changed outfits too. But tonight it was Lucy who had gone all out, sporting a daringly short bright-red dress. She looked amazing.

  I saw her anxiously waiting for my approval as I made my way through our group of friends, saying hi and kissing cheeks.

  ‘Lucy, if that doesn’t get you on the ark, nothing will, babe,’ I whispered with a wink. ‘Where is the lovely Noah?’

  Lucy blushed as red as her dress while pointing discreetly to her left and mouthing, ‘Shhh!’ Noah was a few feet away and looking in our direction, his trademark golden curls flopping over his face. He lifted a hand to wave at me. I returned the gesture with a knowing smile that made him quirk an eyebrow.

  ‘Have you spoken to him yet?’ I asked, turning my attention back to Lucy.

  She twisted her mouth.

  ‘Sabine!’ Dex called out from the next booth. He had considerately saved the seat beside him for me. Before heading over, I threw a parting comment to Lucy. ‘Remember, you promised. And I have every intention of holding you to it.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ she whispered frantically, shooing me away.

  I put my clutch on the table and settled into place beside Dex, reminding myself this was where I was supposed to be. I fit into this world, I had a future in this world, I could make something of myself here. I could matter.

  Everyone was hyped up, excited that it was the final week of school. I went with the flow, letting Dex pull me onto his lap when Miriam squeezed in to sit beside me. As she did, she knocked my clutch off the table, sending its contents spilling onto her lap, which prompted Brett and Dex to give her a round of applause. Obviously Miriam had already had a few sneaky drinks courtesy of the hip flasks I could see circulating. In fact, when I looked around, I noticed that most of the guys and a few of the girls were also glassy-eyed.

  I glanced at Dex. He was staring right at me with a penetrating expression I hadn’t seen on him before. I adjusted my position on his lap, embarrassed I’d caught him looking at me like that. But he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he kept watching me with the same intensity.

  Dex wasn’t the least bit glassy-eyed. He never drank. Not since the time he and some of the guys snuck a bottle of vodka out of his parents’ liquor cabinet in junior year. I’d never heard the full story; it was the one thing Dex didn’t like talking about. All I knew was that some out-of-town kid ended up in hospital that night. As far as I was aware, Dex hadn’t touched alcohol since.

  I leaned over to take a sip of the drink he’d bought for me and almost choked. Just because Dex didn’t drink, didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to ply me with rocket fuel.

  ‘God, what is that?’

  ‘Rum and Coke,’ he said with a shrug, pulling me back against his chest.

  ‘That is definitely not nice,’ I said, even as I took another sip.

  ‘Sabine, what’s this?’ Miriam asked.

  ‘What?’ I spun around to her and froze. She was holding Ethan’s list. ‘Oh, um …’ I licked my lips.

  Shit.

  But then I remembered where I was – who I was. I sat up a little straighter. ‘They’re just some stupid questions from a quiz my brother was doing today,’ I said, keeping my tone blasé. ‘I wrote them down and said I’d try to find the answers on the net tonight.’ My long history of deception ensured the lie came easily.

  ‘Ooh, cool,’ Miriam said, now studying the list. ‘Ha! I know this one!’ She jumped up. ‘I read an article about it the other day. The compound in chocolate that lowers the risk of cardiovascular disease is called …’ She looked to the ceiling, bouncing up and down. ‘What is it? What is it?’ Then a light bulb obviously went off. ‘Flavonoids! That’s it. Also found in such great things as berries and red wine.’ She curtsied.

  ‘Flavonoids?’ I repeated, unable to hide my excitement. Miriam nodded.

  ‘Does anyone have a pen?’ I asked urgently. As I looked around, I caught Dex staring at me strangely.

  ‘Here you go,’ Miriam said.

  I turned back to her and wrote down my answer.

  ‘Hey, Dex, is that Latin?’ Miriam asked, grabbing the paper from under me and passing it to him.

  I blanched. ‘No, it’s okay. Everyone doesn’t need to help me. It’s just a stupid quiz.’

  I don’t know why, but all of a sudden I was terrified about the group trying to decipher whatever Ethan had written in another language. What if it was something that would give me away? Or, I don’t know … something else … private.

  Pulse racing, I reached for the list, but Dex got there first. ‘I know some Latin.’

  ‘It’s probably not even Latin,’ I suggested, holding out my hand for the sheet of paper and trying to ignore my rising blush.

  He took no notice and studied the list intently. When he paused and looked up at me, I was sure he knew what it said and that it was something terrible.

  Shit.

  Eventually he cleared his throat. I stopped breathing.

  ‘Well, you’re in luck,’ he said. ‘It’s Latin, for sure. Thesaurum is “treasure”, omnis means “every” or “all”, and vitae is “life”. Pretty basic really.’ He held out the list and I had to for
ce myself not to snatch it. ‘So what’s the quiz for?’

  I took another sip of my drink and shook my head. Ethan must’ve thought his message was hilarious. My anger flared. Who was he to start spouting that kind of crap to me? At least it hadn’t given me away to Dex.

  ‘Sabine?’ Dex prompted, beginning to look annoyed.

  ‘Oh, sorry. I, um … I don’t know. Lucas didn’t say. Are you sure that’s the translation.’

  ‘Yes.’

  I started to write it down.

  ‘If it’s just a quiz, why are you so upset?’

  Only then did I realise I was still shaking my head. I stopped. ‘It’s just stupid. My brother can be such a weirdo,’ I said, trying to recover.

  Dex knew how fragile my relationship was with Lucas. I hoped he’d buy my excuse as I pulled myself together. To my relief, he nodded. ‘It’s nice that you’re trying to do something for him. He’s not so bad, just the quiet type.’

  I smiled and stroked his face. ‘Thanks.’ I gave him a brief kiss and we relaxed back into the night, sharing a plate of nachos and then disappearing into a corner to share a number of sub-ten-second kisses. I guessed if you added them all together, I was improving.

  It was Lucy who interrupted us, pulling me away from a somewhat frustrated Dex.

  ‘So, I haven’t asked Noah to the graduation dinner yet,’ she told me and Miriam as we perched by the jukebox.

  ‘Why are you grinning from ear to ear then?’ I asked.

  She squealed. ‘Because he asked me!’

  If ever there was a moment for a group hug, this was it.

  Miriam settled us down. ‘Look how perfect everything is. Me and Brett, Sabine and Dex, and now you and Noah. What were the chances of us all turning up to graduation with our dream guys?’

  ‘Totally! I can’t believe it!’ Lucy trilled.

  I couldn’t quite muster the same enthusiasm, but I put on a good show for Lucy’s sake until I noticed the wall clock.

  ‘Oh, guys, I’ve got to go. I didn’t realise how late it was.’

  My stomach turned over. How could I not have seen the time? It was already 11 p.m. and it was at least fifteen minutes home by car.