by Erin Trejo
“That was years ago, Maria. You gonna hold that shit over my head forever? I seem to remember you fuckin’ a few guys behind my back back then too. You want me to drag all that up?” I ask her, keeping her wrist in my hand.
“Fine. What do you want?”
“Damion Ortega. What do you know about him?” I ask. I watch her eyes narrow, before she slips her hand out of mine. She glances around before leaning on the table, her tits placed on top. Fuck, she is making this harder for me.
“I know you’re sitting in his club right now asking questions. That doesn’t sound like a good thing to me.” Glancing around again, she looks nervous.
“Fuck,” Crow mumbles.
“Fuck is right. He bought out most of these clubs a few years back. He uses them to front his other businesses.”
“The girls?” I ask. Maria nods but doesn’t want to meet my gaze. Somethings wrong. She knows more than what she’s telling me.
“What else don’t I know Maria?” We all sit in silence as she motions the waitress over. She orders us all some beers before sitting back in the seat. Crossing her arms over her chest, she looks so young. Like when I first met her. Before this life and this world fucked her up completely.
“A few years back, Rosa started working here. She was good at it. I hated having her here, Ruger. I didn’t want this life for her. We didn’t have much money, and after momma died, I couldn’t take care of us alone.” Rosa is her little sister, met her a few times. She looks down at the table. I reach across and lift her chin.
“I didn’t know about your mom. I’m sorry, baby. She was a good lady.” Maria swipes at a tear before she pushes my hand away.
“Yeah, anyway, a little while after Rosa started, she caught Damion’s eye. I warned her away. I told her to watch herself, but after a little while, he took her. I haven’t seen her in years. I don’t know if she’s alive or dead. I don’t know if he sold her. I know nothing. I asked him once. He threatened me and had a few of the girls beat me up. I was told never to ask about her again.”
The sadness in her voice rips me apart. I had no idea about her mom or sister. Rosa was younger when I met Maria. She was a sweet little girl that didn’t deserve to get in the middle of this.
“He has Angie,” I blurt out. Maria gasps, her face a mask of horror.
“How long?”
“A few months. I’ve been tryin’ to get in with him. Get information. Haven’t had much luck. I need someone to go in for me.” Maria shakes her head slowly.
“I can’t. He will kill me.”
“I can’t leave her to be sent off somewhere. You got someone you can give me to get in with him, Maria, I fuckin’ know you do,” I growl.
“Who is she?” she asks firmly.
“Who is who?”
“Your old lady. Who is she and how does she play into this?”
How the fuck does she know that? Is it because I didn’t kiss her back? My muscles tense as I lean forward. Am I that fucking transparent?
“You know somethin’ I don’t? You better start talkin’, Maria. This wasn’t a motherfuckin’ social visit.” With my teeth gritted, I wait for her to say something.
“I just want to know who she is.”
“Her name is Kira Deloney.” Maria’s mouth drops open. She starts to shake her head slowly.
“He will kill you if he knows you have her,” she says in a whispered tone.
“No, he won’t because you are gonna help me get him first.” Maria slides out of the booth and walks away. I pick up my beer and take a long pull.
“She seems great,” Crow mumbles around the top of his beer. I chuckle too when I look over at him.
“She’s a good girl. Always has been. Just got into some bad shit like the rest of us.” Crow nods. He knows how life is. We can’t all be saints. I keep my eyes open and stay alert until I see Maria walking toward the door completely dressed. She gives me a slight nod letting me know that I need to follow her.
“Let’s go.” Giving Crow a little push, he slides out of the booth with me right behind him. We head out the door when Maria steps up next to me.
“Follow me this way,” she says, walking toward the back alley.
Following Maria down the alley she stops at a back door and knocks three times. I can hear the door inlock before it opens.
“Come on,” she beckons.
I glance at Crow but he just shrugs. We follow Maria inside and down a long dingy hallway. Maria walks into another room where we follow, but I reach for my gun as soon as I seen a guy staring at me.
“Who do we have here?” the guy asks. My eyes stay glued to his. My finger twitches, ready to pull the trigger.
“This is an old friend, Ruger. Ruger, this is Jorge Ramirez. You want to go after Ortega, he can help you,” she says, taking a seat next to him.
I watch the slight interaction between the two of them. There’s more to them than just friendship. It’s obvious in the looks they share and their body language. Jorge stands from his chair, his hand extended to me. Reaching out, I grab it in mine and shake it.
“So, you want to go after Ortega. Why?” He pulls his hand back and walks over to a small bar grabbing a few beers from the cooler next to it. Passing us each one, he motions toward the chairs for us to sit.
“He has my sister. Took her a few months ago. I’ve been tryin’ to find connections to get inside so I can find her,” I tell him. He watches me, nodding his head as I speak.
“Ruger has Kira Deloney.” Jorge’s eyes shoot to Maria’s and back to mine. A slight smile curls his lips.
“You have what Ortega wants. I don’t see trading them as a problem for you,” Jorge states. My muscles clench and tighten. My jaw tics.
“I am not fuckin’ tradin’ her.” The growl that rips from my throat startles him.
“Why the hell wouldn’t you? You want your sister, he wants Kira. It’s an easy trade off,” he says.
“Kira is mine! That’s why the fuck I’m not tradin’ her to that bastard! If that’s the best you got, then fuck you. I don’t need your help.” Shoving out of the chair, I set the beer on the counter and head toward the door. I don’t need this shit. There is no way in hell that I’m trading my woman for my sister. I’ll figure out a way to get Angie and keep Kira safe.
“Wait!” Jorge yells behind me. I stop and turn to look at him.
“He’s had Angie for months you said. What makes you think that he still has her?”
His question isn’t one I haven’t thought about over and over. I have. I’ve been over it in my head a million times but as close as Angie and I are, I feel like I’d know if she wasn’t alive.
“She’s out there. You don’t want to help me, I get it, but I won’t stop until I know she’s safe.”
“I’ll help you. My cousin is dead because of that man. She was sold to a man in Russia. Ten years ago. Ten fucking years of nothing but heartache for my family. I’ll help you, but I want to be the one to kill him,” Jorge says with so much heart I can nearly feel it. The pain is evident in his eyes.
I nod once and head out of the room needing some air.
Chapter 20
Stepping out onto the street, I pull my cell phone out and dial Kira. I need to hear her voice. I need to know that she’s ok. I don’t have any right to after what I said to her but I can’t think straight knowing she may not be there when I get home.
“Hello?” she answers. My heart starts racing in my chest.
“Hey, darlin’. Just wanted to check in. We’ve got a few good leads,” I tell her. She’s silent for a long time which makes me fucking nervous. I want to let her in more. I want her on my side but Kira is making it hard for me.
“I’m glad. I hope you can find her, Ruger.”
“Kira, I can’t be anyone else. I don’t know how to be. I fuck things up, it’s just what I do.” I sigh and run my free hand down my face.
“I don’t want a different you, Ruger. I don’t know what I want,” she say
s softly.
I don’t care what she wants. I see her for who she is, and as much as I hate to admit it, she sees me too. She may not know that she’s still alive on the inside, but as I sure as hell see it. I’ve gotten to know Kira. I’ve gotten to know her likes and dislikes. I know what she wants in life whether or not she knows it yet. I’ve claimed her.
“I do. You’re just afraid to let me have it. Trust me when I say I know how hard this is. I war with it, Kira, but I staked my claim to you and I told you, I’m not lettin’ you go,” I inform her.
“You can’t decide my life, Ruger. It isn’t your choice.”
Her words piss me off. I know she wants me and I’m tired of playing this game with her. Either she’s in or she’s out – no more waffling back and forth any more. She needs to make a decision; I’ve already made mine.
“You know what? Fuck it, you’re right. I got a fuckin’ lead on how to get in with Ortega. You can do whatever the fuck you want, Kira. Either you’re there when I get home or you’re not. I’m not the type of man who chases a fuckin’ woman that doesn’t want to be chased. You want to fuckin’ run home to daddy? Fuckin’ go. I’m done tryin’ to get through to you. All you wanna do is live in the goddamn past. I’m tryin’ to move past mine, but you want to stay there. Do it but you won’t be fuckin’ doin’ it in my bed,” I thunder. The words just came out. I couldn’t stop them if I tried. Hanging up, I slide the phone back into my pocket when I feel a hand on my arm.
“You don’t understand what she went through.” Looking down at Maria, I shake my head.
“I get it, trust me. I watched her crumble. I just can’t get through to her. She doesn’t want to move on from it.”
“Maybe she can’t. Things happen, Ruger. Ortega is not a good man. I know in my heart that Rosa is gone and it kills me. That poor girl has lived through something that you can’t imagine or understand. Give her time to adjust to having someone love her,” Maria says.
“How the hell do you know I love her? I don’t fuckin’ use that word,” I snap. Pulling a cigarette out, I light it up. Exhaling a cloud of smoke, Maria laughs.
“Come on, Ruger. I know you love that girl. Maybe you don’t see it yourself but you will in time. Come by tomorrow and we’ll work out the plan. Jorge has just as much stake in this as you do.” Turning on her heel, she walks away as I watch her.
Crow comes up behind me, slapping a hand on my shoulder. “What are you thinkin’?” he asks coming to stand next to me.
“Don’t know. I don’t like workin’ with people I don’t fuckin’ know. What if he flips on us?” I ask, glancing over at him.
“I didn’t get that vibe. After you walked out, we talked a little more. He wants revenge for his cousin. I didn’t sense anything off with him,” Crow finishes. I nod my head, leaning back against the brick wall of the building.
“You think it’s a waste of my time?” I ask Crow. He’s my best fucking friend. If anyone will tell me the truth, it’s him.
“No. She’s your sister, Ruger. If she’s out there, she needs to be home. If she isn’t, don’t you think the other girls deserve to go home?” he asks.
That thought has run wild in my head since I started looking for her. I don’t for one second believe this shit is over just because we take out Ortega. Where there’s one trafficker there’s a million more, but at least I’ll know in my mind that I took care of the one that touched both my girls. Just thinking about Kira like that sends a jolt through me.
“What’s wrong?” Crow asks, sensing something off.
“Talked to Kira. She doesn’t wanna stay with me, brother,” I tell him. Crow sighs and leans against the wall next to me, his arms crossed over his chest.
“You ain’t givin’ her much choice in the matter. Why not ask her what she thinks about it?”
Like that hasn’t occurred to me. I’ve thought that too, but the idea of her saying she doesn’t want to be with me didn’t outweigh anything else. I want her there. I want her to be there when I get home. I want to see her face when I wake up. She fucking grounds me in more ways than I care to admit.
“If I ask and she says no, I might tie her ass to the goddamn bad,” I tell him.
“Fuck it. Let’s go home and wait to see what Jorge wants to do. You talk to Kira and then we head back down here.”
That’s not a bad idea.
“I guess we can,” I grumble while Crow laughs.
“You are one crazy motherfucker.”
Chapter 21
Coming back home didn’t seem like the right thing to do now that we’re here. I hated leaving Mexico without having the whole situation handled. Crow knew it too but he also knew I was losing my shit over Kira. Speaking of, I wonder if she’s even here still. I walk up my steps in a pissed off mood. All I want to do is fuck something or someone and slit their throat, watching the life leave their eyes. As I step inside, the smell of food hits me. I glance at the kitchen and see Kira standing there in one of my t-shirts at the stove. Everything else I was feeling slowly slips away as I take her in. There’s a beauty in something that broken. Knowing you have the ability to put it back together or tear it down is the best feeling I’ve ever had. Kira turns to get something off the table when she sees me. She jolts a little but stands there watching me.
“You can’t push me into what you want, Ruger. You don’t have that right,” she says, standing tall. Her body language screams her defiance and need to assert herself.
“There’s a lot of things I don’t have the right to do but I do them anyway.” I walk toward her, heat building inside of me replacing the anger that was there. Her eyes dance over my face before taking a step back. I cock my head to the side and study her.
“The motherfuckers who raised us used to give us a choice. He would ask, ‘You want me to beat her or you?’ Of course, Angie would think she could take it. It was her fault after all, but I didn’t see it that way. One day he stood there and he asked again. You know what I said?” I take a few more calculated steps toward her, unshed tears filling her beautiful eyes. “I said me. Always me. Don’t ever ask her again. I took away her right to get beat. I took away her choice because she didn’t fuckin’ know what she wanted. She didn’t want to get beat but she didn’t want me to hurt either. We both learned a lot that day. I’m stronger than her. I always was, and when she couldn’t take the pain of shit, I took it because I could handle that responsibility.” I pause and look at her for a moment to make sure she’s taking it all in. “You’re scared, Kira. I get it. But, I said you were mine and you are because I know I can fuckin’ take that fear from you. I can take all that hate that that motherfucker put in your heart and make better use of it. I can channel that shit into somethin’ that could bring the goddamn world to its knees if you’d just fuckin’ give in and see what I’m doin’ is right. Nothin’ and no one has ever made my heart beat the way you do. Nothin’ has made me feel as powerless as you, Kira.”
She watches me but doesn’t say a word. It kills me that after that after all I’ve said to her, she’s speechless. When I take a step back and nod my head, ready to cut my losses, she stuns me.
“Do you know what it feels like to hand over power to someone else? Have you ever done it? It’s the scariest thing in the world to do. You let them have everything, Ruger. You have nothing left inside of you because you gave up,” she says, the tears falling down her cheeks.
I know what this is. I know what she’s thinking.
“Darlin’, you didn’t give him the power. You gave him what you needed to survive and he fucked you over. You know me. You’ve seen me since day one. You look at me like a man, not a monster. You know deep down that I wouldn’t betray you like that. Sure, I’m a fuckin’ loose cannon. I have a twitchin’ trigger finger and enough of the devil in me to reign in hell, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t give you what you need. You just have to let me, Kira. This is the last time that I’m offerin’ myself up like this. You want me? Take it. You don’t? Tu
rn around and walk out of my goddamn life and never come back. I can’t be me with you here unless that means you’re by my side. You walk and I’ll figure the rest out. I can’t sit on that line in between anymore. It’s killin’ me, and frankly, it’s throwin’ me off my game. I could have walked into a motherfuckin’ ambush in Mexico with the thoughts of you swirlin’ around my head. And you know what? I would have taken every goddamn shot that was pumped into me with a smile because I knew I had your ass.”
That’s all I can say to her. I put myself out on the line for her and now it’s up to her to take it. Crow was right. I can’t force her to do anything. I can’t demand she stay and be with me but I can give her what she needs to hear. I turn and walk down the hall to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Starting the shower, I strip and climb in, letting it wash away the words I said. I never in my life will say them again. Those have just become a closed chapter in a book that I’ll never open again.
As the water runs, I hear doors being closed. I press my hands to the cool tiles and let my head fall. She may be leaving. That may have been the last time that I’ll see her beautiful face again, but in my heart, I know I tried. I can live with that. I can live with the knowledge that I tried to give someone a piece of me that I have never given before. Pulling my head up and my fist back, I punch the wall of the shower over and over until the pain masks everything else. When I can’t feel anything else, I feel her. Her hands on my waist before slipping around to my stomach.
“You probably shouldn’t break those if you plan on touching me,” she says, her warm breath hitting my skin.
“Don’t need those to fuck you. What is this, Kira?” I ask, never looking back at her.
She sighs before she says, “This is me letting you make some choices. I can’t give you everything, Ruger, no matter how much I want to. But I can give you this much.” Her lips touch my skin and it’s the sweetest burn I’ve ever felt. I lift my head and spin around to face her. Grabbing her face in my hands, I tilt her head so that she’s looking up at me.
