TANGLED

by Simone Elise

  He could go get fucked. Everyone could go get fucked.

  I heard him getting closer as I reached into my handbag, feeling for the spare key Louise gave me. Of course this would be the moment I couldn’t find anything inside.

  Josh stood behind me. “Soph, come on, it’s a reasonable question.”

  Oh, he did not just say that! I flung around, giving up on finding the keys, and I shoved him back. “How dare you! How dare you assume I’m some stupid girl who doesn’t know if she is in a relationship or not!” My rage was coming out.

  His hands landed on my shoulders. “Soph, calm down,” he said like it was an order. Who was he to give anyone orders!

  “No. You can fuck off because you’re a male and I’m finished with males!” I spun back and started searching my handbag again.

  Bax could piss off. Kyle could go jump off a cliff into shark infested waters. And Josh, well, he can take those assumptions and apply them to a girl who was going to be more than a friend to him.

  Josh reached around me and put his key in the door, unlocking it.

  I was quick to push it open and bolt, but he wrapped a hand around my upper arm as soon as we entered and pushed the door closed.

  “Come here, Soph.” He was being kind and gentle and sweet again, even though I had just told him to fuck off. Did he miss the part where I said I was finished with all males?

  He took my handbag off my shoulder and dumped it in the foyer floor, and then his hands went behind my back and he undid the hair tie, which was holding the t-shirt. Then his hands went under the top and my eyes went wide. What was he doing? He slowly pulled the top up and then gripped it, gently taking it off me.

  I threaded my arms out of it, and then the realization that I was standing just in a bra in front of Josh hit me. I should have scrambling away. I should be panicked. I shouldn’t have felt calm and confident, like I was comfortable with him seeing my body. I never have been ashamed of my body, but I was always nervous showing it.

  But that didn’t happen in front of Josh. This was the second time I felt those two things in front of him: calm and confident.

  His eyes ran down me; I think it was only naturally for them to.

  He inhaled sharply and then, as if he was forcing himself, he looked me in the eye.

  “The shirt was the problem. The shirt is going. Problem solved.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “Maybe next time don’t let your boyfriend dress you.”

  I bit my bottom lip for a second and then looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “Bax isn’t my boyfriend. I am never being in a relationship again. Ever.” My heart was locked up—what was left of it—and I wasn’t willing or prepared to ever risk what I had left.

  Josh kept staring into my eyes. “Soph, you can’t wipe every guy off, just because Kyle was a dick.” Josh dropped the shirt on the ground and his hands landed on my hips and he frowned. Then his eyes did ran down my body, like he was inspecting it. “You still not eating?”

  Suddenly I wished I was still wearing that stupid shirt. I crossed my arms and took a step away from him, his hands falling off my hips.

  “Thanks, Josh.” I forced him a smile and turned around and headed for the stairs.

  I left him standing down there. Not answering his question. Truth was, I wasn’t eating. And I really didn’t see the problem anymore. I was still surviving. My body was still working. And when it really wanted food, I would eat.

  I closed my bedroom door. It was just Monday, and I already knew it was going to be one long ass week.

  Chapter Sixteen

  JOSH

  I lit another cigarette. I was down to my last few because I had been chain smoking since we got to the strip club. Didn’t matter which girl was in front of me. Didn’t matter if she was stripping or dancing naked.

  My head was somewhere else. Somewhere it shouldn’t be. I ran a hand through my hair, the frustration getting the best of me. I was frustrated with myself. I never had this… feeling? I didn’t even know what to fucking call it.

  Why couldn’t I get lost in the naked girls like everyone else? All the boys seemed to be enjoying it, throwing money and getting lap dances. And what was I doing? Fucking feeling like this. Most of the guys paid the strippers to lie to them, most of the guys were willing to pay them for an easy lay.

  When we weren’t at the club, we were here. And I had never felt more disconnected. I glanced down my phone. Her number was up and it was taking all my will power not to message her.

  The normal questions ran through my mind:

  Was she ok?

  What was she doing?

  Is she asleep? She should be. But it was a Saturday night. She could be out.

  Who was she out with?

  Did I have a right to ask for that?

  Questions liked these continued to flood my mind. Soph was literally stuck in my head. Ever since Monday I hadn’t been able to think of anything else but her. Wasn’t like her and I had a special moment. Wasn’t like we fell in love or anything. When I really thought about it, hell, she literally got stuck in my head as soon as I saw her again in that bathroom after all those years.

  But since Monday she had withdrawn completely. She wasn’t home. She never was. And by Bax’s attitude, I knew she wasn’t spending time with him. He was in the worst mood. I looked up to see him glaring down at his phone.

  I don’t know what happened between Soph and him, but whatever had happened caused him to be more of a dick. He was here even though he wasn’t meant to be seen with us. It was like he didn’t give a fuck anymore whether he got locked up or not.

  All week I had been busy with the club. All week my mind was meant to be focused on our business. Instead every spare second I had my mind was drifting to Soph. And that look in her eyes as she stood half naked in front of me.

  That look… it had me. Couldn’t explain why she would be looking at me like that. Couldn’t understand what the look meant. It was as if she felt safe. I had never seen a girl look at me like that.

  And it was doing my head.

  Cold stares, jealous glares, and a pleading look of need or lust—I knew those looks and dealt with them regularly around the club from girls.

  But the look Soph gave me was… I couldn’t fucking explain it. It was driving me insane.

  I butted the cigarette out and immediately lit another.

  My phone was still in my hand, and I was thinking of one reason, one good reason, to message her after one in the morning. I didn’t want to wake her up. But something was telling me she wasn’t asleep.

  I looked up at Bax who had just threw his phone on the table and grabbed another beer. He was drinking heavily tonight. He was throwing down a lot of cash as well but wasn’t one bit interested in the girls.

  This was the only time ever that Bax and I had something in common. We both had our minds on something else. I didn’t know who was controlling his thoughts. But mine were on a tiny blonde with the most dazzling hazel eyes and red lips. Her skin was so soft. The type of soft one never believes is real. And while she was small, I had never seen a more perfect body. And her laugh that just made you smile… Even thinking about it had my lips twitching up. When it came to Soph, she brought out another side to me. A side I didn’t know. And the feelings I felt for her were a fucking mystery to me.

  I unlocked my phone.

  Her number was already on my screen. And I couldn’t think of one excuse why to message her.

  Was it normal to message after one in the morning asking if she was ok?

  Nah I couldn’t do that.

  I started to shake my knee up and down, thinking. Come on… one reason that was all I needed.

  The guys got louder as the group of girls increased and it started to piss me off. I didn’t give a fuck about those naked girls.

  Maybe I could just head home and hope she was there?

  Yeah, that was an idea. An accidental run-in.

  But what if she wasn’t home and was out at a party? I�
�d just spend the night hoping she would come home and then when she didn’t I wouldn’t be able to stop my mind running with all the possibilities.

  I decided I was messaging her.

  I unlocked my phone again.

  I’d just keep it simple.

  R u up? I sent it. Bloody hell, it was just a message. But my brain went into overdrive. What if she was serious when she said she was done with males and had cut me off already? What if she moved on from Bax and she was way too busy with the next guy to check her phone.

  My mind went wild with ideas as it tended to when Soph was involved. It was like she injected my brain with drugs which causes it to race and over think every little detail.

  My phone buzzed in my hand and I looked down. She actually wrote back, which meant she was up. I just stared at her name on my screen for a few more seconds before I unlocked it and opened the message.

  Just got home. U?

  So she had been out. I stared at the screen a little longer. Well, if she was home that was a solid reason to head there. Then again, she could be heading back out. I sighed. I didn’t know what she was up to this week. She could have ditched Bax and moved on to a new guy who she was going to head to now.

  I guess I had one question, so I started to type it.

  U staying home?

  I stared at the screen, seeing she had read it. I knew for a fact Kyle had taken Kayla to the coast for the weekend, and Mum and Dad were out of town.

  That meant if I head home right now, it would just be me and Soph.

  The speech bubble appeared at the bottom of the screen. She was writing back to me.

  “Hey, Josh, you want another round?” Aaz barked at me, causing me to look up.

  “What?”

  “Another round? Do you want on?” He looked at me like I was stupid.

  The fact I had hadn’t been paying attention had managed to get everyone else’s. Even Wolf was giving me an odd look.

  I glanced down at my phone.

  Yep.

  That was all I needed to know. I stood up. “Nah, I’m heading home. But I’ll pay.” I pulled out my wallet and threw down a bunch of fifties. I looked at Wolf and he gave me a head nod, which meant he wasn’t questioning me as to why I was bailing on their Saturday night.

  I walked out of the darkly lit strip club. I had to go back to the club, change the bike to the car, and take off my vest and leave it in the dorm room.

  I knew one day I wouldn’t be able to hide how I spent my time, or who I really was. The word was starting to get around now. But that didn’t mean I was about to tell Soph tonight.

  The house was dark when I pulled up to it. I locked my car and walked up the porch steps, the security light coming on. I twisted the doorknob. At least it was locked. I unlocked it and entered the foyer was dark.

  I was about to go up the stairs but stopped when I heard a noise, which sounded like it came from the kitchen.

  I walked through the lounge and saw the lights on in the kitchen, and I heard her curse as I walked in.

  “What are you doing?”

  She jumped as she spun around, dropping whatever she was holding.

  There was white powder across her cheek.

  “Are you doing drugs or something?” I asked as I walked towards her, feeling the most relaxed I had felt all week. Just being in her company relaxed me and I didn’t know why.

  She stepped out of the way of whatever she was trying to hide from me. I frowned, seeing the large tub.

  “The school nurse reported my weight to the counsellor. Apparently I’m too thin.” She crossed her arms and shot a glare at the large tub of protein powder. “Honestly, they are making it out like I’m a second away from being anorexic.”

  I looked at her. She was wearing a long black singlet that showed off her figure. She was thin, but she hadn’t entered unhealthy yet. I think she was only a couple of kilograms away from it. They clearly had noticed this as well.

  I asked her if she had been eating on Monday. She hadn’t given me an answer then.

  “So you are doing protein powder?”

  She sighed and picked up the scoop from the floor. “Well, I got told if I exercise I have to have a protein drink. I ran for nearly two hours, so I’m just doing what I am told.”

  My head snapped at her. “You ran for two hours!”

  She shrugged. “I can run for nearly three. I’m getting fitter.”

  She couldn’t be serious right now. “Soph running for two hours isn’t fucking healthy.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I like how I feel after a run.”

  Suddenly it wasn’t just her eating patterns that were setting off warnings. She was exercising aggressively like she was punishing her body.

  “What have you eaten today?” I crossed my arms, standing in front of her. I saw her squirm.

  “Um, stuff.”

  “Start naming what you’ve eaten, Sophia.”

  She groaned. “Please don’t call me that! And why must you be on my back too! Everyone else is already on my back about it. God, I’m not that thin!”

  I gripped her shoulder and gently pushed her around to face me. “What have you eaten today?”

  She sighed and looked up at me. “I can’t remember.”

  “Well start trying. Breakfast, what did you eat?”

  “Didn’t.”

  “Lunch?”

  She frowned and then looked like she remembered. “An apple. It was a green one, they’re my favorite.”

  Just don’t snap at her. She clearly didn’t see what was happening. “Ok, what about dinner?”

  “Skipped it cause I went for a run.” She shrugged.

  “So all you’ve fucking eaten all day is an apple!” I gritted out, trying to keep my anger in check. She couldn’t be serious, standing in front of me saying she didn’t have a problem when all she has eaten was an apple!

  “Well, and this shake I’m making.” She looked up at me, frowning. “It’s not a big deal. Some days I have less.”

  “Less than an apple!”

  “Calm down, Josh.” She rolled her eyes and turned around, picking up the lid to the protein powder and twisting it on. “God, you are acting like I’ve just told you a horror story.”

  “What are you doing?”

  I watched her pack up. “I’m going to bed.”

  “No you aren’t!” I snapped. I would admit that came out rude and controlling. I assumed she had taken it that by the way she turned around and looked up at me. Yep. It had come across exactly the way I had said.

  Well, she needed a rude awakening.

  “We are ordering takeaway and you aren’t going to sleep until I’ve filled you up with carbs.” I pulled my phone out.

  “No! Not happening! I am not stuffing my face!” She reached for my phone but I held it above her head. She didn’t have a chance of getting it off me.

  “It’s not stuffing your face. It’s called eating.”

  “I don’t eat junk food.”

  I rolled my eyes. “The old Soph did.”

  Her hazel eyes sliced through my eyes. “Well, the new Soph doesn’t eat shit. I admit I’m not eating much. But it’s not like I go weeks without eating—maybe a day or two and then my body will remind me I haven’t eaten.”

  My expression dropped. “You go days without eating?”

  She exhaled slowly and then nodded her head. “It’s not a big deal.”

  What the fuck had happened to her? What the hell sort of damage had Kyle done? How can she stand here in front of me and say she doesn’t eat for days but everything is fine? It wasn’t a big deal?

  I knew she was struggling with the breakup, but clearly I didn’t realize how much. She was putting on a good show to everyone. And fuck, I fell for it.

  But she wasn’t ok. She sure as fuck wasn’t coping. She was punishing herself. And the sad part was she didn’t even see it.

  “Well, if you don’t want junk. What do you want?” I was going to be reasonable.
If she hadn’t been eating and had been avoiding all junk food, that meant her stomach couldn’t take the greasy food I had planned for.

  “It’s ok, Josh. I can just go to bed. Start fresh tomorrow.” She gave me a small smile, like the last thing she wanted was to bother me.

  Didn’t she see by now that she wasn’t a bother. Wasn’t like she was forcing me to care; I just did. I realized that in that moment I cared. I cared if she ate or not. I cared if she was abusing her body.

  As a friend.

  This was what a friendship was like, right?

  “Name it and I’ll get it for you.” I took a step closer to her, blocking her between the kitchen island and me. “Anything, Soph, what do you want?”

  She bit her bottom lip. “You’ll thinks it’s stupid.”

  “Try me.” Whatever she wanted she was getting. And then, as of tomorrow, I was going to make sure she ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

  “I feel like Nutella on toast.” Her lips twitched up.

  Getting something overly sweet into her sounded like a good idea.

  “Let’s go.”

  “What, where?” She frowned and I took her hand. God, she was cold.

  “You cold?” I asked.

  “Um, yeah. It’s another thing I do these days. I don’t dress appropriately for the weather.”

  “You don’t have the heating on either.” I shook my head. “Why?”

  “Because I didn’t see a point in running up your parent’s electricity bill when I’m the only one home.”

  It was one of her best qualities the way she cared for other people. But it was also one of her biggest weaknesses. I let go of her hand and took my hoodie off.

  “Josh, you don’t have to give me your jumper. I can go up and get something from my room.” She looked at the jumper I was handing her.

  For some reason, I didn’t know why, something inside me wanted her to take it. As if her wearing my hoodie meant something more than just her wearing it to keep warm.

  “Arms up,” I said when she still was hesitating on wearing it.

  She sighed and then put her arms up. Pleasure that she was doing what I wanted flooded my body. I shouldn’t have been so pleased with her, just for doing something I asked, but I was. Still, I wasn’t sure if that was out of friendship or not.