TANGLED

by Simone Elise

  I didn’t have an answer.

  Josh did realize that if I left tonight to go to Bax, it wouldn’t change mine and his relationship, right?

  Ok, I didn’t have an answer for that either.

  “Soph.” Josh’s pulled my hands and forced me to come to him. “Please don’t leave.”

  “If I do, what does it matter? It’s not like me going to him will affect our friendship. I’m thankful you came home when you did, but that doesn’t mean I’m expecting you to stay for the night.”

  Yeah, I gave him an explanation. His night didn’t have to change. I’m sure his phone hadn’t stopped ringing since he left his friends. His phone was always ringing.

  “It fucking matters.” Josh’s words were sharp. “Fine, I tried talking to you, you leave me no choice.”

  I frowned and then squealed as he threw me over his shoulder.

  Chapter Twenty

  Soph

  I knew Josh was strong. He looked like a walking UFC beast. So I wasn’t surprised that he was carrying me like I weighed nothing. I squirmed. I wiggled. I yelled at him. And he ignored all of it.

  He even walked us past his parents who were in the foyer and they didn’t seem to care that Josh had me over his shoulder like I was doll he just pick up and carry around!

  To say I was furious with him when he shut his bedroom was an understatement. And mind you, he was assuming I wanted to be near him and didn’t mind being carried to his bedroom!

  My feet hit the floor, and as soon as I got my balance I pushed him hard on each shoulder.

  “How dare you just carry me around like that! Who the hell do you think you are just to carry me away from my nights plans?” I wanted to punch him, but I knew I would be the one that ended up sore. I would have a sore fist and he would end up laughing.

  “Calm down, sweetheart.” He didn’t seem fussed that I was furious.

  I took a step towards him and pointed a finger into his chest. “I’m leaving and you can’t stop me.” I was serious. I was leaving. I wasn’t staying here just because he had dragged me here. He might have carried me in here, but I had legs and could walk out, which was exactly what I was going to do.

  I made one move to go around him and he blocked me.

  “Sweetheart, I’m not letting you go to him.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  What was with men thinking they could tell me what to do? Kyle always told me what to do. It was because of him I learned to rely on him in my life, like he was the gravity to my world. Bax thought it was acceptable to declare to the world I was his and had me wearing a top that told everyone I was hooked up with a biker, and it was serious.

  And then there was Josh, who thought he could stop me from going out. First he took my phone and then, when I went to leave, he literally picked me up and carried me back in the house.

  My eyes narrowed at him. “Josh Andrew Hawkins, if you know what is good for you, you will get out of my way.” My words gritted as they came out, the anger I was feeling was overwhelming. I was sick of people telling me what to do, how to feel. I was learning everything from new.

  I was hoping my threat would cause Josh to step out of my way and let me go. So I was surprised when he took a step towards me, his hands spreading out on my cheeks, cupping my face.

  What was he doing? Had he gone mad? Why was he looking at me like that? He had that weird look in his eyes again that was there after I listed all the reasons his life was going to be better than Kyle’s. Again I was thinking, if I was any other female and he was giving the current look he was giving me to them, they would think Josh was in love with them. Hell, you would think all of a sudden Josh’s life depended on you.

  I opened my mouth to question him on it, but he moved quicker, his lips covering mine. At first I wasn’t sure what to do. Push him away, pull him in? I was shocked for longer than a second. I had been kissed before, but I had never felt this electric spark through every one of my blood vessels before.

  Suddenly I snapped out of the shock and I wanted my blood vessels to explode by this electric spark he was giving my body.

  My lips moved against his, and I felt the corner of his lips twitch up for a second, like he was pleased I wasn’t pushing him away but demanding more.

  I would have to say, when it came to being intimate it wasn’t natural. I was always nervous at first. Then my brain would drown out the nerves. But this time I wasn’t nervous at all.

  It hadn’t been my brain that drowned out the nerves.

  I didn’t have nerves to begin with.

  It was like my brain switched off as soon as his lips landed on mine, and my body took over.

  He lifted me up, my hands locking around his neck while our kiss went up a notch from being demanding, to complete raw need. It was like his need for me overcame him. My legs had just wrapped around him when he bit my bottom lip, causing me to gasp, and he took the opportunity to explore my mouth. He wasn’t gentle and he sure as fuck wasn’t soft.

  And I loved it.

  His hands went to my top, and our kiss broke when he took it off, and then before it even hit the floor his lips were back on mine.

  I knew where this could be heading, so why the hell wasn’t I panicking or stopping him?

  His hands were exploring my skin while he held me up with his body. He slowly lowered me to the bed, and his lips went off mine, and he kissed along my jaw and slowly he started to kiss down my neck.

  It was like he was worshipping me. Each kiss was more intimate.

  I couldn’t stop myself from arching my neck to him. I was so lost in the feel of his lips on my skin I hadn’t realized his fingers had unclipped my bra until he was dragging the straps down my arms. I knew I should be nervous. I knew I should be experiencing warning signs. But I wasn’t.

  As soon as my bra was out of the way, his kisses started to go lower.

  “Josh?” I managed to say. I had to stop him before he did something he would regret in the morning. “You need to stop.” My fingers were running through his hair. I wouldn’t lie, I loved his lips on me. I loved how my body reacted—the pleasure that flooded my blood stream—I hadn’t felt like this before, so it was going to kill me when he stopped.

  He ignored me and, if anything, his kisses got more intense, firmer, and lower. I knew where he was going and it sent wave after wave of need through my body.

  Suddenly I didn’t want him to stop. I knew he should. But as his kisses got lower, I didn’t want him to stop. I knew it was selfish, and I knew that if we had sex right now our friendship would be ruined, but I needed him. Now.

  His lips went off me, and I realized my words of telling him to stop may have just registered, “Soph, I have to tell you something. It’s not fair on you if I don’t. Especially considering where I want you and I to head.”

  I was still high on the pleasure he had just given me to really listen to whatever was so important. I nodded my head and opened my eyes, but seeing his serious expression made me lean up.

  “Josh, are you ok?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. He looked scared.

  He unlocked my hands from around his neck, linking them with his, his eyes still on me. “I just don’t want to lose you, Soph, and I know once I tell you this you are going to want nothing to do with me.”

  I saw the pain in his eyes for a split second before he masked his expression.

  “You know how I know Bax?” He sounded so hesitatant, like he was about to tell me something so important that he was positive I wouldn’t take it well.

  I nodded my head. But before he could say another word, I leaned up and kissed him on the lips, this time soft, gentle. Pulling back, I saw more pain in his eyes. I unlinked one of our hands, my hand going to his cheek.

  “Stop looking so worried, there is nothing that will result in you losing me.” I was honest. I didn’t care about his criminal record. I didn’t care that he most likely was still adding to that record.

  “You ca
n’t say that until you have all the facts.” He dismissed what I said. “I know you, I know once I tell you this you are going to think all I did was lie to you and I know how much honesty means to you.”

  He was right there, honesty meant a hell of a lot to me. But still, I already knew Josh had secrets. I knew he hadn’t been in a position to tell me them, but it would seem tonight he was going to open up to me.

  “You don’t have to tell me anything, Josh. I understand there are parts of your life you can’t share.” I tried to gently tell him. I didn’t care. I understood completely. “Just because we are going to have a one-night stand, doesn’t mean you have to open up your soul to me.”

  “That’s just it. I don’t want a one-night stand. I want you to know what you are getting into with being with me.”

  “Being with you?” I frowned. What was he trying to imply?

  He opened his mouth, but there was a banging on his door. I heard the door knob twist and l clenched my eyes shut. Just fucking perfect.

  But the door didn’t open. I exhaled slowly. Josh must have locked it.

  I opened my eyes in time to see Josh glance at the door, but then his attention was back on me, his eyes running down me. He had me topless and willing to have sex with him, but he was the one stopping us.

  “You are so fucking perfect, Soph.” He kissed in between my breasts. “Which is why I won’t settle for one night.” He looked up serious. “I need you to know everything, and if then you still want this I’ll promise not to hurt you. Fuck, I’ll promise you anything.”

  Now there was a banging on the door. Whoever it was wasn’t giving up.

  Josh groaned. “Don’t move ok. I just need to tell whoever it is to fuck off.” Josh pulled away from me completely, and as soon as his hand left mine I felt like I was missing something.

  In case it was Josh’s parents, I sat up and searched the floor for a top, putting the first one that my hand found.

  “What the fuck do you want, Kyle?” Josh’s tone was anything but nice. I think he was more pissed off with Kyle because it had pulled Josh from me.

  “I need to speak to Soph.” Kyle didn’t even seem fazed by how Josh spoke with him. “I’m guessing she is in there with you.”

  I gulped. Why would Kyle want to speak to me?

  “Fuck off, Kyle.” Josh went to slam the door in Kyle’s face, but Kyle stopped him.

  “Let me rephrase that: Soph’s parents want to talk to her. They’ve being trying to get a hold of her all night, but you took her phone.”

  Immediately I was up. My parents would only call Kyle if something was wrong, seriously wrong. They never called me when they were overseas. Maybe on the odd time when I had accidently set the house alarms off. But that was it.

  I squeezed in between Josh and the door.

  “Did they tell you what was wrong?” I wasn’t hiding my panic. “Did they say why they called?”

  Kyle looked somewhat smug;y at me. “No they didn’t. Said you would only understand.” Kyle handed me the phone. “It’s on mute. Didn’t want them hearing you fucking my brother.”

  I rolled my eyes, but right now who and who I wasn’t having sex with wasn’t important.

  I put the phone off my mute and put it to my ear. “I’m sorry I haven’t had my phone on me—”

  I started to explain but Dad’s rushed voice cut me off. He was speaking so fast and in two different languages, which is something he would always do when he called. It would be English and whatever language of the culture he was currently in.

  “Ok, Dad, slow down and speak English,” I said, unable to make sense of anything.

  Then Dad spoke very clearly. And my mind was focused on two words: Ryan and lock up.

  “Ok, Dad, I’m leaving now.” I hung up and handed Kyle back his phone.

  “Everything alright, Soph?” Kyle asked, sounding concerned.

  I was back in Josh’s room searching the floor for my car keys; as soon as I found them I grabbed my shoes and darted out between them.

  I turned just as I was about to bolt down the stairs to look at Josh. “I’m sorry, Josh, but I have to go.” I couldn’t tell him why. I couldn’t even explain what was happening if I wanted too.

  I saw all the questions he had, but I didn’t have time to answer them. Instead, I ran down the stairs. The same two words ringing through my mind...

  Chapter Twenty One

  Soph

  There was a detail of my life I didn’t really share with anyone. Well it wasn’t a detail. It was a person. Ryan Butcher. My parents adopted him when I was a newborn. He was five at the time. His parents left him at the hospital with a letter.

  It was Dad who was his treating doctor. It was Dad that read the letter saying that his parents weren’t coming back for him. Ryan was malnourished, skinny, covered in bruises, a clear case of abuse.

  Mom was due to have me any day. But Dad couldn’t hand Ryan over to the system. So they made a decision that most people couldn’t and wouldn’t ever do. They adopted Ryan. And they may have greased a few palms to make it happen.

  The adoption went through the day after I was born. I still don’t know how my mom did it. She managed to raise a newborn and a child who didn’t trust her.

  But Mum and Dad never gave up on Ryan. They treated him like he was blood because, in my parents eyes, he was.

  And Ryan slowly accepted them. He had never been shown love, or simple things like a meal three times a day. I still remember Mom telling me she had never cried as much as she did when Ryan couldn’t stomach food cause his body wasn’t used to it.

  His body was used to liquids and sometimes the odd meal.

  Mom and Dad him under every specialist to help Ryan learn to eat. Mom always said Ryan’s biggest fear was they would leave him, like his parents left them. He would have nightmares about it every night. His biggest fear: being left by himself again.

  So they did something that goes against Mom and Dad’s image of professional surgeons. They both got Ryan’s name tattooed on them.

  Ryan, I think, was around seven when Mom and Dad did it. Mom told me from the day Ryan saw those tattoos he stopped having nightmares.

  Mum and Dad supported Ryan in everything he did, just like they did for me.

  Then on his eighteen birthday we had a family party. I was thirteen. Ryan and I were always close. He was there for me as I grew up. Every photo of me had him in it. He was my brother. And he saw me as his sister.

  We were best friends. And I thought he would always be there for me. But the day after his eighteenth birthday, he left my parents a note thanking them, and that was it. Not telling them why he left. Not one word directed at me. No I’ll miss you. No I’m sorry. Nothing.

  Just two words: thank you.

  My parents were heartbroken. Mum stopped working, and for the first time in her life she stopped doing what she loved—helping people. Dad threw himself into work, started to miss important events in my life, sports games, achievement awards. Then on my first day of high school mum didn’t even get out of bed for it and Dad, well, he was working a double shift and seemed to forget his only daughter was facing the biggest fear in her life.

  It was on the first day of high school, when I had to walk there in the rain, I realized my parents loved Ryan more than me.

  I can’t remember how long that went on. We were a fractured family. Mom and Dad weren’t even sleeping in the same room. My love for Ryan turned to hate because he had cost me my parents, and most of all my happy family.

  Instead, I had a mom that was dosed up on prescription pills and dad that lived at the hospital. And then there was me; I had never felt more lost then in the first year after Ryan left.

  Thank god for Uncle Kane.

  One day, I can’t remember how long it had been, but I do remember the day clearly it was a Saturday, I walked downstairs ready to have another breakfast alone when I found Mum and Dad talking and cooking breakfast.

  That was the day I got m
y parents back. They sold the house and wanted to start fresh, so we moved closer to the hospital and my school. Then it was about a month after we were settled in and I started to think things might go back to normal, but at the same time I was grieving for my brother. Ryan left a hole in our family.

  And I wasn’t the only one who realized that there was now a hole in our family.

  It so happened to also be a Saturday when my parents told me they were going to do mission work. They left for Pakistan the following Monday. And they hadn’t stopped doing mission work since.

  It was like they needed to do it—helping others—to fill the hole Ryan had made in their hearts.

  I didn’t blame them. If I could have filled the hole that Ryan made in my heart somehow I would have too.

  But I never did. I just learned to live with it. I wasn’t heart broken when Ryan left. I felt like he took half my heart with him.

  And now, in the dead of the night, my parents call me, telling me Ryan was locked up and the police had called them.

  My parents didn’t hold a grudge towards Ryan. They loved him. So tonight when there was a chance for them to help him again they took it. Dad was so panicked on the phone. He knew that Ryan wouldn’t have wanted them to be called.

  It had been five years since Ryan left. I was now eighteen. And he would be twenty-three. I didn’t say a word to him. I signed the bail information. I paid the money. And then I was handed the court date. I knew I had to make one phone call to make sure the charges were dropped.

  Even though he had chosen to stop being my brother five years ago, I was still going to call and get the charges dropped. I knew if mom and dad were here right now they would be making the call.

  I pulled away from the station, keeping my eyes on the road. Not on my brother, who was sitting in the passenger seat. I didn’t know what to say to him. Sure, over the years I had questions for him, but as the years went on I realized I didn’t want the answers anymore.