Sleepless November (Sleepless November Saga Book 1)

by Kelsey Clayton

  “It’s really pretty.” I practically whisper, not wanting to ruin this moment but needing him to know how much I appreciate it.

  Holden hums in agreement. “I always used to come down here whenever I needed to think.”

  “You’re so lucky you got to live here. It’s heavenly.”

  I place my hands on his arms, holding him closer. I can’t help but feel like we’re more than this friends with benefits thing we’ve got going on. Yet, I’m still apprehensive. Just like him, I don’t want to ruin this, and I feel like complicating it with titles and rules would only destine us for failure. So, instead of overthinking things, I choose to enjoy this moment.

  After the sun finally lifts off the water, I turn in Holden’s arms to see him already looking at me, smiling. I kiss him slowly, not being able to do that nearly as much as I’ve wanted to over the last 24 hours. When we break the kiss, he leaves his forehead against mine.

  “Come on, let’s go for a walk before we have to go back.” He takes my hand and starts to lead me down the boardwalk. “Joey will be here around nine. You’ll really like her.”

  “She’s your sister?” I question, thinking this is the perfect opportunity to get a better understanding.

  He shrugs. “I guess you could call her that. She’s Brandon’s sister.”

  “So, you two aren’t related?”

  He rubs my hand with his thumb as we stroll. “No. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten. His parents took me in when mine died.”

  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” I say sadly, looking up at him. “How old were you?”

  “Twelve.” He answers. “They were in a car accident. I was about to get put in the system, but Heather and Dan intervened. Since then, they’ve raised me as their own.”

  I stop walking, pulling his hand so he stops and turns toward me. “Thank you for bringing me.”

  He smiles softly. “Thank you for coming.”

  Holden leans down and kisses me, placing his free hand on my lower back and pulling me closer to him. I put my hand on his cheek, caressing it while our mouths move against each other. As he pulls away, I look in his emerald eyes. The sunlight manages to hit him just right that causes them to literally sparkle. It’s a sight that will be burned into my mind forever.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “I’m home!” A woman’s voice yells from the front door. “Mom? Dad? Anyone?”

  Holden smiles at the sound of who I can only assume is Josephine.

  “In here, loser!” He yells back from the kitchen table, standing up.

  You can hear as she starts to run down the hallway, barreling into the room. “Hoe!” She shouts happily, sprinting over and giving him a big hug.

  “Hey Jo.” He chuckles. The nickname surprises me. Holden takes notice and shakes his head, silently assuring me not to worry about it. When he pulls away, he gestures to me. “Joey, this is Kayleigh. Kayleigh, Joey.”

  “Oh, Holden’s girlfriend! It’s so nice to meet you!” She exclaims, reaching forward to give me a hug.

  Brandon barks out a laugh while Heather slightly sputters her drink. “Oh, um, we’re just friends.” I murmur. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the way Holden winces.

  “Oh honey” Joey starts. “You’re home with him for Thanksgiving. No offense, but you are not just friends.”

  Brandon stands, coming closer and patting her on the shoulder. “It’s good to have you home, sis.”

  She gives him a quick hug while I share a look with Holden. He mouths an apology, causing me to shrug. I can’t really say she’s wrong, but I don’t want to agree with her either.

  BY THE THIRD TIME someone refers to me as Holden’s girlfriend, I stop correcting the mistake. It’s not like I’m entirely against the idea of being in a relationship with him. Besides, the way he smiles every time it’s said is more than worth it.

  “Alright. Food’s ready.” Heather announces.

  We all start to make our way to the dining room, and I mentally start to panic. This is the moment I’ve been dreading.

  “Oh, and Kayleigh?” She lightly grabs my arm to stop me, getting my full attention. “Holden told me you’re a really picky eater, so don’t feel like you have to eat anything you don’t want to.”

  I quickly look at Holden and he winks at me subtly. I smile, shaking my head in disbelief. He really did cover everything, didn’t he?

  The amount of love at this table is overwhelming. They’re the picture-perfect family. Heather and Dan love their children with everything they have, and looking at their parents, I can see where they get it from. I’d be jealous but I don’t need to be. They’ve opened their arms and welcomed me in the same way they did with Holden all those years ago.

  “So, Holden, how are things going for you at school?” One of the grandfathers asks.

  “It’s great. I still love it there. I can’t believe I’m over halfway done.” He answers.

  “Holden’s made the Dean’s List every single semester.” Dan adds.

  My jaw drops while my head whips toward Holden. I knew he was smart, but I had no idea he took his academics so seriously. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. He’s good at everything he does.

  “I’m also becoming Captain of the hockey team next season. I’m really excited.”

  I smile brightly at him, feeling a sense of pride for my not-boyfriend.

  “Wow! Well look at you. Is there anything you can’t do?” The grandfather questions.

  “Mmm, probably not.” He responds jokingly.

  I roll my eyes while smiling. “Please, the last thing he needs is a bigger ego.” I quip causing the entire table to laugh.

  “She’s just bitter cause I beat her in a video game.”

  I scoff. “Says the guy who played the first three levels repeatedly until you maxed out your lives, so you wouldn’t get a game over.”

  The family watches our banter with wide grins on their faces. Though, out of everyone, Brandon’s seems the brightest.

  “I like her. She calls you out on your shit.” He tells Holden.

  Holden chuckles. “You have no idea.”

  “She’s a keeper.” Grandma Reese declares. I find myself beginning to feel uncomfortable with all the attention on me, but as soon as I feel Holden’s hand rest on my knee, my anxiety dissipates.

  “She definitely is.” He says with such honesty, and a blush instantly covers my cheeks.

  LATER THAT NIGHT, BRANDON mentions a get together with all their old friends. Everyone seems to be in town for the holiday, so it’s a perfect time to reunite and catch up. Holden looks to me for approval and I nod, getting up and starting to get ready.

  The three of us head over to a guy named Craig’s house. They must be used to coming here, because we immediately go into the backyard and down the stairs to a sliding glass door. As soon as Brandon opens the door, the smell of weed barrels out.

  “They smoke?” I quietly ask Holden. He stops and turns to me.

  “I know they used to, I just didn’t know they still do. Do you want to leave?”

  I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect it, that’s all.”

  As soon as we get inside, Holden introduces me to everyone. I can’t, for the life of me, remember all their names, but there are four guys other than Holden and Brandon. Thankfully, I’m not the only girl. There are two others, one of which is Holden’s ex from high school. She’s not a jealous ex though – she’s pretty cool.

  Holden and I take a seat on the sofa, his arm instantly landing around my shoulders. I smile, feeling completely content just hanging out with him and his friends. There are a few blunts being passed around. When one of the guys tries to pass it to Holden, he shakes his head.

  “Have you ever done it?” I ask.

  He nods. “I used to do it in high school, but stopped once I got to college.” When I’m quiet, he gets a little worried. “Does that bother you?”

  I shake my head instantly. “Not at all. I’ve
just never tried it.”

  The devious grin that shows up on his face is somewhat intimidating. “Do you want to? I could corrupt you.”

  I laugh. “Corrupt me? I’m not a saint.”

  “Oh, trust me babe, I know. But really, if you want to try it, I’ll do it with you.”

  I think it over for a moment. I’ve never had the chance to try smoking pot, but I know people who have. My mother was always too strict for me to ever even have the opportunity. Though, out of all the drugs in existence, I’ve heard marijuana is the safest.

  “Okay, but you have to help me. I have no idea what to do.”

  Holden chuckles. “It’s easy. Have you seen someone smoke a cigarette?” He motions for someone to pass him a blunt while I nod. “Well it’s just like that. Just suck in and hold it for a few seconds, then blow out.”

  He puts the blunt in his mouth and lights it, demonstrating how to do it. I watch him carefully before taking it between my fingers and repeating his actions. I cough the first time, causing Holden and Brandon to laugh. Thankfully, Brandon already had a beer ready for me to drink. I take it without hesitation, expressing my gratitude.

  The three of us pass the blunt around. At first, I don’t really feel much of anything. There aren’t any intense feelings, or feeling like I do when I’m drunk. I mention it to Holden, wondering if I did it wrong.

  “Give it a minute, babe.”

  Sure enough, a few minutes later, I start to feel funny. It’s like everything becomes a bit hazy. Time slows and suddenly I feel relaxed. Any worries I had are suddenly gone, and all I can focus on is being here with Holden.

  “You okay?” He asks, looking at me intently.

  I nod. “I’m great,”

  He snickers, moving toward me and kissing my forehead. I lean into his touch, not at all caring that everyone is looking at us. All I want to do is be here, in this moment, with the guy who has quickly become one of the most important people to me.

  THE NEXT MORNING, I wake up in Holden’s bed, but he’s nowhere to be found. I turn toward the nightstand to retrieve my phone, and see a note beside it.

  Went to go get Brandon’s car.

  Be back soon.

  2 Holden

  I smile softly, for once embracing the fluttering and tingles that overtake my chest and stomach. Using my finger, I slowly trace the hand drawn heart. Perhaps giving a relationship with him a shot wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world. Maybe, just maybe, we could work.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The flight home feels longer than the previous flight did. It’s probably because I’m wide awake, instead of sleeping like I did last time. Though, it also could be because I can’t stop thinking about the conversation I had with Josephine before I left.

  “Kayleigh, can I talk to you?” She asks after craftily pulling me aside.

  I nod, following her through the house and onto the back patio. “What’s up?”

  She sits down on one of the lounge chairs and I do the same, making myself comfortable before she speaks.

  “I was just wondering what’s going on with you and Holden. I don’t mean to intrude, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s just, I know you said you two are just friends, but you don’t act like it.”

  I sigh, knowing it was only a matter of time before someone called us out on it. “We’re… complicated.”

  She chuckles softly, seeming like she knows exactly what I mean. “Well, if you want an insider’s point of view, I’m your girl.”

  I’m torn between taking her up on that offer and keeping my mouth shut. I don’t know how Holden would feel if he knew her and I were talking about him. Would he be mad, or would he not care? Still, I could use someone close to him to help me figure out what all this means.

  “I don’t know.” I murmur. “We like each other. I think that much is obvious.” She nods, confirming my beliefs. “I’m pretty sure he wants to be more, but I’m hesitant.”

  Her head tilts slightly to the side. “Why though?”

  I find myself stumbling with my words. “He’s, um… Well, I don’t know how much you know about how he is at school but…”

  “He’s a player.” She cuts me off. “Trust me, I know. In high school, he hooked up with like half my friends.”

  I wince, not exactly loving the thought of him with other girls. “Yeah – that.”

  She smiles sympathetically. “I’m sorry, love. That can’t be easy to deal with.”

  “It’s not. I used to not be able to stand him.”

  “Really?” She asks, laughing at the idea.

  I nod. “He was dating my roommate, and we did not get along.”

  Jo starts laughing. “Wow. That’s crazy. How did you two end up so close then?”

  “Well, it all started with having to work together on a project…”

  She listens intently as I briefly explain the friendship that is me and Holden. I leave out my eating disorder, as well as any sexual details. As much as they may not be blood related, she’s still known him since he was five.

  It’s nice to let it all out. The only other person I’ve talked to about Holden is Dawson. Normally I would tell my best friend, Emily, but I’ve mentioned to her how much of a man-whore he is. Therefore, I’d rather know exactly what’s going on between us before I tell her anything.

  “Yeah, I don’t blame you for being cautious.” Jo says when I finish. “I would be too. However, if it helps ease your mind at all, I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you.”

  I can’t fight the smile that her words bring. “It does. Thank you.”

  Since then, I haven’t been able to get the idea of us being in an actual relationship out of my head. I need to get to Dawson and talk to him about it before I figure out what I’d like to say to Holden.

  The last few days with him were nothing short of perfection. Between spending time with his family, smoking with his friends, and just having a carefree break, I couldn’t have dreamt of anything better. Although, Holden made it very clear that smoking is a once in a blue moon kind of thing. I called him bossy when he said it, but I know it’s only because he cares.

  “What’cha thinking about?” He inquires as he looks away from the movie on his MacBook.

  Reaching over, I interlace his fingers with mine. He rubs his thumb over what he can reach of my hand as soon as I do. The feeling of comfort and warmth spreads through me quickly.

  “I had a really nice time this weekend.” I reply honestly.

  A wide grin appears on his face. “So did I.”

  Holden takes out one earbud, offering it to me so I can watch the movie with him. I put it in and lay my head on his shoulder, feeling closer to him than ever. It’s absolute bliss, and I could get used to this.

  THE WEEKS LEADING UP to finals are the busiest at Dolce. Everyone is running around like a lunatic and living off caffeine in order to study. Even everyone at Kappa Delta Phi has been quiet, spending their time going over everything they’ve learned all semester.

  Holden and I have both decided not to stress this week. We’re still living in post-vacation ecstasy. After this weekend, we’ll start studying and spend the next two weeks with our heads immersed in textbooks and lecture notes.

  “So, are you two dating yet?!” Dawson asks excitedly. He’s asked this question every day since I told him about our weekend.

  I shake my head. “I’m still thinking about it.”

  He puts the lid on the drink and passes it to the customer. Finally, the crowd in here is starting to die down. Only an hour left of our shift, and then we’re both going to the party at Holden’s.

  “Kayleigh, it’s been a week.” He deadpans.

  “I know, I know.” I wave him off dismissively. “I’m leaning towards yes, I just don’t know what to say to him yet.”

  “How about just telling him you want to be with him?”

  “Oh right, because I have the balls to do that.” The sarcasm all but
drips from my lips.

  “Please, you know damn well this is what he wants. You have nothing to worry about.”

  If only I could believe that. Despite Jo’s words, and hearing Holden talk to both Caleb and Brandon about me, I’m terrified to tell him how I feel. What if we give this a shot and it doesn’t work out? He’s become way too important to me. I don’t know what I would do if I lost him entirely.

  The minutes until the clock strikes eleven go by ridiculously slow. As soon as we’re able to close, Dawson and I take turns changing in the bathroom, not wanting to show up to the party in our uniforms.

  I feel like tonight is exactly what he needs. He’s been in a funk since having to leave Skylar after Thanksgiving. Over Christmas break, they’ll be going on vacation to Aruba. He plans on proposing to her there, and I can’t wait. I know she’s going to be so excited. We’ve become friends since we met last week.

  The two of us listen to music on our way over to the frat house, pumping ourselves up since we’re insanely tired from our shift. Thankfully, before we left, Dawson made us coffee with four espresso shots in each. The bitter taste was hard for me to handle, but I downed it anyway for the energy.

  The party is more crowded than usual – probably because everyone needs to let loose in the middle of studying. Dawson and I push our way through the crowded house, trying to spot Holden. When we find him, he’s in the middle of a keg stand. At the end of it, he stands back up and wavers before finding his balance.

  He’s so wasted.

  “Kayleigh!” He yells, throwing his arms around me.

  “Hey babe.” I greet him, looking at Caleb as if mentally asking him what’s going on. He shrugs, mouthing an apology before walking away. “You okay?”

  He nods happily. “Just a little drunk.”

  “A little?”

  “A little.” He repeats, holding his finger and thumb to show an massive understatement of how much he’s had to drink.