Escape

by Carolyn Jessop

  In all my years in the FLDS I’d never heard a prophet preach blood atonement. I was well aware that Warren Jeffs was taking the community in new directions. I’d never thought murder would be one of them.

  Several months later I learned that Warren had spoken to Merrilyn and warned her that if she didn’t change her ways, she would have to pay with blood atonement.

  Three weeks after Merrilyn was kicked out of Uncle Rulon’s home, the old prophet finally died, on September 8, 2002. He was ninety-four years old and had more than sixty wives and more than seventy children.

  Warren proclaimed himself prophet almost immediately and married his father’s wives. Now he was in absolute control over all our lives.

  No one vocally challenged his right to succeed his father as prophet. There were no other apostles in the FLDS, and Warren had been effectively running the community for nearly six years before Uncle Rulon died. He had managed to quell any dissenters or competitors within our ranks. Nevertheless, word circulated throughout the community that Warren had a hit list of over a hundred men he intended to kick out to ensure that any opposition to him was eliminated.

  At Uncle Rulon’s funeral, I heard Warren Jeffs preach that the prayers of the community had been answered. We had been ordered to pray for the last year that the invalid prophet would be lifted up and renewed—which we thought meant in this life. Now Warren was saying that our prayers had been answered; he’d been renewed, but after bodily death. Warren also preached that the faithful among us could count on the same thing.

  This was frightening. We were going to be the next to die? I was always listening for something that pointed in the direction of a mass suicide. Warren was crazy enough to try something like that—and I knew many in our community who believed it would be a privilege to die for Warren Jeffs.

  In the weeks following his father’s death, Warren began preaching that Uncle Rulon was God and that he had come to usher in a thousand years of peace. Warren began making subtle suggestions that, as the prophet’s son, he was Jesus Christ.

  His words were frightening enough, but the blind obedience of people I had known all my life was even more disturbing. They had lost any capacity to think for themselves.

  Warren went crazy making prophecies. No one in the community was allowed to have any access to outside information, so he even began predicting the weather. I still had access to a computer because of the small Internet business I’d started. I’d often go online to see how closely Jeffs’ forecasts matched what I found online. They were identical.

  Warren also began preaching about how the armies of the world were gathering in the Middle East and that World War III had already begun. I still had a radio in my bedroom and would listen to it when I knew I would not be caught. Radio was strictly forbidden. I heard about the war in Iraq and knew enough about what was happening in the Middle East to know that Warren Jeffs was lying.

  Warren continued to preach about how it was time for God’s chosen to have a temple to do the work God had planned for us. This frightened me because we had always been taught that we would not begin building a temple until after God had cleared the wicked from the earth and we were living in the thousand years of peace. Warren’s temple talk scared me. We’d been taught that every blessing we needed for our salvation could be done without a temple—except for blood atonement. I feared where Warren Jeffs might be leading us.

  Merrilyn was sequestered at the motel in Caliente. Her half brother Truman, the little boy who had been left behind at the gas station on our bizarre honeymoon trip to San Diego, was assigned to watch over her. As far as I know, Merrilyn never tried to escape again.

  Loretta, who’d been the first of Merril’s daughters to marry Rulon, returned to Merril’s house. She had refused to marry Warren Jeffs and was sent home until she was ready to repent. The rest of the family—with one exception—condemned Loretta for her disobedience just as surely as they condemned Merrilyn for her adultery. Oddly enough, it was Ruth who took Loretta’s side and told me that she felt Loretta was a victim. This was strange—many of Ruth’s daughters had been married off to Warren, and she’d always been a true believer. I felt disgusted by the cruel way Loretta was condemned but knew to keep my mouth shut.

  Audrey and I still talked almost every day. She’d come over on the pretext of checking on Harrison. Both Audrey and her husband were concerned about the vitriol and extremism coming from Warren Jeffs. I avoided going to church, but Audrey went regularly and filled me in on what Warren was preaching. He kept mentioning the “Center Place” and how he would be sending people to Zion. But the catch was that there could be several Zions. Anywhere the prophet sent us was considered Zion.

  I told Audrey that I thought Warren was planning to separate us in remote areas like concentration camps. He needed to be in absolute control and couldn’t risk letting us live freely in the community. Once we were split up we’d never be able to escape because we’d undoubtedly be separated from our children.

  I knew I had to get out fast. But I couldn’t run the risk of fleeing when Merril was at home. I had to wait until he was out of town and all my children were home. Arthur worked on construction jobs and was often out of town. I needed a window of opportunity, and the second I got that window, I’d jump.

  My mother beat me to it. She’d become so infuriated with Warren Jeffs that she told my father she was leaving with her two youngest children. She was upset not only with Jeffs but also with the community of believers who were blindly supporting him. Mother felt they were completely ungodly.

  I was not surprised that she decided to leave. I knew that for several years she’d hoped life would change, but she only saw it deteriorate.

  Mother had become my defender. She’d been shocked when Warren condemned me after I reported Merril’s abuse. She’d told my father that if he didn’t get me out of my marriage, she’d leave him.

  I think my mother finally realized how betrayed she’d been by her religion. She knew my father didn’t love her. She’d buried one daughter and felt like she’d lost two others who fled the FLDS. She saw me lost to a life of abuse and degradation. How could any religion that created so much harm be of God? It was an obvious question that few asked.

  Mother had been so proud of our faith and culture. Seeing what it had become made leaving the only option. My father did not try to stop her. Unlike almost every other man in the FLDS, he felt that my mother had the right to choose how she wanted to live her life. He told her to pack what she wanted to take with her and he’d have a truck come by early one morning and move her out.

  My mother and my two siblings, Jennifer, sixteen, and Winston, nine, left on April 19, 2003. She walked away from the only life she’d ever known for fifty years. Once she was out of the community she filed for a divorce and ended her thirty-eight-year marriage.

  When my mother left I felt unbearably alone. We had grown closer over the years and she helped me so much—especially with Harrison. I know the day she drove us to the emergency room it broke her heart not to be able to stay and see us through the crisis. But that was too risky because she’d taken us to the hospital without Merril’s permission. Those moments cut her to the quick.

  I kept quiet about my plans to flee, but others in the community were discussing the option for themselves. Audrey and her husband were planning to quit and move to northern Idaho. I was losing the people I was closest to and afraid to confide in those who were still left. I never knew if some offhand remark of mine might be reported back to Warren Jeffs and create problems for me. I was determined to maintain a semblance of normalcy.

  I never gave a hint to any of my children about my plans. But as I’d learn later, LuAnne began to have dreams about our escaping. In her dreams she’d see us all together in a house outside Colorado City. All her brothers and sisters were crying and saying they wanted to go back to their father and half brothers and sisters. Betty was pleading with me to take everyone home. LuAnne’s fear in the dream was
that we were all going to hell and she was scared and crying. As she’d explain later, it was a relief when she awoke and found that she was still with her father’s family. But her dream kept recurring. Betty was the only person she confided in, and she told LuAnne that the reason she kept having the dream was because she didn’t say her bedtime prayers.

  I did not make waves within the family. Bryson and Harrison were a shield for me because they still required so much care. I dutifully had sex with Merril to keep up the façade.

  It was a tense and unpredictable time. Anything could happen at any time.

  Three days after my mother left, my moment arrived.

  After the Escape

  The trip to Salt Lake City was pure hell. Betty was literally hitting me in the car and screaming, “Uncle Warren is going to find out what you are doing. You’ll be in so much trouble! He’ll never let you get away with this!”

  Darrel had to lock all the car doors. My other children would have enjoyed the adventure and the ride if Betty hadn’t been so hysterical. She kept acting as though I was going to kill every one of them.

  “Mother, you are taking us out into this wicked world to be destroyed! Father will never allow it.” Betty was upset for a reason. Warren Jeffs had been condemning Salt Lake City as one of the most evil cities on earth because of the Winter Olympics. His real agenda was to get the FLDS members who lived in Salt Lake to move to Colorado City in order to consolidate his power. But to my daughter Betty, if we were in Salt Lake when God erased the wicked from the earth—which Jeffs was preaching could happen any day—she and all of her brothers and sisters would be wiped out instantly. My other children were scared into silence.

  Arthur tried unsuccessfully to calm her down. Darrel finally screamed at her to shut up. But she wouldn’t listen and she didn’t stop. It was five hours of pure hell. Harrison was also screaming because traveling made him so uncomfortable.

  While we were driving, Darrel got a call on his cell phone from my mother. We had a place to stay. Mother—who escaped just three days before—had contacted Dan Fisher, a prominent dentist and former FLDS member who agreed to let us stay on his property near Salt Lake City.

  Dan had been born into the FLDS. At one point he’d had three wives. But he quit shortly after Rulon Jeffs came to power and began living with just one wife. Dan became extremely successful after he invented one of the best tooth-whitening systems and other dental products. He still had many relatives in the FLDS and knew how bad things had become. For years, Dan has tried to help people who wanted out of the cult. His willingness to help me saved our lives.

  When we got into Salt Lake City we made a quick stop at my brother’s to let the children use the bathroom. Moments after we left, Arthur’s house was surrounded by trucks from the FLDS. The hunt was on. My brother’s construction shop was surrounded by Merril’s posse before we even got to the city. They’d beaten us to Salt Lake.

  On our way to Dan Fisher’s I noticed that my son Arthur was watching the road closely. I thought he might be planning to run the moment he had the chance. He wasn’t acting out like Betty, but I could tell from his body language that he was furious with me.

  Dan has five guest houses on his property. His wife, Leenie, welcomed us with enthusiasm and gentleness. She couldn’t have been expecting a woman with eight children to land on her doorstep that morning, but she seemed delighted that we had.

  Leenie took us to the largest guest house. With four bedrooms and a large living and dining area, it felt like heaven. I started to think about getting my children fed and making sure that Arthur didn’t bolt. Leenie’s daughter Sarah had come over and said she’d get them some Happy Meals while Dan talked to me in the main house.

  Dan was waiting in the dining room with a glass of wine in hand. He asked me a few questions to get a grasp of my situation and background. He was impressed that I had a bachelor’s degree in education and that I’d taught for seven years. But when I mentioned that I was married to Merril Jessop, he stopped pacing around the room, put his wineglass on the table, looked at me, and said, “Wait—did you say your husband’s name was Merril Jessop? The Merril Jessop?”

  I looked at Dan, somewhat surprised by his reaction. “Yes, Merril is my husband.”

  “You mean I have Merril Jessop’s kids on my property?”

  “Yes. Actually, you have eight of them.”

  Dan’s face paled.

  “Carolyn, when people come to me for help I don’t usually go to the authorities. Generally, I don’t recommend it. But if Merril Jessop is your husband, you’re not going to have even a remote chance of getting out unless you go straight to the top for help. I feel it’s urgent to get the attorney general’s office involved today as soon as possible!”

  “I’ll do anything to protect my kids.”

  Dan left immediately. I don’t think either of us understood the danger we were in.

  My head was spinning. I hadn’t slept for twenty-eight hours. I was running on adrenaline from the stress and tension of our ordeal and there would be moments when I felt weak and ready to pass out. Everything was happening so fast. When I got back to the guest house I did a head count and discovered that Arthur was missing. I guessed that when he was watching the road he’d been looking for the nearest pay phone so he could run back and call Merril.

  Arthur didn’t have any money, but boys who worked on construction crews always had phone cards in case they got into trouble. I ran back to Leenie’s house and told her what happened. Her daughter Jolene had just arrived to help.

  Leenie called Dan, and he said it was too dangerous for us to remain on his property. He said we’d be safer at Jolene’s. I started rounding up my children to take them into hiding again and gathering up the black plastic garbage bags with all our clothes.

  Betty started screaming again. “I’m not going with you! What are you doing? Where are you taking us?”

  I found out later that before he left, Arthur had told Betty that he was going to call Merril and that she would have to get the children into the truck the minute he arrived. I pulled her into the car while she was fighting and kicking me as hard as she could.

  Fortunately for us, Jolene had just graduated from dental school, and few in the FLDS even realized she was back in town. She had a beautiful house not too far from her father’s. Jolene carefully explained to my children that there was an alarm system and if anyone opened a door or window from inside, an alarm would go off and the police would come.

  Shortly after we settled in, Sarah arrived with Arthur. She’d found him a few miles from Dan’s.

  Arthur had unwittingly saved our lives because when he fled, I knew our cover was blown and we had to leave Dan’s immediately. I found out that Merril had arrived at Dan Fisher’s house five minutes after we left for Jolene’s. He had learned where we were staying even before Arthur called because, as I’d later find out, my stepsister betrayed me. If he had found us there before I had a protection order, there would have been no legal way I could have stopped him from taking my children. I would have had to go to court to fight for custody. It would have taken years.

  Arthur’s five-mile run was a godsend.

  I also learned from this episode not to talk to anyone. Merril had tracked us down because Darrel had told his wife where we were after he dropped us off. She mentioned it to my stepsister, who called her mother in the cult, who then called Merril.

  Jolene insisted I go to bed for a few hours. She ordered pizza for my children and sent me upstairs to crash with my two youngest. I nursed Bryson to sleep and put Harrison in bed beside me.

  After a few hours Jolene awakened me. Someone from the attorney general’s office had come over to question me so he could file for an emergency order of protection. He asked me for the name of someone in the community to call to tell them that the attorney general was now involved in this case. I gave him Sam Barlow’s name. He was a close ally of Warren’s, and I knew he would see to it that the word got a
round. I was sure Merril would still keep hunting for us, but at least he would be answerable to the law once the protection order was in place.

  After he left, I went to check on my children. Betty and LuAnne were sitting on the couch. “I’m not eating another thing until I can go back to Father,” Betty said. LuAnne said she was on a hunger strike, too.

  Jolene said that not eating wouldn’t get them anywhere. Moments later, her husband came in and put on the movie Shrek. It was the first movie my younger children had seen since Warren Jeffs banned them in the community. They were enchanted. I took Bryson back upstairs to bed. Arthur followed me into the bedroom.

  “Mother, I know you have been living in hell,” he said quietly. “But I can’t back you in this. I don’t want to live in Salt Lake. I want to be in Colorado City with my brothers and sisters.”

  I just listened. I knew he needed to feel he could tell me everything.

  “I have never lived in a big city before and I don’t want to. I want to be in a small town.”

  “Arthur,” I began cautiously, “you’re fifteen. In a few years you can live wherever you want. But until you’re eighteen, you’ll be with me.”

  Arthur was not a boy who showed his emotions. But suddenly he began to quiver, then shake. “Mother, this has been the worst day of my life. I watched the road going to Dan’s house. Once we were there, I got the address and ran to call Father. When Father answered his cell phone I could barely speak, I was so out of breath. I told him where you were. I was going to run back and meet him there but Sarah showed up and stopped me.”

  By this point, Arthur was sobbing. “Mother, I gave Father my word. I told him I would meet him at the address that I gave him, but I didn’t do it! I always keep my word to Father.”

  It was awful to see my son in such agony.

  “Arthur, I don’t expect you to understand what I am doing. But there’s no way your father ever would have let me leave peacefully. Escape was our only option.”