If You Kiss Me Like That

by Harper Bliss

  “Why not?” Gloria sipped from her tea.

  “It seemed… somehow weird to tell anyone in my family.”

  Gloria nodded as if she understood. “I told my closest friends, but it didn’t feel like something I should share with Mary either.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t.”

  “But, um, Ash… what is it that we’re actually talking about here?” Gloria locked her gaze on Ash.

  “You’re asking me as if I’m the authority on this sort of thing?” Ash chuckled. She had to do something to break the mounting tension.

  “Yesterday, before you got out of the car, you were the one who suggested we get together again.”

  “Did you not want that?” Ash was quick to say.

  “What happens if we go to dinner again?” It was much more an insinuation than it was a question. Gloria was at it again. She was flirting with Ash.

  “Maybe there’s only one way to find out.” Ash couldn’t stop herself. The dose of reality she’d been after was being relegated to the furthest confines of her mind.

  “It’s a bit early, but you’re very welcome to stay for dinner tonight.” Gloria had a way of lightening the mood.

  “What should we do until then? Hang out?”

  “Hang out?” Gloria arched up her eyebrows. “Does that actually mean just spend time together?”

  Ash nodded. “Yeah. We can chat. Eat some biscuits. Drink more tea.”

  Gloria laughed now. “Oh, Ash. Do you know how hard it is to get a straight answer out of you?”

  “Well, duh. Maybe because I’m a big old lesbian.” Ash felt so silly then. She might as well have been back on the school playground, although there would hardly have been talk of how lesbian she was. Not back then.

  “I’m so intrigued by you.” Gloria’s tone was sincere.

  “Really?” Ash hadn’t expected that kind of frank admission. Maybe because she herself excelled more in the cowardly art of coyness.

  “Truly fascinated, to be honest.” Gloria put her cup and saucer on the table between them. “Ever since you asked me to dance at Mary’s party.”

  “I asked you?” Ash pulled her lips into an indecisive pout. “I believe it was the other way around.”

  “No.” Gloria vehemently shook her head. “I don’t drink, remember? I wouldn’t even think about having that argument with me.”

  A blush rose hotly and swiftly up Ash’s cheeks. She liked this very-sure-of-herself Gloria. Of course Gloria was right. Ash had asked her to dance, although she couldn’t remember why. Maybe just because she had been there.

  “There’s really not that much that’s intriguing about me.” Ash reverted to being coy. She honestly had no idea how else to behave.

  “You can’t really be the judge of that yourself.”

  “Fair enough.” Ash watched as Gloria refilled their tea cups. God, she could murder a very large pint right now. “I like your forward and very warm personality. It speaks to me. I find myself responding to it.” Or unable not to respond to it, but that sounded too flirtatious, and Ash had already given away far too much. But it was the effect Gloria had on her.

  “Does that mean you’re staying for dinner?” Gloria’s grin looked rather triumphant.

  “I find myself quite unable to say no.” Ash couldn’t think of a better way to end her weekend than to spend the evening with Gloria.

  “Then you might as well say yes.” Gloria beamed her another smile.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Gloria had expected to feel more out of her depth. But she didn’t. That was the thing with Ash, she made Gloria feel so mighty good about herself. Like she was special. What Ash had said earlier about her personality had made Gloria want to jump right out of her chair and sit next to Ash. To touch her, put a hand on her arm, or ruffle her fingers through that perfectly styled hair of hers. She hadn’t done that, of course. Just as she had refrained from trying to kiss her in the taxi. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t allowed her mind to wander. Since Ash had ended up in her car the day before, Gloria’s mind had wandered and wandered, until Gloria had said stop—out loud.

  She was preparing a salad to go with the pizza she’d put in the oven. She wasn’t going to be cooking Ash a full-on healthy meal, although she did have the urge to feed her now that she was apparently eating everything presented to her.

  Her levels of confusion were still exactly the same as yesterday. Gloria was perfectly willing to admit that she liked Ash and that she would like to get to know her better, but what did it say about her? What did it say about Ash that she was more than happy to linger at Gloria’s house on a Sunday afternoon? Only that she had nothing better to do with her time, or was there something else to it? Was this friendship or was it already way past that? Gloria didn’t speak to her friends the way she spoke to Ash. But she hadn’t made a new friend in a while. Did budding friendships include flirting? And wasn’t it different already simply because Ash liked women?

  “You’re tossing the hell out of that salad.” Ash had ambled into the kitchen.

  “I was lost in thought,” Gloria admitted.

  “Penny for them then.” Ash’s eyes rested on Gloria. She could be so smooth about things, make things sound as though they were utterly perfect for the moment. Gloria could just picture her in a club, a throng of doe-eyed women around her, hanging on Ash’s every word. Because there really were no two ways about it. Ashley Cooper was gorgeous. This had been confirmed to Gloria when she’d clasped eyes on a just-out-of-bed Ash yesterday morning. Even with her hair all over the place and in an old pair of pyjamas, Ash had that thing about her that almost made it impossible for Gloria to look away.

  “When did you know you were a lesbian?” Gloria wasn’t about to give her thoughts away so easily.

  Ash chuckled. “The better question would be: when did I not know? Look at me. I was born a tomboy. Whenever Mum tried to make me wear a skirt, I cried so hard the neighbours must have been tempted to call child protection services. I’ve never had the slightest thing for boys.” She shrugged. “I’ve known for as long as I can remember.”

  “You’re lucky Mary and Alan were so understanding then,” Gloria said, because she thought it was what she should say. She noticed something in Ash tense up. Gloria racked her brain for any memories of her friends having issues with their oldest child being gay, but she couldn’t find any.

  “It’s not a matter of luck. They’re my parents. They’re supposed to love me no matter what.” She expelled a deep sigh. “It drives me nuts when someone says I got lucky. What do parents think when they procreate? That they get to choose how their child will be?” She was almost bristling now. Gloria had obviously hit a nerve.

  “Okay,” Gloria said. “I get what you’re trying to say, but being a parent is complicated. It’s not always as straightforward as children think it is.”

  Ash’s eyes were still shooting daggers. Gloria didn’t know why she was defending shitty parenting—apart from the fact that all parenting was, at one point or another, utterly shitty.

  “Do you think it’s ‘complicated’ for someone to beg her parents to come to her wedding just because she’s marrying another woman?”

  “No, Ash—”

  But Ash wasn’t done yet. “It’s the grossest level of self-centredness human beings can achieve. You are not who I wanted you to be so I will not attend one of the most important events in your life. I don’t care that it’s the one day you stand up in front of your loved ones and declare your complete love for another person.”

  Gloria finally put down the spoon and fork she was tossing the salad with. “Is that what happened with Charlotte’s parents?” Ash wouldn’t have had such a strong reaction if it wasn’t.

  Ash nodded. “The worst part is that now that we’re divorced, they get to gloat. They get to say ‘I told you that marrying a woman wouldn’t work out’.” She shook her head in disgust. “It makes me so angry.”

  “Did they attend the wedding in
the end?”

  “Nope.” Ash put her hands on the kitchen counter. Her fingers pressed so hard against the top that they were going white. “Do you have any idea what that does to a person? To have your parents disapprove of something so fundamental to you?” She relaxed her hands a little. “Of course, it didn’t help Charlotte one bit that she was marrying me. She claimed she understood her parents and that she could accept it, but I could never let it go. There’s just no way I can let something like that go.” Ash painted on a wry smile. “One of the many differences between us.”

  “I’m sorry, Ash.” With the way Ash could rage about her divorce—and marriage—Gloria’s only conclusion was that Ash had not come to terms with any of it yet. “Do you have someone to talk to about all of this?”

  “I have friends.” The word friends seemed to spark something in her. “When you told your friends you were meeting me in London, how did they react?”

  Gloria cocked her head. “Talk about a conversational U-turn.”

  “I don’t want to talk about Charlotte. I really don’t. I’m so utterly, completely, absolutely done with talking about Charlotte. Tell me something about you.” She gave Gloria a crooked grin. “Delight me with a tale from your life.”

  “They teased me a little, because that’s what friends do, I guess,” Gloria said.

  “Because you were going to dinner with me? Because I’m such a lez?”

  Gloria chuckled. “They didn’t put it like that.”

  “I am, though.” Ash’s little outburst earlier seemed to have melted away some of her defensiveness. “How do you feel about going out with a lesbian?” Ash’s glare had softened to a playful glance.

  “I wouldn’t exactly call it going out. I’m having you over for dinner. I have Sindhu and Fiona over for dinner every Monday.”

  “Come on.” Ash blinked slowly. “You know what I mean. It’s not the same.”

  The oven started beeping. The pizza was ready.

  “You might be saved by the bell now,” Ash said. “But do not for a second think I’m letting you off the hook so easily.”

  Gloria took the pizza out of the oven. “Dinner’s served.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  While they ate, Ash decided that what she enjoyed almost as much as Gloria saying nice things about her, was teasing her. She didn’t blush, but something in Gloria’s cheeks twitched, and it made Ash melt a little bit more every time she could make it happen.

  “You buy excellent frozen pizza.” Ash wished she could wash it down with a sip of beer.

  “It’s a good skill to have with young daughters in the house.”

  “Thanks for having me over. I will return the favour some time, now that I know that the cooking standards are not very high.” Ash couldn’t help but chuckle at her own joke.

  “Watch it.” Gloria narrowed her eyes. “I’ll cook you a proper meal one of these days.” She paused. “Then again, I don’t think you invited yourself over to sample my culinary skills.”

  Ash clasped a hand to her chest in fake surprise. “How dare you even insinuate such a thing.”

  “For someone so young, you have a terrible memory. Or is it just convenient for you to forget certain things you’ve said?”

  “Hm.” Ash acquiesced easily. “Maybe we should start having the conversation I came over here to have.” She tapped her watch. “Time is a-ticking.”

  “Since we just established that you invited yourself over here, why don’t you start.” Gloria heaped some salad onto her plate.

  Ash sniggered. “It’s quite hard to put into words. I’ve been here a while now and I still haven’t found the right ones.”

  Gloria didn’t make any attempt to eat the salad. She put down her cutlery and glanced at Ash. “To answer your earlier question,” she said, “and to come back to what I also said earlier about finding you intriguing.” She averted her gaze briefly. “Of course, in my case, that has to do with you being a lesbian.”

  Ash’s hackles went up a fraction. She wasn’t about to be anyone’s experiment, not even the lovely Gloria’s.

  “Maybe…” Gloria continued. “If you weren’t a lesbian, I wouldn’t be so, um, drawn to shamelessly flirting with you.”

  “Now you make me wonder what my excuse is,” Ash blurted out. She didn’t want to give Gloria a hard time for being more honest than either one of them had been all afternoon.

  “I wonder as well.” Gloria narrowed her eyes further.

  “I like you,” Ash admitted. “I like spending time with you.” She glanced at her watch again. “In fact, I don’t want this day to end.” Gloria had somehow done it again. She’d pushed Ash to a level of honesty that bordered on oversharing. But time really was ticking away. Ash would need to get to the train station soon if she wanted to catch the last train to London. She’d already been at Gloria’s house much longer than she’d expected.

  “Why me?” Gloria asked. Was she really feeling insecure? Or did she want Ash to continue to sing her praises? Ash found her gaze—definitely the former, then. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot, Ash. I’m sorry.” Gloria was obviously beyond flustered. Maybe Ash had said too much. “I just don’t really know what to do about how I feel.”

  “How do you feel?”

  “I feel like I want to spend more time with you, but at the same time, I also feel like that’s the exact opposite of what I should be doing.” Gloria expelled a small sigh.

  “Yeah.” Ash tried to find Gloria’s gaze again, but it was harder now. Not only because Gloria kept looking away, but even more so because looking into Gloria’s eyes right now could suddenly take on a whole other meaning. “Maybe…” She had given this some thought. Despite trying to dismiss it, Ash hadn’t just ignored her attraction to Gloria. “…that’s exactly why we want to, because we shouldn’t.”

  Gloria shook her head rather adamantly. “No. That’s not what it is for me. But I do understand that it might be for you.”

  Ash nodded. “You’re curious.” It sounded more like a statement than the question it was meant to be.

  “Aren’t you?” Gloria asked.

  Ash huffed out a small chuckle. “You think I’ve never kissed a straight woman before?” Argh. She shouldn’t have said that. It made her sound so smug—which was the opposite of what she felt at the moment—and she really shouldn’t be uttering words like ‘kissing’ right now either.

  “I make absolutely no assumptions about you. For all I know, you’ve done it all.” Gloria peered at the wilting mountain of salad on her plate.

  Ash chuckled again. She’d most certainly never kissed a woman like Gloria before. She hadn’t kissed anyone in a very long time. She’d said the word and, now, it suddenly served as some sort of password that had unlocked something in her.

  “How about…” Ash stood. Gloria looked up at her expectantly. Oh, God. It had been a split-second decision and it had quite possibly been the wrong one. Ash had intended to be all smooth and suave about it, but there was nothing suave about how she stood there now. If Gloria didn’t meet her halfway, she was ready to bolt.

  Ash witnessed how Gloria swallowed slowly, then pushed herself out of her chair as well. Gloria took a step towards her, then leaned her hip against the table.

  “Are you leaving?” Gloria asked, her voice low, the words barely coming out.

  Ash shook her head. The tip of her tongue flashed over her bottom lip.

  “Then what are you doing?” Gloria whispered.

  Ash bridged the last of the distance between them. Now that Gloria was standing so close to her, all the reasons for this being a bad idea fell away. They didn’t matter any longer. Ash’s heart pounded against her ribcage as she slowly brought up her hand and touched a finger against Gloria’s cheek. She looked deep into Gloria’s eyes. Gloria didn’t look away.

  I think I might kiss you. Ash didn’t say it out loud. What if Gloria pulled away? She didn’t look like she might. Instead she was pushing her cheek against Ash’s
finger.

  Then Gloria put her own hand over Ash’s and moved it along her cheek, towards her lips. She touched her mouth briefly to the side of Ash’s finger, but it was enough to move Ash into further action. She brought her other hand to the other side of Gloria’s face and pulled her as close as she could possibly come.

  Then, she finally did what she had come here to do in the first place. She pressed her lips against Gloria’s. Ever so softly at first, exploring, feeling her like that for the very first time. Then Gloria’s hand was on Ash’s neck, drawing her nearer.

  Ash still had her eyes open, but their faces were so close together she couldn’t really make out anything apart from the texture of Gloria’s skin. This was no time for looking, anyway. This was a time for feeling, for enjoying the sensation of Gloria replicating the motion, of their lips touching again, their lips slightly opening for each other. The first hot breath of air that passed so closely between them. Ash’s heart wasn’t just pounding in her chest any longer, it was somersaulting. It was doing a happy dance. And it was spurring her on to skate the tip of her tongue over Gloria’s bottom lip.

  Gloria pulled away a fraction, but Ash knew instinctively that she wasn’t turning away from the kiss. She was getting a better vantage point. She wanted to get a proper look at Ash. Ash took the opportunity to do the same. Her lips still slightly agape, she peered at Gloria, and saw the intention all over her face. Ash had no idea what it felt like to kiss another woman for the first time when you were in your fifties, but if the look on Gloria’s face was anything to go by, it must be pretty damn spectacular.

  Gloria closed the gap between them and this time brought both her hands to the back of Ash’s head. She pressed her lips against Ash’s with much more insistence than before. When their mouths opened again, Ash let her tongue dart much further into Gloria’s mouth. Gloria pushed her entire body against Ash’s as she held her close.

  Ash let herself be held like that and while the kiss was utterly delicious, it was the way Gloria pulled her so near to her that made her heart leap all the way into her throat.