If You Kiss Me Like That

by Harper Bliss

  “It’s just a bloody text, Gloria.” Sindhu’s voice was a bit sterner now. “I don’t know if I need to manage your expectations, but it may very well turn out to be nothing.”

  Agitation curled in Gloria’s stomach. Nothing? After last night’s kiss? Gloria didn’t think so. She glanced at her phone on the coffee table. She took a deep breath and reached for it.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ash wondered how drunk she actually was. When her phone buzzed, of course she had hoped it would be a text from Gloria, but when it turned out to be exactly that, she had started to question her sanity. Unfortunately, there was no one else she could ask whether her eyes were betraying her. She’d dropped off Lewis into Jonathan’s arms half an hour ago. She was alone in her sparsely decorated flat. She had one mirror above the sink in the bathroom. Maybe she should check herself in that, see if she could ascertain her mental fitness from her mirror image.

  Instead, she took a bottle of water out of the fridge and gulped it down. Then she looked at the text message again.

  Can I see you again? Gloria xo

  Gloria had signed the message. Did she think Ash had deleted her name from her phone already? Did she believe it would only take Ash all of twenty-four hours to forget about that kiss? Correction: those kisses. Those heavenly moments when their lips met, when their souls connected. Oh shit. Ash must still be quite tipsy.

  But the message was real.

  Lewis had said earlier it was unlikely that she and Gloria would develop actual feelings for each other. This was just some friskiness. Post-divorce horniness in Ash’s case and mid-life madness in Gloria’s. Maybe she should just get it out of her system and make Gloria her ‘transitional person’. Then she could be done with the whole thing and truly move on. In fact, maybe a night with Gloria was all she needed. It could give her back the confidence she’d lost after the divorce. A night with a straight woman who hadn’t slept with anyone in years… Ash knew how utterly arrogant it sounded, but she was convinced she could blow Gloria’s mind. It represented an easy fix. The connection was already there. They had already kissed. Undeniable chemistry between them had been established. All Ash had to do was swoop in. All she had to do was say yes.

  So she did.

  I would really like that.

  She tried to picture Gloria getting the message. What her face would look like when she read Ash’s reply. Was it lighting up right this minute, the way the screen of her phone had done when the message came in? At least Ash was sure that Gloria hadn’t asked her while under the influence of alcohol. Gloria was always sober. But did that automatically mean she was always doing the right thing? Of course not. Only yesterday, they had decided that seeing each other again was decidedly not the right thing to do, yet Gloria had instigated contact. Ash’s phone buzzed again.

  Friday evening? London?

  Friday evening. The start of the weekend. Ash didn’t care if she already had plans—she’d cancel them. They’d most definitely be work-related, because she didn’t seem to have that many friends left after the divorce. It felt as if all the people she and Charlotte had known together, had taken her ex-wife’s side—apart from Lewis. Lewis always took her side. Even if Ash had cheated on Charlotte for years, Lewis would still have taken her side. He was that kind of friend.

  Of course Lewis could be full of shit as much as the next person, and he most certainly didn’t hold all the answers to life’s difficult questions, but Ash trusted him with her life. In this particular case, she also really wanted to believe what he had said. One night. The words pulsed like neon signs in her brain. Or a dirty weekend. No, no, no. That was Ash’s problem. She always wanted to take things one step further than agreed.

  It was one of Charlotte’s eternal gripes with her. So Ash had learnt to rein in the impulse. When they were out, Ash had swallowed the ‘one more drink’ that always sat at the tip of her tongue. When she was working late, which she often did, following a foreign market or deep into research on a company that fascinated her so much she lost track of time, she had set a timer on her phone so she never left work later than nine, even though, most nights, she could easily have worked until midnight.

  Ash shook off the memories and texted back.

  Come to my place?

  At first, she hadn’t typed the question mark, because she didn’t want it to be a question. She wanted Gloria to come to her flat. She didn’t want to waste any time going out for alcohol-free cocktails and exchanging lingering looks over a long meal. But she didn’t want to be too presumptuous. Even though Gloria had contacted her again, Ash couldn’t just assume that they were after the same thing. In fact, it would be a grave mistake to assume that. But what could Gloria be after? Argh. It was only Monday night. Ash would be obsessing over that question all week. Her phone pinged again.

  Does that imply bringing an overnight bag?

  Jesus Christ. Gloria had picked up the flirting right where they’d left it, so it seemed. What had got into her? Whatever it was, arousal already hummed underneath Ash’s skin. The memory of the kiss was still potent, the energy it had created still vibrant inside of her. When she closed her eyes and focused, she could feel Gloria’s lips on hers again. Ash replied.

  It’s always better to be prepared…

  After that, Gloria’s text message flirting seemed to run out of steam. Or had she come to her senses? They exchanged a couple more texts of a more practical nature, agreeing on a time to meet, and Ash texting her address. But, at the end of the day, Ash had a date with Gloria in her calendar. The texting back and forth had sobered her up and she was too wired to go straight to bed. Gloria would be coming here, into her home. She scanned her living room and, as though she’d never really looked at it before, instantly noticed all its faults. The walls were too bare, the furniture too generic, the fittings too sleek. It didn’t feel lived-in, like Gloria’s house, where two children had grown up, where a family had lived.

  The state of Ash’s flat reflected the state of her life. She had only been living there for a couple of months. She hadn’t taken the time to make it more cosy and warm. Because, these days, Ash didn’t have to set a timer on her phone any longer in order to spend quality time with her wife. This place looked exactly like Ash imagined a recent divorcee’s home would look like. It was what she was. Still, she made a mental note to order some patterned curtains and to hang up some of the pictures that were still in a box in the guest bedroom.

  Maybe this whole thing with Gloria could kick her divorced arse back into gear and she could start really living again, instead of pretending to have a life.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Gloria got off the train and walked out of the station, her overnight bag in her hand. Not for the first time, she asked herself what the hell she was doing. What had she allowed Sindhu to talk her into? But she could pretend this was all Sindhu’s doing all she wanted. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t true. Gloria wanted to be here more than anything.

  She glanced at the throng of people as they made their way, snake-like, to the tube entrance. Briefly, she considered taking a cab to Ash’s place, but she’d made the mistake of getting into a London taxi on a Friday night before—and had missed the first half hour of Mamma Mia because of it. Gloria followed the crowd and it felt like she was swallowed up and lifted to the tube platform, onto the train, and spat out at her stop. How did so many people bear living like this? Gloria couldn’t face that kind of commute every single day, packed like a sardine into a tube carriage, with no protection against the smells, the sounds and the sights all those people created.

  When she emerged above ground, she took a deep breath. The street was busy and she had to step aside to let a bunch of hurrying people move past. She looked up. Ash had told her she would notice her building immediately as she got out of the underground—and she’d been right.

  It was taller than any of the other buildings around and one side was curved like a wave. It certainly looked sleek—and it scr
eamed money. Gloria crossed the street and pressed the button with Ash’s name on the large shiny panel next to the front door. She heard a buzz and the door opened. She felt a little out of place as she entered the lobby, which was like the entrance of the fanciest hotel. A bank of gleaming lifts was to her right. She half-expected the doors to open to a uniformed attendant who would press the right floor button for her, but Gloria was alone in the lift.

  She was zipped up to the fourteenth floor so quickly, her ears hurt. When the doors opened, Ash greeted her with a wide smile. She stood leaning against the frame of the open door to her flat, looking quite satisfied with herself. Other than that, she looked exactly as stunning as Gloria remembered her.

  “You made it.” Ash stood aside and ushered Gloria inside. After she shut the door behind them, as if this could only happen behind closed doors, Ash took Gloria’s free hand, pulled her near, and kissed her—not really on the lips but not really on the cheek either. As though she couldn’t decide. Or maybe she didn’t want to presume anything. “You brought a bag.”

  Once again, Gloria wondered if she had taken leave of her faculties. But she knew when it had happened. She could pinpoint the exact moment her body had decided that it wanted more of Ash Cooper. When Ash had kissed her once more, after they’d already decided that they should never kiss again. It wasn’t just the defiance against the rule they’d just set, although that had been quite glorious in its own way. It was the way Ash had kissed her, as though, despite their decision, she also knew that a kiss like that could never be the last one between them.

  Heat sparked beneath Gloria’s skin as she put her bag down and shrugged off her jacket. She glanced around Ash’s place. It looked very Ash-like. Glossy and angular. A little stark, perhaps.

  “So this is where you live.” Gloria was drawn towards the window and its view over the Thames. This place must cost a fortune. “Quite the bachelorette pad.” She turned back to Ash.

  Ash gave a low chuckle. “I can walk to work from here. That was really the clincher for me.”

  “Do you know your neighbours?” There were blocks of flats in Murraywood, of course. Some of Gloria’s patients lived in them. But none of them came close to this extravagance.

  “I only moved in four months ago.”

  “Is that a no?”

  “It’s not like back home. People don’t necessarily greet each other, not even if they live in the same building.” Ash was wearing another pair of skinny jeans with a colourfully striped jumper on top. She looked relaxed enough. “Can I get you anything? Water? Juice? Virgin mojito?”

  “I’m fine.” Gloria chewed the inside of her bottom lip. Just a few minutes in Ash’s company were enough to have that charge running through her flesh again. They should talk, but Gloria didn’t really know where to start. Or what to say, for that matter.

  Surprise. I couldn’t stay away from you.

  “Let’s sit,” Ash said.

  For all its luxurious fittings and breathtaking view, the flat was small, and it only took Gloria two steps to reach the sofa.

  “You must have been surprised when I texted.” Gloria tried to tame a strand of curly hair that kept falling in front of her eyes, but gave up on it.

  “Yes and no.” Ash sat next to her, but left enough space to be respectable—whatever that meant.

  “I almost forgot how hard it is to get a straight answer out of you.”

  “That’s as straight as it’s going to get with me.” Ash grinned as though she knew some sort of secret she hadn’t made Gloria privy to yet.

  “I told Sindhu about our kiss,” Gloria said, her neck suddenly warming as though she was about to have a hot flush. “She had a real go at me when I said that we’d decided we couldn’t see each other anymore after that.”

  “Yeah.” Ash nodded as though she knew exactly what Gloria meant. Maybe she did. Maybe she felt the exact same way.

  “So here I am.”

  “Here you are.” Ash’s grin had morphed into a wide smile. Her hair was just as sculpted as always. Her eyes sparkled. “I’m glad you’re here. Really glad.”

  “It’s not where I had expected to be tonight.” Gloria stopped herself from reaching out her hand to Ash’s. The tension between them was rising. Now she was sitting next to Ash, in the flesh, all she wanted to do was kiss her again. Feel Ash’s lips on hers and see where it took them. Because ever since they’d texted on Monday night, Gloria had let her imagination run wild. At first, she’d tried to be chaste about it, until she’d had a chat with herself and asked who on earth she was trying to kid? Surely not herself? There was only one reason for Gloria to come to Ash’s flat on a Friday evening, with an overnight bag and nothing planned for the entire weekend after. Once Gloria had settled on that, there was no stopping her fantasies.

  Ash expelled some air, filling the silence between them. Gloria was usually very adept at turning uncomfortable silences into pleasant enough conversation, but this silence was of an entirely different nature. It was brimming with anticipation. With the question of who would make the first move. Did Gloria have to take charge? She had taken the first step when she’d texted Ash. But in her fantasies, it had always been Ash who had come for her. It made sense that way in her head. Still, Gloria wasn’t used to waiting for someone else to make the first move. She wasn’t used to any of this.

  Ash cast her glance to Gloria’s face. She looked her in the eye. “It’s been quite hard to not think about you all the time.”

  Ash was certainly direct. “What have you been thinking?”

  One side of Ash’s mouth quirked up. “Mostly that I want to kiss you again.” She paused. “Mostly.”

  Gloria’s lips tingled at the mere thought of Ash kissing her again. She was also intrigued by Ash’s use of the word ‘mostly’. What were the other thoughts Ash had been having? And how aligned were they with Gloria’s? There really was only one way to find out. This was, in a sense, an exploration trip. She was here to explore her feelings. She was on an adventure. Perhaps even a joyride. But she would only know if she inched closer. So she did.

  Ash met her halfway—the sofa wasn’t very long anyway.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d want to kiss me again,” Gloria said. She had no clue why. It was the truth, although not the entire truth. There was no denying the reciprocity of the feelings behind the kiss they had shared on Sunday. However, she’d believed Ash would have come to her senses by now. When she had texted her on Monday, a tiny, very afraid part of her, had hoped that Ash would be the wiser one. So that she wouldn’t have to take the train to London to explore more of that red-hot sensation in the pit of her stomach, of the desire that had sprouted in her unbidden—although wasn’t that how it always was with desire?

  “I do want to kiss you again.” Ash was sitting so close now, Gloria could feel the warmth of her breath.

  Ash tilted her head to the right. Gloria bridged the last of the gap between them. With an inward sigh of relief, as though she’d finally found what she’d been looking for all her life, Gloria touched her lips to Ash’s. It was as though no time had passed since they’d last kissed. All Gloria’s good intentions were instantly erased, while all other intentions, all the endless images she had conjured up before falling asleep, sprang to life.

  As if she’d never done anything else than kiss other women, Gloria opened her lips to Ash, and welcomed her tongue inside her mouth.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ash caught her breath. Gloria had barely arrived and already a hot thickness seemed to make its way through her veins. But what had she expected—polite conversation from a safe distance?

  She looked into Gloria’s eyes. All that was raging inside of her was reflected right there, in Gloria’s glance. Ash brought up her hand and cupped Gloria’s jaw, ran her thumb underneath her bottom lip. Ash hadn’t had a single bite to eat all day and it felt like every atom in her body was vibrating, not with hunger, but with desire for Gloria.

  Ash moved
her thumb upwards and skimmed it across Gloria’s lip. Gloria opened her mouth another fraction. She flashed the tip of her tongue against the pad of Ash’s thumb, and it was a jolt to Ash’s system. All the lust she’d managed to keep at bay, all the pent-up feelings for Gloria she’d tried to rationalise herself out of, were congregating in the pit of her stomach, starting up a fire that could only be put out in one very particular way. Ash needed to have Gloria. She craved to touch every last inch of her skin. And this desire was not fuelled by her previous arrogance or even by the misguided notion that one night with her would ever be enough.

  Ash tilted Gloria’s face towards her and kissed her again. Softly at first, but not for long. Her yearning was too strong for a gentle kiss. She couldn’t keep her tongue in check when she let it dart into Gloria’s mouth. Her hands were already travelling down, one of them resting on the skin of Gloria’s neck. But Ash had to ask. She had to know for absolute certain before she could completely lose herself in this—in Gloria.

  She pulled away. “This is why you came here, right?” She managed to squeeze the words out despite the lust in her throat.

  “I want you.” Gloria’s voice was clear, almost calm. “I want this,” she said.

  Ash briefly stood, never losing eye contact with Gloria, and straddled Gloria’s lap. She swallowed hard. Ash’s intimate life had been so totally taken up by thoughts of the divorce and her marriage falling apart, there hadn’t been an inch of room left for desire. Feelings like this had been banished from her life while she did penance for the failure of her relationship with Charlotte. She hadn’t met a single woman who had made her feel a fraction of what she was feeling now. It was as though the months— years—of passion that she had denied herself were now catching up with her. And it was all directed at Gloria.