by Harper Bliss
A little late to stop prying, Gloria thought. But, this too, was a valid question. All questions she could have foreseen, even prepared an answer for, if her mind had been able to find some calm since Mary’s phone call.
The most confusing of all was that Gloria didn’t know how to approach Mary now. As her old friend or as Ash’s mother? They were vastly different entities in her head.
“I never have been until now.” Gloria wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. “But… I’m crazy about Ash as well.” Oh Christ. This conversation was so surreal. Gloria looked away and her gaze landed on the bottle of gin again. Maybe she’d need to go to go to an AA meeting tonight—something she hadn’t done in years. “I’m not using her or taking advantage of her. It’s not like that at all.”
“I know you as a sweet and kind woman, Gloria. A wonderful mother to your girls, but this is my daughter…”
“Mary,” Gloria started to say, but she had no clue how to continue. This entire conversation was not something Gloria was ready to have. Mary wasn’t supposed to know—not yet, anyway. “Look, I’m sorry, I know this must be hard for you, but it’s hard for me too. This is very uncomfortable.”
“If this is uncomfortable, then how do you see things with you and Ash progressing?” Was that a hint of derision in Mary’s tone?
“I don’t know.” Gloria couldn’t keep the desperation out of her voice. If only she could have spoken to Ash before she’d come here. She should have declined the invitation, she knew that much—oh, the cruel benefits of hindsight.
“You’re my friend, Gloria. I’ve known you forever. You used to babysit Ash and Ade, for crying out loud. And now you’re my new daughter-in-law?”
Gloria was ready to jump out of her chair. She tried to summon the endless patience she’d bred in herself while raising teenage girls on her own, but it seemed to have escaped her. “I know this is upsetting, Mary, but what do you want me to say?”
“I’ve only known for twenty-four hours,” Mary said on a sigh. “I figure I’m going to need some more time to process this.” She managed a small smile. “I wasn’t sure you would come. That you would have the guts to. Not after you fled from me at Sainsbury’s that day.”
“I’m not sure I should be here. I have my girls at home and…” Some of the tension left Gloria’s shoulders. If only she could see Mary as her old friend for a few minutes instead of her lover’s mother subjecting her to an inquisition.
“Do they know?”
“No.”
“Does anyone in Murraywood know?”
“Sindhu and Fiona.” They were coming over for their weekly dinner date tonight, but Gloria wouldn’t be able to speak freely, because Sally and Janey would be there too. She heaved a sigh.
“Does Alan know?” Gloria asked.
Mary shook her head. “I think Ash should be the one to tell him, although it’s killing me to keep it a secret from him. But I promised Ash that I would keep it to myself for now.”
“I know it’s a shock for you. It will be for Alan too. It was a shock for me as well, Mary. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But it seems to have snowballed into something that… could become more serious.” Obviously Gloria couldn’t tell Mary how difficult it was for her to stay away from her daughter. “I do believe both Ash and I feel the same way about that.”
“I’m not going to stand in your way. Ash is a grown woman. But she’s also a recent divorcee and she hasn’t taken the divorce well. It has really knocked her for six and she’s only just recovering. I can’t bear the thought of her getting hurt again.”
“It’s most certainly not my intention to hurt Ash.”
“But… you’ve been single for so long and…”
Somehow, Gloria knew exactly what it was Mary couldn’t say.
Mary took a deep breath and straightened her posture. “I’m sorry, Gloria. With what you’ve been through, you don’t need a lecture from me on hurting others.”
“You’re worried about Ash. It’s only normal.”
“I am, but I should really accept that Ash is a big girl who can take care of herself and make her own decisions, including who she dates.” She shook her head, her cheek lifted into a half-smile. “Look at me, giving you the third degree. That’s not me. But this is all so unusual and I honestly don’t know how Alan’s going to take it. I wish I could say the man is entirely predictable to me, but when it comes to this, I find myself unable to foresee his reaction.”
“He adores Ash,” Gloria said. “At your birthday, he was telling me how much he worries about her.”
“She was always such a daddy’s girl. Still is.”
“Don’t you think that, if and when the time comes to tell him, he might simply be happy for Ash?” Gloria wondered who had suddenly given her the authority to be the voice of reason.
“In the end, yes, of course. It’s the bit that comes before that worries me.” Mary managed another smile.
“Maybe that bit doesn’t matter all that much.” And maybe, Gloria thought, this awkward chat with Ash’s mother could make her see beyond the wall of denial and fear of judgement she herself had been hiding behind.
Chapter Forty-One
“Jesus Christ,” Ash said into the phone. “I’m so sorry, Gloria.” She loved her mother, but sometimes, like all daughters, she could just strangle her. “I had no idea she was going to summon you.”
“It’s all right. It had to happen sometime.”
“Yeah, but not like that.”
“We both live in Murraywood. I had to see her sooner rather than later.”
Ash was trying to figure out how Gloria sounded. She couldn’t really tell over the phone. What they really needed was to see each other, to look each other in the eye, and have a proper conversation about everything that had happened since Sunday.
“Is there any way I can see you this week?” Ash asked. “I’ll hop on the train whenever you want me to.”
“I was thinking about making a quick trip to London.”
Ash’s heart did a silly dance in her chest. “Really?”
“I think I should go to an AA meeting,” Gloria said.
“Oh. Okay. Of course.”
“Not because I think I might relapse, but to…”
Ash gave Gloria the time she needed to find her words.
“Just to recalibrate. Because it’s been a crazy few weeks, Ash, and now all this.”
“Do you have a regular meeting you attend?” Gloria hadn’t really talked about that part of her life yet.
“Not a regular one. I haven’t been to a meeting in, let’s see… two and a half years. But I always know they’re available to me when I need them. I think I need one now.” Gloria paused. “I used to go to one near St Paul’s. There are meetings closer to home, but I always felt more comfortable knowing I wouldn’t run into anybody I know. I’ll check the schedule. I can see you afterwards, but I won’t be able to stay the night.”
“No, of course not. And yes, I would love to see you.” In the back of her mind, Ash was already making plans for getting the most out of her time with Gloria. “Do you, um, want me to join you at the meeting?”
First, there was silence on the other end of the line. “The meetings are usually closed,” Gloria said.
“That’s perfectly fine. I was just asking in case you wanted me to.” Ash wished she could be with Gloria now. To wrap her in her arms and tell her how much she cared for her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve parked my car behind a patient’s house because I know nobody comes here just so I could call you.” Gloria sounded a bit deflated. “In a way, I’m glad your mother asked me over, because this sneaking around is starting to do my head in. I’m not ashamed of how I feel for you, Ash.”
“Nor am I.” On the contrary, Ash thought.
“I have to go now. Sindhu and Fiona are coming over later. Let’s talk tomorrow.”
“Can’t wait,” Ash said. “Be sure to give Sindhu my love.” When she
hung up the phone, her lips stretched into a wide smile.
Ash pulled Gloria into a warm hug, even though they were outside, for everyone to see. But they were in London, so it didn’t matter.
“How was the meeting?” she asked.
“Good.” An unmistakable smile bloomed on Gloria’s face. “Not as good as seeing you, though.”
“I know we don’t have long, but…” Ash cocked her head. “I bought us some more time.” She fished a car key out of her pocket.
“I didn’t know you had a car.” Gloria’s brow furrowed.
“It’s my friend Jonathan’s. He’s out of town. He let me borrow it. I can drive us to my place first, after which I can drive you home, so you don’t have to get on the train and you can stay longer.”
“Aw. That’s very thoughtful of you.” Gloria kissed Ash on the lips again.
“I can be nice when I want to.” Ash took Gloria’s hand and started walking, but Gloria didn’t seem to be following.
“I’m not sure we should go to yours, Ash. We both know what’s going to happen if we do and we really need to talk.”
“I figured we could talk in the car.” Ash tried her most seductive smile, even though Gloria was right. They needed a conversation more than all the other activities Ash had in mind.
“We can, but…” Gloria nodded at a pub a bit further down the road. “I need to eat something. I can’t go days without food like you.” This time, Gloria pulled Ash along, and Ash let her.
Once inside the pub, they found a nook that afforded them some privacy. They both ordered food and a bottle of sparkling water.
“Do you want to talk about the meeting?” Ash asked.
“No. I mean, we can if you want to. I know I haven’t been very forthcoming about that part of my life, because I can usually deal with it so well these days. What I think we should talk about is what happened on Sunday, before Sindhu arrived… Ash, I—I didn’t mean to jump you like that, but you do something to me that utterly stops me from controlling myself. It’s been that way since the beginning. To feel that way about you and to then find myself across from your mother… Honestly, it’s been a bit of a mind fuck.”
Gloria obviously really needed the conversation. Or maybe she was still in a talking mood after her meeting.
“I know. I will have a word with Mum about that, by the way.” The truth was that Ash hadn’t called her mother yet to give her an earful. She had been so incredibly nice to her on Sunday, Ash could still hardly believe it. That she hadn’t been able to extend the exact same courtesy to Gloria was, perhaps, normal. But Ash knew she couldn’t let it slide. She would talk to her mother as soon as she’d spoken to Gloria. She may even stop by tonight, after dropping Gloria off.
“Don’t. I know exactly where she’s coming from and she mainly expressed concern for you, Ash. As though I’m some woman-eater who will chew you up and spit you out mercilessly after I’m done with you.” Gloria chuckled.
“She’s been a bit overprotective since the whole divorce debacle.”
“In a way, I’m grateful I got to talk to her; it made me see a small light at the end of the tunnel. Our concerns about being together are logical and reasonable, but look at the people who know.” She rested her beautiful gaze on Ash. “Sindhu, Fiona, Adrian and your mother. None of them have been ghastly about it. Maybe us being together won’t be as badly received as we thought it would. Maybe all we, and anyone else, need is some time.”
“Ever since Mum confronted me, I’ve been leaning in that direction as well.” Her mother’s words had made a world of difference to Ash, but Ash wasn’t the only one in the relationship. “Either way, I’ve always been more worried about you. I live here, in this anonymous city, where I could go days without seeing anyone I know. Your life is very different.”
Gloria nodded. “My daughters are my biggest concern.” She focused her gaze on her glass of water. “On the train over, I actually wondered if I should tell them this week. They’re not in final revision mode yet. They’re home for a while longer, so we could talk. If I don’t tell them now, it will be a while before I can. I can’t tell them when they come home for summer revision. I don’t want to distract them at an important time like that. I would need to wait until they’re home for the summer.” She sighed. “I don’t know.”
When it came to what to say to children, Ash didn’t have much experience. She had two nephews who had grown up knowing from the start that their aunt was gay. “What’s the worst that can happen if you tell them now?”
“It’s easy to imagine the worst. I’ve done nothing else since I started seeing you. Now I’m not so sure it’s the right way to think about it.” She huffed out some air. “They’ll be shocked more than anything. How can they not be? Put yourself in their shoes.”
Ash nodded. “But shock doesn’t last.”
“If I do tell them… maybe you should come by before they’re off again. So they can see us together for just a brief moment. So they can see it’s a beautiful thing rather than a sordid image that they might conjure up.” Gloria smiled.
“Anytime.” This was suddenly all going pretty fast. “If you tell Sally and Janey, I should probably tell my dad. Word will start spreading and I don’t want him to hear it from anyone else.”
“Yeah… but, Ash.” Gloria cocked her head. “This is all on the condition that we’re all in. We’re doing this. You and me. It’s going to be an official thing. I know it’s what I want, but is it what you want?”
Ash chuckled. “Don’t you know by now?”
“Maybe I need you to tell me.”
“I want to be with you, Gloria. You’re all I think about. I’ve driven Lewis crazy with my non-stop chatter about Gloria this and Gloria that. I want you with an intensity that seems brand new to me. You’ve made me feel better about myself than I have done in years. I’m totally and utterly head-over-heels in love with you. So, yes, I want it. I want you.”
“I knew when I saw you again at The Horse and Groom,” Gloria said. “It hit me like a ton of bricks that I would be the stupidest woman in the universe if I let this chance go by. This opportunity at a new kind of happiness. No matter what anyone thinks about it.”
Ash wished very much that they’d gone to her flat. She wanted to kiss Gloria for hours. She wanted to celebrate with a dozen orgasms shared between them.
She heard footsteps behind her. Their food was ready. Even though Ash hadn’t eaten all day, she wasn’t very hungry. Her stomach was filled to the brim with over-excited butterflies.
Chapter Forty-Two
“Are you all right?” Ash put a hand on Gloria’s knee. “You look like you’re about to be sick.”
Gloria hadn’t expected this trip back to Murraywood to be a white-knuckle ride. Maybe it was because she was so used to driving herself. Or maybe Ash was simply a terrible driver. The friend who’d loaned her his car must not have been in the passenger seat with Ash Cooper at the wheel before.
“Can you pull over, please?”
Ash barely looked in her rear-view mirror before pulling the car to a stop on the hard shoulder. Gloria couldn’t fall apart on the motorway like this. Grateful though she was for the extra time with Ash, she wished she could have taken the train back home.
“What’s wrong?” Ash sounded as though she genuinely had no idea.
“I hate to break this to you, sweetheart, but you are a terrible driver. I’ve narrowly avoided a panic attack at least three times since we left London.”
“What?” Ash slapped a hand against the wheel. “Driving in the City is just different than driving in Murraywood.”
“No, Ash, it’s exactly the same. All the same rules apply.” Gloria held out her hand. “I would like to drive.” She wasn’t going to waver on this. If she let Ash drive her home, she’d be in a right state. “Please,” she added, because being polite never hurt anyone.
“Is it really that bad?” Ash sucked her bottom lip into her mouth.
“Ye
s.” Gloria’s stomach was settling somewhat.
“I don’t do much driving. I might be a little out of practice.”
“I really appreciate the gesture of wanting to take me home, but if you really want to put this extra time we have together to good use, I’ll need to drive. If not, I won’t be able to hold a conversation.” Gloria threw in a smile. “And I would really like to talk to you some more.”
“Smooth move.” A smile appeared on Ash’s face as well now. “How can I say no to that, despite you insulting my driving skills.” Ash started getting out.
When Gloria crossed with her outside, she stopped to kiss her. “Please promise me you’re not driving yourself back to London tonight. I wouldn’t sleep a wink if I knew you’d be doing that.”
“Jesus, Gloria. I’m really not that bad a driver.”
Gloria just nodded—although it was not a nod of assent—and took her place behind the wheel.
“Where do you see us a year from now?” Gloria asked. She didn’t add ‘if this lasts’, even though she was thinking it. She’d been driving for a good five minutes now and felt a lot better.
“Oh, wow. You’re going in with the hard questions now that you’re in charge of this car.” Ash put her hand on the back of Gloria’s head and ran her fingers through her hair. “Do you mean on a practical level? Like where we would live and things like that? Or just whether you’ll ever be able to be a passenger in a car that I’m driving?” Ash chuckled.
“It’s a very broad question. You can answer any way you like.”
“Okay, but since you asked the question, you must have considered an answer to it already,” Ash said. “So why don’t you go first?”
One thing Gloria knew for sure, nothing would ever be straightforward with Ash. She liked answering a question with a question too much for her own good. Although this particular question might have come out of the blue for her. Gloria, on the other hand, once she had allowed herself to, had given the matter quite a bit of thought.
