Breezy Spoon Diner Box Set Collection

by Tracey Quinn

  “The other one don't look much better,” McGarity replied, squatting down to inspect my other front tire. “I reckon it's close to lettin' go, too. Y'know, you could learn a thing or two from Roger Travers, darlin'.”

  Roger Travers? Aside from learning a heap of lame jokes, it was hard to imagine what Roger could teach me.

  “Now there's a feller that takes care of his car!” McGarity continued. “He keeps that ol' Cadillac purrin' like a kitten. Why, just t'other day he had it in for a tune-up, and he has me check the fluids and tire pressures just about every time he stops in for gas.”

  “That's true, he does keep that Cadillac of his in good shape,” I replied. “Of course, I'm going to leave my car here while I go to work rather than stand here and talk the whole time you're changing the tires, so Roger could learn something from me, too.”

  McGarity laughed. “You're right about that! I can't say as I always look forward to seein' Roger when he comes around, but I don't mind getting' some of his money, especially after all I wasted on them cooking classes of his.”

  “Cooking classes?”

  “Yeah, last year he was advertisin' all around town for his 'Chef's Gourmet Culinary Academy'. I always wanted to be a little handier around the kitchen, so I paid him thirty bucks to sign up. Why, the 'chef' he had teachin' the class was just Mabel Ferguson from the elementary school cafeteria! She didn't show us nothin' but how to make tater tots and grilled cheese! I'd 'a told Roger to give my money back only he went outta business before I could.”

  “That sounds about right for Roger. He never saw a get-rich-quick scheme he didn't like, but he never gets rich with any of them.”

  “He should have stuck to bein' a steamfitter like his daddy was. He might a' made something of himself if he hadn't quit.”

  “Yes, but I don't think that's the sort of image Roger wants to present to the public at this point.”

  “A little honest labor might do him good, if you ask me. What's he up to now, anyway? Dancin' school, ain't it?”

  “That went out of business, too,” I said. “He's starting his own airport now.”

  “You wouldn't catch me flyin' in any plane of Roger's!” McGarity chuckled.

  “I'm with you on that.”

  I heard the honk of a car horn and turned to see Mark's truck pulling into McGarity's lot. He leaned over and pushed open the passenger-side door and called, “Your chariot awaits, m'lady!”

  “Should I charge the two tires to your usual debit card?” McGarity asked.

  “Yes,” I said reluctantly.

  I got in Mark's truck and we started for the Breezy Spoon. My little go-around with Ray Belcher had given me some information, but it had also cost me a lot of time. The diner would be open by now and Brendan would be in the kitchen by himself with only Kitty to take the orders in the dining room. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to call Kitty and let her know I was on my way, but I saw that I had a text message which I had missed. It looked like it had come while I was in Belcher's tow truck and it was from Kitty.

  I opened the message and saw a photo of a dress and a message that read: “Look at the dress Aunt Laurie bought me for my birthday! She said she had to look all over to find a green one that would match my eyes. Isn't it great? We're really going to wow them at the Country Club!”

  “Of all the rotten tricks!” I cried. “Laurie McGee is pure evil!”

  “I don't suppose you'd care to elaborate on that?” Mark asked.

  I held up the phone so he could see the picture of the dress. “Just look at that!” I grumbled.

  Mark looked at the dress, then he looked at my face and looked at the dress again.

  “I think I'm supposed to say something here, but I don't know what it is. Have you got something against green?”

  “Yes, why couldn't Kitty have blue denim eyes?!”

  “Thoughtlessness on her part, I'm sure. I take it you're going medieval over this because you planned to wear jeans to the Country Club and now you think you'll have to wear a dress?”

  “Of course!” I replied. “I'll admit my jeans are a little too tight but they'd do. Now I have to go buy something new!”

  “Let's not give up on the too tight jeans just yet,” Mark said. “I just had a great money saving idea. What would go better with the too tight jeans, than a too tight tee-shirt? You could wear a couple of gold chains, some hoop earrings and-”

  “Sorry to interrupt your stellar fashion advice, but the jeans are out. I can't wear them if Kitty's wearing a dress.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it just isn't done. It wouldn't look right.”

  “I obviously don't know the rules,” Mark said, “but you have that dress that you always wear to dances. Can't you just wear that and save the money? You know you just bought two new tires, right?”

  The dress that I always wear to dances! We had gone to two dances in the past few months and I spent more than I wanted to on two new, very different, dresses. One more and I'd have to audition for Dancing With The Bankrupt. I could visualize my emergency fund melting away like an iceberg in warm water, only in reality it was more like a lump of shaved ice than an iceberg. Mark interrupted my thoughts.

  “Hey, here's a thought: why don't you just stitch up a little something in a nice calico print like women do for a barn dance?” he asked.

  Sometimes very strange things come out of the man's mouth. “Do what?” I asked.

  “I don't know how it all works, but don't you have some sort of calico print cloth stuff that you could sew up?”

  “You read a lot of Little House on the Prairie, do you?”

  “My mom used to read it to my sister. I overheard some of it while I was playing with my toy trucks.”

  “Stick to playing with trucks,” I said.

  By the time I got to the Breezy Spoon the breakfast rush was well under way and I knew Brendan would need help getting the breakfast special ready for the customers, so I hurried straight to the kitchen. The breakfast special was cheesy scrambled egg pizza, home fries, assorted fresh fruit in pineapple yogurt, and caramel pecan breakfast rolls. For the breakfast pizza Brendan would sprinkle a soft pizza dough with Parmesan and garlic powder and bake it at 400 degrees until it was light brown and partially baked. Then he would sprinkle shredded cheese on the pizza crust and top it with scrambled eggs, bacon, and more shredded cheese. Next he baked it for about five more minutes till the cheese was melted, then added sliced tomatoes and chopped scallions. Simple but really good.

  I got started chopping the fresh fruit that went into the pineapple yogurt, which consisted of pineapple, grapes, blueberries, mandarin oranges and bananas. Mark stuck his head in the kitchen door and said, “Hey, Dani, I'm off work this morning so give me a call when your car is ready and I'll drive you down to McGarity's to pick it up.”

  Just then I remembered something I had wanted to do today. “Wait, Mark; if you're not busy I could really use your help,” I said.

  “Sure,” he replied. “Toss me one of those big scary chef's knives and I'll get started. Fruit chopping is my specialty.”

  “No, thanks, I need you to do something else for me.”

  “Foot massage, shoulder massage, full body massage, I'm your man. Actually the full body massage is my specialty.”

  “You seem to have a lot of specialties.”

  “What can I say? I'm multi-talented.”

  “I wanted to ask you to talk to Suze for me.”

  “Sorry, masochism isn't one of my specialties,” he replied. “Why do you want me to talk to Suze anyhow? You can't possibly think that she murdered Lloyd Duval, robbed the bank and hauled him off to McGee's onion pit, because even if you did think that, you promised Bob and yours truly that you wouldn't get involved.”

  “No. I'm certainly not getting involved. It's just that Roger wanted me to pilot his experimental plane for his so-called airlines and fly him and his customers somewhere. When I said I couldn't, Suze mentioned that her
brother Baldy flies bush planes in Alaska, and Roger asked her to see if he could do it. I'm glad to get Roger out of my hair, but I'm just curious where he's flying to.”

  “Why can't you ask her?”

  “I have to work here today, and since Lloyd Duval doesn't have any property left in town for anyone to burn down I figured you'd be free.”

  “So what's the deal? You think Roger could have murdered Lloyd? Who's next on your suspect list; Cooter James?”

  “I told you; I'm just curious! Roger seems like he's in a hurry to leave town, and I wanted to know why.”

  “He probably just wants to get away before his latest scheme blows up in his face and old Zeke Constable sues his pants off. What would that have to do with Lloyd?”

  “Probably nothing, but Roger and Lloyd did go to high school together so maybe they were friends; or perhaps they were enemies and Roger never got over it.”

  “I don't know; I can see how sitting in a classroom with Roger Travers everyday for four years could make Lloyd homicidal, but not the other way around. Besides, what could have gone on back then that would make Roger still want to kill Lloyd all these years later? No, I just don't see it. You might as well forget all about that right now.”

  “It's impressive to see what lengths you're willing to go to just to avoid talking to Suze,” I said.

  “Well, what am I supposed to do? Go up to Suze while Pollyanna is dribbling her around the wrestling ring, wait till she regains consciousness and say 'Beg your pardon, old girl, but if you're capable of speech after that battering, would you mind telling me where Baldy is headed to in Roger's deathtrap flying machine?' You don't think that might be a bit awkward?”

  “She only does the wrestling thing for a half hour in the afternoon,” I explained. “The rest of the time she's in charge of a kids booth where they shoot water guns at a target and win prizes. She doesn't get paid for it and I think it's nice of her to volunteer. I mean, she's only been here a few months but still she wants to help out. Can't you just saunter up to the booth and start a casual conversation about something?”

  “Fine, I'll work on my sauntering after breakfast.”

  Chapter 10

  Mike McGarity called just before noon to say that he had replaced the two front tires on the Firebird, and I should think about getting new windshield wipers soon. I told him I would definitely think about that, and I would come over to pick up my car after my shift was over at two. Maybe I would get lucky and it wouldn't rain until my emergency fund got a little healthier.

  I saw Bob come into the Breezy Spoon and I waved to him as he sat down at the counter. “Good news,” he said as I approached. “I talked to the judge and he said it would be okay to have Cooter James replace your damaged mailbox as part of his community service.”

  “Community service? What's Cooter done now?” I asked.

  “Destruction of public property. He and his cousin Jake uprooted a park bench and bent a light post while they were dragging a rotting log out of the lake. Apparently Cooter thought looping the rope which he had tied to the log around the park bench before he fastened it to the back of his car would give him better 'leverage' to pull the log out of the lake. It didn't. And the light post got bent when Cooter's car smashed into it after the rope broke.”

  “Should I ask why Cooter and Jake were so keen to haul a rotting log out of the lake in the first place?”

  “They thought it was a wagon from the Civil War loaded full of gold Kruggerands,” Bob explained.

  “Kruggerands? Aren't those some kind of South African coins?” I asked. “Did they really have wagons full of them in the Civil War?”

  “Nope. They didn't even exist back then. Apparently Cooter met some guy called Baldy, who isn't really bald, about a week ago and they were hanging out by the lake when Baldy 'found' a Kruggerand lying next to the water. He acted very excited and told Cooter that this was proof of a story he'd heard that during the Civil War a wagon load of Kruggerands had got lost in a fog and ended up at the bottom of the lake. He showed him a crude map drawn on a rolled up piece of pleather that showed where it could be found in the lake.”

  “Did you say pleather?”

  “Yeah, it's a kind of imitation leather; they make sofas out of it. I guess it looks pretty close to the real thing; close enough to fool Cooter, at least. Anyway, Baldy told him that since he didn't know how to swim and he was afraid of water, he would sell Cooter the map for $200 if he would promise to give him ten per cent of the gold when he found it. Cooter only had $80 on him, but that was good enough for Baldy and they struck a deal. Cooter and Jake have been diving in the lake with flashlights and searching for it ever since.”

  “Diving in the lake with flashlights; I think we just found Charlene's baby lake monster with the cute little flashing eyes.”

  “Baby what?” Bob asked.

  “The lake monster had a baby,” I said.

  “Well, congratulations to her. As long as I don't get calls to chase it away from people's houses like I do with Bigfoot, I'm all for it.”

  “Poor Cooter! He just can't seem to stay out of trouble for long, and he's out $80, too,” I groaned. “But wait; at least he has that gold Kruggerand. That's got to be worth at least $80, right?”

  “It would be worth a lot more than $80 if it were real.”

  “Counterfeit?”

  “Counterfeit.”

  “Poor Cooter.”

  “As usual.”

  “Did you catch Baldy?” I asked. “He's Suze's brother, you know. He was hanging out at the fair yesterday and he might be there again today.”

  “No, not today,” Bob sighed. “According to Suze he got tired of East Spoon Creek City and he's hitchhiking back to Alaska. Someone we talked to saw a guy matching Baldy's description getting picked up by a big rig on the highway, so I don't think we're going to have much luck catching him now.”

  “Roger Travers wanted Baldy to fly his new airplane for him. I guess that plan is out the window now.”

  “Yeah, bad luck for Roger and bad luck for Cooter, but it's good luck for you, at least,” Bob said as he got up to leave.

  “Me? How?”

  “You're getting a new mailbox!”

  It had just turned two and I was wiping down the counter before I finished my shift when Mark walked in. He sat down on a stool and said, “I'd like a salted caramel milk shake and you owe me $32.”

  “$32? What on earth for?”

  “That's how much it cost to get the information you wanted from Suze,” he replied. “When I got to her booth there were a group of people watching the kids playing the horse race game. At first I thought they were parents, but actually Suze was taking their bets on the race. She even had a chalkboard where she'd put the odds. I had to keep placing bets so she would talk to me.”

  “You can't be serious! Isn't that the game where the kids shoot a water gun at a target to make their horse move forward? Who would bet on that?” I asked.

  “About 15 to 20 people at any given time,” he replied. “Suze made a killing. I would have lost more but I bet on Mutt Jr. at 100 to one and made back $28 out of the $50 I had lost. When the kids won, Suze would give them candy, so after a while I noticed that some of the kids were getting a sugar high and their aim wasn't as good as it had been. By that time Mutt Jr. must have got tired of shooting everyone with his water gun and won a game.”

  “That can't possibly be legal,” I said.

  “Well, Mayor Pumphrey didn't seem to object. Of course, he was winning.”

  “What did she say about Roger?”

  “I'm willing to take an IOU on the $32 but I think I should at least get that milkshake before I give my report.”

  “I'll bet if I added up all the free milkshakes you've gotten from the Breezy Spoon, you'd owe me $32.”

  “Maybe, but who's keeping track?”

  Once I had bribed Mark with a salted caramel milkshake, he continued: “According to Suze, Roger wants to fly to Aruba with
Zeke and Kristi Constable. I guess Zeke's getting impatient with how long it's taken Roger to get the airport up and running, so Roger has this trip planned to show Zeke that everything's going well. This must be an important deal for Roger because he agreed to pay Suze's brother Baldy $5000 to fly the plane. He even gave him half up front.”

  “Ouch. Poor Roger,” I said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Baldy just skipped town today. He's headed back to Alaska with $80 from Cooter James and whatever else he made from scamming people. It looks like that includes $2500 of Roger's money.”

  “That's rough even by Roger's standards,” Mark said. “How much did he lose on that “mobile fitness studio” idea he had? It probably cost a lot to have that ancient school bus he bought towed to the scrap yard.”

  “Roger never saw a get-rich-quick scheme he didn't like,” I sighed. “He never has much luck with them and the airport doesn't seem like it's going to be any different.”

  “Just as well. I drove by the place once and it looked like an abandoned set from a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. I can't imagine it was up to any kind of safety standards. If he actually tried to fly a plane out of there, it would just make more work for me. And speaking of work,” Mark pushed his empty glass across the counter and stood up, “we'd better get going to McGarity's so I can make it to the fire station in time for my shift. Since you owe me $32 can you ask Brendan to make me a ham and cheese sub to go?”

  “Isn't someone fixing dinner at the firehouse?” I asked.

  “Yeah, but it's Pat Duffy's turn to cook tonight and he's making boiled pig's feet and sauerkraut. He says it's an old family recipe passed down from his grandmother. That's a great recommendation! His grandmother died at 40!”

  “Yes, but she was hit by a bus in a snowstorm. It didn't have anything to do with her cooking.”

  “Sure, but I'm not taking any chances...”

  After Mark dropped me off at McGarity's, I took my old car with it's expensive new tires straight home. There in the mailbox on top of a few letters and ads was a small cardboard box, just the right size to fit a black light. I went inside and tore the box open; sure enough, there was my black light, all ready to prove that Gene McGee was innocent and my onions were safe to eat. The instructions in the package seemed pretty straightforward, and my battery drawer actually had working batteries in the right size for a change, so in a few minutes I was ready to go.