She couldn’t put her heart on the line like that. Couldn’t risk it. She knew the fallout would be something she wouldn’t be able to recover from, a heartbreak that would destroy her.
Ending things was the right choice, something Adele continued to constantly remind herself of over the next hour. She couldn’t retreat to her own bedroom, shut the door and wait for whatever was going to happen next. She’d go mad and she knew it.
So she went through the motions, staying busy and trying to distract herself enough to where she didn’t second guess her decision. Not only that, but she needed to do everything in her power to not start crying again. The tears she’d shed earlier had been bad enough. She was a hair’s breadth away from repeating her sobfest from the night before.
Instead, she started a load of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, and mopped the floors. Pretty much just stress-cleaned everything in sight, Katie following her around the entire time, her nails clipping against the hardwood floors as she paced right along with Adele.
All the while, Jace’s door stayed firmly closed. She knew he was packing on the other side, knew he was getting ready to leave.
Because that was what she wanted…wasn’t it?
She was in the laundry room starting another load of laundry when she heard the front door shut with a snap. Whipping around to the window next to the dryer, she watched as Jace carried two bags out to his car parked beneath the overhang at the side of the house.
She wondered if he was going to leave without saying goodbye. Maybe it was selfish of her—no, it definitely was selfish—but she really hoped not. She didn’t want this whole thing to end on a sour note, but that probably wasn’t possible at this point. Really, she was foolish to believe that it could’ve ended any other way. No matter when it ended, now or later, it was going to end badly.
That was just the reality of it. In her experience when things ended it was never positive. So why would this be any different?
Yup, she was foolish. Something she was beginning to prove time and time again.
Needing to do something with her hands, Adele continued to sort through the laundry, filling the washing machine and waiting. It was another couple of minutes before she heard the starting of the car engine, a sound that suddenly made it hard for her to breathe.
She shut the lid of the washing machine, putting her hands flat on the cold white surface, and waiting…waiting to hear the crunch of the snow as the car pulled away. Instead, she heard the front door open.
The relief that coursed through her was intense…and completely unfair.
She turned over her shoulder, watching as Jace disappeared down the hallway and into his bedroom.
Taking a fortifying breath, she headed for the kitchen, preparing herself for goodbye…or whatever form of goodbye was going to happen, even if it was just one last glance of him. It wasn’t even a minute when he cleared the hallway again, coming up short when he spotted her standing on the other side of the kitchen island.
The angry expression on his face was not one she was used to, his mouth tight, eyes hard. At least she wasn’t used to it directed at her. She so badly wanted to cross the space to him, reach up and smooth that expression away with her fingertips. Instead, she balled her fists at her sides and kept her feet rooted to the spot.
The only thing she allowed herself to do was to look at him, angry expression and all.
He was wearing jeans and a black sweater, and his hair was still damp from a shower. He probably smelled like soap and warm, clean man. She desperately wanted to be wrapped in his arms…wanted to run her fingers through his hair one last time. It was something she was never going to get to do again.
But there were so many things she wasn’t going to get to do again. Fall asleep in his arms, wake up next to him, taste his lips, watch as he moved over her, feel him move inside of her, share a shower with him, laugh while she cooked with him, be in the same room as him and not feel completely and totally empty inside.
This was it, this was the end, and she was suddenly doubting everything. Had it been worth it? A few days spent in his arms in exchange for losing him being a part of her life?
Jace shook his head before he turned away from her and headed for the front door.
Adele’s stomach was churning, the little amount of coffee she’d drank earlier turning to acid. Then there was her heart, pounding so hard in her throat that she could feel it in her teeth. It was a beat that was starting to sound like words.
Stop him…stop him…stop him.
“Jace.” His name escaped her lips on a whisper so low she wasn’t sure if he’d even heard it. But a second later there was a loud thud as he dropped his bag by the door. And then he was coming back down the entryway, heading for her in the kitchen.
He didn’t stop until he was right in front of her, and then his hands were at the side of her head and he was crushing his mouth against hers. The kiss was not slow or gentle on either side. It was all consuming, like they were each trying to devour the other.
He was the one who ended the kiss, resting his forehead against hers. “You’re wrong about me. Wrong about this. Wrong about us.”
And then he was pulling back from her, his hands falling from her face. She hadn’t even realized she’d fisted her hands in his sweater until he was pulling them away.
He took a step back, his eyes on hers, the anger from earlier replaced with a longing look of pain that radiated inside of her chest.
“Bye, Del.” He let go of her hands before taking a few more steps away and then turning from her.
Katie followed behind him, clearly wanting to go outside with him to play. “Not today, Katie girl.” He scratched her head one last time before he leaned down and grabbed his bag.
This time Adele said nothing as he opened the front door, and walked out of the cabin. A minute later, the crunch of his tires on the snow filled her ears. It was all she could hear.
He was gone, and she’d let him go.
Adele’s eyes were already filling with tears as she looked up to the beam above her and saw a sprig of mistletoe that Jace had hung.
It stabbed her right through the heart.
Chapter Fourteen
Feel Something
New Year’s Eve
All of the air left Jace’s lungs as he was slammed into the boards for what was probably the twentieth time that morning. It was the fourth team practice since he’d been back, and his head was nowhere near the game, let alone in it.
Nope. All he could think about was Adele, and about how much he missed her. It had been five days, the longest five days of his life. In thirty-two years, he’d never been this torn up about a woman. That was because he’s never felt this way about anyone. It had taken him this long to get there, and he doubted he ever would again.
He’d been willing to put it all on the line, see what could happen between them. He still was. If she walked out in the middle of the rink at that very moment, told him she’d been wrong, said she wanted a shot, he’d say yes and not even think twice.
If only.
Contrary to Adele’s prediction, he’d been the one left looking like a complete and total idiot. And looking like an idiot was something that wasn’t changing anytime soon. Not when it came to her, and definitely not when it came to hockey. Case in point he was on his ass, again.
“Kilpatrick! Get the fuck off my ice!” Coach Bale’s scream filled the rink.
Jace got to his feet and skated over to the benches, head down and not even looking at his Coach. There really was no need to see the look of disgust that was no doubt on the man’s face. He knew he was going to get his ass chewed out, then handed to him after practice.
He couldn’t wait.
Grabbing his water bottle, he pulled his mouth guard out before squirting a steady stream down this throat. Once he swallowed, he put his head back down, and stared at his skates.
Three months of wanting to be out on the ice playing, of t
hinking there was nothing more important, and now he knew better. He knew there was something he wanted a whole hell of a lot more.
God, he missed Adele.
It wasn’t any great surprise to him that he was playing like shit. He wasn’t sleeping, he had to make himself eat, and he’d become best friends with a bottle of bourbon. He was a freaking mess.
It was ridiculous.
Taking a deep breath, Jace pulled his gaze from the ground and looked up at his teammates on the ice, trying to focus on what was going on around him. It was useless. His mind wandered just like it had for the last five days, going back to that cabin with Adele, replaying their time together.
He wondered what she was doing right now. Wondered if she was as torn up as he was, wondered if she regretted her choice, wondered if she missed him.
The sharp blast of the whistle filled his ears, pulling him out of memories from the cabin, and back to the present.
“Locker rooms!” Coach Bale shouted before he started to head that way himself.
Jace got up, following behind the majority of his team, Sean Grady at his side. Sean was traded to the team two years ago right after their goalie Freddie Wright retired. He was a pretty carefree guy and had a tendency to be the team clown off the ice. But on the ice, his focus couldn’t be beaten. After Logan, he was Jace’s best friend on the team.
Sean didn’t say anything, but Jace knew his friend well enough to know that questions were coming. Probably once Coach Bale was done with his post-practice breakdown, a thirty-minute talk that started when they were all in the locker room. Jace did his best to pull his head out of his ass and focus on what was being said. The coach was going over the strong points and the weak points from practice, what they were doing well, and what needed to be worked on.
Jace did a pretty decent job of paying attention…or a little decent. Okay, fine, he didn’t do a decent job of it at all.
He was so fucking screwed.
“All right,” Coach Bale nodded, looking around at the team, his focus lingering on Jace for more than a few seconds with his customary frown firmly in place. “You guys have a good New Year’s Eve, but not too good.” A light laugh traveled around the room, a laugh Jace didn’t participate in. “I’ll see you guys back here on the second.” And with that he headed for his office.
For just a moment, Jace thought he was going to get a reprieve from his ass-chewing.
“Kilpatrick, my office before you leave today,” Coach Bale called out over his shoulder.
Or maybe not.
Jace started to take off his gear and was just putting his skates in his locker when Sean sat down next to him.
“So what the hell is going on with you?” Sean asked as he pulled his jersey over his head.
“Nothing.” Jace shook his head, so not wanting to talk about it, especially with Adele’s bulldog brother standing on his other side.
“Bullshit,” Sean said. “Something’s up.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Jace saw Logan turn to look at him, folding his arms across his chest. “None of us are oblivious to the fact that over the last couple of months you haven’t been the charming asshole you usually are. But you weren’t this unfocused prick standing here before us,” Logan said.
Just what he needed, Logan getting in on this conversation. “Unfocused prick? Thanks.” Jace shoved his pads into his locker.
“You know, they’re both right,” a voice said from behind Jace. Another contributor Jace really didn’t want in this conversation, Andre Fabian, the team captain. After Coach, he was the next most likely person to hand Jace his ass on a platter. “Everyone on this team has been restless the last few months, but you’ve been the worst. One would think you’d be the happiest to be back out on that ice. And yet you’ve been a miserable bastard since we’ve been back.”
“It’s worse than before you left for Christmas,” Sean added, shifting his skate-free feet on the floor. “You know, in my experience it’s a woman who is usually responsible for a man getting this torn up. So who is she?”
Jace was bent over as he shoved his dirty jersey into his bag. He froze at Sean’s question. Fuck. He’d kept Logan in his periphery since the start of this little chat, and he didn’t miss the fact that Logan had stiffened at that question, too.
“Didn’t Jace spend Christmas at your cabin in Nashville?” Sean asked Logan. “You have any hot, single neighbors up there?”
Jace straightened, knowing there were a lot of eyes on him, more than just the people who’d been contributing to the conversation.
“Jace.” Logan’s voice was low and menacing. “Tell me this isn’t about Adele. Tell me you didn’t spend Christmas sleeping with my baby sister.”
And just that quickly the dots had been connected. Really, he shouldn’t have expected anything else. He also shouldn’t have turned, shouldn’t have glanced over at Logan, but he did. He had absolutely no clue what expression was on his face, but whatever it was, it must’ve been one of guilt.
Logan moved faster than Jace was prepared for, because he was in no way ready for the fist that connected with his jaw. But instinct took over in an instant, and Jace started to fight back.
Maybe it was because he was so pissed off at the world—a rubber band ready to snap at any moment. Maybe it was because he just needed to hit something. Or maybe it was because he just didn’t care anymore.
He landed a hit to Logan’s stomach before he was tackled to the floor. Fists were flying, both of them trying to get in as many good punches as possible. Then there was a loud roar that filled the room, and Jace was pulled to his feet and shoved back against a set of lockers.
Looking across the space, he saw Logan being held back by Andre and Sean. Blood was dripping down his face from a cut on his eyebrow and his chest was heaving as he glared daggers. It was a look that spoke a thousand words, but the clearest was one of betrayal. It was a look that said quite clearly their friendship was over.
Everything in him deflated in an instant. He’d lost the girl, he’d lost his best friend, and he was probably going to lose the only family he’d had since his mom died.
“What. The. Hell. Is going on in my locker room?” A voice of pure rage filled the air, and Jace’s focus moved from Logan to Coach Bale who was positively seething by his office door.
“James. Kilpatrick. My office. Now.”
The hands holding Jace back all let go and he was finally able to reach up and touch the corner of his mouth. His hand came away with a decent amount of blood on it and he was pretty sure he was going to have a good-sized bruise on his jaw when all was said and done. The spot where Logan had clocked him was already throbbing.
Coach Bale stood by the door, waiting for both him and Logan to pass. The second they were in the office he slammed the door shut behind them.
“Sit!” He barked at the two of them, rounding his desk to get to his chair and taking a seat himself. “The season hasn’t even officially started and I have to deal with this horse shit? You,” he pointed at Logan, “this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten into a fight in my locker room. But it sure as hell better be the last. Do understand me?”
Before Logan had a chance to say anything, Jace spoke up. “Coach, it was my fault.”
The last thing he wanted was his coach’s furious gaze focused on him, but he wasn’t going to let Logan take the fall. It didn’t matter who’d thrown the first punch, what had happened was on Jace.
“I don’t care whose fault it was, or who threw the first punch. You better get your shit together. Both of you. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir,” Jace and Logan said in unison.
“Good. We’re done, James.” He gave a clipped nod as he dismissed Logan. “Kilpatrick, stay where you are.”
Logan didn’t even glance at Jace as he left the office, just walked on by and shut the door behind himself.
Coach Bale stared at Jace for a few seconds, his jaw ticking, before he let out a deep breath a
nd leaned back in his chair. “You know, I’m not the heartless son of a bitch everyone thinks I am. You’ve been on this team for seven years and I’ve never seen you like this. I’ve been married for thirty-three years, longer than you’ve been alive, and I raised five daughters during that time. I know lovesick when I seen it. And based off that little altercation out there,” he pointed to the locker room, “I’m guessing it’s with James’ little sister because the only time that man loses it is when it involves a woman in his life. Am I correct?”
Well, damn. “Yes, sir.” Jace nodded slowly.
“Son, I get it, I honestly do, love hurts worse than anything else. But you better get your head back on straight. Otherwise, your ass is going to get very well acquainted with riding that bench. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You can go now,” he said as he grabbed a pen and started marking the playbook open on his desk.
Jace got up and headed for the door, but when his hand wrapped around the handle, he heard his name being called out.
Turning over his shoulder, he looked at his coach. “Piece of advice. I suggest you fix what you can with James first. Once you get him on your side, you might be able to figure the rest out.”
“Thank you, sir.”
It was an excellent piece of advice, but when Jace headed back out to the locker room it was to find that Logan was already gone.
Adele pulled up in front of Felicity’s Atlanta mansion just before four in the afternoon on New Year’s Eve. After five long days in that cabin, she couldn’t take another day of reliving all of her time with Jace, couldn’t take another day of being alone. Well, without human contact. She’d never been entirely alone, what with Katie in the picture, but it seemed like even her dog was moping around with Jace gone.
The first couple of mornings, Katie sat outside the closed door leading to Jace’s room, whining and waiting for him to open up and let her in. It was just another thing that hadn’t helped with Adele’s state of mind.
An Unexpected Christmas Page 18
