Guts & Glory: Ryder (In the Shadows Security Book 2)

by Jeanne St. James

  “I’m not chasin’ you through the fuckin’ woods when you decide to run.”

  She lifted one foot. “Can’t run in these cheap-ass flip-flops.”

  “Knowin’ you, you’d try. Get on.”

  She sighed and planted a hand on his shoulder as she began to climb on behind him.

  “No. In front. You’ll jump off the back.” He pushed himself to the very rear of the vinyl seat and made room for her.

  Without a word, she climbed in front of him and settled between his legs after a few wiggles of her soft ass against his traitorous dick.

  “You done?” Without waiting for an answer, he hit the throttle and the force threw her back into his chest as he sped past the cabin and around to the large outbuilding behind it. The barn doors still hung wide open, so he drove right into the dark interior.

  He shut down the engine, but kept his hands on the handlebars, effectively keeping her trapped between his extended arms.

  “You done?” she echoed, her voice huskier than normal.

  She shifted and his nose ended up in her hair which now smelled not only of his cheap shampoo but of the outdoors. When she went to sneak out from under his arm, he wrapped it around her waist, holding her there.

  Against him.

  Everything about her was soft. Except her attitude.

  He wondered if that could soften, too.

  The woman was fucking up her life. Either she couldn’t see it, or she just didn’t care.

  Probably the second. And if she didn’t care, neither should anyone else. But too many of the people around her did.

  She needed to see that.

  And why the fuck did he feel the need for it to be him to show her?

  “Ryder?” she breathed.

  “Yeah?” he breathed back.

  “Are you going to let me go?”

  Before he could think too hard about it, he nuzzled his nose deeper into her hair and answered, “No.”

  He spread his fingers wide until the tip of one brushed the bottom curve of her breast, then he slid his hand down her belly and under the worn cotton of one of his favorite T-shirts until her warm skin met his. He traced along the edge of the elastic waistband from one side to the other.

  Her breath hitched and she held herself still in his arms. Both of them waited, his fingers right there at the top edge of his boxers. The ones that clung to her hips and ass better than he would’ve imagined.

  He wanted her to demand he stop.

  He wanted her to beg him to continue.

  She reached behind her, wrapping her arms around his neck and arched her back as his hand slipped under the loose waistband and continued lower.

  “Tell me to stop,” he whispered roughly.

  “Don’t stop,” she whispered back.

  “Tell me you don’t want this.”

  “I want this,” she breathed.

  He snagged her earlobe between his teeth, sucked on it, then traced the delicate shell before letting his warm breath sweep over her ear. She shivered against him.

  He slipped his hand a little lower until the tip of his middle finger touched the very top of her pussy, right before the soft flesh split in two.

  She was surprisingly smooth.

  “You shaved,” he murmured.

  Her soft cheek rubbed against his much rougher one. “You didn’t.”

  “You used my razor.” Now it would be too dull for his face. He’d need to buy more on his next grocery store run. If they didn’t kill each other first. “Did you ask if you could use it?”

  “No, but I didn’t ask if I could use your toothbrush, either... Ryder...” she said his name on a groan.

  He was rock hard and trying to fight the temptation. But it seemed to be a losing battle.

  She knocked his baseball cap off his head, and it dropped to the floor, then she combed her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping against his scalp. Luckily, he kept it short so she had nothing to grip, otherwise he was sure she’d be pulling on it as hard as she could.

  She would love for him to submit to her. To hand over that power.

  She had no idea that would never happen.

  If anything, he was suddenly bound and determined to make the woman in his arms submit to him. To crack the hard and reckless exterior to get to the center where he was sure she was soft and caring.

  She got lost along the way and forgot who she was.

  She’d become someone else in an effort to ignore things she didn’t want to deal with. But she needed to deal with them, or she’d only bottom out and possibly never recover.

  He’d seen it. He’d been headed on that path himself a while ago.

  Until he found Diesel and his teammates. A reason to keep himself above the drowning water. A reason to fight, to kick his legs and swim hard to keep his head above the surface.

  After he left the Army, he had floundered and working as a Shadow gave him a purpose.

  Kelsea simply needed a purpose.

  Something to keep her breathing air instead of inhaling that water.

  He couldn’t do it for her, but he could hand her a lifebuoy and teach her how to kick her legs until she got back to land.

  She curved one hand around the back of his neck, while the other trailed down his cheek, over her own breast, down her belly until she found his hand, which still hovered right there on the edge.

  Because if he went farther, there was no going back.

  They would both have to live with their actions.

  And if her cousin Diesel found out... Neither might be breathing for very long.

  She spread her hand on top of his and it was then that he realized hers was so much smaller than his.

  She was tough, even thought she was invincible. But no one was indestructible.

  Her nails dug into the skin of his neck and she rolled her head along his shoulder until her lips were right under his jaw and he could feel her warm breath beating against him. “Ryder,” she groaned.

  “Tell me what you want, darlin’.”

  If she said, “To forget,” he was pushing her away, getting off that ATV and putting some distance between them until his head cleared.

  He didn’t want to be used to “forget.”

  If she wanted this, it should be because she wanted him and no other reason.

  She used drugs, alcohol and sex with Slash, as well as others, to “forget.” He didn’t want to be lumped in with any of those things.

  Her next words were the last thing he expected to hear from her.

  “I want a man who tells me I’m beautiful. A man who doesn’t look at me like I’m crazy. A man who can see past the mess I made to see who I really am. A man who doesn’t look at me and see the monster whose blood runs through my veins. One who can see past the damage he caused. I want a man who sees me.”

  An ache filled his chest. “I see you, darlin’.”

  “You’ve seen me at my worst. I’ve fought you. I’ve cursed at you. I’ve ignored everything you’ve said. You kept coming. You kept showing up. You never gave up on me. Not once.”

  Hearing the rawness in her words, he closed his eyes.

  “I don’t want you to regret it,” she finished.

  “Regret what, darlin’?”

  “Everything you’ve done for me. Everything I never appreciated. Everything you’ll do for me. No matter what happens from here, even if I act like I don’t appreciate it, I want you to know that I do. Please, no matter what, don’t forget that. I know you’ve wanted to throw your hands up and walk away, but you didn’t. I need you to know that means something to me, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

  Her words made him lose his breath and he released the ATV’s throttle and, with his thumb, gently brushed away the smudge of dirt on her cheek.

  “I just want you to know something, too... I don’t give a shit who your father was. I don’t give a shit about a man who was a problem that was handled. I care about you.”

  “Why?”

/>   That was a good fucking question. Why did he care so much about the woman in his arms? Especially after everything he’d seen, everything she’d done. Why did she haunt him?

  “Why, Ryder? Why did you continue to care besides being paid to by D?”

  “Guess my head’s as fucked up as yours. It isn’t about the money, darlin’. It’s because I can’t sit the fuck back and watch you destroy yourself. None of us can.”

  He traced his fingertips along her jaw and down her throat, pausing on her pounding pulse. His beat just as fiercely. His hand skimmed over the soft cotton until he cupped her breast, his thumb brushing back and forth over the tight tip.

  “Tell me what you want, darlin’.”

  “I told you.”

  “No.” Catching that nipple between his fingers, he twisted it gently and her back arched once more.

  “Tell me what you want, darlin’.”

  “This,” she said on a hitched breath.

  “No, darlin’, tell me what... you... want.”

  “You. I want you.”

  His finger slipped down to separate her folds and he slid it inside. She was warm and slick as he slipped in another. With a groan, she ground down on his fingers, pushing them deeper.

  He continued to tweak her nipple with one hand as the thumb from his other pressed and circled against her clit.

  She bucked against him and began to rock back and forth. With her hand still on his beneath the boxers, she encouraged him to move faster. He didn’t. He kept a lazy pace, amazed by how responsive she was just to his touch.

  Had she been like this with all the others?

  No, he couldn’t think like that. He needed to remain in the here and now. He had to remember this was him and her. No one else. This moment was theirs. Fuck everyone else.

  Her head slamming back into his chest and just missing his chin pulled him from his thoughts.

  “Ryder,” she panted.

  “What do you want, darlin’?” He knew what the hell he wanted. He knew what he wanted to give her. “Tell me.”

  She ground even harder against his hand and he started to worry that she might break every bone in it in her chase for a climax.

  “Do you want to come?” he murmured into her hair.

  “Please,” she groaned.

  “I like hearin’ that word come from you. Shows me you can be humble when you wanna be.” He circled her clit harder, faster and he plucked roughly at her nipple over the cotton. “I wanna hear it more often. Yeah?”

  “Yes,” she hissed. “Please. Oh, please.”

  “Please what, darlin’?”

  “Please... make me come.”

  “No one’s holdin’ you back but yourself. What you want’s right there. Reach out and grab it.”

  Her body hiccuped against him as she planted her hands on his thighs and her hips shot up off the seat. He struggled to stay with her, to feel her reaction, the warm gush, the muscles convulsing around his fingers.

  Yes, that was what she wanted. What he could give her, if nothing else.

  When it was over, her head flopped forward, her blonde hair falling around her face. He could hear her ragged breath.

  Or was that his?

  He was rock hard before, now he was like titanium steel. His balls were tight, his dick pulsating. The urge to sink into her wet heat so strong it actually scared him.

  He never wanted a woman so much as he did right now.

  It made no sense. He had seen her at her lowest, but all of that didn’t matter right now. He could push that aside and see her as she wanted someone to see her.

  It was dangerous territory he was wandering into.

  He should know better.

  But that didn’t stop him from digging out his wallet and pulling out a condom.

  He placed it on the ATV’s gas tank where she could see it. He wasn’t going to do anything she didn’t want. She needed to be the one to take that next step.

  She needed to be a hundred percent sure.

  Because this could change everything.

  And if either of them would end up questioning their actions, he wanted it to be him, not her.

  She lifted her head and plucked the condom off the tank. She braced her hands on his thighs again and with a flexibility that he hadn’t been expecting—which was not only surprising but impressive—she had turned on the seat until she was facing him.

  Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes held determination, and she had the condom wrapper tucked between her teeth. Without breaking their gaze, she unfastened his belt, the large, heavy buckle falling to the side as she quickly made work of the button and zipper on his jeans.

  Just the thought of her reaching in and grabbing him made his cock flex. He didn’t know how this would work since he was still straddling the seat with his thighs spread so there was no way to shove his jeans down too far.

  Again, with skill that was a little startling, she worked both his jeans and boxers down enough for his cock to spring free.

  He clenched his teeth as she ran her fingers up and down his length. But what was killing him the most was that she hadn’t dropped her gaze at all. He continued to stare into her pretty cornflower blue eyes, and he waited, forcing himself to take one breath then another.

  When her thumb brushed over the head, his hips twitched, and she smiled around the condom.

  Reaching up, she grabbed the wrapper and tore it open with her teeth, spitting it to the floor. Looking him straight in the eye, she rolled the condom down his throbbing length.

  Fuck.

  Grabbing onto his shoulders, she rose and shifted forward. His heart was beating so hard, she had to hear it, too.

  She dropped one hand to his dick, and he bit back a groan when she circled her fingers around the root and held him in place.

  This was it.

  If he didn’t stop this now, there was no going back.

  They were going to do something they couldn’t undo.

  He needed to consider all the consequences of what that would bring.

  But as she lined him up and the head of his dick touched her soft heat, anything he had to consider, anything he should think about, was now gone...

  He was gone.

  There was nothing left but the need for him to bury himself in her.

  Consequences be damned.

  Chapter Six

  His green eyes were dark, hooded and something flashed behind them that made a shiver run down her spine.

  “What do you want, Ryder?” she asked softly as she hovered above him.

  “You’re holdin’ the evidence. It’s clear what I want.”

  His voice was deep and gruff and the man she was holding onto was nothing like any of the men she’d been with before.

  There was a difference between a man and a... man.

  Most who she thought were men turned out to be anything but. However, she’d only had one purpose to be with them and, not surprisingly, it was the same with them.

  Ryder wasn’t like any of them. He’d lived a lifetime already. He was seasoned. He was serious about his work and his play. He probably didn’t take having sex lightly, either.

  So, this could change things. For her. For him. Between the two of them.

  She should consider that risk before following her instinct to lower herself and make that connection.

  Normally, for her, sex was just that. Sex.

  Suddenly, this seemed so much more.

  Usually, the man she was with would rush to fuck her, and she’d hope to come before he did. If she even got that chance at all.

  Ryder had held back. Waited. Wanted to make sure that she was sure.

  She was. She wanted this. She wanted it this morning in the kitchen when she purposely came out naked to tempt him. He resisted.

  She wanted it when he pulled her over his lap and spanked her. He resisted.

  She wanted it when she shoved him to the ground and stood over him naked. Again, he resisted.

  Now
, he wasn’t resisting but instead, waiting for her. He was giving her a choice to back out, to rethink all of this.

  For her, there was nothing to think about. She knew what she wanted. And there was no denying what Ryder wanted, either. Like he’d said, she held the proof in her hand.

  “Darlin’...”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ve only got so much patience. You need to either climb onto the saddle or get off the horse.”

  He made her smile. It had been a long time since anyone had made her smile like that. Not a forced smile, but a true, spontaneous one.

  She’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

  “I haven’t ridden a horse since I was little, and even then, it was a mechanical one outside of the local grocery store. Am I going to get my quarter’s worth?”

  A slow grin of his own crossed his handsome face and made her heart skip a beat. “Only way you’re gonna find out is if you put that quarter in the slot and take a chance.”

  She held her breath as she slowly lowered, forcing herself to keep her eyes locked with his. The lower she went, the more heated his eyes became. His hitched breath escaped between parted lips. And when she couldn’t lower herself any more, when he was fully seated, filling her, stretching her, they looked at each other in surprise.

  Maybe they both felt that the shed—or, hell, the world—would come tumbling down around them if this actually happened. But it was happening and the shed still stood and they hadn’t been struck with lightning, either.

  Yet.

  As long as Diesel didn’t find out, they’d be good.

  “Darlin’,” he groaned.

  “Hmm?”

  “Don’t just sit there. You’re killin’ me.”

  She smiled again at his pained grimace and circled her arms around his neck. She began to rock back and forth on his lap, driving him even deeper. “Are you going to make me do everything?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  That was a plan she could go along with. If he wanted her to drive, she’d drive. She did so by putting her lips a fraction away from his and answering, “Fine.”

  She slid the tip of her tongue across his lower lip and then dipped it inside his mouth, teasing.

  Suddenly, her hair was clutched in his fist and he was crushing his mouth to hers. So much for her driving.