Guts & Glory: Ryder (In the Shadows Security Book 2)

by Jeanne St. James

  Ryder’s gaze landed on Mercy, whose eyes were shadowed from the lack of light on the deck.

  He continued before Ryder could deny it. “Brother, I fought it, too. Thought I could beat it. That fucking addiction that pulls at you. Takes everything you’ve worked hard to keep tight and spins that shit out of control, making you scramble for your sanity. Hell, making it question your sanity.”

  “Just told Steel I haven’t had a fuckin’ drink.”

  “Wasn’t talking about booze.”

  “Not sure you should be givin’ relationship advice.”

  “I’m not giving you fucking advice, I leave that shit to Rissa. Just telling you that I know what you’re struggling with.”

  “Rissa had her shit together.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Kelsea doesn’t,” Ryder reminded him.

  “She’s getting there.”

  Ryder’s brows shot up to his head. “What are you sayin’, Mercy?”

  “Saying I almost fucked up and let a good thing go. Woulda been stupid on my part.” He headed back toward the house, throwing over his shoulder, “Don’t be stupid.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “We need to plan a baby shower,” Jayde announced, then shoved what was left of her cupcake into her mouth.

  “I swear every time we have a meeting of the sisterhood my hips get a little wider,” Kiki complained after taking her own bite of one of Bella’s luscious stuffed tiramisu cupcakes. Her eyes rolled as she moaned. “We need to stop meeting here.”

  A bunch of loud “no’s” rose up.

  “Bite your tongue. I need my fix. It’s better than sex, I swear,” Kelsea said, licking chocolate ganache from her finger.

  “You bite your tongue. It is not!” Jazz yelled.

  “Well, yeah, you have Crow, so of course not. And the rest of you get it on the regular. I’m the only one not getting any,” Kelsea grumbled.

  “Why not?” Emma asked.

  She met Rissa’s eyes for a moment before her attention was pulled back to the rest of the DAMC women around their “meeting” room above Sophie’s Sweet Treats. “Can we get back to talking about planning a baby shower?” Kelsea asked, wanting to change the subject.

  “Whose shower are we planning now?” Sophie, the club president’s ol’ lady, asked, glancing around the table.

  Sophie had it right to be confused, it could be any of the women sitting there. Well, except for Kelsea. There would definitely be no baby shower in her near future. Nor bridal shower. Not even an engagement party.

  Nothing. Because the one man who she wanted all of that with didn’t want her.

  “Mine,” Jewel announced, biting into a second cupcake.

  “You’ve already had two. How many more do you need? Seriously, what baby stuff don’t you have already? You’re like a baby factory,” Diamond complained.

  “After this one, this factory is going out of business. I’m going to talk to the doctor about tying my tubes.”

  Ivy shrugged. “Tell D to get snipped.”

  Jewel’s eyes widened and then she burst out laughing. A second later, so did everyone else.

  “You know that man’s not going to let anyone near his nuts with a knife,” Jewel stated.

  “Zak and I have discussed it,” Sophie said. “Two’s enough for us. He may be willing to get it done since I can’t get my tubes tied, in case I end up being Axel and Bella’s surrogate.”

  “Is that going to happen?” Kelsea asked, surprised. She’d been so out of the loop for the past year or so. But she had to admit, she’d missed this. She’d missed the connection with her DAMC sisters. Why had she been so stupid to alienate them all?

  They were the most supportive group of women she knew.

  “I hope so,” Sophie murmured.

  Kelsea glanced at Bella. “Cuz?”

  Her cousin gave her a small smile. “We’re leaning that way. Sophie and I have already decided we’re fine with it. Now we just need the boys to agree. And Ivy.”

  “Why Ivy?”

  “Because my eggs carry the same—or the closest—DNA as Bella’s since we’re sisters. So take my eggs, add Axel’s baby makers and voilà!” Ivy exclaimed. “A kid as close to their DNA as they’re going to get.”

  “A joint effort,” Sophie said with a smile.

  “I don’t get it. Why doesn’t Ivy just be the surrogate?” Kelsea asked.

  “Jag wasn’t a hundred percent on board with this whole thing, so we negotiated,” Ivy told her.

  Bella leaned forward and stage whispered, “Because Jag was a bit freaked out over Ivy carrying another man’s baby, even if it’s his cousin’s.”

  “That, and he’s been bugging me for number two,” Ivy added. “He said I can’t bake his kid if I’m baking someone else’s. His words, not mine. Aaaand I think if I had to carry the baby for Bella with it being my own egg, I might feel too much of a connection to the baby once he or she was born. More than an aunt, if you get my meaning. This way I won’t have any maternal bond, I’ll just enjoy being an auntie.”

  Kelsea pressed her palm against her forehead. “This all hurts my head. It’s way too complicated.”

  “Well, it’s what family does for one another,” Brooke said, giving her a look.

  “Right. But just don’t expect me to carry your and Dex’s baby.”

  Brooke laughed, then blushed. “I think you’re safe from that.”

  Kelsea wasn’t sure she ever saw her sister blush. Her eyes narrowed. “Why?”

  All eyes turned to Brooke, who simply shrugged.

  “Oh fuck,” Diamond shouted, throwing her hands up. “We might as well pick a date on the calendar each month for a fucking baby shower. Is the fifteenth good for everyone?”

  “Dex hasn’t said a word to me. He’s probably freaking the fuck out!” Ivy exclaimed, clapping her hands in excitement.

  “About as excited as you,” Brooke said, giving her sister-in-law a dry look, then continued with a smile. “But he’s ecstatic, that’s for sure. He didn’t even blink when I told him that he would be designated as Mr. Mom since I’m not putting the business on hold. And he agreed.”

  “Well, at least you have Kelsea to help out now with the business. That will make things so much easier during the pregnancy and once the baby is born. I can’t imagine having kids and running this bakery without Bella,” Sophie said. “Congrats, by the way.”

  Congratulations circled the long table.

  “Thank you. But you’ve reminded me that I need to take a dozen cupcakes over to Ryder,” Brooke said.

  Kelsea’s ears perked up. “For what?”

  “As a thank you,” Brooke answered.

  “A thank you for what?” Kelsea asked when her sister didn’t explain what she was thanking Ryder for.

  Though she had a feeling she knew why, which was confirmed when Bella said to Brooke, “I’ll give you two dozen,” then turned to Kelsea. “You had us all worried, Kels. He was the only one who got through to you. To be honest, we thought we were going to lose you.” She swallowed hard and dropped her head, hiding her face.

  Kelsea fought the sting in her own eyes when she heard her cousin sniffle.

  “Hawk was out of his freaking mind,” Kiki added. “He almost went down to West Virginia to get you that last time, but Diesel said that if any of the DAMC members went it might start a war with the Demons, so that’s why he kept sending Ryder instead. I had to beg and argue with Hawk not to go, but it was a fight.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “And you should be,” Diamond snapped, pushing her hardly touched cupcake away. “Pierce was only... He didn’t... If...” She shook her head, blinking quickly, her brow furrowed. “If anyone had the right to go crazy over that motherfucking asshole, it was me, Kels, me!”

  Kelsea opened her mouth, then snapped it shut. No one at that table knew what Pierce did to her besides Rissa, who spoke up in a calm, soothing voice next. “We all process things differently. There’s no r
ight or wrong way to deal with trauma.”

  “What trauma did she have, besides her mother not telling her that motherfucker was her sperm donor? That’s it. And that should be a fucking gift, which apparently she doesn’t appreciate,” Diamond pushed away from the table, her chair scraping along the wooden floor, a sob escaping her lips before she could stop it. “I need to pick up Hudson from my mother.”

  “Di!” Kelsea yelled as Diamond rushed toward the stairs.

  Di lifted her hand over her shoulder and disappeared.

  “Fuck!” Kelsea muffled her scream into her hands as she covered her face. She lifted her head. “I need to go talk to her.”

  The table had gotten way too quiet for Kelsea. Everyone seemed visibly upset and it was all her fault.

  But unless she told them, they wouldn’t understand her turmoil. And she couldn’t tell them. Not now, maybe not ever.

  Rissa stood. “I can talk to her. Things are a little raw with her right now since we started meeting.”

  Kelsea had no idea Diamond was meeting with Rissa, too. She stood. “I’ll go after her. I’m sorry to fuck up our meeting.”

  She hurried toward the stairs hoping to catch Diamond before she drove away. As she jogged down the steps, she came face to face with Zak, the DAMC president and Sophie’s ol’ man. He was carrying his youngest son, Zane, and was holding his older son Zeke’s hand as they slowly made their way up the steps.

  “Meetin’ over yet?”

  “No. Did you see Diamond?”

  “She took off, spinnin’ the tires. D’you all get into some sorta cat fight or somethin’?”

  “No,” she said as she pushed past him carefully, trying not to bowl them all over. “She say where she was going?”

  “Fuck no. Why would I care?” he continued up the steps.

  “Ugh! Z!”

  “What?”

  “Nothing!” she yelled over her shoulder and continued to the bottom and out of the back door to where she was parked. She yanked her cell phone out of her bag and quickly texted Diamond.

  Plz meet me somewhere. We need 2 talk.

  She got into her car and turned her air conditioning on full blast so she wouldn’t melt as she waited for an answer.

  Can’t, was the answer she finally got after a few minutes.

  Plz. It’s important.

  She almost gave up waiting when another text came through. Picking up Hudson. The gym in fifteen.

  Kelsea started her car and pointed it in that direction.

  Kelsea watched Steel and Slade spar with each other in the boxing ring set up to one side of the Shadow Valley Fitness. Slade, Diamond’s ol’ man, was now the bulkiest she’d ever seen him. But then, he owned and ran a gym, so he probably worked out for hours each day. But Steel was also...

  Impressive.

  He wore no shirt and his bare skin was slick with sweat. But the man was quick on his feet. Maybe even a little quicker than Slade, even though he was a bigger man.

  But no matter what, the power behind each punch was scary, even though both wore head gear and mouth guards.

  As the two circled around, Steel’s broad muscular back faced her and she studied the large tattoo that adorned it. At first, she thought it was similar to the colors all of the DAMC members had inked onto their backs. Slade himself had the rockers and patches tattooed into his skin after being patched in.

  But this was a little different. All done in black and grey, it had an eagle with its wings spread, holding some sort of knife that included five stars in a half circle and a ribbon above all that read, “Spiritus Invictus.” The large tattoo rippled as he moved.

  Good thing both men were too busy concentrating on each other for them to notice a dribble of drool at the corner of her mouth. She quickly wiped it away.

  “Yeah, I get to see that often,” Diamond said behind her.

  Kelsea turned to see the dark-haired beauty holding her son, Hudson. “Lucky you,” she murmured.

  Funny, now that she thought about it, looking at both Slade and Steel’s tattoos, she realized Ryder was tattoo-free. Even though he wasn’t a biker, he was former military and she thought he might be in the minority when it came to not having even one drop of ink.

  Diamond stepped up to the ring and Slade shouted something around his mouth guard. A second later, both men stopped their dancing around the ring. Slade, a former Marine himself, came over, greeted his ol’ lady with a “Hey, Princess” as he ducked his head through the ropes, giving Diamond a kiss, then bopped Hud gently on the noggin with his thick boxing glove. That, of course, made his ten-month old son scream with laughter.

  The back of Kelsea’s neck prickled, and she lifted her gaze from Diamond and her ol’ man to Steel, who leaned back into the corner ropes, staring at her across the ring. His eyes held a bit of contempt as he chewed on his mouth guard and contemplated her.

  What the fuck was up his ass?

  Her attention was drawn back to Di when she told Slade that she was heading into the back office to do some paperwork.

  Di then turned to her and jerked her head toward the back of the gym where her and Slade’s office was. Kelsea followed on her heels, murmuring, “Fuck, girl. Your ol’ man’s getting to be a beast. How many women who work out here throw themselves at him?”

  “A few. But I cancel their membership if they get too inappropriate. So, the warning’s gotten around.”

  Her eyes slid back to Steel. “Do all of D’s crew work out here?”

  “Yeah. And often.”

  “You can get pregnant just walking in here, I swear.”

  “Bite your tongue. The DAMC sisters are populating Shadow Valley all on our own.”

  “Do you think Kiki will have a second one?”

  “If it’s up to Hawk, then yes, they’ll probably have one more. Jag and Ivy will, too. Now Brooke and Dex are having their first of who knows how many. Sophie and Z have two. And then if Sophie ends up being a surrogate for Bella, Bella and Axel will have at least one. Emma and Dawg already have three. Oh, Diesel and Jewel with three! Which I never would have ever expected. My little man, Hudson. Then I’m sure Jazz and Jayde eventually. Fuck. We might have to start our own school district.” Diamond pushed open her office door and once they stepped inside, closed it behind them.

  She plopped Hudson down in a playpen near the desk before leaning back against it to face Kelsea. “Then there’s you.”

  “What about me?”

  “Eventually you may want to settle down and add to our growing numbers. Right?”

  “Well, if I’m anything like our mothers, no settling down is needed. Your mother had three kids.”

  “My father married my mother,” Di reminded her.

  “And then went to prison for murder when you all were still babies. She had no one to help.”

  “Ace and Janice. And your mom helped, too. Hell, the club helped raise us all.”

  “And that’s why I’m here.”

  Diamond’s brows furrowed. “If this is about Pierce...”

  “It is.”

  Diamond dropped her head and shook it. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been talking to Rissa. It’s been really difficult.”

  “Was that your choice?”

  “I was strongly encouraged by both Slade and Crow.”

  Kelsea’s eyebrows rose. “And you listened?”

  Diamond lifted her head and gave her a crooked smile. “I know, right? Crow suggested Jazz start seeing Rissa. She did and even in a short amount of time, Jazz has showed an improvement. So, he talked to Slade and then they both approached me.”

  “Damn,” Kelsea whispered. “They ganged up on you.”

  “Not really. They left the decision up to me, but I could see the concern in both of their faces, so I told them I’d try it. But it’s been difficult. Very difficult. I had a lot of repressed memories.”

  “I completely understand how difficult. I’ve been seeing her, too.”

  Diamond’s mouth d
ropped open, after a second, she snapped it shut. “For what?”

  Kelsea swallowed the lump that was attempting to rise in her throat. “For the same thing.”

  “What do you mean, same thing?”

  Kelsea hesitated and took a deep breath. “Because...” She squeezed her eyes shut.

  “No!” Diamond screamed so loudly, Kelsea jumped and Hudson began to cry. “No! That motherfucker!” She dropped to her ass onto the floor, hiding her face in her hands. “No,” she moaned. “Fuck.”

  Hudson began to cry louder, so Kelsea, unsure what to do, went over and picked him up, bouncing him up and down to try to settle him. “It’s okay, Hudsy boy. It’s okay.”

  When Diamond finally lifted her head, tears were slipping down her cheek. The woman was tough. Strong. She was not a crier. “This was my fault.”

  “How?”

  “I should have come forward. I should have!”

  “No, Di, it wasn’t your fault. It was his. It’s all on him.”

  “If I had come forward, maybe...”

  “But you didn’t remember everything anyway, right?” That’s what Kelsea had been told. Was that not true?

  “I remembered some of it. Not everything. But still... Fuck, Kels. Fuck!” Di shook her head, and then swiped at the tears on her cheek with the back of her hand. “Death was too good for him. I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing for you to be sorry about. No one knew about you. No one knew about me. I didn’t come forward, either. I should have. Maybe I would have saved the next person.”

  Diamond’s red-rimmed eyes met hers, her face getting hard. “Was there a next person?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t imagine there wasn’t. He was opportunist scum.”

  “How the hell did he get away with it if there were more? We know of Brooke’s mom, you and me. We were young. But any adults...”

  “Because who wants to be treated like they’re the one to blame when they’re really the victim? Who wants to relive it over and over? It would’ve been our word against his and you know how manipulative he was. It was why he got away with the shit he did for so long. And then there would have been medical exams, and interrogations, a possible trial.”