Succubus 5 (Hardcore Dungeon Core): A LitRPG Series

by A. J. Markam

  I stared at her and realized, Oh yeah…

  Oh my GOD.

  This was some real ‘There is no spoon’ type shit.

  “Okay, then… I guess I’m ready if you are,” I said.

  Alaria leaned in and gave me one more kiss, then backed away with a sad smile. “See you soon?”

  “Sooner than you know, baby,” I reassured her. “I love you.”

  She grinned. “I know.”

  Then the world disappeared in a bright flash.

  When my eyesight faded back in, I was standing next to Deek, my arm still outstretched, my hand touching Alaria’s crystal to the much bigger dungeon core.

  Up above me, a golden blur was buzzing through the air, and I heard Wylla’s breathy voice calling out in a panic, “I have to help my Mistress!”

  I ignored her as I straightened up my body and put my hand to my aching back. I must have been standing there for a while.

  “CALM DOWN, SWEETNESS – YO’ MISTRESS IS FINE.”

  - I’m fine, Wylla, Alaria reassured the fairy with a touch of annoyance. I noticed I could hear her voice inside my head again. See? Ian’s back in his body now.

  “Good – I’m glad the Big Thing pulled out of you!”

  Ha, I thought. If only Stig were here to say ‘That’s what she said.’

  And Slothfart…

  I suddenly remembered my dungeon companions, and was pricked with a bit of remorse. What had happened to them? Were they still up there in the dungeon?

  My thoughts were interrupted by Deek’s foghorn voice.

  “FINALLY – WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOU DOIN’ IN THERE? NEVER MIND, I DON’T WANNA KNOW.” Then the dungeon core sighed and muttered to himself, “FUCKIN’ MEATBAGS…”

  28

  Deek started talking out loud to Alaria, instructing her on what to do next. “ALRIGHT, YOU GOT THE BASICS OF FUCKIN’ DOWN, SO QUIT FUCKIN’ AROUND AND BUILD ME A WHOLE BUNCHA CONNECTED ROOMS INSIDE YO’ HEAD.”

  - Alright, alright, Alaria grumbled.

  Since I was left to my own devices, I decided to summon my crew: Stig, Soraiya, and Fugly.

  They all came back ready to rumble. After all, the last thing they remembered was battling Zoran, Sketterex, and Cirra.

  Stig summoned a fireball in each palm, Soraiya busted out her fiery whip, and Fugly was swooping through the air about to hawk an acid loogie –

  “HOLD ON, MOTHAFUCKAS, HOLD ON!” Deek hollered. “CALL THEM MOTHAFUCKAS OFF, MEATBAG!”

  “Guys, it’s cool!” I yelled. “Stand down!”

  Soraiya looked around the cavernous room in surprise. “Where the hell are we?”

  “We made it to the dungeon core.”

  She stared at me. “You made it to the dungeon? Alone?!”

  Deek started laughing. “HAHAHA – YEAH, HE ‘MADE IT TO THE DUNGEON CORE’ IF YOU COUNT ME BRINGIN’ HIS SORRY ASS DOWN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

  Soraiya leaned over and looked past me at the two-foot-long crystal. “That’s it?”

  “That’s it,” I said.

  “‘THAT’S IT,’” Deek imitated us with a snort. “I’M IN THE FUCKIN’ ROOM WITH YOU, BITCH. AIN’T POLITE TO TALK ABOUT PEOPLE IN THE THIRD PERSON.”

  “I’m not a bitch,” Soraiya seethed.

  “CHILL, SWEETNESS. I WAS TALKIN’ TO YO’ MASTER THERE.”

  “Oh,” Soraiya said, mollified.

  “Hey!” I snapped at Deek, realizing he’d just called me a bitch.

  Stig realized it, too.

  “Chill, bitch!” he croaked at me. “Somebody tell that bitch to chill!”

  “Hey!” I snapped at Stig.

  “HAHAHAHA! I LIKE THAT LI’L MOTHAFUCKA ALREADY!”

  Stig looked inordinately proud at the compliment.

  “And he’s not my master,” Soraiya said.

  “FOR REAL?” Deek said, actually surprised. “WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ HANGIN’ AROUND WITH HIM, THEN?”

  Soraiya got a grumpy look on her face. “He freed me from my last master. And I’m fulfilling a promise. Speaking of which,” she said to me, “how’s that going?”

  “Deek here is teaching her how to get back in her own body.”

  Soraiya arched one eyebrow and looked down at Alaria’s flesh-and-blood body lying on the ground. “Yeah, that looks like it’s going real well.”

  “It’s a process,” I grumbled.

  “HELL YEAH IT’S A PROCESS – SO GET BACK TO WORK, ALARIA, AN’ DO WHAT I TOLD YOU TO!”

  “Why are you holding her crystal to… Deek, is it?” Soraiya asked.

  “YEEEEAH, BABY,” Deek said in a seductive growl.

  “That’s how he… uh, teaches her,” I said, a little uncomfortable after hearing Deek’s 70’s porno voice. “…right?”

  - Yes, Alaria’s voice reassured me.

  “FO’ SHO,” Deek said. “YOU KNOW, YOU DON’T HAVE TO HOLD HER THERE THE WHOLE TIME, MEATBAG.”

  “I thought I had to touch her to you.”

  “SHE GOTTA BE TOUCHIN’ ME, BUT THAT DON’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO HOLD HER THE WHOLE DAMN TIME.”

  “But then I won’t be able to hear her.”

  “OHHHH – YOU AIN’T FIGURED OUT HOW TO TALK TO HIM WITHOUT TOUCHIN’ HIM YET, ALARIA?”

  - No.

  “OKAY, IT’S LIKE THIS,” Deek said, and the big crystal glowed.

  - OhhhHHHH, Alaria said, and giggled.

  That didn’t sound good.

  “PUT HER DOWN, MEAT BAG,” Deek ordered.

  “…Alaria?”

  - It’s okay, Ian – I think I can talk to you now without touching you.

  I hesitantly placed the tiny crystal on the pedestal next to the larger one so that they were touching, then stepped away.

  A second later, Alaria’s voice echoed in my head.

  - Can you hear me?

  “Yes! It worked!” I said happily.

  - Yaaay!

  “ ‘COURSE IT WORKED. DAMN, WHAT YOU FOOLS THINK I’M DOIN’ HERE, TALKIN’ JUST TO HEAR MY OWN VOICE?”

  “Well, then, why does she have to touch you?” I asked resentfully.

  “CUZ I GOTTA GIVE HER POWER ‘N SHIT, AND THAT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN HANGIN’ ‘ROUND YO’ DAMN NECK.”

  “But – ”

  “YOU WANT HER BACK IN HER BODY SO YOU CAN TAP THAT FINE ASS?”

  “Well, yes, but – ”

  “THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY THANG. HEY, YOU OTHER CATS,” Deek yelled at Stig, Alaria, and Fugly, “IT’S GONNA TAKE AWHILE, SO Y’ALL WANT ANYTHING WHILE YOU WAIT?”

  “yah,” Fugly said as he swooped through the air. “food.”

  “Booze,” Stig added.

  “I could use some cock,” Soraiya said.

  I looked over at her like jeez…

  “He asked what I wanted!” she snarled at me.

  “HAHAHA – YOU A SUCCUBUS ALRIGHT, SWEET THANG! HOLD ON, I GOT JUST THE THING FOR YA. YO, SERG! BOTHIK!”

  Two incubi appeared from one of the alcoves branching off from the main room. One had long black hair tied back in a ponytail, with bull horns protruding from his forehead. The other was bald with curling ram horns – sort of a Jason Statham look. Both were incredibly handsome, at least six feet six, brawny as hell, crimson red, shirtless, no wings – and with obscenely large bulges beneath their leather pants. It was like they had Hickory Farms summer sausages stuffed down in there.

  Bastards, I thought jealously.

  “Oh,” Soraiya said, a smile curling at the corner of her lips. “That’ll do nicely.”

  Alaria purred inside my head.

  - Yum…

  “Hey!” I snapped.

  - Just looking, honey. Our agreement still stands. The only penis I’ll be fucking is yours.

  “YOU AIN’T GONNA BE FUCKIN’ NOTHIN’ OUTSIDE YOUR OWN HEAD UNLESS YOU GET BACK TO WORK!”

  - Alright, alright… she grumbled.

  Soraiya sashayed seductively over to the two incubi, who grinned at her lasciviously. She tilted her head up
to the ponytailed demon, who began to French kiss her and knead her ass with his gigantic hands.

  At the same time, Soraiya put her hand on the crotch of the bald incubus and began to massage him through his pants.

  He in turn pulled down the top of her corset and began to fondle her breasts.

  It was exactly like the first few seconds of a porno – one I did not want to watch, even if I was getting turned on. I had no desire to see Soraiya get spit-roasted on two gigantic cocks.

  Well…

  I did…

  …but I didn’t.

  “Get a room!” I yelled at them.

  Soraiya broke off her kiss long enough to angrily flip me the bird. Then she looped her arms around the elbows of the two incubi and led them down another alcove.

  I watched them go, all three of their tails twirling back and forth as they disappeared.

  “HA HA,” Deek guffawed, “SOMEBODY’S GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME. ALRIGHT, I AIN’T FORGOT YOU OTHER TWO L’IL FELLAS – HAVE AT IT!”

  A stone table rose up through the marble floor like it was emerging from the surface of a pond. I’d never taken LSD, but I totally felt like I was having an acid hallucination.

  The table’s surface was already stocked with bottles of wine and silver platters of food – roast turkey, sliced slabs of grilled beef, and trays filled with chocolate pastries.

  My imp and gargoyle stared at it wide-eyed – and then raced each other to see who could be the biggest glutton.

  Stig grabbed a bottle in each hand and started taking huge gulps.

  Fugly dove into the open-end ass of the turkey and erupted out of the top like a chestburster in Alien, snarfing up meat with snaps of his jaws.

  “DAAAAMN, THAT’S SOME HUNGRY ‘N THIRSTY-ASS DEMONS YOU GOT THERE,” Deek said, with something approaching awe in his voice.

  “You aren’t kidding,” I said, then yelled at them, “SLOW DOWN, guys! There’s more than enough!”

  They both paused and looked at me. Then they looked at each other.

  “eh,” Fugly grunted, and went back to ripping apart the turkey.

  “Chill, bitch,” Stig told me, and went back to chugging his wine.

  “You mind if I get some food before I lose my appetite?” I asked Deek.

  “GO AHEAD. BETTER GET BUSY ‘FORE THOSE TWO FINISH IT OFF.”

  I walked down the steps towards the table and reached out for a slice of beef – then hesitated. I looked back at Deek. “This is real?”

  His voice sounded amused. “REAL AS ANYTHING ELSE IN HERE, MOTHAFUCKA!”

  I realized I’d just asked a computer simulation of a dungeon core – something that had never, ever existed in the history of the world – if the thing he’d created inside a video game was ‘real.’

  Pretty funny, actually.

  His answer – Real as anything else in here – might as well have been straight out of the mouth of the videogame programmers.

  I shrugged and popped a piece of beef in my mouth.

  God DAMN, that’s delicious…

  I followed it up with a bottle of wine that Stig hadn’t touched yet. It was some of the best wine I’d ever tasted. Russell and Slothfart would have loved –

  Oh shit.

  I’d forgotten about them again.

  “Hey, Deek, can I ask you a question?”

  “YEAH, GO AHEAD.”

  “Is it going to interfere with you training Alaria?”

  “I CAN CHEW MEAT AND WALK AT THE SAME TIME, MEATBAG. WELL… I COULD IF I HAD A MOUTH AND LEGS. WHAT YOU WANNA KNOW?”

  “What happened to those other four play– uh, adventurers I was doing the dungeon with?” I asked guiltily. “Are they still up there?”

  “OH HELL NO. THEY LEFT YO’ ASS, HOMIE.”

  “What?!”

  Suddenly I wasn’t feeling quite so guilty anymore.

  “YEAH, THEY TRIED TO FIGHT THOSE OTHER THREE MOTHAFUCKAS, BUT THEY KEPT DYIN’ ‘N SHIT, SO THEY BAILED ON YO’ ASS.”

  Oh yeah – the bounty hunters…

  “THAT’S ONE THING I CAN’T UNDERSTAND. SOME OF YOU MEATBAGS DIE ‘N DON’T COME BACK… BUT A WHOLE MESS OF YOU POP BACK UP FROM THE GRAVEYARDS. WHAT THE HELL’S THAT ALL ABOUT?”

  I realized he was talking about players (who resurrected) versus NPCs (who didn’t).

  Which surprised me.

  “There are people who come in here who die and don’t come back?”

  “OH YEAH. USUALLY IT’S MOTHAFUCKAS FROM THE GUILD OR THE CHURCH.”

  “The guild? What guild?”

  “FUCKIN’ ASS-HATS WHO COME IN HERE PROBIN’ EVERY LI’L NOOK ‘N CRANNY, INSPECTIN’ MY TAINT ‘N SHIT, GIVIN’ ME RATINGS LIKE ‘APPRENTICE LEVEL THIS’ AND ‘MASTER LEVEL THAT.’”

  “So there’s a guild that comes in and inspects you?”

  “YEAH. THE DUNGEON GUILD.” Deek snorted. “FUCKIN’ ANNOYIN’ MOTHERFUCKERS.”

  Huh… it sort of made sense. If there was a resource in the world, there was always going to be a bureaucracy to spring up and try to control it, and try to keep everybody else from controlling it.

  But Deek had also mentioned another group.

  “And the church is – ”

  “THOSE ETERNITY MOTHERFUCKERS.”

  I immediately thought of the symbol both Urik and the nuns had worn: the sword piercing the infinity symbol.

  “HEH,” Deek chuckled, “THEY SURE AIN’T FUCKIN’ ETERNAL WHEN THEY BUY THE FARM IN HERE.”

  “Who’s ‘they’?” I asked. “Nuns?”

  “FUCK NO. PALADINS ‘N PRIESTS ‘N SHIT.”

  Paladins made sense. Holy knights of the order.

  Or, considering what their nuns got up to, maybe it was a hole-y order.

  Hyuck, hyuck. Yes, I know it was a bad joke.

  And the priests would be healers to keep the others alive…

  “Why do they come in here?”

  “OH, THEY WANNA RIP CONTROL OF ME AWAY FROM THE DUCHESS.”

  “What? Why?”

  “CUZ THEM CHURCH MOTHERFUCKERS ARE ALL ABOUT THE POWER ‘N MONEY. THAS ALL YOU MEATBAGS CARE ABOUT – POWER ‘N MONEY.”

  He wasn’t exactly wrong.

  “So that’s why Urik and the Duchess hate each other? Because he wants to steal the dungeon away for the church?”

  “WHO’S URIK?”

  “A m– ”

  I almost said ‘midget’ before I stopped myself.

  “A, uh, dwarf who works for the church.”

  “WE TALKIN’ A DWARF DWARF WITH A MOTHAFUCKIN’ BEARD, OR A MIDGET?”

  Apparently Deek did not give a fuck about political correctness.

  “Um… a little person.”

  “THEY BOTH LITTLE PERSONS, MOTHAFUCKA! WHICH IS IT, A DWARF OR A – ”

  “A midget,” I snapped.

  “YEEEEAAAH, I SEEN HIS ASS. HE ONE SLIPPERY LITTLE BASTARD. GOTTA HAND IT TO HIM, THOUGH – HE CAN TALK A KING OUTTA HIS THRONE OR A BITCH OUTTA HER DRESS IN TWO SECONDS FLAT. HE A MOTHAFUCKIN’ PLAYER.”

  For a second, I thought he meant ‘gamer.’

  “He’s a player?” I asked, surprised.

  “HELL YEAH.”

  “And you know that?!”

  “HELL YEAH! GAME RESPECT GAME, YO.”

  Oh.

  That kind of player.

  “HYPOCRITICAL AS A MOTHAFUCKA, THOUGH. TALKIN’ PURITY ‘N SHIT OUT ONE SIDE OF HIS MOUTH WHILE HE BALLS DEEP IN ONE OF HIS RELIGIOUS BITCHES THE NEXT.”

  I thought back fondly to last night. “Yeah… he actually tried to bribe me by letting me have sex with four nuns.”

  “GET OUT!”

  “Yeah,” I grinned.

  “TO DO WHAT?” Deek demanded angrily. “COME IN HERE AN’ TRY TO FUCK ME UP?”

  The entire room began to rumble like an earthquake.

  “No, no!” I said hurriedly. “No, he bribed me to – ”

  I stopped and thought for a second.

  “…uh, actually, I don’t know what he was trying to bribe
me to do…”

  “WHAT?!”

  The room stopped rumbling.

  “Yeah… there was kind of a case of mistaken identity… I think they thought I was somebody else.”

  “SO YOU FUCKED HIS NUNS AN’ YOU AIN’T EVEN DO NOTHIN’ FOR HIM?”

  “…no… I guess not…”

  Deek cackled. “DAAAAMN, YOU ONE COLD MOTHAFUCKA! MAD RESPECT, THOUGH. YOU PLAYED THAT MIDGET MOTHAFUCKA LIKE A GANGSTA.”

  I beamed with pride – although, to be honest, if I’d played anybody, it had been entirely by accident.

  I didn’t admit that to Deek, though.

  “HE DIDN’T SAY WHAT HE WANTED?”

  “Not really.”

  “HUH… DAMN, YOU MEATBAGS ARE SOME CRAZY MOTHAFUCKAS, GIVIN’ AWAY YOUR HOLES ‘N SHIT FOR NOTHIN’…”

  “I didn’t give away my hole,” I muttered as I thought of Alaria’s continuing fascination with my back door.

  “WHAT WAS THAT?”

  “Nothing,” I said, then remembered something Urik had mentioned. “Actually, he said he wanted a decision in favor of the church.”

  “HE SAID THOSE EXACT WORDS?”

  “Yeah… he and the Duchess seem to think I’m somebody called the Grand Inquisitor.”

  Deek almost deafened me when he yelled, “SAY WHAT?!”

  “Ow!” I winced, then put my fingers in my ears. “What the fuck, man?”

  “THEY THINK YOU’RE THE GRAND INQUISITOR? HAHAHAHA!”

  “Yeah – what’s that?”

  “THAT’S A BIGWIG IN THE DUNGEON GUILD, MAN! THAT’S LIKE THE TOP DAWG! HEY, YO – COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?”

  “What?”

  “GO ON UP THERE AND TELL ‘EM I’M GOOD. TELL ‘EM TO LET THE DUCHESS KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ME.”

  “You mean the Grand Inquisitor can do that?!”

  “YEAH, MOST DEF. WHATCHA SAY, HOMIE – CAN YOU DO ME A SOLID?”

  Suddenly a computer window popped up.

  Help a Dungeon Out, Yo!

  I groaned inwardly but kept on reading.

  Give the Orderly Dark Dungeon Deekavarianustrokamis the aid he needs to keep on living free from interference from the Church of Eternity.

  50,000 XP

  Gold: Negotiable

  The 50,000 in Experience was awesome, but what really caught my eye was the next line about the gold.

  ‘Negotiable’?!

  I was practically salivating.

  This might just be the thing that could get me out from under those bounty hunters!