Succubus 5 (Hardcore Dungeon Core): A LitRPG Series

by A. J. Markam

  Even Quint looked around in shock.

  “SHEEEE-IT, MEATBAG,” Deek said, “I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR AN HOUR, AND LOOK WHAT YOU GONE AND DONE.”

  “It’s not my fault!” I complained.

  “He communes with the dungeon core!” Quint bellowed. “He is controlling the rogue crystal with his warlock powers!”

  “BITCH, PLEASE,” Deek grumbled. “THAT MOTHAFUCKA CAN’T CONTROL SHIT.”

  “Do you hear it mocking you?!” Quint hollered at the Duchess, Urik, and the rest of the court. “It taunts you!”

  “LOOK, YOU UGLY-ASS MOTHAFUCKA, IF I’M TAUNTIN’ ANYBODY, I’M TAUNTIN’ THAT DUMBSHIT OVER THERE. AIN’T GOT NOTHIN’ TO DO WITH YOU.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered.

  “You see?! The warlock is in league with the dungeon core!” Quint shouted. “The penalty for such unnatural communion IS DEATH!”

  Quint heaved his sword over his head.

  Before he could swing it, though, the floor dropped out from under my feet.

  My backside hit a smooth incline of stone just as the marble floor knit itself back together above me. The last thing I heard before the floor sealed up was Quint’s roar of outrage, and then I slid down, down, down into darkness.

  32

  After what seemed like five minutes of spiraling around on the pitch-black playground slide from hell, a doorway finally opened up and I slid out onto the marble floor of Deek’s grand hall.

  “NEXT TIME I WANT SOMEBODY TO FUCK ALL MY SHIT UP,” the dungeon core said grumpily, “REMIND ME TO SEND YO’ DUMB ASS.”

  “It wasn’t my fault!” I protested as I got dizzily to my feet. Going around in circles for a thousand feet will do a number on your balance, virtual reality or no. “I didn’t know that the real Grand Inquisitor had arrived!”

  “YEAH – MAYBE THAT’S SOMETHIN’ YOU SHOULDA CONSIDERED BEFORE YOU WALTZED IN THERE.”

  “I was trying to fix things so you could remain under the Duchess’s control!” I said angrily, then remembered how I’d gotten notification that I’d failed the quest. “Uh, speaking of which… is there any chance you could pay me the 30,000 anyway?”

  “DID YOU GET ME BACK UNDER THE DUCHESS?”

  “No, but – ”

  “THEN NO GOLD FOR YOU!”

  “Oh, come onnnn – I tried!”

  “TRYIN’ AIN’T DOIN’, MOTHAFUCKA, AND I DON’T PAY FOR ‘TRIED’!”

  I sighed. “Well, do you think you could loan me the 30,000, then?”

  “I’M A DUNGEON, BITCH, NOT A COMMUNITY BANK. I DON’T GIVE LOANS.”

  “Yeah, you and pirates,” I grumbled.

  “WHAT?”

  “Nothing. What are we going to do now?”

  “WE GONNA WAIT FOR ‘EM TILL THEY COME DOWN HERE, AND THEN I’M GONNA KICK THEY ASS. THAT’S WHAT I’M GONNA DO. I GUESS YOU CAN JUST SIT BACK AND WATCH.”

  “How’s Alaria doing? Hey, Alaria!” I called out.

  No answer.

  I looked in a panic over at the tiny crystal propped up next to Deek. “What the fuck?! What’s going on?”

  “CHILL, MOTHAFUCKA, SHE ALRIGHT – SHE JUST CAN’T HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW. WE STARTED THE REUNIFICATION PROCESS WITH HER BODY, THAT’S ALL.”

  I looked over at Alaria’s flesh-and-blood body lying on her back. She looked just as still and blank-eyed as ever.

  “What’s wrong?! She looks exactly the same!”

  “I SAID CHILL, BITCH!”

  “Somebody tell that bitch to chill!” Stig croaked from underneath the table.

  “IT’S A PROCESS, MOTHAFUCKA! THIS AIN’T ‘PUSH A BUTTON ‘N POP OUT A SUCCUBUS’! WE GOTTA BE DELICATE ‘N SHIT.”

  I eyed the two-foot-long purple crystal warily.

  “Uh… I heard something up there I need to ask you about,” I said gingerly.

  “OKAY, SHOOT.”

  “It’s kind of… a delicate matter…”

  “SPIT IT OUT, MOTHAFUCKA! I AIN’T GOT ALL DAY!”

  “They said that if two crystals get together, they turn rogue.”

  “SHIIIIIIT. WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT?”

  “The Grand Inquisitor.”

  “MOTHERFUCKIN’ FEAR-MONGERIN’ ASSHOLE – AIN’T NO FUCKIN’ CRYSTALS GOIN’ ROGUE JUST CUZ THEY SHACKED UP.”

  “‘Shacked up’?” I asked in disbelief.

  “YEAH, MAN – CRYSTALS LIKE POONANNY, TOO. IT’S JUST, YOU KNOW, CRYSTAL POONANNY. AND IT’S MORE SPIRITUAL ‘N SHIT.”

  My eyebrows shot up in alarm. “What the fuck?!”

  “HAHAHA – CALM THE FUCK DOWN, MEATBAG! I ALREADY TOLD YOU, ALARIA AND ME AIN’T SHACKED UP. IT’S STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL ‘TWEEN US. NO CRYSTAL POONANNNY AT ALL.”

  “Then why would the Grand Inquisitor think you’re going to go insane if she’s down here?”

  “NUMBER ONE, CUZ HE DON’T KNOW SHIT. NUMBER TWO, CUZ GETTIN’ A DUNGEON CORE SOUL BACK IN HER BODY AIN’T EXACTY AN EVERYDAY OCCURRENCE, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’? IT AIN’T EVEN AN EVERY-CENTURY KIND OF OCCURRENCE. BUT WE AIN’T GOIN’ INSANE JUST CUZ WE IN THE SAME DAMN ROOM.”

  “You’re saying that two crystals have never gone insane when they get together?”

  “WELL, FUCK, I AIN’T SAYIN’ IT AIN’T NEVER HAPPENED, BUT THAT SHIT IS RARE. AND WHEN IT DO HAPPEN, IT’S JUSTIFIED. I MEAN, COME ON, YOU AIN’T NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BATSHIT CRAZY CHICK? THE POONANNY BE BANGIN’ WHEN THEY INSANE, BUT THEY ACTUALLY WILL DRIVE YOU OUT YO’ DAMN MIND.”

  “Bitches be crazy,” Stig piped up.

  “TRUER WORD WAS NEVER SPOKE, L’IL MAN.”

  I looked over in irritation at the table. Stig had dragged himself back to the tabletop and was hitting the bottle again. Likewise, Fugly had slept off his food coma and was starting in on the roast beef.

  I walked over, snatched the bottle away from Stig, and pulled the platter away from Fugly.

  “Hey!” Stig croaked.

  “hhhhh!” Fugly hissed.

  “Guys, we have a whole fuckin’ army coming down here,” I snapped. “I need you sober and able to fly – got it? No more booze or food till the fighting is OVER.”

  “Aw,” Stig complained.

  “meh,” Fugly grunted.

  “YOU NEED TO GET YO’ PANTIES UNTWISTED,” Deek reprimanded. “AIN’T NO FUCKIN’ ARMIES GONNA DO JACK SHIT TO ME.”

  I looked over at Deek in surprise. “The Grand Inquisitor said he had 200 guys!”

  “PSH. I CAN HANDLE ‘EM WITH MY EYES CLOSED. IF I HAD EYES.”

  “Look – ”

  “NO, YOU LOOK. GO ON OVER TO THE FOUNTAIN, FOOL.”

  I scurried over to the basin and looked at the shimmering waters.

  Quint was getting clad in black plate armor by a couple of squires as he yelled at his men. “Today we strike a sword into the heart of this damned dungeon, men! Today we remove another threat from the world! We shall fight and conquer, and you shall have the grateful thanks of every man, woman, and child for a hundred miles!”

  The ‘camera’ panned over the crowd of 200 warriors, mages, and hunters in black as they roared, swords and staffs and bows held high in the air.

  “I SEEN TOUGHER MOTHERFUCKERS’N THESE,” Deek said nonchalantly. “I CAN HANDLE THIS SHIT.”

  “What about the palace guard? What are they doing?”

  The waters shimmered, and suddenly we were looking at the Duchess speaking from a balcony to a courtyard of hundreds of knights and armored foot soldiers.

  “Go to the Courtyard of the Dungeon and turn every adventurer away! WE are going inside the dungeon, and WE are going to reclaim what is rightfully ours! No outside principality shall tell us what to do with our gods-given birthright! I care nothing for the Church, nor for the Dungeon Guild – we are Vos, and the dungeon is OURS!”

  The entire courtyard of knights and palace guards roared in approval, and stampeded out of the castle and towards the coliseum.

  “OKAY… OKAY,” Deek said, though he sounded a little less assured than last tim
e. “THIS AIN’T GOOD, BUT… I CAN TAKE ‘EM. I CAN DEFINITELY TAKE ‘EM.”

  “But what about the Church? What if they come, too?”

  “WHAT, THE HOLY ROLLERS? PFFF, I CAN HANDLE ‘EM,” Deek scoffed. “I COULD FUCK ‘EM UP WITH ONE ARM TIED BEHIND MY BACK. IF I HAD ARMS. BUT LET’S SEE WHAT THE HOLY ROLLERS’RE UP TO JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.”

  The waters shimmered, and we were looking at the royal stables again. Except now Urik was standing in front of the wooden crate and talking to at least a hundred church paladins and priests as the sun rose above the horizon.

  “You will take it and you will plant it, and it will destroy both the Guild AND the Duchess’s men, after which the church will swoop in and take control – not only of the dungeon, but all of Vos. With her forces wiped out, the Duchess will be vulnerable to a… COMPLETELY unforeseen coup from her advisors,” the dwarf smirked, “at which point we will be FORCED to step in, both for the good of the city and of the Duchess herself.”

  A paladin spoke up hesitantly. “Sir… are you absolutely sure this will work?”

  The dwarf nodded. “The gods are on our side, lieutenant.”

  “But what if we lose control of it? The city could be – ”

  “We WON’T. The men who secured this for us did so at great cost, and they assured me that we will be able to control it.”

  “But sir – ”

  Urik stared down the man coldly. “Are you questioning the gods’ will, lieutenant?”

  “N-no sir… no, I would never – ”

  “Good. Then do as I command. All hail Eternity!”

  The paladins raised their swords into the air. “All hail Eternity!”

  Deek sighed. “FUCKIN’ HOLY ROLLERS DON’T KNOW THEY OWN ASS FROM THEY HEADS. WHAT THE FUCK THEY THINK THEY GONNA DO THAT’S GONNA TAKE OUT THE GUILD AND THE DUCHESS? FUCKIN’ DUMBASS MEATBAG MOTHERFUCKERS…”

  I turned around to face Deek. “They mentioned a backup plan.”

  “NO THEY DIDN’T.”

  “No, not just now. When I first showed up in the stables, they had that same crate there, and they were muttering about a backup plan.”

  “YEAH, WELL, I’D LIKE TO SEE WHAT KIND OF BACKUP PLAN THEY PULL OUT OF THEY – OH SHIT!”

  “What?” I asked, and turned back to the water.

  The paladins had removed the lid on the crate, and two of them were carefully pulling something out of the straw.

  It was a black crystal about as big as Deek. But that was where the resemblance ended.

  This one was cracked and split, and hundreds of other smaller crystals had erupted from the fissure. It almost looked like the thing was covered in crystalline barnacles, or in some sort of glassy fungus.

  “Oh shit – they’ve got their own dungeon core,” I murmured.

  “NOT JUST ANY DUNGEON CORE, MEATBAG. THAT’S A MOTHERFUCKIN’ ROGUE DUNGEON CORE.”

  I stared at the black crystal in shock. “What?! Isn’t that dangerous?!”

  “‘DANGEROUS’ DON’T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT. WHAT THEY DOIN’ RIGHT NOW IS LIKE RUBBIN’ RAW MEAT ALL OVER THEY BARE ASSES AND WAVIN’ ‘EM AROUND IN FRONT OF A HUNGRY DRAGON. MOTHERFUCKIN’ IDIOTS.”

  “But… you can handle it, right?” I said hopefully.

  “NO, WE FUCKED.”

  I turned and stared at the big crystal. “What?!”

  “YEAH, WE FUCKED, MOTHAFUCKA. WE FUCKED SO HARD WE GOT DICKS COMIN’ OUTTA OUR EARS. IF I HAD EARS.”

  “But you said you could handle those other guys!”

  “YEAH, BUT THAT’S A MOTHERFUCKIN’ ROGUE DUNGEON CORE! THAT BITCH DON’T PLAY! IT’S FUCKIN’ INSANE, AND IT’S AS BIG AS ME, WHICH MEANS IT’S PROBABLY AS POWERFUL AS ME! I MIGHTA BEEN ABLE TO TAKE IT WITH NOTHIN’ ELSE GOIN’ ON, BUT I CAN’T HANDLE IT AND A COUPLA HUNDRED GUILD MOTHERFUCKERS AND THE DUCHESS’S DICKHEADS! I CAN FIGHT A WAR ON TWO FRONTS, BUT NOT ON THREE! MAN, DIS SHIT IS FUCKED UP.”

  “What’re we gonna do?” I asked frantically.

  “I KINDA BEEN WONDERIN’ THAT MYSELF…”

  I looked over at Alaria’s body lying on the ground. “You’ve got to get Alaria back in her body!”

  “I’M WORKIN’ ON IT!”

  “No, I mean now!”

  “IT DON’T WORK LIKE THAT! I TOLD YOU, IT’S A PROCESS!”

  “Then stop the process and we’ll pick it up later!”

  “WE CAN’T STOP NOW, MOTHAFUCKA! THIS AIN’T LIKE MAKIN’ A FUCKIN’ SALAD! YOU CAN’T CHOP A FEW VEGETABLES AN’ COME BACK A COUPLA HOURS LATER TO FINISH IT OFF! THIS IS BAKIN’ A MOTHERFUCKIN’ CAKE! ONCE THAT BITCH IS IN THE OVEN, YOU AIN’T PULLIN’ IT OUT UNLESS YOU WANT IT COLLAPSIN’ ON YO’ ASS! AND I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT ALARIA’S SOUL COLLAPSIN’ ON YO’ ASS!”

  “But we have to get her out of here!”

  “NAW, WE GONNA STAND OUR GROUND AND FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK WE GONNA DO TILL THE SPELL IS FINISHED, THAT’S WHAT WE GONNA DO.”

  I paced back and forth in a frenzy. I’d lost her once – I wasn’t about to go through that again. It would kill me, I was sure of it.

  I stopped and turned to the crystal. “Get her back in her body and I’ll get you out of here. I promise.”

  “I APPRECIATE THAT, DAWG, I REALLY DO, BUT YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO WHAT I’M SAYIN’: WE CAN’T MOVE HER, AND I CAN’T MOVE, EITHER, TILL IT’S DONE. WHATEVER MOTHAFUCKIN’ STORM’S COMIN’ OUR WAY, WE GOTTA WEATHER THAT SHIT TILL SHE’S BACK IN HER BODY. THEN WE CAN TALK ABOUT OUR OPTIONS.”

  “What can I do to help?”

  “WHATEVER GODS YOU PRAY TO, BEST START PRAYIN’, MOTHAFUCKA.”

  “Can’t you speed up the process some way?”

  “WELL, I MEAN, I COULD, BUT – ”

  “How?”

  “I’D HAFTA DEVOTE EVERY SINGLE MOTHAFUCKIN’ BIT OF MY CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVIN’ HER SPELL ALONG, THAT’S HOW.”

  “So do that!”

  “AIN’T YOU BEEN PAYIN’ ATTENTION, BITCH?! I’M ABOUT TO FIGHT THREE MOTHERFUCKIN’ WARS AT THE SAME MOTHERFUCKIN’ TIME, AN’ ONE OF ‘EM’S WITH A DAMN ROGUE DUNGEON! SHIIIIIIT.”

  Yeah, okay, that was a problem.

  My brain was spinning frantically, searching for a solution. “Do your controls – I mean, do your spells work like Alaria’s?”

  “YEAH, SO?”

  “So I’ve seen her spells. I was able to work them, so I should be able to work yours, too.”

  “WHOA. HOLD ON THERE, MEATBAG. IT DON’T WORK LIKE THAT.”

  “But you just said – ”

  “SHE A BABY DUNGEON, MOTHAFUCKA! OKAY, I GUESS SHE’S MORE LIKE A TODDLER DUNGEON NOW, BUT I’M 500 MOTHAFUCKIN’ YEARS OLD! YOU KNOW HOW MANY CREATURES SHE GOT BOUND TO HER RIGHT NOW? EIGHT. YOU KNOW HOW MANY I GOT? 210,578. YEAH. I GOT 450 DIFFERENT RACES UP IN HERE, BITCH. FUCK, I GOT 17 DIFFERENT VARIETIES OF HOBGOBLINS ALONE.”

  “How long’s it going to take you to transfer over Alaria’s soul at the current rate?”

  “TWO HOURS, GIVE OR TAKE.”

  “How long if you devoted ALL your attention to it?”

  Deek sighed. “THIRTY MINUTES. MAYBE LESS.”

  “You think you can hold out two hours against three armies?”

  “I DON’T KNOW, BUT YOU SURE AS FUCK CAN’T HOLD OUT FIVE MINUTES, I KNOW THAT MUCH.”

  “I can do this,” I said fervently. “I can figure it out. I know I can. And if we’re going to do the handoff, we need to do it now so I can get used to the spells. You don’t want to throw me into the middle of it after the fighting starts.”

  Silence from Deek.

  I prayed to the videogame gods that I’d said all the right things and hadn’t offended him.

  I started to panic and was on the verge of saying more, when he muttered, “…ALRIGHT.”

  “What?”

  “‘ALRIGHT,’ MOTHAFUCKA, I SAID ALRIGHT!” he yelled crossly.

  “You’re serious?!” I cried out, overjoyed.

  “AM I SERIOUS – YES I’M SERIOUS, OR I WOULDN’T ‘A FUCKIN’ SAID IT! BUT D
AMNED IF I KNOW WHY THE FUCK I’M DOIN’ THIS…”

  “Because it’s going to work.”

  “YEAH, RIGHT.”

  “It’s the only way. You know it is.”

  Deek sighed. “I OUGHTA HAVE MY MOTHAFUCKIN’ HEAD EXAMINED FOR DOIN’ THIS SHIT.”

  A long pause.

  “IF I HAD A HEAD.”

  33

  I touched the surface of Deek’s crystal, there was a flash of light, and suddenly everything changed.

  For one, I had a God’s-eye view of the dungeon. It appeared in front of me like a dollhouse – or more accurately, like a series of doll-sized, underground bunkers.

  For the first time, I understood the structure of the overall dungeon. It was arranged like a four-leaf clover, if the petals were diamond-shaped and if somebody had punched out the middle of each petal.

  All four quadrants – the slime dungeon to the south, the skeleton dungeon to the east, the creature dungeon to the north, and the elemental dungeon to the west – joined together at a central point on the very top floor: the entrance area with the graveyard. Basically, one tip of each diamond shape touched that central room, and every quadrant had an empty atrium filled with wyverns – which, in GodMode, looked like gnats swarming inside an empty rectangular box.

  That was cool enough, seeing Deek’s handiwork laid out like the baddest-ass gaming miniature set ever. But what was even wilder were all the menus.

  Holy shit were there menus.

  The biggest one by far was the one for minions. Each dungeon had its own tab, and each tab had anywhere from a couple dozen to a couple hundred icons underneath it.

  The slime mold, skeleton, and elemental dungeons were fairly simple. I mean, how many different varieties of slime mold could you have, anyway?

  More than you’d think, actually. There were acid slime molds, suffocating slime molds, jumping slime molds, ones that could shoot out hundred-foot-long pseudopods, ones that could incorporate swords and daggers into their outer layers, ones that could eject spores that turned into deadly, fast-moving blobs – you get the idea.

  But the slime molds paled in comparison to the diversity of the creature dungeon. There were literally hundreds of different races, including everything I’d already seen on the first 20 floors of the dungeon: centaurs, fauns, gryphons, gorgons, ents, chimeras, banshees, hobgoblins, golems, fairies, pixies, pucks, gremlins – along with all the other creatures I’d seen when I first entered Deek’s throne room. And even then there were dozens of additional races I hadn’t encountered yet.