“Gotcha, one tough subject at a time.” Colt leaned back in the chair.
She avoided looking his direction, because if she looked at him, if she saw the sympathy in his silver-gray eyes, she’d fall apart. He’d always been her weakness.
“This situation is complicated,” Colt started. “My sister Daisy spent quite a bit of her teen years with Becky. Daisy settled in Tulsa after her divorce so she, Dixie and Becky were kind of a family unit.”
Daisy, Holly’s childhood friend, had been close to Dixie, closer than Holly herself. The first stirrings of jealousy swirled through her belly.
“Okay,” she prodded, needing more.
“Becky knew she had congestive heart failure and she prepared a will. She left everything in trust for Dixie, with Daisy as administrator. She also wanted for us to have time to get to know Dixie.” He paused, shifting his hat to block the late-afternoon sun.
“Colt, what does that mean?”
“Custody is Dixie’s decision. She will be with us until the end of May. That gives her two months to make a decision. She can choose to stay with us or she can go back to Tulsa—and Daisy.”
“She’s only eleven. How can she make a decision about what is best for her?”
“Holly, I’m sorry.”
“No.” She raised a hand to stop him from saying more. “I don’t know how to process all of this. I thought...” She let out a jagged breath that hurt.
“Becky left a letter for us, asking us to do our very best for our daughter. She didn’t leave it entirely up to Dixie. She asked us to include Dixie in any decision that is made but she asked us to be aware that Dixie and Daisy have a bond. Daisy will never keep her from us.”
Holly brushed away the tears that slid down her cheeks.
“What else?” Holly asked, because she was sure there had to be more.
“We have to be able to share custody in a way that won’t hurt our daughter.”
“How is that possible when you don’t even live here? Would I have her for a week here and you take her for a week at the beach or in Texas, or on the road with you?”
Calm. She needed to be calm. Even she could hear her voice rising as she thought about the heartache for Dixie, for Daisy and for herself and Colt. She understood that Becky had been trying to make the best decision for Dixie, but Holly couldn’t believe this was best.
“I’m not leaving,” Colt surprised her by saying. “I’m going to be here, helping Dixie to get settled. I’ve given this a lot of thought.”
“Because you had more than one day to adjust.”
His cheeks turned red at her accusation. “Yes, I did have more time. During that time I’ve thought about us, and what we can do to make things work out for our daughter.”
His words sank in, and she laughed because surely he couldn’t be proposing that they...no, this wasn’t a proposal. “Please don’t tell me you think we should get married?”
He cleared his throat. “Well, yes, actually I do think we should get married.”
“At nineteen I would have given anything to be your wife.” Her heart broke a little as she spoke. “I loved you. Maybe I still do love you a little. Unfortunately you broke my heart. I’m not going to be my mother. She thought a man loved her, then she found out he was married to someone else. I’m not going to do this, Colt. I won’t drag Dixie into a relationship that isn’t built on trust. We can’t get married just to make a family for our daughter.”
“I think it’s the best reason to get married.”
“No, it isn’t.” She stood, stacking the papers so she could insert them back in the file. “I’d like to keep this and look over it.”
“Be my guest. That’s your copy.”
He pushed himself to his feet and towered over her from the other side of the table. That made her mad. She wasn’t a small woman. She’d always been above average height. And she didn’t cower before men. But he had a way of shaking her up, making her feel things she didn’t want to feel.
Right at that moment she felt regret because once, a long time ago, she’d wanted to marry him. She’d thought he would be the one to make her life into a fairy tale. She’d wanted him to ride in and fix everything for her.
“If it makes a difference, I’m sorry. I’ve been sorry every day for almost twelve years. If I could take back what I did to you...” Colt shrugged.
“I’ve forgiven you, Colt. I should also thank you for teaching me something about myself. I’m strong. Much stronger than I ever thought. What I learned is that I don’t need you to fix my life. I found that I needed to be happy with myself, with my life, and it was wrong to think I needed another person to bring me happiness.”
“Well—” he grinned, but it was with a hint of sadness “—I’m glad I could be of service.”
“Colt, we have to find a way to do this without resorting to extremes. We can be the parents Dixie needs. We can work together to make her feel safe and loved.”
“I agree,” he said as he rounded the table to stand close to her. “But I’m not giving up on us.”
“There is no us.”
He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I don’t want to argue with you, darlin’, but I’ve been praying on something and I’m not quite ready to give up.”
Her heart stuttered at his words but she pulled away, willing herself to remember her strength. “I’m glad you’re praying.”
He winked. “I know that takes you by surprise. God and I have been working on building a new relationship. So I’m going to head on over to my place and leave Dixie here with you. But you’ve been warned, Holly, and I don’t plan on giving up too easy.”
“Warned about what?” Opal asked as she came around the corner of the house. “Is there a tornado?”
“No, Mom, it’s just Colt being silly.”
“Well, I made egg salad for supper. Colt, would you like to stay?” Opal looked down at her dirty hands. “I think I’ve been in the mud. I need to go wash up.”
“Mom, we’ll go inside in a minute. Colt is leaving.” Holly felt her whole world shift as her gaze collided with his. She looked away before he could make her regret. “Dixie, if you’re okay with staying here, we’ll get your room ready.”
Dixie nodded but didn’t look settled on the fact. She looked to Colt. “Will you be here Sunday? Remember, you said we’d go to church together. And I can meet my grandpa, Jack?”
“That’s the plan. But if Holly doesn’t mind, I’ll also come by tomorrow. Maybe we can throw some burgers on the grill.”
His flirty grin had returned.
“That would be fine.”
“Dixie, give me a hug goodbye. And if you need me, I’m just down the road.”
Holly watched their farewells, then she herded her mother and Dixie back into the house. From the kitchen window she watched as Colt led his horse back to the trailer. She knew that Colt was the last thing she needed in her life.
But it seemed he was in her life anyway. For better or for worse.
* * *
Colt would have liked to say he drove off without looking back. That wouldn’t have been the truth, and he’d been working hard on being a more honest person. A better man. That had been his goal for the past year, since God had shaken him up one night with a nightmare that had been like a trip down memory lane. He had hurt a lot of people in his life.
This time as he drove away from Holly’s he couldn’t help but think about the two people he was leaving behind. But not leaving. He’d be here tomorrow and the next day. He’d be in their lives every day if they’d let him. Both of them had choices. Dixie would choose if she wanted to live with Daisy or them. Holly would choose if she wanted to give him another chance.
He hit his blinker and turned right, onto a paved drive that led to a ranch-style home built in the 1970s. He liked the house, with its big win
dows, large rooms, views of the countryside and the fences made of treated lumber. The barn was dark brown metal with a big corral. He hadn’t spent more than a few days here since he’d bought the place. As far as he knew, few people were aware that he was the owner.
Including his father, Jack West, the owner of the now famous Mercy Ranch. A ranch for wounded military veterans trying to rebuild their lives. A ranch for people like the man Jack West had been when he came home from Vietnam. A broken man who’d married a younger woman, a nurse who had helped care for him.
He couldn’t deny that his gut was tied in knots just thinking about a reunion with his father. He’d almost rather get trampled by another bull.
Once upon a time, Jack had been meaner than old Snake Bite, the bull that Colt had tangled with recently. These days Jack was twenty years older and a lot more mellow. He’d given up booze and fighting, had sought out help, and had gotten right with God.
Colt was very glad all three had happened for his dad.
He pulled his trailer up to the metal barn, and as he got out, he noticed he had company.
Isaac got out of his truck, and from the passenger seat, their older brother, Carson, exited and headed his way. That was a surprise. He might have expected Isaac to follow him to the house but he kind of thought Carson, a doctor, would be at home with his wife and children.
“So it is true that you own this place?” Isaac asked with a grin as he surveyed the property. “Nice place. I didn’t expect to see you here, though.”
“Where’d you expect to see me?” Colt asked as he headed for the back of his trailer. “Hi to you, too, Carson.”
“Little brother, good to see you again.”
“Right.” Colt unlatched the back of the gate. “How’s Kylie? Is she still glad that I sent you back here to propose?”
“I reckon she is.” Carson, always the serious one, grinned. Love did that to a man.
“I thought you would stick pretty close to Holly’s, what with your daughter here and all.” Isaac interrupted them with all the finesse of the proverbial bull rampaging through a china shop.
Isaac was nothing if not charming. It was one of the things he and his half brother had in common.
“I thought it best to give the two of them a night together. I’ve had Dixie for a few days. She’s probably sick of me.”
“You’re the familiar face now,” Carson interjected. Colt didn’t remember asking his opinion.
“Yeah, well, I can’t say that I’m the best one to help her adjust to her new life, the one where she doesn’t have a mother.”
They all got quiet.
Isaac pulled a wrapped toothpick from his pocket and tore the cellophane away. The trash went in his pocket; the toothpick went between his teeth. He didn’t say anything but he shot a glance in Carson’s direction, obviously deciding the older of the three had more to say about the situation.
“Go ahead and tell me what I’ve done wrong. I’m sure you’ve got a long list.” Colt tensed as he waited. He and Carson locked gazes the way a couple of old bulls would lock horns.
They didn’t have a reason to be at odds. It had just happened somewhere along the way. Maybe because they’d gone different directions with their lives. Colt enjoyed rodeo more than he enjoyed settling down. Carson had always needed a neat and orderly life.
Isaac had been here in Hope, with Jack, since Colt and Carson’s mom hauled them out of town. He’d adjusted, and somehow had done the impossible: he’d been the catalyst for Jack getting sober.
Colt’s life had always been messy. And it got under his skin that Isaac was standing there looking like the family man and favorite son.
Carson finally cleared his throat and shrugged.
“I can’t say a thing. It isn’t like I always make the right decisions. Remember, you showed up in Chicago to let me know that I was messing up.” Carson shrugged. “We’ve all got our stuff to figure out. We just don’t want Dixie to have more to deal with than she can handle.”
Colt pulled off his hat and ran a hand through his too-long hair. “I know. I mean, look at us. We aren’t exactly poster children for stable and functional.”
“Speak for yourself,” Isaac quipped as he pointed to himself. “Married with a beautiful wife, daughter and another one on the way.”
“So what do I do?” Colt asked, knowing full well that he wouldn’t like their answers.
“I think you need to stay close. Let Dixie know that you’re here for her. And it might be good for Holly to know that you’re here to help her out,” Carson replied in his typical matter-of-fact tone.
Colt shoved his hat back on his head. “Holly doesn’t need me or want me to be there for her.”
“You think women tell you when they need help with something?” Isaac laughed and slapped Colt on the back. “You don’t know as much about women as you let on.”
“They like me. I like them. What more do I need to know?”
Isaac arched a brow. “That statement proves how little you know. Let me explain in the simplest terms so you can understand.”
Colt glared. Isaac just smiled and continued. “A woman isn’t always going to tell you when she needs help. She’ll give you clues. But when you ask her why she’s mad or if she needs something, she’s going to say there’s nothing wrong. But then she’ll stomp past you with a ladder, and you’ll understand that there is definitely something she wanted from you and it probably has nothing to do with the football game you’re watching.”
“Sounds as if you’re speaking from experience,” Colt said as he went to lead his horse from the trailer. He stepped inside to untie the gelding and back him out.
“It’s something you’ll learn in time. If you stick around, that is.” Isaac leaned against the side of the trailer. “Nice animal.”
Colt led the horse out, holding the lead rope as the animal shook like a dog, sending dust flying. “He’s tired of that trailer.”
“Can’t say that I blame him,” Carson spoke up, his expression more than a little amused. Probably due to Isaac’s anecdote about women.
“I plan on sticking around. If Holly wants me to.” Colt led his horse in the direction of the corral. Bounty trotted next to him, eager for the water trough and green grass. “I’m not exactly sure she wants me in her life.”
“She probably needs convincing that you’re in this with her.”
“I asked her to marry me. How much more could I be in this?”
Carson laughed at that. Isaac groaned.
“How did that go over?” Carson asked after another round of laughter, this time with Isaac joining in.
“Glad you all are so amused.”
“You can’t complain if we laugh.” Isaac turned on the water and began to fill the water trough. “Did you propose it like a business arrangement or like you thought she should be honored? I’m curious how this went down.”
“I told her I thought we should...”
Carson held up a hand. “You said it like that? You thought you should get married?”
“Not exactly like that. Look, she isn’t going to marry me, that’s all that matters. And it’s probably wise of her to say no. I can’t imagine I’d be much of a husband. Besides that, I’ve never been one to stay in one place for very long.”
“Or with one woman,” Carson added.
Colt went after him, but Isaac stepped between the two of them, pushing Colt back with one hand while removing the toothpick with the other. He pointed the tiny weapon at Colt.
“I don’t know what he said.” Isaac pointed to his damaged ear. “But I’m sure he deserves whatever you were going to dole out. Keep in mind, you were hospitalized for almost two weeks, and he’s in the best shape of his life.”
“Thanks,” Colt said. “Glad you pointed that out. And I don’t need for you to point out my faults,” he s
aid to Carson. “I know them better than anyone.”
“I’m sorry for getting under your skin,” Carson said with a half grin. “Are you planning on seeing Jack this time?”
Of course they both knew he’d been in town. The last time he’d been here, he’d bought this property. The time before that, he’d only been in town long enough to lend Holly the money for the café.
“I planned on it,” he said. “I’m going to be here for a while.”
“He’s in Tulsa for a day or two. I think you’re gonna be glad that you’re here,” Carson told him.
“Am I?” Colt asked. “I’m not so sure.”
“Take it from me, you need to do this. You need to talk to Jack and finally put the past behind you,” Carson informed him with the wisdom of an older brother. The kind of wisdom that got under Colt’s skin. Or used to.
“I’ll talk to him. I’ll deal with the past.”
“Good to hear,” Isaac said. “And now I’m going home to my wife. I’d guess you have a lot to think about.”
Isaac surprised him by giving him a quick hug. Carson did the same. Then they left, both climbing back into Isaac’s truck.
For what it was worth, Colt thought that Isaac was right. He had a lot to think about. Mostly, who he was going to be now that he had a daughter, and now that he knew Holly’s resentment hadn’t lessened over time. He couldn’t fault her for that. He didn’t trust himself too much, either.
He was going to need God’s help in becoming the man he knew he needed to be. A man who didn’t walk out on the people he loved.
It was going to be a long road ahead.
Chapter Four
Holly heard Dixie coming down the stairs Saturday morning and her gut instantly tightened. They hadn’t talked much the previous night. Instead they’d played a board game, watched some television and generally pretended the situation they found themselves in wasn’t strange. It had been easier to ignore the reality that this might be temporary.
At bedtime she’d taken Dixie upstairs to a bedroom where a quilt Holly’s grandmother had made covered the twin bed. The dresser had been painted white to match the eyelet curtains, and the window was open a crack, letting in a breeze and the sounds of the country night. Dixie had walked around the room, touching a music box with a dancing ballerina, then she’d looked out the window at the fields blanketed in silvery moonlight.
The Prodigal Cowboy (Mercy Ranch Book 5) Page 4
