by Rose Pearson
Having discovered that the two ladies had chosen to brave the cold and made their way to Gunter’s tea shop for a warming beverage, Benedict had chosen to follow after them, although he prayed that Gunter’s would be very warm indeed given that, even in his boots, greatcoat and gloves, he still felt very chilled indeed! Given that Gunter’s was usually known for its ices and sweet treats during the height of summer, it was a little unusual to step inside to find no such things on display. The tea shop was, however, rather cozy with only a small space for patrons but a good deal of warmth – much to Benedict’s relief!
“My Lord.”
A shop worker bowed and looked expectantly towards Benedict.
“I am here seeking Lady Hayward and Lady Charity,” Benedict told him. “Have they arrived?”
“Indeed, my Lord.”
The man showed him quickly to a small table at the very back of the premises and Benedict felt a little gratified when he saw the surprise leap into Lady Charity’s eyes.
“Lady Charity, Lady Hayward,” he said, bowing low before them as they both began to rise. “Pray, stay seated. I came to call upon you, only to learn that you had braved the cold to venture here!”
Lady Hayward laughed and gestured for him to come and sit with them.
“Indeed we did, Lord Hosmer,” she said, as Lady Charity watched him closely, no smile on her face. “It may have been a little foolish, given the amount of snow that has fallen but we were quite determined to venture out!”
“Then I applaud you,” he replied, with a small inclination of his head. “You do not mind if I join you for a short time?”
“Of course we do not,” Lady Hayward replied, as Lady Charity shook her head and attempted to smile, even though there was still a startled look in her eyes. “Please. Shall we order more tea?”
“Lady Hayward?”
Benedict looked over his shoulder to see Lady Riverland standing just behind him, a bright smile on her face.
“Good afternoon!” Lady Hayward cried, quickly rising from her chair. “I did not expect to see you here! Were you as brave as we?”
Turning back to Lady Charity as the two older ladies continued to speak, Benedict gave her what he hoped was a warm smile.
“I received your letter, Lady Charity,” he said, quietly. “I wanted to call upon you at once, to make certain that you were fully aware that there is no upset nor frustration on my part. I feel nothing but contentment as regards our conversation last evening, Lady Charity.”
Her eyes were still wide but, as he continued to smile at her, Benedict saw how a dusky pink began to enter her cheeks.
“I am relieved to hear you say so, Lord Hosmer,” she replied, after a moment or two. “I began to be anxious that I had been much too forward or inconsiderate.”
“You were neither,” he replied, only to see the shop waiter come towards him, clearly ready to see what it was Benedict wished to order.
“Should you wish for something more, Lady Charity?” he asked, and was glad when she decided that she would like a little more tea. Seeing that Lady Hayward and Lady Riverland had sat down at an adjacent table, clearly quite contented to leave Benedict and Lady Charity to converse together, Benedict quickly made his order and then returned to their conversation.
“I have considered all that you have said, Lady Charity,” he continued, as the blush in her cheeks mounted just a little. “You are, I believe, quite correct.” He grimaced, although his smile quickly returned to his face. “I should not like Lord and Lady Ramsbury to hear such a thing from me, however. You shall have to promise not to say a word to them!”
This, much to his relief, made Lady Charity laugh, her eyes brightening and no longer holding that sense of shock which had been there at the first.
“I have found being in London at Christmas time to be very difficult indeed,” he continued, now speaking with a little more seriousness. “But I have found it all the worse to remain at my estate, entirely alone! I did try to do so one Christmas season but found myself so despondent that I made my way to London despite the treacherous weather!” Shaking his head at the memory, Benedict saw the concern in Lady Charity’s eyes and felt his heart soften. “It is a very odd situation, I am aware, but it is as though being in London reminds me of what occurred whilst, at the same time, lifting my spirits just enough so that I might endure the trial without too much of a struggle.”
“Whatever occurred has clearly had a very grave impact upon you, Lord Hosmer,” she replied, keeping her voice low and quiet. “But if I have been able to encourage you in any way thus far, then I am very glad indeed.”
A sudden urge to tell Lady Charity the truth about what had happened filled Benedict completely. He had not spoken of it at length to anyone for some time, had kept the pain of it wrapped up around his heart and yet, now that he looked into Lady Charity’s eyes, knowing full well that she was truly eager to be of aid to him, that desire began to burn all through him.
“I was betrothed,” he found himself saying, just as the shop waiter brought their tea, along with the small selection of cakes which Benedict had ordered. He waited until the waiter had set down their items and stepped away before continuing, nodding when Lady Charity offered to pour their tea.
“The lady in question was someone I considered to honest, trustworthy and true,” he continued, unable to look Lady Charity in the face, but instead watching as the tea ran into the china cup. “I came to care for her a great deal. We were – we were just betrothed.”
Lady Charity set down the teapot carefully.
“I see,” she said, gently. “But that betrothal came to an end, I presume?”
Benedict felt his shoulders slump.
“It did,” he told her, shaking his head. “But it was not my doing. Lady Frederica – for that was her name – decided that our betrothal was not something she wanted to continue – yet three days before, she had accepted when I asked her. I am only grateful that it had not been widely announced at that point, or my mortification would have been extreme, and her reputation damaged by her actions. She told me this as I stood on the steps outside her father’s townhouse, when the snow was falling heavily. I could even hear the sound of someone playing the pianoforte and singing with such great gusto that it was as though they were attempting to serenade my deep distress.” Swallowing hard as another stab of pain lanced his heart, Benedict continued on quietly. “It appeared that what I believed to be within her heart was not, in fact, present. I later learned that the Marquess of Norwich had shown an interest in Lady Frederica – and thus, she had chosen to accept his court rather than continue with our betrothal.” A rueful smile pulled at his lips. “It seems that a Marquess with a greater fortune than I was the better prospect. I was thoroughly rejected, Lady Charity.”
The lady held his gaze steadily and, much to his surprise, he saw her eyes glistening. Was she truly sorry for him? Was that genuine compassion which filled her gaze? His heart lurched and he looked away, picking up his tea cup and taking a small sip in the hope that it would mask his true emotions.
“That must have been truly dreadful, Lord Hosmer.”
Closing his eyes for a moment, Benedict nodded.
“It was,” he agreed, his whole body beginning to feel a little weak, now that he had told her the truth of it all. “However, I confess that I felt nothing but foolishness, rather than anything else. I realized that I had given a good deal of my time and, indeed, my emotions to someone who was playing me for a fool. What I believed I saw in Lady Frederica was not truly there. Perhaps I only wished to see it.”
“And you are reminded of it all when you return to London at Christmas time,” Lady Charity said, clearly understanding. “Might I ask how long ago it was?”
“It was some years back,” Benedict confessed. “Which is why, Lady Charity, I have come to see that what you said to me about replacing my dark memories with ones that bring me a little more happiness is quite correct. I have been unwilling to do so
. It is as though I am quite contented with how I feel and how I behave – which, even though I know I said as much to you, is not the truth. I do not want to remember her any longer. I do not want to remember the pain. There must be some sort of joy that I can have, that I can find which will, I hope, change what I feel at present.”
“Oh, Lord Hosmer, of course there is!”
It took a moment for Benedict to realize that Lady Charity had placed her hand over his as it rested on the table, for he was so taken with the expression of eagerness on her face and the excitement in her voice that he could not look away from her. It was only when warmth began to spread through his fingers that he glanced down to see her hand on his and, much to his surprise, he felt a great sense of true contentment fill him.
“I should be glad to continue to aid you, in whatever way I can,” Lady Charity continued, quickly removing her hand as her color rose. “There is such a delight to be had in this time of year and I can only pray that you will discover even a little of it, so that your Christmas will be more than a little joyful.”
“That is very kind of you, Lady Charity, and I certainly have no unwillingness when it comes to accepting your offer,” he replied, honestly. “I do not wish to be such a burden any longer. I do not wish to carry such a burden either!”
“Then I am certain that change will come about,” Lady Charity replied, happily. “I am so very glad indeed that you came in to speak to me, Lord Hosmer. I confess I was rather anxious that I had overstepped after last evening’s conversation.”
Benedict shook his head.
“It was what I needed to hear,” he said, quietly wondering why Ramsbury’s advice – which had always been to forget entirely about Lady Frederica and focus on what was present – had never had such an effect upon him. “Thank you, Lady Charity.”
The door to Gunter’s opened and, just as Benedict was about to pick up his tea cup for another sip, a loud laugh startled him. A little irritated, he glanced over his shoulder at the incomers – only for everything within him to freeze at once.
He could not look away, his eyes fixed to the lady who had just entered the tea rooms. She was rubbing her gloved hands together and talking loudly to another – another that Benedict recognized. Why had he not known she was in London? She had never once returned to town since her marriage to the Lord Norwich, so why then was she here?
“Lord Hosmer?”
A gentle hand touched his and he swung back around rather sharply, catching Lady Charity by surprise.
“Forgive me,” he said hastily, realizing just how close he’d come to knocking over the tea pot in his haste to turn back towards her. “I – I confess I am a little shocked, that is all.”
Lady Charity’s eyes widened.
“Indeed?”
He nodded, his heart beating painfully in his chest. All manner of emotions were flooding him now, from anger, to sorrow, to the urgent desire to escape.
“I – I believe that Lady Frederica – I mean, that is to say, Lady Norwich – has returned to London,” he said, seeing Lady Charity’s eyes flare with astonishment. “And that she has just now stepped into Gunter’s tea room, alongside her mother.”
It took a moment for Lady Charity to respond.
“I see,” she said, giving herself a slight shake and putting a smile on her lips which Benedict presumed was nothing more than practical. “That should not matter to you, Lord Hosmer. You are doing all you can to forget the situation, are you not? If she is returned to London, then what of it?”
Benedict shook his head, unable to sort one swirling emotion from the other.
“It is not as simple as you make out, Lady Charity,” he replied, tersely. “You understand that I have not set eyes upon her since –”
“But what does that matter now?” she interrupted, picking up her tea cup and taking a sip before she continued. “If you allow yourself to become overwhelmed, then you are remaining precisely where you are at present. You remain the gentleman who cannot forget her, who cannot let go of his pain. Were you not telling me only a few minutes ago that this was not the sort of life you wished to lead any longer? That you were eager to remove yourself from it?”
The answer was there on his lips but Benedict could not speak it. The room seemed to shrink around him, the air growing a little less as he curled one hand into a fist in an attempt to keep himself entirely composed.
“I – I must leave you.”
He rose without warning, the cups and saucers rattling as he did so.
“Excuse me.”
He was being both rude and foolish, he knew, but Benedict did not care. The only thing he wanted was to make his way out of the tearoom before Lady Norwich saw him. He needed time to think on this, time to consider what he might do, now that he knew she was returned. Everything in him screamed with either confusion or pain and, even though he wanted to look back at Lady Charity, wanted to behave with much more decorum, Benedict found that he simply could not do so. Keeping his head low and pulling his hat down a little more, Benedict pulled open the door and stepped outside into the cold air.
It was only then that he finally felt he could breathe again, his chest still tight and his heart pounding.
Lady Norwich was back in London. And it seemed that she was, once again, about to throw everything into confusion.
Chapter Nine
Walking in to dinner was one thing but being seated across from a lady who Charity knew all too well was the source of Lord Hosmer’s consternation was quite another. Charity had been introduced to Lady Norwich and to her mother, Lady Dewsbury. She had been hard pressed to keep her expression calm and clear, knowing full well that the lady before her was the one who had broken Lord Hosmer’s heart.
“You have done very well thus far, Lady Charity,” Lady Hayward murmured, as they waited in preparation for the first of their courses to be served. “I can imagine that such an introduction must have been a little… interesting.”
Charity gave her companion a quick, wry smile.
“Indeed it was,” she agreed, softly. “But I shall not judge the lady. It is not my place to do so, given that I am not Lord Hosmer and I have only heard what he has said about the matter.”
It went against her conscience to speak so but Charity was quite determined that, despite her own thoughts and determinations, she would not be judgmental when it came to the lady. She was merely another acquaintance and, should Charity not have known anything about her, she was sure that she would have found Lady Norwich very pleasant indeed.
“I was very sorry to hear of your loss, Lady Norwich,” said one of the guests, as the soup was set before them. “That must have been a very trying time for you.”
Lady Norwich smiled back at the lady, although it was, Charity considered, something of a sad expression.
“Thank you,” she said, quietly. “It is difficult to consider that it occurred a little over a year ago, for it feels like such a very long time since then.”
“But of course it must,” the same lady replied, kindly. “You must feel his loss very heavily indeed.”
Charity cast a quick glance towards Lady Hayward who gave a small shake of her head at Charity’s look. It was clear that neither of them knew precisely what Lady Norwich was speaking of but, given the time that she had spoken of, Charity began to wonder if Lord Norwich had been the one to pass away. That would make sense, given that Lady Norwich was present – and appeared to be residing – with her mother.
“His passing has not been made very well known,” said another, speaking now to Lady Dewsbury. “Have you found it a trial to have to inform so many people?”
Lady Dewsbury sighed in a dramatic fashion, one hand going to her forehead for a moment.
“Lord Norwich was a very private gentleman,” she said, her words spoken with a great sense of gravitas. “His passing was noted by his friends and family but, given the time of year and the difficulties with the roads…” She sighed heavily and shook her head.
“It was, as you say, kept rather quiet.”
“But I am back within society now, and have greatly enjoyed my first few days back in London,” Lady Norwich replied, with what appeared to be a very brave smile. “It is a relief to be back amongst the beau monde and to find solace, comfort and companionship with my very dear friends.”
She looked around the table as though each and every person present was one that she valued very highly indeed, even though Charity had only been introduced to her some minutes before! Her words, however, were met with a murmur of approval and Lady Norwich smiled all the more, before the conversation turned to other things.
Charity could not help but feel a great swell of sympathy for the lady, regardless of what Lord Hosmer had told her. To lose one’s husband must be very difficult indeed and she could only feel compassion for her circumstances. Quietly, she wondered if Lord Hosmer himself knew of such a thing, deciding that he must not know of it, given that he had not even been aware of Lady Norwich’s return to London. Would it be right for her to tell him of what she had learned? Or would it be best for him to discover it in his own time? Sighing inwardly to herself as the conversation went on around her, Charity recalled just how abruptly Lord Hosmer had left the tearoom when he had seen Lady Norwich again. The look on his face had been one of both shock and dread and she had swiftly realized just how much he was struggling to keep his composure. Any attempt to imagine his feelings had been much too difficult for her and Charity had found her advice to be quickly disregarded by him also. It was not that she felt any insult at such disregard, but rather only a deep frustration that she was not able to aid him in any way.
