by Rose Pearson
“Try not to think of it at this present moment,” came a quiet voice to her left and, as Charity started violently, she realized that she had been lost in her own thoughts and, therefore, had not been paying any attention to the conversations going on around her. Casting a quick smile in Lady Hayward’s direction, she forced herself to push all thought of Lord Hosmer to the back of her mind and to concentrate solely on behaving with all decorum and propriety for the rest of the evening.
“Good evening, Lord Ramsbury.”
Charity curtsied quickly, seeing the broad smile settle on Lord Ramsbury’s face as he greeted her. She hoped he had not noticed the way she had been searching the room with her gaze in the expectation of seeing Lord Hosmer! It had been some days since she had last been in his company and, whilst she would not permit herself to say that she missed him, there was certainly an eagerness in her heart to see him again. That came entirely from wanting to make certain that he was quite well, she told herself, given that he had left so abruptly when Lady Norwich had first been seen. On top of that, she also had decided to inform him of Lady Norwich’s loss, rather than permit him to discover such a thing himself. The only problem as yet was that she had not seen hide nor hair of him these last few days!
“Good evening, Lady Charity, Lady Hayward,” Lord Ramsbury replied, just as his wife came to join him. “I had hoped you would be here this evening!”
“Oh?” Charity replied, smiling quickly at Lady Ramsbury who returned her smile with one of her own. “Is there some particular reason for such a hope, Lord Ramsbury?”
Lord and Lady Ramsbury exchanged glances, only for Lord Ramsbury’s smile to fade somewhat. Charity’s heart began to quicken its pace as she took in the looks and felt herself begin to grow anxious.
“I had hoped to ask you, Lady Charity, whether or not you had been in the company of Lord Hosmer of late.”
Charity frowned, her concern beginning to grow.
“It has been a few days since I was last in his company,” she replied, honestly. “He joined us at Gunter’s tearoom but since then, I have not seen him.” She bit her lip, seeing how Lord and Lady Ramsbury glanced at each other again. “I – I should also mention that he left my company very quickly indeed, thanks to the sudden return of Lady Frederica? Or the widowed Lady Norwich, as she is now.”
Lord Ramsbury let out a startled exclamation at this, his eyes wide as he stared at her.
“You – you are quite sure?” Lady Ramsbury asked, now speaking rather quickly. “You are certain of such a thing?”
Lady Hayward nodded and spoke before Charity could.
“Indeed. We were in her company only two days ago, at a dinner party. I had not met the lady before and as such, both myself and Lady Charity gained an introduction. We did not realize that she was widowed, however, until later on that evening.”
Lord Ramsbury blew out a long breath, shaking his head as he did so and passing one hand over his eyes.
“I did not think she would return to London,” he said, dropping his hand and looking towards his wife. “Lord Norwich was not the sort of gentleman who was eager to spend his time in society. I believe he was only in London that one Season to procure a bride. But to know now that he is gone and that she remains…”
He shook his head again and did not finish his sentence, leaving Lady Ramsbury to speak to Charity.
“And you say that Lord Hosmer is aware of her presence in London now?” she asked, as Charity nodded. “I am sorry if he was at all rude to you, but you must understand just how severely he feels with regard to her.”
“I quite understand,” Charity replied, firmly. “I have heard it all from him, although I have determined that I shall not judge the lady in question simply because of what I have been told. In truth, I feel a good deal of compassion for her, given that she has lost her husband at such a young age.”
Lady Ramsbury held Charity’s gaze for a few moments before she sighed and nodded, causing Charity to wonder if this meant that Lady Ramsbury approved of such considerations.
“You do not know the lady, of course, so it is wise for you to behave so,” Lady Ramsbury said quietly, as Lord Ramsbury nodded his agreement. “But now I am concerned for Lord Hosmer. He has spent the last three years lost in grief, pain and despondency and, to see the lady in question again must, I am sure, only add to his feelings at present.”
Charity hesitated before she spoke, not wishing to contradict Lady Ramsbury but being quite certain that what she had said of Lord Hosmer was a little mistaken.
“I – I believe that Lord Hosmer wished very much to no longer remain in such a state,” she said, glancing towards Lady Hayward who smiled encouragingly. “He spoke of how he had been choosing to linger in such a frame of mind and how he no longer wished to do so. He stated, quite plainly, that it had been nothing more than a choice on his part to remain in melancholy, to allow himself to be reminded of what had occurred rather than encouraging himself to discover happier times that might push away the past.” Her eyes drifted away as she smiled ruefully, her gaze now roving about the room instead of looking towards Lord and Lady Ramsbury. “He said as much just before Lady Norwich arrived,” she finished, recalling just how much Lord Hosmer’s demeanor had altered the moment he had set eyes on Lady Norwich again.
There was, within that memory, a small swell of pain that he had behaved in such a way, that he had been so quick to brush her aside and to escape from the tearoom, and now, Charity had to admit that such pain had only begun to grow with every day that she had neither seen nor heard from him. They had only just begun their acquaintance and he had only just agreed to accept her help when it came to the matter of his memories and his past, only for him to then recoil away from her the moment Lady Norwich had returned.
“That is very interesting,” Lord Ramsbury murmured, as Charity turned her attention back to him and caught the sharp glint in his eyes. “I am glad that he was willing to do such a thing, Lady Charity, for I confess that both I and my dear wife have been saying much the same for many months and he has never once listened to us!”
Lady Ramsbury’s smile was warm.
“You have reached him when we could not,” she said, her hand out to rest on Charity’s arm for a moment. “That was very well done, my dear friend.”
Charity shook her head. “It counts for nothing if he is now keeping away from society because of Lady Norwich’s presence,” she said, a trifle glumly. “And I am not certain either that he is at all aware of her current situation.”
“You mean to say that he does not know she is widowed,” Lord Ramsbury clarified, as Charity nodded. “Well, that can be easily rectified. I –”
“Ramsbury!”
Charity could not help but turn her head and look behind her at the loud voice which had captured the attention of half the room. Much to her shock, Lord Hosmer appeared, a jaunty smile on his face as he came towards them.
“And Lady Charity!” he exclaimed, one hand pressing her arm for a moment before he forced himself between Charity and Lady Ramsbury in order to stand next to Lord Ramsbury. “What excellent company we have!”
A little embarrassed and praying that none of the other guests would look across at them and pay Lord Hosmer too much attention, Charity lowered her gaze to the floor as a flush of heat crossed her face.
“Hosmer,” Lord Ramsbury murmured, looking at his friend with a sharp eye. “We have not seen you in some days.”
Lord Hosmer swayed slightly, one hand clutching a glass of brandy which sloshed dangerously near to the rim of his glass as he lifted his arm in gesticulation.
“That is because I have remained at home,” he said, as Charity looked back at him carefully, taking in his flushed cheeks, the brightness to his eyes and the easy manner which had never been a part of his character before. “Did you know that she is returned to London?”
Charity’s heart sank. It was clear that Lord Hosmer had been very badly affected by Lady Norwich’s return t
o London. All that she had hoped for him, all that she had permitted herself to now expect, was gone in an instant.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are now to make our way to the music room where we shall sing some carols together and listen to a few of the young ladies perform pieces for us also!”
The cry of their host brought Charity a little relief as she made to turn away, no longer wanting to be in Lord Hosmer’s company. Her heart was aching terribly, disappointment and disillusionment filling her very marrow. It seemed that, regardless of what she had said to him, what she had encouraged him to think and to consider, he was going to be quite lost in his dark and desperate emotions when it came to Lady Norwich. Nothing she could say or do would help him. She had been foolish to even attempt to do so.
“Where are you going?”
Lord Hosmer’s hand caught her arm and Charity was caught off guard, being pulled back in a none too gentle manner as she looked back at Lord Hosmer. His eyes were fixed to hers, his brow furrowed as he studied her features.
“Lord Hosmer, do release Lady Charity,” Lady Hayward said, in a firm voice. “If you wish to join us, then do please attend us to the music room.”
Lord Hosmer’s jaw worked for a moment but, eventually, he let go of her arm and sighed heavily, dropping his head as he did so.
“I do not wish to sing carols,” he stated, his shoulders slumping as all exuberance left him. “There is –”
A sense of anger began to burn in Charity and she took a small step towards him, cutting him off with her own hard words.
“There is no joy to be had, Lord Hosmer?” she asked, her voice a harsh whisper, although each word seemed to strike him hard, given how much he recoiled. “You find it much too painful to sing such words, since they will remind you of Lady Norwich? Therefore, you shun it entirely instead of choosing to do so in the hopes of pushing aside your difficult memories and discovering happier times? Yes, I am certain that you shall do so, for that is what you have been doing these last few years and now, it seems, you have every desire to continue to behave in such a way, regardless of what alternatives lie before you.” She lifted her chin and glared at him, aware of the anger in her heart and allowing it to burn fiercely rather than make any attempt to dampen it. “Good evening, Lord Hosmer. I find that I no longer wish to be in your company.”
Turning on her heel, she made her way to where Lady Hayward stood only a few steps away and, taking her chaperone’s arm, walked with her into the music room. It took a great deal of effort to put a calm expression on her face and to hide the truth of what she felt but, with Lady Hayward guiding her, Charity soon found herself sitting down in a quiet corner of the room as the other guests continued to make their way into the room.
“You spoke sharply to Lord Hosmer.” Charity nodded, glancing at Lady Hayward and fully expecting to see a gentle rebuke in her eyes but, much to her surprise, discovering that there was nothing of the sort present. “He has angered you?”
A sigh escaped from Charity’s lips.
“I – I feel anger, yes,” she admitted quietly, so that no-one else would overhear her. “To see him in such a state when he was so willing to do what he could to pull himself from this dark place has quite ruined my hope in him. I believed him when he stated that wanted very much to do as I had suggested.”
“To find happiness in the season and all the joy that it can bring,” Lady Hayward clarified, as Charity nodded. “To choose not to dwell on the past hurts that once were present here.”
“Indeed, that is it precisely,” Charity replied, feeling that faint stirring of anger in her heart again. “But now to see him so makes me realize that there is no question of his doing so. It appears that Lady Norwich has the same hold on him as before. He has made not even a single attempt to free himself from all that he feels and remembers! Instead, he has chosen to hide himself away and, when he does return to society, to drink as much liquor as he requires in order to forget.”
Lady Hayward held Charity’s gaze for a long moment and then spread her hands.
“I wish I could find something of encouragement to say to you, my dear,” she said, her expression one of great sympathy, “but all I can say at present is that I quite understand your feelings at this present moment. I too was rather… disappointed with his appearance this evening.” After a moment of silence, she leaned forward and looked Charity directly in the eye. “But do not give up all hope,” she finished, as Charity shook her head, unable to find even a modicum of such an emotion. “It may be that your words this evening will bring him back to where he was when he spoke to you in Gunter’s.”
“Or it may be that he will remove himself entirely from my company and decide to remain precisely as he is at present,” Charity replied, darkly. “Perhaps I have been foolish, Lady Hayward. I have been so busy considering Lord Hosmer that I have not once permitted myself to consider other gentlemen who might be of greater benefit to me in their company than he.”
Something flickered in Lady Hayward’s eyes.
“Or it may be that you have found someone who has caught your attention in a way that no other has as yet,” she said, just as their host rose from his chair, ready to announce the first song they might sing together. “Consider all that you feel, Lady Charity, and realize that Lord Hosmer might be slowly becoming more to you than you have ever expected.”
Chapter Ten
It was not entirely unexpected for Benedict to awaken with such a great pain in his head that it took all the willpower he had to simply lift his head from his pillow. He had spent the last few days doing very little other than wandering about his townhouse, a glass in his hand and a great many thoughts pounding into his mind, one after the other.
Although, he considered, groaning loudly as he sat up, perhaps it had been very foolish indeed to go into society when he was not quite prepared for such a thing. What if he had seen Lady Norwich? What if she had been present at the little soiree? Then what would he have done?
Closing his eyes, Benedict let out another groan and reached to ring the bell, choosing to spend the remainder of the day in much the same way as he had the morning. It was, no doubt, already luncheon and Benedict had no desire whatsoever to go anywhere other than perhaps his study for a short time. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he recalled that he had accepted an invitation to a ball or some such thing that evening, but given that it would be busy with guests, Benedict did not think that anyone would miss him should he not attend.
“My Lord?”
Benedict opened his eyes and looked into the face of the footman who now stood just inside the door. It took a few minutes for the man’s face to come into focus, and Benedict, when he spoke, felt as though his throat was filled with pieces of sharp stone which grated horribly with every word.
“Have coffee sent up,” he said, wanting nothing other than to lie back down again. “At once.”
The footman inclined his head.
“Yes, my Lord. And, if I might be so bold as to ask, when do you think you will be rising?”
Benedict frowned.
“I do not know,” he said, rigidly. “Now, the coffee.”
Again, the footman hesitated and Benedict felt a sharp edge of anger begin to stab at his heart. He was about to speak out again, to demand that the fellow do as was asked of him, else be in fear for his position at Benedict’s home, only for the footman to speak again.
“It is only that Lord Ramsbury is waiting to have an audience with you, my Lord,” he said, sending Benedict’s anger spiraling away. “He insisted that we did not wake you but has chosen to remain here waiting.”
The pain in Benedict’s head seemed to redouble as he looked back at the footman, who was now shifting from foot to foot, evidently aware that he had upset Benedict a little by such an explanation.
“And how long has he been waiting?” Benedict found himself asking, even though he wanted nothing more than to tell the footman to order Ramsbury from the house. It was only knowl
edge of Ramsbury’s determination that kept him from saying so, for his friend would not be deterred by a simple request from Benedict. “And what time is it?”
“It is gone three in the afternoon, my Lord,” the footman replied, making Benedict start with surprise. “Lord Ramsbury has been here some two hours, I believe.”
A sense of shame began to creep over Benedict as he groaned and dropped his head into his hands. He did not speak for some moments but, eventually, let out a long sigh.
“Have the coffee brought still, but send for my valet,” he bit out, wishing that Ramsbury had chosen to spend the afternoon elsewhere. “I will be down momentarily. And make certain that Lord Ramsbury has all that he requires until I arrive.”
The footman nodded, a flash of relief covering his expression for a moment before, after a final enquiry as to whether there was anything else that Benedict needed, he exited the room and left Benedict alone.
Benedict sighed heavily and rubbed at his forehead, wishing that the pain would dissipate just a little. He had been thinking that a quiet afternoon was all that he needed, all that he wanted, only for it now to be stolen from him. With another pained sigh, he swung himself out of bed and forced himself to the chair by the fireplace, glad that the maids had made certain to have his room warm and ready for him when the time came for him to rise. The wood crackled as it burned and Benedict looked glumly into the flames, finding himself rather filled with despondency at the thought of having to go and speak to Ramsbury.
“Most likely he will berate me for last evening,” Benedict muttered to himself, suddenly recalling just how much he had drunk and having a vague memory of speaking with Lord and Lady Ramsbury.
