A Wish Upon a Star

by Jeannie Levig

  “Of course,” Erica said. “She might still be asleep, but she’s had a long nap. She’ll probably wake up for you.”

  Leslie turned away. “Oh, I scheduled the appointment to have your front door replaced for Monday. That way you don’t have to deal with it.”

  “I told you that you didn’t have to do that.” In truth, Erica was tired of the argument. It irritated her that Leslie insisted on replacing her front door when the damage wasn’t her fault in the slightest.

  Leslie stopped at the gate that now barred the first step. Her back went rigid. “And I told you,” she said in a clipped tone, “that Gus is my dog, and I’ll fix what he did.”

  Erica sighed.

  After a moment, Leslie unlatched the gate and headed upstairs, evidently taking Erica’s silence for agreement.

  “What the hell?” Becky mouthed when Erica met her eyes.

  Erica touched a finger to her own lips. She wasn’t about to let Leslie overhear any part of a conversation about her.

  In a few minutes, Siena appeared at the top of the stairs, Leslie beside her, and Gus in Leslie’s arms. Leslie worked the latch of that second gate and supervised Siena’s descent.

  Erica was sure there’d come a day when Siena would be able to navigate the stairs again with ease, but for now, she was way too wobbly. There would, of course, also have to be a few serious conversations about the importance of leaving one’s dreams in one’s sleep, though. Siena had shared that the night of her fall she’d been trying to stay in the dream she was having about her and Gus playing with Elijah by keeping her eyes closed while coming downstairs to get some juice. Erica shuddered at the thought of reliving the ordeal. Maybe she’d just leave the gates in place.

  Becky greeted Siena, and Erica smiled at her, then the trio made their way out, closing the door behind them.

  “What the hell was that?” Becky raised up slightly to look out the window.

  Thankfully, she’d kept her voice low. “Now you know why I wanted your company today, instead of Ms. Hottie’s.”

  “What happened between you?”

  “She doesn’t like it that I prefer to remain independent and self-reliant,” Erica said, finishing her collection of the playing cards.

  Becky narrowed her eyes. “What did you do?”

  “What did I do?” Erica stuffed the deck into its box. “What makes you think I did something?”

  Becky eyed her suspiciously. “You pushed her away, didn’t you?”

  Erica glared at her.

  “You used this whole thing with Siena’s broken arm as an excuse to put the brakes on whatever was happening between the two of you, and you retreated back into your safe, little I-can-only-count-on-myself world.” This wasn’t a question.

  Erica had no response. She couldn’t deny it, but she was embarrassed to admit it. Becky was right, though. She’d nailed it. “You know,” Erica said, mildly annoyed. “You’re supposed to be my friend.”

  Becky softened. “I am your friend, Erica. Which is why I want to slap you right now.”

  Erica flopped back against the couch cushion.

  “You’re always saying you want what Jack and I have,” Becky continued her lecture. “And from what I’ve seen and heard, Leslie could very well be your Jack, and yet, right when things are showing promise, you throw it all away. What’s going on? What are you scared of?”

  Erica stared at the ceiling, blinking back tears. She flashed back to the moment in the hospital corridor with Leslie. “The night Siena broke her arm, Leslie wanted to hold me and comfort me.”

  “Oh, my God, no.” Becky put her hand to her chest, her eyes wide. “Not that.”

  Erica couldn’t help a small laugh. “But if I’d let her, I would have lost it. I would have dissolved into a sobbing mess, and then I wouldn’t have been able to be strong for Siena. And I needed to be strong for Siena.”

  “Oh, Erica. What about letting someone be strong for you?” Becky rose and came around to sit next to her. “Do you have any idea how many times Jack has been strong for me with Rosi, or even our neurotypical, supposedly-easier-to-handle boys? That’s part of being partners. Yes, sometimes you’ll be the strong one, but sometimes you get to have someone to lean on, to hold you, to be strong when you can’t be. And that doesn’t make you any less strong for your child. You can have, and be, both.”

  Erica couldn’t hold back the fear any longer. She began to cry. “But what if I learn to count on her being there, and then she isn’t?”

  Becky cupped Erica’s chin and turned her face to hers. “Why wouldn’t she be? She was there for you when she barely knew you. Remember the food poisoning? And she was there in the hospital even when you pushed her away. She stayed, didn’t she?”

  Erica nodded.

  “And she’s still here now, even when you’re being kind of a bitch to her. She’s fixing your door and spending time with Siena.”

  Erica hiccupped. “When Siena came home, I think Leslie was worried I wouldn’t let her see her anymore, which is what happened with her ex. But she’s come to get Siena every day this week and taken her over to her house, and obviously I’m fine with it. She’s really good for Siena.”

  “Really?” Becky said, sounding surprised. “What are they doing over there?”

  “I don’t know. Siena says just playing in the jungle.” Erica sniffed. “Whatever it is, it makes Gus howl.”

  Becky laughed. “Oh, well maybe we don’t want to know then.”

  “I know you’re right,” Erica said, growing serious again. “I know Leslie’s amazing and probably could be my Jack. I just don’t know how to not be alone.”

  “No, you’re just scared.” Becky pulled Erica into her arms and held her. “But in order to prove to yourself that your fears are unfounded, you have to be willing to take a risk and let Leslie prove to you she’s your Jack.”

  Erica’s throat started to close, and her tears threatened again. “I don’t think she wants to be.”

  “Why not? She sure seems to me like she does.”

  “Because she said so.” Erica pulled away from Becky and sat up.

  Becky watched her expectantly. “She said she didn’t want to be your Jack? I find that hard to believe.”

  “No, she didn’t say that, because she doesn’t know about being someone’s Jack.”

  Becky sighed in evident exasperation. “You’re not making any sense. Give me the details, and then tell me what she said exactly.”

  “It was at the fundraiser. We were dancing.” Erica let herself relive the moment. “I was telling her how amazing and wonderful I thought she was, how much I loved watching her interact with all the patrons of the center. I told her I was proud to be her date.”

  “Wow!” Becky said, interrupting. “You really went all out.”

  “Do you blame me? You saw her in that outfit.” Erica released a soft moan at the image in her mind.

  “Yeah, I did.” Becky said. “I think I’m a little jealous. I think your Jack is better looking than mine.”

  Erica laughed. “But yours is proven, tried and true.”

  “Good point,” Becky said. “So go on.”

  “Anyway…” Erica refocused. “I was telling her all that and told her she was quite the package. And she said, ‘Erica I don’t want to be your…”

  Becky waited. “Your what?” she asked after a beat.

  “She didn’t finish.”

  “She said, ‘I don’t want to be your,’ and then she didn’t finish? Why not?”

  “Because that’s when I got the call from Rachel, and everything went all crazy.”

  Becky stared at Erica, her expression incredulous. “Erica! You have to let her finish. You can’t make up what you think she was going to say. That’s just…stupid.”

  Erica scoffed. “That’s ridiculous. How would I get her to finish now?”

  “Ask her,” Becky said emphatically. “Tell her all those things again, and then ask her what she was going to say. That�
�s your homework.” She slapped Erica on the leg. “And I expect a report…soon.”

  Erica considered her assignment. Could she do it? She doubted it, but she smiled at Becky. “Thank you,” she said, grasping her hand. “Whatever I do or don’t do, getting all this out feels good. I really needed this.”

  “Well, don’t just brush it all away as a feel good moment. Think about what you might be throwing away. Or better yet, think about what you could have.”

  Erica nodded. She had to think about what she truly wanted before she made a move of any kind.

  “Okay, now, before I leave…what are we going to do for your birthday tomorrow?”

  Erica groaned. “Oh, God, not my birthday. Can we just wait until things settle down and go to dinner some night?”

  “How did I know that’s what you were going to say?” Becky got to her feet. “Oh, I know. Because that’s what you say every year.”

  Erica laughed. “I promise, we’ll do it.” She rose and gave Becky a hug.

  “We’d better,” Becky said. “Because you don’t get your present until we do.”

  “I don’t need a present,” Erica said. “I have you. Thank you.”

  “Any time.” Becky squeezed her tightly.

  As Erica waved good-bye from the front steps, she considered Becky’s words of wisdom. Should she do it? Should she say all those things again and ask Leslie what she was going to say? What if she was going to say, I don’t want to be your girlfriend? That would be humiliating—and not just a little heartbreaking. But what if that wasn’t what she was going to say at all? She folded her arms across her middle, trying to fend off the warring questions.

  I guess I’ll never know unless I ask.

  * * *

  At three forty-five the next afternoon, Leslie still hadn’t come over to get Siena for their daily play date, and Siena was still asleep. Erica needed to get her up or, recovery or no recovery, she wouldn’t get to sleep until midnight. Just as she was about to set her book aside, Siena appeared at the top of the stairs behind the gate.

  “I want to go to Leslie’s,” she said, sounding more excited than she had all week. “And you have to take me. And we have to wait for Gus to poop and wee-wee.”

  Erica chuckled. “Yes, sweetie, I know the drill.” She carried Gus and walked Siena down, then straightened Siena’s sling that held the weight of her cast, while Gus did his business. “Everybody set?”

  Siena grinned and nodded eagerly.

  “Boy, you must have something really special planned today,” Erica said as they crossed the backyard to the gate. She remembered with some sadness the last time she’d taken this walk in her black cocktail dress. She’d been as excited that night as Siena was now.

  Siena stopped suddenly. “How do you know?”

  Erica cocked her head, curious at Siena’s reaction. “I don’t know anything. I’m just wondering why you seem so excited, but you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to. I trust you and Leslie.” I trust Leslie with my daughter but not my heart? How crazy is that? She’d thought a lot about her conversation with Becky the previous day, about taking that risk and letting Leslie prove to her there wasn’t anything to fear. She’d only thought, though. She hadn’t come to any conclusion.

  “Okay,” Siena said and started moving again.

  When they got to Leslie’s French doors, Erica noticed that the furniture in the family room had been rearranged. It was an odd arrangement, though. The blue couch actually faced out to the backyard. Was it another indulgence of Siena’s?

  Erica knocked, but Siena turned the knob and walked right in. The most amazing aroma wafted out and caressed Erica’s senses. It was oddly familiar. “Hello?” she called from the doorway. “Leslie? Are you here?”

  “Come in, Mommy.” Siena bounced on the balls of her feet. “You have to come in.”

  Erica stepped over the threshold.

  In a flurry of motion, a group of people—Nell and Paula, Becky and Jack, Rosi and the boys, Leslie—and Trent and Cynthia—jumped up from behind the couch, waving blue and orange flags with a brightly colored SURPRISE!! on each one. The only sound in the room was the rustling of the fabric.

  Siena ran to the couch, picked up her own flag, and began to wave it furiously. “Happy birthday, Mommy,” she said, her eyes brighter than Erica had ever seen them.

  “Happy birthday,” everyone else chimed in, but they were all careful to keep the volume down.

  What a wonderful gift. Erica burst out laughing. She pointed at Becky. “You! You knew yesterday when you were giving me a bad time about my birthday.”

  Becky smiled and dipped her head.

  “And you two.” Erica crossed to Trent and Cynthia, giving each a warm hug. After Trent’s conversation with Leslie, their previous visit had turned in to what Erica hoped would be a fresh start for Siena and her father. “What a nice surprise. How long are you here for?”

  “This time, just a quick turnaround,” Trent said with a grin. “But I decided to accept the job offer from Sunset Sounds, so when Leslie called about your party, we thought we’d look around at some areas to live while we were here. That’s what we’ve been doing today, but we have a flight back tonight.”

  Erica raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Congratulations. It’ll be great to have you both here. And thank you for coming to the party. That’s so sweet.” And speaking of sweet…Erica met Leslie’s gaze. She knew very well who was behind this celebration. Her eyes brimmed with tears.

  Leslie smiled at her, but it was a sad smile. “Okay,” she said, breaking eye contact. “Dinner will be served in about ten minutes, so everyone get a drink. There’s an ice chest with sodas and juices in the kitchen.”

  Erica finished greeting everyone, enjoying Jack’s bear hug, Paula’s arm around her, and Nell’s playful antics with a new card trick she was showing the kids. She did a quick check to make sure Siena and Rosi were getting along okay, then slipped onto a stool at the bar. She inhaled deeply. “I know that smell,” she said, trying to place it. “What is it?”

  “It’s your first birthday present.” Leslie opened the oven and slid a piece of cardboard under something on the rack.

  “Interesting,” Erica said teasingly.

  With a flourish, Leslie slid a pizza onto the counter in front of Erica.

  Everyone gathered around.

  “Pizza!” Erica said. “I love pizza.”

  “Not just any pizza,” Leslie said. “I have it on the very best authority that this pizza is to die for.” Now her smile was full.

  Erica looked from Leslie to the pizza. She took in the deep crust, the layers of toppings, the extra sauce on top. Her eyes widened, and her mouth began to water. “Nooooooo.” She looked back at Leslie. “How did you…”

  Leslie grinned. “They’ll ship it.”

  “And, Mommy, it’s shaped like a heart,” Siena said, bouncing again. “I picked that because Leslie says that hearts usually say I love you on them, even though this one doesn’t.”

  Erica actually squealed. She didn’t know if she’d ever done that before. “Oh, my God! Giordono’s pizza!” She clapped. “Hurry! Cut it! Cut it! Cut it!”

  Leslie was laughing, along with everyone else, as she slid the knife through the thickness. “And the first piece goes to the birthday girl.”

  Erica ate herself sick.

  When everyone had finished, more presents were on the agenda. A booklet of gift coupons for childcare from the service the support group used from Becky and Jack. A beautiful sweater from Paula. A gift certificate for a day at a local spa from Trent and Cynthia. And a magic trick from Nell to present Erica with a bouquet of flowers. Then to Erica’s amazement, Siena rose and stood in the middle of the room.

  “And now Gus and me have a song we’d like to sing for you,” Siena said in an obviously practiced announcer’s voice.

  That alone could have been Erica’s present. She was so filled with love and pride.

  Siena raised her un
broken arm over her head, and Gus lifted up onto his hind legs, holding his bandaged paws in front of him. Siena turned in a circle, as did Gus, and she began to sing. “I’m Siena. My mom is Erica.”

  Gus began to howl along.

  “And she is pretty and nice and reads me stories.” Siena swayed from side to side. “And for her birthday, I have this song, so she can sing it whenever she worries.”

  Erica couldn’t contain her emotion. She wiped at the stream of tears flowing down her cheeks and bit her lip to try to gain control.

  “She makes me macaroni and cheese, and I like it when she smiles. And that’s the end of my song.” Siena bowed, and Gus put his head to the floor with his hind end in the air. His stub wagged furiously.

  Erica cried freely, and she wasn’t the only one. She clapped wildly.

  Siena rose and started to walk away, then turned suddenly. “Oh…and…” She looked at Erica. “I love you, Mommy.”

  Erica gasped, then choked on a sob.

  “I couldn’t put that in the song because it didn’t rhyme.” She smiled.

  Erica laughed through her tears. “I love you, too, Siena.”

  Siena looked at her curiously. “Are you sad?”

  Erica shook her head vehemently. “No, sweetie, these are happy tears.”

  Siena squinted, clearly confused.

  “Your singing and your song were amazing. That’s the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten.” Erica began to clap again, a wide smile spreading across her face.

  Siena beamed and took another bow to the applause rising once more in the room.

  Erica had never seen her so animated and happy—the change Leslie had brought.

  After chocolate cake with chocolate icing—Siena’s favorite—their friends started saying their good-byes. They all agreed they needed to get together more often, not wait for birthdays.

  Later, when everyone was gone, Siena’s eyelids drooped.

  “I think someone might be ready for an early bedtime,” Leslie said, picking up the flags. “A party is a lot of excitement. It can wear you out.”

  Siena yawned and nodded.