Until Next Time

by Claudia Burgoa

  “We’re all different. I doubt I could’ve kept a nine-to-five job. Burke likes what he does, but RCC isn’t the only thing he does.”

  She narrows her gaze. I’m sure she wants to ask more about my last statement or maybe Burke. After all, her brother works for him. There’s nothing to worry about. Seth and Burke don’t plan on closing the place even when both of them have other interests.

  Her features relax, and I feel like the inquisition is over. It isn’t. “Why the café? I love the place, but there are so many of them. I don’t understand why you’d want to create one too.”

  “It was a project,” I explain. “The teacher hated me because I’m Donovan St. James’s child. He said I should rot in Harvard with people like me.”

  She cocks a brow. “You didn’t go to Harvard? The scandal.”

  “I never applied to Harvard. So anyway, at the beginning of the semester, he said that our final test was a project. It consisted of creating a company. We had to have a business plan and find a retail space to set it up. If we chose to develop something eCommerce-related, we had to look for a warehouse or even our parents’ garage for a start-up. He wasn’t expecting us to run the business, though. Halfway through the semester, he asked to see our progress.

  “At the time, I lived with Burke and Seth. We complained about the crappy coffee around campus, the long lines, and the awful food. I just gathered everything that my friends and family would enjoy or hated and created a place where they’d love to spend their time.”

  “I thought you said it was just a school project. Why open it?”

  “As I said, the teacher hated me. When I showed him the coffee shop, he called me lazy. I argued with him because I knew it’d be a success. I had done all the grunt work. He told me to start from scratch or expect to fail the class. Of course, I had to prove him wrong. I invested part of my trust fund, and I used Dad’s connections to expedite the permits to set it up. The café was up and running by the end of April. There were lines of people trying to get in during the opening week.”

  “Wow.” Her mouth opens slightly.

  I like the admiration. Sure, I had the money to start it, but if I hadn’t had that part, I would’ve tried to get a loan or found a way to make it happen. Then again, if I hadn’t been Donovan St. James’s son, I wouldn’t have had that problem.

  “You aced the class.”

  “No. The asshole gave me a C. He said it’d fail by the end of the year.”

  “I’m sure every time he goes to buy a coffee, you show him he was wrong.”

  “That or the fact that during training, all employees learn not to serve him.”

  She gasps. “Seriously?”

  “Nah, I don’t give a shit about him.”

  “Either way, I’m glad he pushed you to create this place because it’s one of my favorite coffee shops.”

  I like knowing that she enjoys coming here. Callie suggested a couple of times that I sell it and open a restaurant. A five-star restaurant that was worth talking about online and might get us A-listers.

  I regret thinking about Callie because, at that moment, Autumn decides to bring her to the conversation. “How did you meet your wife?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Zach

  How did I get myself into this mess?

  For the past two years, I’ve been doing a great job of avoiding any discussion about Callie. I’m tempted to redirect the conversation. I glance at Autumn. Something in her eyes convinces me that it’s okay to discuss my demons with her.

  I open up to her, aware that this could break me to the point that I might not be able to function.

  “One afternoon, she showed up at the original Café Fusion asking for a job.”

  “I don’t know if it’s cute or weird that you dated an employee.”

  “She never worked for me. I wasn’t hiring at that time. A few weeks later, I was at a restaurant eating with Burke and Teddy. She was our waitress. She slipped me her phone number when she brought me the check, and the rest is history.”

  I leave it at that. I don’t add that I didn’t call her nor that she showed up at my shop three more times before I finally asked her out.

  “That’s romantic. Love at first sight.”

  I wouldn’t call it that. Callie was beautiful. Willowy and slender, she had expressive brown eyes that captivated me. She was sexy, and I was hooked after our first date. We were good in bed. I confessed that last year when Teddy made me listen to some of Persy’s shows so I could snap out of my celibacy. I discovered that her advice is spot on. I fell for Callie’s moves immediately. She followed her sister’s advice to a T. That’s why I thought she was everything—the love of my life.

  The infinite fire that would consume me.

  It was all fucking lust.

  I was consumed by desire and blinded by a passion—driven by the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. If I ever come out of my celibacy, I’d try those same positions and see if it was the advice or if we did have that off-the-charts chemistry that almost burned the sheets.

  After a long silence, I feel Autumn’s hand patting mine. I turn to look at it, but not at her. “It still hurts, huh?”

  I rub my forehead with my thumb and lean closer. She’s not wrong. There’s a lot of pain inside me, but it’s not what she thinks.

  “It’s complicated.”

  People are usually scared of that word. Complicated. It can mean so many things. When I say it in reference to Callie, everyone backs off. Not Autumn.

  “Isn’t it always? I’m sure you hear this all the time, but if you ever need someone to talk to about her, I’m here. Unlike many, I’ve been where you are. It’s been six long years without Pax, and it still hurts. A lot. You can’t stop loving someone who just left without warning. You lost her what, two, maybe three years ago?”

  “Two and a half.”

  “There’s no deadline to feel better.”

  “As time passes, it hurts more,” I disclose, unable to stop myself. If this were someone else, I’d be storming out of the office. Instead, I’m glued to my chair, saying everything out loud.

  “The pain isn’t much about losing the woman I loved but everything that happened. My infatuation for her made me believe that she was the love of my life.”

  If I ever have a child, which I doubt, I’ll explain to him that there’s a difference between lust and love. It’s not always love at first sight. Beware, or it’ll kill your heart, and your stupidity will trap you. I shouldn’t have children. I don’t deserve them. The thoughts of what would have happened if she were alive haunt me. I try to push them away, but they fight back the same way Calliope and I did toward the end of our relationship.

  “I realized that we were too different. It was ending. I didn’t want to accept it. We were destined to end like my parents in a loveless marriage or a destructive divorce. I had no idea how I got into that situation. After the accident, I fell in love with the idea of her again.

  “I forgot, more like scrapped all her flaws and pretended we had a fulfilling marriage. I mourned a woman who was in a catastrophic accident. Not Callie, my wife. I guess it was the guilt or the pain of losing someone. At some point in our relationship, I loved her. Maybe not the way you love the woman you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with, but I had feelings toward her.”

  There’s a knock on the door, and Brandt steps inside with the food. I’m thankful for the interruption because this conversation got out of control.

  “I added some cookies for your daughter,” he says, looking at Autumn.

  “You know my daughter?”

  He nods. “Almost everyone knows about the little girl who always wants her frosty-fruity-shake.”

  “You should change the name,” Autumn says, grabbing the cookies. “Thank you so much, Brandt.”

  “If you need anything else, I’ll be in the kitchen, Zach.”

  “Thank you, Brandt.”

  “Wow, he knows my child. I bet Aiden
or Miranda bring her more times than they should.”

  “As do you.”

  She nods, taking a bite of her sandwich.

  “This place is a good incentive. I’m glad you opened this branch, though my wallet hates you a little.”

  We eat in silence, and before she opens her chips, she says, “Pax wasn’t perfect, you know? We had our fights. He depended too much on his family, and a lot of times, he put them before me. I hated him when he did so, but he argued that they supported us. I’d prefer to live in a hut and away from their snobbishness, though he never acknowledged that they mistreated me. In spite of that, I loved him.”

  So, we’re circling back to Callie, aren’t we? “You remember Pax with love. He upset you, but you don’t wake up wanting to…”

  I gather my thoughts.

  “A year after she died, the blindfold I put on began to disappear. I couldn’t remember the good times because we didn’t have many. It wasn’t the best time of my life. It was bad. Really bad. And I feel like an asshole because I was told not to talk shit about the dead. You’re not supposed to hate your late wife.”

  “It’s okay to let the emotions out,” she says reassuringly.

  I recap the version I told Ford just a few days ago, but I add, “I think she was pregnant.”

  She’s about to take a sip of her drink when she stops giving me a confused gaze. “You think?”

  “During our last fight, she said she was, but she didn’t want it. She didn’t want a family.”

  Autumn covers her mouth. Her eyes are as wide as a saucer.

  “She threatened to go to the clinic to get rid of the baby. You know what’s the worst part of all this mess?”

  She shakes her head.

  “I don’t even know if she was pregnant or if she was just fucking with my head. That’s the kind of person Callie was. She knew how to fuck with people’s heads. I thought she was the perfect person for me, but she fucked me up. I’m broken. I feel guilty, ashamed, and angry.”

  I look down at my sandwich but can’t continue eating. My stomach is tied in knots, and I’m no longer hungry. I want to leave the office and find something to do. Probably run around the city until I’m so fucking tired my brain can’t process a single thought. I hate to think about the past and the future…how do I deserve a future when Callie will never have one?

  “That’s why you work so much, isn’t it?”

  “It’s a way to cope.”

  “I’m not a professional, but I can tell you that you haven’t grieved at all. A counselor will help you sift through your emotions and make sense of what’s happening to your head and your heart. Learn to forgive her and yourself.”

  “It won’t fix the main problem. She’s never coming back.”

  “You weren’t the cause of the accident. It’s hard to understand. You feel guilty and think you don’t deserve to live. Even when your feelings for her are extremely complicated, you shouldn’t be carrying that guilt.”

  Who is to blame then?

  “As much as I’d love to stay, I need to go,” she says, wiping her mouth with a paper napkin.

  “I’ll get you something so you don’t have to cook dinner.”

  “It’s not about dinner. I have to figure out Matilda’s birthday present.”

  Since I don’t want to let her go yet, I say, “Let me help you.”

  This might be the most stupid thing I’ve said today, but for some strange reason, I want to spend more time with her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Zach

  “You’re going to help me find a present for a seven-year-old girl?” Autumn laughs.

  It’s a rich sound that sends shivers throughout my body and loosens up my tight muscles. I like it. I want to listen to it more often.

  “I know what you’re thinking.”

  She smirks. “Doubtful.”

  “You’re thinking, buddy, you have no idea what that entails. Surprisingly, I do. Are you forgetting that I have a younger, very annoying sister? It’s not easy to find a present for Theodora Phillipa St. James.”

  She looks at me with a frown. “That’s Teddy’s name?”

  “Yeah, my parents thought they were having another boy. In any case, I don’t think. I’m one-hundred-percent sure I’m the best person for this job.”

  She gives me a skeptical glance and shakes her head.

  “You need to trust me on this one. I already have a couple of ideas. Plus, I can tell that your kid has a list or gave you a few hints.”

  She scoffs. “Hints? No. She is demanding an elephant or a puppy.”

  That’s so easy. I can’t believe she’s making this sound like a quest. “There’s a toy store close by with cute stuffed animals.”

  She laughs. “I wish it were that simple. I would’ve ordered them online. She wants a real elephant or a real dog. Not a stuffy. Those are for babies.”

  “Of course, they’re for babies. She’s what? Like thirty-five, right?”

  “You joke, but that’s her emotional age.”

  Okay, so this might be harder than I thought. “Do you have any other ideas?”

  “I’m tempted to buy her a Squishmallow and a couple of books. She loves to read.”

  “What’s a Squishmallow?”

  “Imagine if a stress ball was large, cuddly, and felt like a fluffy cloud.”

  It takes me a few seconds to ponder upon that description. The only thing that comes to mind is Burke and his anxiety. He’s constantly fidgeting with something. Teddy buys him stress balls and toys, but he always loses them. He could use one of those.

  “Sounds strange. I should buy one for Burke.”

  “Then come with me, and let’s find one for your brother too. I’m thinking something small but embarrassing enough that people will make fun of him when they see him with it as they walk by his office.”

  I grin. “I like how you think.”

  Instead of driving, we walk to the store. Autumn doesn’t have a jacket with her, so I give her a pullover sweatshirt from Café Fusion. Is it weird that I feel like we’re in high school, and I love that she chose to wear my sweatshirt? Fifteen years ago, this would’ve been acceptable. Now we’re two adults with too much baggage to even think about flirting.

  It’s amusing how a few hours with someone can rewire one’s mind. I still find her gorgeous, but we’re so broken and unable to offer the other happiness. I glance at her one more time and realize that I’m only speaking for myself. She has a smile on her face, a crinkle in her eyes, and a positive attitude that many would enjoy.

  There’s a force pulling me to her—untamed, strong, and confusing. I choose to ignore it because I already feel too lost by myself to drag someone with me. I’d break her the way I did Callie, though I could use a friend like Autumn. But how?

  “Maybe I could give this sweatshirt to Matilda and call it a day,” she says. “I had no idea you sold them.”

  “I don’t. They’re for my employees.”

  “You should consider selling merchandise.”

  “We already do.”

  “Let me rephrase. You should sell more than just mugs, cups, and water bottles. Think about selling some clothing too. I could make a few designs for you.”

  This is the opening I needed. It’s also my opportunity to help her. “I think you’re onto something. We should exchange information so we can discuss it.”

  “I mean, it’s just an idea.”

  “An excellent one,” I agree, and before she can change her mind, I circle back to Matilda’s present. “Why not a dog?”

  “What are we talking about?”

  “Matilda’s present. Why don’t you buy her a dog? We can go to the shelter.”

  “Like a real dog?” she asks hesitantly.

  “Yes. We could do some research to see what’d be the best dog for her.” I try to sound animated. Not sure if what I’m saying is right. I’m about to drag an animal into their lives, but it can be a great excuse to be around them.


  “She’s allergic. Plus, we don’t have time to deal with a dog. I’m barely home.”

  “Are you sure? Because a dog seems like a sensible choice. We can always try to see if she can adopt an elephant at a zoo. She wouldn’t own it, but we can provide for his care.”

  She comes to a complete stop and gawks at me for a couple of seconds. “That’s nonsense. I doubt I’ll ever introduce you to my child.”

  Instead of arguing with that statement, I continue with the puppy campaign while we resume our walk. “Do you know that every child should grow up with a puppy? It helps them to learn responsibility, among other things. I grew up with two. Lady and Jimbo. What if you buy the dog and your mom keeps him? We can check a shelter and see if they have one that’s good for you.

  “I keep telling Aiden to get a hypoallergenic dog, so my child can play with it. He claims he doesn’t have time for it. I’m pretty sure it’s because they’re messy, and Miranda can only deal with so much mess. If you ask me, it’d be an excellent addition for them and my kid. If I had the time and the space, I’d do it. We live in a two-bedroom apartment with a tiny living area. I don’t think it’d be fair for a puppy to live with us. Also, there aren’t any hypoallergenic dogs in shelters. Those puppies are expensive.”

  It sounds like she’s convincing herself as to why she shouldn’t have a dog. Maybe Matilda isn’t the only one who wants to have a pup in her life. Aiden has a house. However, if he and his wife are busy all the time, it wouldn’t be fair to the puppy.

  I don’t know how hard it is to have a dog. Mom took care of Lady and Jimbo. I could learn with them.

  “Think about it as a life skill for Matilda.”

  “Where is your dog, Zachary?”

  She got me there, but I can get out of this just as easily. “You know what, I should get myself a dog.”

  “You might have to take time off from work. The horror.” She gasps, then laughs, probably at me.

  “It’ll be some sort of therapeutic dog. It’ll help me battle my workaholic-ism. Though, I might need to buy a house before I commit to a pup.”