Until Next Time

by Claudia Burgoa

  He doesn’t answer, and this time, I get upset.

  “I know you did your best for us, but your family always came first. If you were here, you’d be siding with them. Remember what you told me that night, your last words. The ones before you asked me to take care of your baby?”

  There’s a long, deafening silence that threatens to eat my soul. I might as well be here at midnight on Halloween.

  “I bet you don’t.” I wipe a tear.

  “You said, ‘I wish I could really love you. I’m sorry for not loving you enough.’”

  The tears flow freely, cascading the same way the water flows in Niagara Falls. I can’t stop them or my words. “I never told anyone. I never understood the meaning of your last words. I want to believe that you loved me, but you didn’t know what love meant. Some days, I fall into a tangent, and I argue with myself about that love. Maybe you didn’t love me, and you were with me out of pity. I don’t think that’s true. You loved me. I mean, you died for me. You asked the paramedics to get me out first. That’s love, Pax. But maybe you were right. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. And what if I’m not enough for Matilda, and I lose her?”

  “You’re more than enough,” I hear a voice, and I jolt when a hand touches my shoulder. I feel Zach. I rest my head against his hand, feeling less lonely. Ever since we crossed paths, my life has brightened up a little bit more.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Why are you here? I thought you were in Maine.”

  He pulls me up and hugs me. “Nah. I came back last night. We have a hearing on Friday, and I wanted to be close. I was in the parking lot of your apartment complex deciding between visiting you or not when I saw you leave. I followed you, and I gave you some time with him, but I stepped close when I saw you crying.”

  “How much did you hear?”

  “Listen, he was probably a kid who knew those were the last minutes of his life and realized that you deserved better, and he couldn’t fix any of his mistakes. I’m pretty sure he was apologizing because at that moment, right when he was about to step into the light, he knew what he could’ve done better, but it was too late. He did great for his age. He was inexperienced, but he loved you.”

  “I wish he could stop his mom.”

  “You’re going to sit down with his parents, the lawyers, and the judge this Friday and talk like adults. It’ll be over soon.”

  “You think so?”

  “I know so.”

  And I believe him. “I’ve missed you.”

  I look up at him. His eyes are filled with tenderness and desire. “I missed you more. And though, I’d love to kiss you. I won't do it. We’re waiting until this nightmare is over, okay?”

  “Thank you for coming.”

  “I might not be right beside you, but I’m watching over you, babe.”

  “Why are you so good to me?”

  He shakes his head. “I’m just a man trying to do what’s best for his family.”

  Those words undo me. At the end of the day, I remember why I want to be beside him, loving him and being loved by him. I fear we’ve been holding back, but after this long absence and knowing that everything can end within seconds, I promise myself we won’t hold back. Never again.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Autumn

  After the cemetery, Zach stays away from us. He claims it’s just one day and a few hours. Friday arrives too late or maybe too soon. I don’t think I’m ready for judgment day. I bet if this was my last day, God would be more merciful.

  Thankfully, Nyx convinces the court to interview Matilda at our apartment where she can be comfortable. She knows what’s happening, and she’s sad that her grandmother wants to take her away from me. Before we start anything, Nyx requests if I can read—out loud—a letter from Matilda to her grandmother.

  Dear Grandma Megan,

  I wish I could meet you in person one day. Not today, because I don’t like you a lot. For years, I’ve been sending you Christmas cards, birthday cards, and pictures of me during my birthday. I waited for a letter back or a thank-you note. Mom always makes me write thank-you notes when I receive a letter. She says we always have to be grateful to those who are nice to us.

  I hope that your heart softens. You can read How the Grinch Stole Christmas so you can learn. I asked Mom’s lawyer if she can demand a picture of my dad from you since I don’t have any and I already forgot his face. Mom reminds me of his love and tells me I have his eyes and his compassion. I had to search for the word compassion in the dictionary. Since your son had it and I have it, maybe you have it too. Look deep inside your soul.

  One day, when you learn to be nice to others, please look for me. I’d love to hear stories about my dad. Moms usually know the best ones. Since you were his mom, maybe you can tell me those. Did he like waffles like I do?

  I don’t know what’s going to happen today. Mom says it’s up to the judge. I hope the judge is wise because I don’t want to leave Mom. I’m all she has. Last year, I tried to find a way to make her happy, and it didn’t work. If she loses me, her sadness might take over, and I won’t see her smile again. She’s a good mom who tries her best even when some days I get to be a little extra.

  If you don’t respond to this letter, it’s okay.

  Sincerely,

  Matilda Blackthorne Wickerton

  I clear the tears as I finish reading the letter. Matilda made me promise I wouldn’t open it until the judge allowed it.

  “If I hadn’t seen her video, I wouldn’t believe she wrote it. You raised a thirty-some-year-old girl, Ms. Wickerton,” the judge says.

  I grin. “She’s a good kid.”

  “And you’re a good mother.”

  “Is there something your client would like to add to the case?” the judge asks the Blackthornes’ lawyer.

  He leans closer, and they talk amongst themselves, then he shakes his head. “No.”

  The judge nods. “I understand why this case ended up on my desk. Your legal team tried to make a compelling case against a working single mother. If you want your granddaughter in your life, go knock on her door and offer an olive branch. This isn’t the way to have a family. The state of Washington isn’t in the business of destroying people’s lives. You wasted the resources of the state for your gain. I’ll make sure to bill you for all the man-hours spent on this ludicrous case.”

  “She’s an unfit mother. She killed my son.”

  The judge shakes her head. “Case dismissed. If you appeal this case, you’re only going to hurt your relationship with your granddaughter. She’s the most affected.”

  Nyx is the first one to hug me. “We did it. It’s time to go home and hug your little girl.”

  “Thank you. I owe you and Pierce my happiness.”

  “Nah, it was an easy case. She didn’t have anything. By the way, we’re settling the lawsuit against them. They offered ten million dollars to make it disappear. As you requested, I agree as long as they sign that they’ll never bother you again, and only contact Matilda if they’re willing to have a healthy relationship with her.”

  I sigh with relief. “You know what to do with the money.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to keep any of it?”

  I shake my head. Fifty percent is going to a trust under Matilda’s name. The rest will be given to a nonprofit that helps single parents who can barely pay for their rent and have other expenses. When I get out of the room, Aiden and Miranda are there.

  “Is everything okay?” my brother asks.

  “Yes.”

  He hugs me. “Thank fuck. I was starting to plan a trip to the Cayman Islands.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Nah. Zach might do it, though.”

  I look around and he’s nowhere to be found. I frown because I really thought he’d be here. Teddy is in Silver Lake with Matilda and Mom. It’s partially disappointing not seeing any of the St. Jameses with me. They’ve been so supportive, and the day
when I need them, they’re not here.

  My phone buzzes. It’s a text from an unknown number.

  Unknown: Have you listened to my podcasts lately?

  A link pops up almost immediately. I don’t want to click on it because what if it’s a scam. Nyx walks by and says, “You’re still here?”

  “Was I supposed to leave?”

  “I thought you would after listening to the podcast.”

  I show her my phone. “This isn’t a scam?”

  Nyx reads it and rolls her eyes. “Fuck, she did make it sound fishy. It’s my sister.”

  My heart stopped because the last time I listened to her podcast, my child was involved.

  Podcast Week 3 Season 10

  “Hello, all you beautiful people. I’m Persy, and this is Life with Persy. Each week, I answer your questions about your relationships with your cat, your significant other, your parents, your siblings, and your roommate, to name a few.

  “Need to get along with a nosey neighbor from hell? There’s always a solution.

  “Did you marry the grump next door, and he’s driving you crazy? I have a trick or two to tame your man.

  “Does that cute guy from Tinder come with more baggage than you bargained for? We’ll talk it up and dish it out here.

  “I’ll offer advice, tactics, and tools that you can use in your daily life to create your slice of happiness.

  “Just a reminder, this podcast is not suited for work, but you can play it almost everywhere else on your favorite podcast listening devices.

  “Today, we have a special request from one of our best friends in the world and an adorable girl who made a wish eight months ago, and it might come true. Grump, can you do me the honor because I doubt I’ll do any justice to this email with my voice.”

  “Dear Persy (That’s how one starts these things, right?),

  “Ugh, someone needs to teach the guy to write an email. It’s not that hard.”

  “Grump, focus.”

  “A few months back, I was recording a show when this funny, brilliant little girl emailed the show asking for help. She wanted to find a husband for her mom and a dad for her. The call stayed with me for a week, and there was a second call that pulled me more toward this family of two. Listening about all the sacrifices this single mother made for her child. A child who has a big heart and believes that everything is possible.

  “Confession time: I knew this girl. Well, now a woman. She’s my best friend’s little sister. Aiden, if you’re listening to the show, I might have a thing for her. That’s not all. I snuck into the studio where the show is recorded, hoping I’d learn more about this incredible woman and her daughter. That day, she was on the phone, and like her daughter, she gifted me with something I thought I had lost.

  “Hope.

  “I searched for her. In the process of trying to steal the hope that I thought I didn’t deserve, I got to learn more about her. She’s a beautiful woman. Her kind of beauty sinks into your soul and makes you want to worship her and hand her your heart. Slowly, we’ve been mixing into each other. She didn’t heal me, but she patiently stayed beside me as I gathered the shards of my broken heart. She held me while I processed the pain I denied existed.

  “All this time, I believed I was in her life to help her, but no, she came into my life to save me. I believe I was meant to find her again when we were both ready. The beauty of her soul isn’t the only thing she has. She has an extraordinary daughter who I love as mine. Unfortunately, we’ve been apart for the past few months. I want us to find each other again, and this time it’ll be forever. If you could help me find her. I’ll be at the top of the Space Needle waiting for her, and I’ll wait forever for her.

  Sincerely,

  Restless in Redmond”

  “Dear Restless in Redmond, I promised I wouldn’t cry when we read this letter, but I’m sobbing like a baby. I’m glad you finally found the peace you’ve been looking for. Autumn Wickerton, welcome to the family. Now go and find your man.

  “For everyone else, this was a special limited-edition podcast. Until next time, Persy Brassard.”

  Autumn

  “I’ll give you a ride,” Aiden says.

  “You knew?”

  He nods.

  Without wasting any time, we drive to the Space Needle. I get out of the car as he kills the engine. When I arrive at the monitor to buy tickets, a sign says it’s sold out.

  “This can’t be sold out.”

  “It is for the right price,” a security guard says.

  Miranda and Aiden, who’re right behind me, say, “Someone is waiting for her upstairs.”

  The man tosses his head back and laughs. “You and all those women.” He points at a group of women who are close to the bushes.

  They all listened to the podcast and wanted to get to Zach, but he’s mine. Mine.

  “But it’s me, Autumn Wickerton,” I assure him, pulling out my purse and showing him my ID.

  He tilts his head toward the entrance, and I almost jog as I go through the security points, show my driver’s license a couple more times, and finally head to the elevator.

  The woman next to me explains how we’re traveling at ten miles per hour which means it’ll take us forty-one seconds to reach the top. They’re the longest forty-one seconds of my life. They’re open until midnight, but I hope we don’t have to stay too long. I want us to go home, to stop pretending that we’re not together. I need Zach in my life forever. Not just for a few stolen seconds, but for the rest of our lives. At least, I hope that’s the beginning of us.

  When I step out, I can see the glorious view of the city that I love and also the two people who mean the world to me.

  Zach and Matilda stand together. Stella is right next to them.

  Matilda waves at me. “Hi.”

  “Hey, you two.”

  “I hope it’s okay that I brought her with me,” Zach says.

  “It’s perfect,” I whisper.

  He clears his throat and pulls two boxes out of his suit jacket. “For years, I’ve been lost. I had no idea what love was, only believed in the concept of love. I wanted something that I was afraid to have and lose. It took meeting two precious souls to understand the meaning and let myself fall and learn how to fly.

  “Autumn Wickerton, the day you came back into my life, I had a feeling about you. I still don’t understand what it is about you, but I know you’re worth loving. I fell in love with you because you understand who I am. You’re the person who creates peace inside my chaotic mind. You’re the most caring person in the world and a wonderful mother to an equally wonderful child.”

  He drops onto one knee and opens the small box. It has a small princess-cut diamond with little diamonds around it. It’s not flashy, but it’s perfect for me, for us.

  “I know this is too soon, but life is too short, and I want to start the rest of our lives now. Would you do me the honor to be my wife, my life companion, and my best friend?”

  “Say yes, Mommy, please?”

  He turns to look at Matilda, who opens the large box. It has a heart-shaped locket. “I don’t plan to replace Paxton Blackthorne. He gave you life, but I’d love to be your stepfather—your second father—if you and your mom allow it. I promise to love you, not spoil you that often, and always protect you.”

  Matilda’s lip trembles. She looks at me as if waiting for my answer.

  I walk toward him and wrap my arms around him. I can’t stop crying. This is so perfect. He’s so imperfectly flawless.

  “Yes. My answer is yes. I love you so much, Zachary St. James.”

  “I love you both,” he says, standing up. He takes Matilda into his arms and hugs us both. “Thank you for giving me life and letting me love you.”

  Something Like Love, the second book of the St. James Family releases on April 12.

  Pre-order today

  Excerpt

  I hope you enjoyed Until Next Time keep reading for an extended excerpt of:

&
nbsp; Wrong Text, Right Love (Persy & Ford)

  Didn’t Expect You (Nyx & Nate)

  Love Like Her (Olivia & Eros)

  Something Like Love

  Wrong Text, Right Love

  Saturday, April 4th

  * * *

  “I thought you were like the Beast, but you’re Peter Pan without the green leggings,” Martha yells, shoving my pants against my torso.

  Ok, the Peter Pan reference I get, but who the fuck is the Beast?

  “Maybe I’m wrong and you’re Rapunzel, waiting for some innocent woman to rescue you from your Ivory tower,” she continues her rant, and I think I get it now. She’s trying to compare me to Disney princes—and even princesses. “Enough is enough. I’m done loving you. I tried and I tried, but you never gave anything back.”

  Whoa, we’re throwing the L word?

  Her next-door neighbor has the door open and is watching the show. I know what this looks like, and I’m pretty sure she’s thinking: The guy being thrown out of the house wearing boxer briefs with ‘I just fucked’ hair means he cheated. Not only that, she caught him.

  Or, there’s a second possibility. He doesn’t want to take the next step.

  Nosy neighbor nods and scrunches her nose, as she confirms her suspicions. This asshole has been stringing this poor woman along for years.

  I could set things straight and put her mind at ease. There’s another side to the story. Martha and I met a few months ago at the grocery store. She was pretty and funny. We exchanged numbers, and after a few texts, we tried to give this friendship a go.

  “We agreed this was just for fun,” I remind Martha.

  “We had more than fun,” she claims.