These last few days have been good—great, even—full of laughter and fun. My favorite part though? My nightmare is gone…for now. I’m sure having a full night of sleep has helped in the happy department, but I know that’s not all it is.
It’s Hudson.
He’s made me smile more since I met him than I have in the past few years. He’s sweet, witty, and kind of sort of perfect so far—and it doesn’t hurt that he’s super freakin’ hot either.
But that’s not even what I like most about him. It’s his heart. I have never in my life met a guy that shows their love the way Hudson does. I don’t know if he even realizes he’s doing it, but he does. I can see it in his eyes so clearly. The love he has for his friends and family when he talks about them is…well, remarkable.
As my eyes drift shut, I realize my heart may be in a little deeper with Hudson than I realize.
And that I’m okay with it.
17
Hudson
I spend the next week alternating my time between Joey, my apartment, and Rae.
Joey’s been busy running back and forth to a school play of The Wizard of Oz. I’ve had the chance to sit in on a few rehearsals, and nothing is more adorable than watching a bunch of seven-year-olds “act”. Plus, Joey makes a great Cowardly Lion.
Every moment spent at my apartment is focused on getting this Pembrooke shit moving along. The amount of time it’s taking is ridiculous. I would have turned my mom’s friend down so I could stay with Joey more often if I knew it was going to take a month and a half, but I couldn’t let my mom down, couldn’t leave her hanging.
I miss my kid though. I’m tired of babysitting this apartment. Not going to lie, it’s been nice to have a few extra hours of “me” time that I didn’t have before, but I’m starting to feel guilty for thinking that and it’s starting to eat away at me.
I do my best to push those thoughts out of my head because Logical Hudson knows it’s all just silly parent guilt.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the little notification light on my phone blinking. I rush to check it, hoping it’s Rae. No luck; it’s Tucker.
Tucker: Yo. What goes on tonight?
Me: Getting ready to head back to my mom’s and chill with Joey.
Tucker: Huh, figured you’d be at C’s hitting on your little lady friend again.
Rae. A goofy grin spreads across my face just thinking about her.
That mouth of hers continues to amaze me at every turn. Every time we met for coffee, texted our random five questions, or had dinner this past week—which was a lot—she’s said something weird that did nothing but give me a semi in public. Everything about her is a turn-on. I feel like a total dick because I still haven’t kissed her, but I don’t deserve to yet since I haven’t been one hundred percent honest with her about the fact that I’m a dad, even though I almost tried to tell her last week, and that was ruined when she told me she didn’t think she was mom material. If I’m being honest, her confession has kept me guarded—another reason I haven’t kissed her.
Even without having kissed her, I can see myself falling for her, and it’s scary as shit.
But, it can’t be helped, and I can’t be blamed. Rae’s witty, smart, sassy, and beautiful as hell. Hell, just a text conversation is fun with her, something I’ve been lacking a lot of in the last several years—not with Joey, but with life in general. I have to “dad” all the time and don’t have time for adult fun.
One thing I have noticed though? We’ve barely brushed the surface of the more serious topics like her job hunt and wanting to move, or Joey. I can feel her pull back every time we get serious about any of it, and I so do I. We’re both scared, because I think it’s clear we have the potential to destroy one another.
I sigh and text Tuck back.
Me: Nah, it’s Joe’s turn tonight.
Tucker: Damn you and your responsible ass. Tell the little shit hi for me.
Me: Will do, man.
I put my phone back in my pocket and grab my shoes. I’m shoving my right one on when the doorbell starts going crazy.
“Hudson! Why aren’t you answering your phone?” my mom says in a panic, pushing through the door with Joey in tow as soon as I twist the handle.
I frown. “I didn’t get any calls from you. Why? What’s going on? Is something wrong with Joey?” I ask, now thoroughly panicking, grabbing Joey and checking for any signs of damage.
Joey’s wearing a panicked look, probably freaked out by my reaction.
I’m not looking at her, but I can feel my mom roll her eyes. “No, you goob. If it were anything bad, I would have gone to the hospital. Joey’s fine.”
I let Joey go, straightening and looking my mom over now. “Is it you then? What’s wrong?”
Again with the eye roll. “Same answer,” she says dryly. “It’s Marcy, the neighbor. Her husband fell off the ladder from the roof. He was rushed to the hospital and Marcy has no one there for her with all her kids being off at college.”
“Say no more. Go. I was just headed over there anyway. Please let Marcy know I’m sorry.”
She gives me a quick hug, kisses Joey, and then she’s gone.
I look to Joey.
“Guess it’s just you and me, kiddo.”
I get an eye roll. From a seven-year-old.
“Not cool, dude,” I say in the most parental voice I have.
I swear I get the most adorable pair of blue eyes turned on me. “Sorry,” Joey whispers before looking down at the floor.
I sigh because how in the hell can you stay mad at that? You can’t.
Squatting down so I’m eye level, I say, “Hey, it’s okay. Just remember for next time, okay?”
I get a nod…and a sniffle. After a few hugs and reassuring words—because I hardly ever get on Joey’s case about anything—I suggest a movie.
“Wanna watch The Lion King?”
A shrug. “I guess.”
“Okay, bug. We’ll watch that and order some pizza. Maybe Gaige will be working and he can deliver it to us. How’s that sound?”
“Do we still have ice cream?”
I get a flashback of the last person to ask me about ice cream. Rae. I wish she were here for this.
The smallest flair of panic races through me because that’s a heavy thought. Then I realize that yes, I do want Rae here, for all these small moments and all the big ones too.
I just have to gather the courage to tell her about Joey…then possibly watch her walk away because of it.
“You’re asking me, The King of Ice Cream, if I have any? Where’s your faith in me, bug?”
“Good point,” Joey says with a serious expression and pat on my arm. “Ice cream first, okay?”
I pretend to think on it for a few seconds, but really, I’d never deny this kid anything. “Deal.”
We fist-bump.
“I’ll go get Rocky and you go get the ice cream.”
“Please?” I encourage.
“With cherries on top!”
Now I’m confused. “Of the ice cream or the please?”
I get a duh look. “Both.”
About two hours later there’s another knock at the door. I assume it’s my mom because I’m not expecting anyone else so I fling the door open.
It’s Rae.
SHIT! It’s Rae!
Out of reflex, I close the door so she can only see my face. Her brows pinch together in an instant.
My breathing becomes labored and I can’t seem to hear anything because of the pounding in my head. She’s talking, I can see her mouth moving, but I can’t hear a damn thing she’s saying.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! Deep breath in…and out. In, out. In, out.
I do this several times until I’m able to focus. I blink, really looking at her for the first time. She has on a pair of those weird half-pants thing girls wear and a t-shirt. Her dark brown hair is pulled back in a bun and she just looks…well, confused right now.
I make sure to drink the si
ght of her in, afraid this may be the last time she wants to see me because of what’s about to happen.
“Hudson,” she says. This time I can hear her just fine. “Are you okay?”
“I…uh…well…” I stammer. I swallow loudly. “I kind of have something to tell you.”
She looks worried now. I would be too. She scrunches her brows even more. “Kind of or you do? Which one, Hudson?”
I can tell she’s getting irritated. I can’t blame her; I’m acting like a total fucking tool right now.
“I do. I definitely do.” I glance back inside at Joey, making sure everything is okay. When I see The Lion King 2 still has a firm grip on the kid’s attention, I turn back to Rae. “Can we talk outside maybe?”
“Um, I’d kind of rather not. I’d rather you just tell me what the fuck is going on?” It’s not a question, but it comes out as one.
My eyes widen and my entire body tenses, because I know—oh, boy, do I know—what’s coming next.
“Daddy, your friend said a bad word. Tell her she has to pay up,” Joey says, sticking her hand out from behind me. “It’s fifty cents, you know.”
Rae gasps, her hand flying to her chest. Her eyes are bigger than I’ve ever seen and her face is losing its color rapidly.
“Did she just… She… Daddy? Are you…” she starts. And restarts and restarts and restarts.
Then, she goes blank. I wave my hand in front of her face. Nada, nothing, zip. She doesn’t move or even blink.
“Joey, honey, back up, please. Daddy needs to bring his friend inside. I think she’s having an attack of some sort,” I tell my daughter, who is still standing directly behind me.
“Like when those ninjas attacked us at the dog park? That was insane!”
I smile because that was a fun day. Running around and pretending to fight ninjas with my kid was the highlight of my week.
“Kind of, only the ninjas are all in her head. You gonna help me get them out?” I ask, grabbing Rae and walking her inside. She’s doing nothing else but moving her feet. It’s a miracle she’s still upright at this point. “Let’s sit her down here,” I tell Joey, who’s holding Rae’s other side.
We gently push Rae down onto the couch, right in the middle. Joey sits on one side; I sit on the other.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried right now. I’m not just worried about Rae, who I know will snap out of it once the shock wears off, I’m worried for whatever future we have—or had. I mean, she plainly expressed her feelings about children last week. And Joey? Well, she’s my whole world. She’s it for me. If Rae can’t accept that—the hand life has dealt me—I’ll walk away in an instant.
“Dad? Can I poke her? Ya know, just to make sure she’s okay. I sawed it in a movie once. They were pokin’ a dead guy with a stick. Should I get a stick?” Joey says.
“First, what kind of stuff does Nana let you watch? Second, it’s ‘saw’, not ‘sawed’. Third, you can try, but no sticks.” I shrug, because I’m kind of curious to see if it’ll work.
Leave it to my fucking kid to poke Rae all right…smack dab in the middle of her forehead.
To my surprise, it works.
Rae flinches. “Did…did you just poke me? On the forehead?”
Joey looks to me, her eyes taking up about half her face. I nod at her, letting her know everything’s okay. She looks Rae right in the eyes.
“I did. You’re not dead,” Joey tells her.
“Well, that’s good to know,” Rae deadpans. She exhales loudly and turns to face me. I give her my trademark smirk. “Nope, don’t even try. You have a lot of explaining to do.”
I wince because she doesn’t sound even a little bit happy.
“Bug, can you go play with Rocky in my room for a bit? Daddy needs to talk with his friend.”
“No way. Not until you introduce me,” Rae says.
“Sorry. Rae, this is my daughter, Joey. Joey, this is my…friend, Rae.”
“Your girlfriend? The one you smile about with Nana all the time?”
Another wince, because it’s kind of embarrassing that my kid is giving away all my secrets.
“Girlfriend?” Rae asks with a small smile. “Don’t you think this”—she gestures to show she’s referring to our current Joey situation—“would be something your girlfriend, or at least the person you’ve seen or talked to every day for the past week, should know about?”
“Rae…I’m…I’m sorry.” My voice is pleading, begging her to understand.
She ignores me and turns to Joey. “How old are you?”
“Seven. How old are you?” Joey asks her.
“Twenty-two,” Rae tells her. She looks back at me. “That means…”
“Seventeen,” I confirm. A look of pity crosses her face, and fuck do I hate it.
I don’t ever want to be pitied for the best thing to ever happen to me. Having Joey, no matter how young, was one of the greatest moments in my life. I would never trade it for anything else.
“I’m a first grader, you know,” Joey tells Rae proudly.
“Oh, really? What’s two plus two then?” Rae bounces back, a small smile playing on her lips.
My bug gives her a look like she’s crazy. “Four,” she says slowly, like Rae is the one learning something. “I also know what twelve times twelve is. It’s one hundred and forty-four.”
Rae’s hand comes up and she covers her smile before she regains composure. “Wow. You’re smart. You sure you’re only seven?”
I can’t believe this woman says she’s horrible with kids. She seems to have taken to Joey right away. Granted, they just met and haven’t interacted much, but kids are great judges of character, so Joey talking with Rae is a good sign.
Joey nods vigorously. “Yep! Daddy, can I go play with Rocky now?” I nod. As she’s passing by us, she pats me on the arm. “Your friend is cool. I like her.”
I catch Rae’s stare. “I do too, bug. I do too.”
Rae’s shoulders drop as soon as Joey walks out of the room. I gulp because I know it’s coming—she’s pissed. I get that. I do. I kept something big from her. I didn’t necessarily mean to, but it happened.
“Hudson.”
“Rae.”
“What in the actual…f…rench toast!” she catches herself. “This is huge. Why would you keep this from me?”
“I didn’t really mean to. It’s kind of hard to explain. I—”
“Try,” she interrupts.
I sigh. I know that no matter which way I explain it, I’m going to sound like a total douchebag. “No judging, okay?”
“Have I judged you yet, Hudson? That’s not fair.” I can feel the heat radiating off her, and it’s not the fun kind.
“Right.” I clear my throat and hope she can understand what I’m about to tell her. “So, as you now know, I have a seven-year-old daughter. She’s amazing, the light of my life, my entire reason for breathing.”
“Why do you not live together?”
“Oh, we do. Remember that house in Pembrooke I told you about? There were electrical issues with it and the wiring had to be almost completely redone. My mom has a friend who needed someone to watch over his rental while he found someone new to sublet it to and she volunteered my services. She knows being a single parent is hard enough already, and moving into a new house is going to make it even harder. She wanted me to have a little bit of freedom before everything changes. So, I stay here a few nights a week to watch the place,” I explain. I pause to make sure she’s catching everything. She motions for me to continue.
“When I met you, I had no idea this would turn into a relationship of any kind. Hell, I wasn’t even supposed to go on that blind date with you, but I did, and I’m glad. I like you, Rae, like really, really like you. I selfishly liked having that freedom, getting the chance to get to know someone and not just being the single dad for a change. It was nice to just be Hudson—to just be twenty-four for a while. It’s not like I was never going to tell you. In fact, I was going
to last Thursday when I drove you home, but then you made that little confession.” She purses her lips and tilts her head, trying to remember. “How kids aren’t for you, that you’re not mom material—what am I supposed to do with that? I have a kid, and she’s definitely for me, Rae.”
She sits there, staring at my coffee table, her eyebrows still bunched together. “I don’t know. I still don’t get why you just didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t know how. I haven’t had to before. You’re the first person I’ve been on a date with in three years, Rae. I was with Joey’s mom before that, so she was obviously already clued in to the situation.”
“How long were you with her then?”
“Since I was sixteen until I was twenty-one.” I can see the wheels spinning. “Yes, Jess, my high school sweetheart, is Joey’s mom, and before you ask, no, she’s not in the picture anymore.”
Her demeanor doesn’t change with that confession, and I get the distinct impression that even if Jess were in the picture, Rae wouldn’t care. It makes me feel like this, despite what she’s said about not being mom material, is something she just might be able to handle.
“That’s it? No more surprise children running around? Just Joey?”
I chuckle. “Just Joey.”
The only noise in the apartment is coming from Joey, who is currently in my bedroom playing with Rocky. She throws a toy and Rocky takes off after it. You can hear his tail smacking against the wall and her giggles floating through the air.
“She’s gorgeous,” Rae tells me. “I don’t know why you hid her from me.”
“I didn’t hide her, Rae. I just didn’t let you meet her. She’s a kid. They get easily attached. What if we ended up not liking one another? What if it didn’t work out after I introduced you? I have to be careful with that sort of stuff. I knew last weekend, just after two dates, that it would be safe to let Joey meet you, but then Thursday night happened and I got scared to mention anything. So, I didn’t. I figured I’d see where we were next week and then go from there.” I pause and take a deep breath. “And I also wanted to know about Perry, but I had to find the courage to ask about that too. I figured you’d tell me all that when you were ready though.”
Here's To Box Set (Complete Series) Page 16
