Endless Mercy

by Tracie Peterson

  “Don’t worry, I’m here.” John entered the room and went to his wife’s side.

  They all looked at Whitney.

  “I’ll stand, thank you.” Arms straight at her sides, there was no mistaking the rigid set of her body.

  Dad shook his head and fidgeted with his hands in his lap.

  Maddy didn’t think they could take much more. They had been through so much the past few months. Please, God. Help us to work through whatever this is.

  Why was Dad taking so long?

  Another groan from Granddad.

  Dad lifted his head and looked at him. “First off, Chuck, I want to say that, yes, I forgive you. It was my fault that this happened the way it did in the first place, so I need to carry the blame too.” Then he looked at each of them, sorrow filling his eyes.

  Madysen had the urge to cry, but she wasn’t sure why.

  “Chuck asked me to forgive him because the divorce agreement he had me sign all those years ago wasn’t legal.”

  Havyn gasped.

  Madysen frowned. What did that have to do with anything?

  Dad went on. “Your mother never signed the papers. Chuck did. I should have realized that might have been the case because I knew he planned to tell Melly that I was dead. This means my marriage to Esther was illegal and my other children are illegitimate.”

  “They were illegitimate to begin with!” Whitney’s words cut through the room like a knife. “Didn’t this other woman have them while you were still married to our mother?”

  As much as Madysen agreed with her sister’s words, she couldn’t help but flinch. Were any of them prepared to deal with this?

  To his credit, Dad didn’t lash out. “I know what you all think of me and what I did. I’m sorry. But I did straighten out my life. I married Esther. She was a good woman. Please. My other children don’t know any of this. I need to tell them the truth, and that is going to be very difficult.”

  “So you’re leaving again? Just like that?” Madysen spat the words and then clenched her jaw to keep the other angry words she wanted to say lodged in her throat. But it didn’t work. “Fine. Go back to Colorado and take care of the children you obviously wanted more than us. Then we won’t have to see you, and that’s fine with me.”

  “Maddy!” Havyn got up from her chair.

  Dad stood and held out a hand. “No. I deserved that. You three don’t know me, and that’s my fault. But no, I’m not going back to Colorado. I wasted enough years and missed out on too much with you all, so I’m staying in Alaska. For good. I’m your father, and I hope that one day you can forgive me, and we can get to know one another.”

  Havyn laid a hand on Madysen’s shoulder. “What about your other kids?”

  Madysen needed her sister’s touch, and the anchor it gave her, because nothing made sense anymore. She reached up and grabbed Havyn’s hand. Closing her eyes, she waited for what their father would say.

  “I’ve sent for them. Ruth, Esther’s sister, has arranged for her mother to stay with her children for the winter so that she can come up here and help me look for her husband. She’s on her way now and is bringing Bethany and Eli with her. Matthew is in college, but I pray that one day you can meet him too.”

  A punch to the gut would have been more pleasant than the news Dad just shared. His other kids were coming here? They’d be a constant reminder that he hadn’t been faithful to their mother. That he’d loved another woman. And their kids.

  More than he’d ever loved them.

  “I’m not sure we need to meet them anytime soon.” Whitney’s tone was a bit softer, but the intensity of her gaze meant they should all give her space to think this through.

  Havyn squeezed Madysen’s hand.

  Dad took another long, deep breath. “Well, you’re going to meet them. I asked Chuck if Bethany and Eli could stay here at the farm while I go look for Stan.”

  She and her sisters spoke at the same time. “What?”

  Whit stepped forward, her hands fisted at her side. “Now wait just a minute—”

  “No!” The emphatic word came from Granddad. Spittle ran down his chin.

  Madysen reached over with a hankie and wiped it up while Granddad grabbed for his paper and pencil.

  They stood in awkward silence while he wrote.

  This is my house, and I told him they could stay here so they’ll be safe. Do this for me. Please.

  Whitney stormed out of the room.

  Dad looked at Madysen, and his gaze bore through her. “I won’t be staying here, if that’s your concern. But I do hope that one day we can all get to know each other again.”

  He stood and walked out of the room.

  John looked down at them. “I’ll see him out.”

  “This is not going to be easy. For any of us.” Havyn plopped down next to Madysen.

  Madysen leaned her head on her sister’s shoulder. “Those poor kids. Their lives are about to be turned upside down.”

  TEN

  There were days that Madysen wanted to hug and love on every one of her sheep.

  Today was not that day.

  Looking at the field, she put her hands on her hips. Not only had they jumped a fence and gotten into the manure pit, but they’d also torn up several patches of grass and trampled through the weeds, which, of course, had little burrs on them that were now stuck to the sheep’s wool coats.

  Which was exactly why they’d kept the sheep out of this particular field. And why it was so tedious to prepare a field for sheep. If only she’d stolen a herd of cattle. Cows weren’t so high maintenance.

  Well, she couldn’t do anything about that now. Besides, she loved her little critters. But somehow she had to get all of the sheep back into the other field. Then they’d have to be cleaned up. How exactly was she supposed to get burrs out of their wool anyway?

  “Dumb sheep.” She shook her head at them. As soon as she spoke, they all started heading toward her. Now they obeyed.

  “You’ve made quite a mess of things, haven’t you?” The little crowd of sheep around her grew. Along with the noise. Such a talkative group of animals. Though, what did she know? Maybe all sheep were this noisy.

  She started counting heads and looked toward the other field. To get them there, she’d have to herd them all the way around to the gate. Which would take some time. But they’d never follow her back over the fence. Besides, she didn’t want them thinking that it was okay to jump the fence.

  She’d have to speak with John about building the fence higher. This field had been used for cows before. Cows didn’t do anything crazy like jump fences. They just stuck their heads through the rails to eat the grass on the other side.

  Madysen was the one who had wanted these sheep. What kind of harebrained idea was that anyway? What had she been thinking?

  “Oh, great.” She lost count. Probably shouldn’t let her mind wander when she needed to focus. Starting again, she counted out loud in a singsong voice so that the sheep would stay near. For some reason, whenever she spoke or sang, they stuck close by.

  One was missing. And she’d counted twice.

  She glanced around the field. Better to get the sheep around her back into the appropriate field. Then she could look for the missing one.

  It took a good half hour to get the sheep back into a pen, where she was sure they couldn’t jump the fence. Best to keep them corralled until she got them cleaned up anyway.

  A lot of bleating followed her as she walked away. They weren’t happy that she left them. Or that she took them from the new field. Either way, they would have to stay put. One particular ewe began pitching more of a fit. Was its baby the one that was missing?

  She went back to the field she’d found them in and searched. She even called out. But she didn’t see a lamb anywhere.

  The last place to look was the manure pit. Oh, joy. It rained this morning. And the sheep had already made a mess out of the pit.

  The stench greeted her first. Good thing she w
as raised on this farm. Otherwise, she might’ve lost her lunch.

  The pit was huge. As she circled it, she kept calling out.

  Baaaaaaa.

  The bleat was weak. Where had it come from?

  She moved to the north end of the pit and crept to the edge. “Are you here? I can’t find you.”

  Then she saw it. A manure covered blob moving in the deepest part of the pit.

  It was one of the babies!

  Lifting the bandana off her neck and up over her nose and mouth, Madysen took a deep breath and stepped into the muck. As she’d expected, the rain had turned it into a slimy, smelly pond. Her boots and sealskin pants could handle it. Hopefully. The poor little lamb would drown if she couldn’t get to it. She’d sacrifice her clothing if she had to.

  Squishing her way through the nastiness, she continued to talk to her sheep, hoping and praying it could move toward her voice. But it could barely keep its head above the sludge. The stench permeated the bandana, and for a moment, Madysen gagged.

  Focus on the goal. Focus on the need.

  She closed her eyes for a half beat of her heart, then set out again.

  “Come toward me, little one. I’ll help you out. Just come toward my voice.”

  Moving through the mess took every muscle in her body. But the closer she got to the lamb, the farther away it moved. Why was it going the wrong direction?

  Could it not hear her anymore? Or were its eyes filled with so much muck that it couldn’t see?

  Up to her knees in the filth, she tried to move against the suction each step produced. Reaching for all she was worth, she tried to get ahold of the lamb’s head. Another step. Two. Then the head disappeared under the thick, black sludge.

  “No!”

  She lunged for it and got hold of its neck. As she tugged it toward her, she felt movement. Thank you, Lord! Then she finally had the lamb in her arms. She tried her best to wipe the mess from its nose and eyes and held it close to her chest. Her clothes would probably need to be burned after this, but at least she got to the lamb in time.

  A very small and tiny bleat came from the lamb as it rested its head on her shoulder.

  It melted her heart.

  “Do you need some help?” The voice from behind her made her jump, and she slipped and fell onto her backside.

  The miry goo splatted all around her, and she felt some of it land in her hair as she began to sink.

  Closing her eyes against the nastiness that covered her from head to toe, she growled rather than say the words that wanted to burst forth.

  Footsteps sounded around the pit.

  “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Just wanted to help. That’s all.”

  Who on earth was that? She opened her eyes and spied none other than Granny’s grandson, Daniel.

  What was he doing here?

  “Please.” Daniel stepped toward Madysen. “Let me help you.” He reached out a hand. The smell was worse than almost anything he’d ever encountered, but he couldn’t leave her there. Especially since it was partially his fault that she was in such a bad state.

  Since she held a wriggling lamb in her arms, it was quite a feat for her to get to her knees. Then she slowly got up on one foot, then the other.

  A quiver shook her shoulders. “This. Is. Disgusting.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. Again.” Thank goodness he put on an old pair of boots this morning. He’d ventured out to the Bundrant farm thinking he might walk about the place with John and offer his insight. Then he spotted Madysen.

  She took a slow step through the sludge about five feet from him. It was high up on her legs. It must take incredible strength to move through it.

  He reached toward her. Not quite. “See if you can take another step toward me. I’ll grab the lamb.”

  “Okay. But then you’ll be covered in this mess too.”

  “Don’t worry about me. Clothes will wash.”

  Her shoulders rose as she took a deep breath and nodded, moving ever so slowly forward a step. “I don’t know. . . . This might not ever wash out.” She leaned forward and stretched out the lamb to him. “Can you grab her?”

  He reached and got hold of the slippery animal. Setting the lamb on the grass, he wasn’t surprised to see it lie down. It was probably exhausted from trying to escape the pit.

  He turned back to Madysen. “All right, reach out to me, and I’ll pull you the rest of the way.”

  She nodded and reached her arms and torso toward him.

  Daniel took hold of her arms and pulled.

  Her left leg came toward him, but then she looked down at her other leg. “Umm, I think I’m stuck.”

  “On what?”

  She gave him an exasperated look. “I don’t know. It’s not exactly like I can see through this stuff. I just know my leg won’t move.”

  Great. “Maybe I need to pull harder.”

  “Whatever you do, do it quick. I don’t know how much longer I can keep my breakfast from coming back up.”

  He laughed. “I’m struggling with the same dilemma, so let’s get you out of there.”

  Daniel pulled with all his might––but she didn’t budge. He, on the other hand, slipped and fell into the mire.

  Madysen giggled behind her bandana. Then she held up a hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. Really. But now I know what I must look like.”

  He worked himself back to standing and couldn’t help but laugh with her.

  She managed to take a step toward him with her right leg, but now her left leg didn’t budge. “Now I’m really in a bind.” With her arms outstretched, she shook her head. “You’re just going to have to pull hard, or I’ll be stuck here forever. I can’t hold this position for long, and please don’t let me fall again.”

  Daniel wiped as much of the manure off his hands as he could, leaned forward, and grabbed her arms. But he couldn’t get a grip. “Can you get ahold of my shirt sleeves?”

  “Um, I can try.”

  “Just dig in with your fingers—you won’t hurt me—and I’ll do the same. I’ll do my best not to hurt you.”

  “At this point, I don’t care. Just get me out.”

  “All right. Hold tight. On the count of three. One . . . two . . . three!” He gritted his teeth and pulled.

  A wet, sucking sound––and then he was falling backward. With a lot of force.

  Madysen squealed. “My boot!”

  They landed with a thud and a splat.

  “Ewwwwww.”

  “My thoughts exactly.” He got up and held out a hand to help her. “I think I’ve had enough manure experience for a lifetime.”

  “Me too.” Once she was on her feet, she looked down at them. “My boot has become a permanent part of the manure pit.”

  “I’d like to be a gentleman about it, but sorry, I’m not going in after it.”

  She sputtered and then laughed. Louder and louder. “Would you look at us?”

  “Yeah. It’s pretty bad.”

  “What are you doing here anyway?” She shook out her arms and legs and drops of black muck flew everywhere.

  “Well, I thought I’d come and check out your farm. See how I could help.”

  “Well . . . you helped. I’ll give you that.” Her eyes sparkled.

  Maybe she wasn’t too miffed at him. “I’m sorry. Truly I am, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  Her hearty laugh echoed through the air. “Don’t worry about it. This is life on a farm.” She picked up the lamb. “But I do have one request.”

  “All right.”

  “Promise me you won’t say a word of this to anyone. Ever.”

  It was his turn to laugh. “As long as you promise the same.” He stuck out his manure-covered hand.

  She took it, and their hands squished as they shook on it. “Deal.”

  ELEVEN

  What a mess. An absolutely, disgusting, nasty, horrific mess. There weren’t even enough words in the dictionary to describe how bad she smelled. Not
to mention how she must look.

  Poor Daniel had excused himself and said he would find a remote place to clean up. She couldn’t imagine him walking too far with the stench she herself faced. Madysen carried the lamb to the pond on the east side of their farm. There was no way she could go anywhere near the house like this. The pond wasn’t used for anything, so she didn’t feel bad for rinsing in it. Granddad hadn’t fenced in any fields by the pond yet. He always said some things were just nice to look at. Though it wouldn’t be pretty once she was done.

  Looking around, she made sure none of the workers were near. At the edge of the water, she took off the one boot she had left and dunked it in the water. Brrr. It was chilly. Her one saving grace was the fact that the sun shone high and had warmed the day a considerable amount. But the walk to the house would be cold and miserable. With a breath, she clenched her jaw. Freezing on the way home was better than smelling like this. She carried the lamb into the pond and worked at getting it clean. At first, the animal didn’t appreciate the cold water and wriggled around, but then it calmed down as she kept working her fingers through its wool.

  Once the lamb was as clean as a pond-rinsed lamb could get, Madysen tucked it under one arm and began rinsing herself. She started with her head and dunked it back. How glorious to feel the water wash away the grime.

  Once she got her face, neck, and hair clean, she swished herself, fully clothed in the water. Then moved over a few feet to cleaner water and did it again. Then again. And again. Until she rounded the pond two times. She was nowhere near clean, but it would have to do until she could get a bath. Hopefully she could get in the house quickly and get one drawn before anyone saw her.

  Then she’d probably have to wash her clothes with enough soap for ten tubs of laundry to have even a chance at getting them clean.

  She took the long route around the farm to deposit the lamb back in the pen and avoid seeing anyone. It was quite possible she looked like she had drowned, and she didn’t want her sisters to worry. But if she got too close to anyone, they’d definitely smell her.

  Lord, please help me get to the house quickly without anyone seeing me. Please.