Cube Route

by Piers Anthony

  "The baby!"

  "Isn't that why you are here?"

  "I know nothing about any baby. I'm on a--a private Quest, which just led me to--to the Hell Toupee."

  "I see. But I am not at all sure why you would wish to have that artifact. Even the zombies won't touch it. We have left it alone, pending some decision on its disposition."

  "I don't know why either, but it seems I'm supposed to take it. Maybe I don't have to wear it."

  "Perhaps it is your destiny to deliver it where it belongs."

  "Maybe that's it." She put the toupee into the pouch.

  "Cube!" Millie called from downstairs. "Where are you?"

  "That's my wife," the Zombie Master said. "We must discuss this matter of the baby."

  "I think so," Cube agreed.

  They walked down the steps to the lower hall. There was Millie, holding a swaddled baby.

  "There seems to have been another misunderstanding, dear," the Zombie Master said. "This young woman is not here for the baby."

  "Oh," Millie said faintly. "Then what are we to do with her?" She held up the baby.

  "You see, the stork got confused," the Zombie Master explained. "It delivered the baby to the wrong Castle Zombie. This one was obviously intended for Breanna of the Black Wave, and Justin Tree. But by the time we realized the error, the stork was gone; it did not seem to like the environment."

  Cube looked at the baby. She was the color of amber, with a full head of hair that resembled waves of grain. She was the loveliest baby Cube had ever seen.

  "She has to be delivered to the right castle," Millie said. "I assumed--we don't get many visitors from Xanth--that you were here to do that."

  Now Cube saw that the thread went to the baby. "I--maybe that's the case. I--I didn't know what I was here for. I just never thought of a baby." And it seemed that the pacifier was still having some serendipitous effect.

  "That must be it," Millie said, relieved. "We are really too old for that now, and this is not the ideal world for new life." She handed the baby to Cube. "She has a nice talent." She went on to describe it.

  "But I don't know anything about caring for a baby," Cube protested belatedly. "It was a long way, coming here, and will be a long way back. I don't have the right kind of food or clothing or anything."

  "That should be no problem," Millie said. "You can return to Xanth must faster than you came, simply by expanding back to normal size; your soul remnants will find you as you do."

  "But I'll be in Castle Roogna! I'll have to travel to Castle Zombie. That will take at least a day."

  "You can put the baby into that magic pouch," the Zombie Master said. "No time will pass for her, and she won't need to be fed or clothed or changed." It seemed he had seen that kind of item before.

  "So I can," Cube said. "What's her name? I need that to bring her out."

  "We don't know," Millie said.

  "She has a point," the Zombie Master said. "We shall have to give the baby a name, so she isn't lost in the pouch."

  "She has such lovely amber skin," Millie said.

  "And she was delivered at dawn," the Zombie Master said.

  "Then let's call her Amber Dawn," Cube said. She didn't mention her confusion about how there could be dawn here on a world that derived from an endless chain of worlds orbiting Princess Ida's head in Castle Roogna on Xanth, so saw no sunlight.

  They nodded. "It's a nice name," Millie said.

  Cube spoke to the baby. "We hereby name you Amber Dawn," she said. "Do you understand?"

  There was no response. "She's too young to understand," the Zombie Master said.

  "Besides, she's asleep," Millie said.

  So she was. "I will bring you out soon, Amber Dawn," Cube said. Then she slid the baby into the pouch.

  "Oh, my, I just remembered," Millie said. "Now that the baby has been named, she has to rejoin her body within a day, or her soul will perish. Normally the storks keep their schedule, and soul and body don't get separated."

  "Separated?" Cube asked.

  "This is Amber Dawn's soul, of course. Her body remains in Xanth proper."

  "Of course," Cube said faintly. So she had a deadline, regardless of how time seemed to the baby in the pouch.

  "So that means dawn at Castle Zombie," Millie said.

  Cube realized that she had better get moving. "Now I'll just--you say I can expand my way back?"

  "Aren't you forgetting something?" the Zombie Master inquired gravely.

  "Forgetting?" Cube repeated blankly. Then she remembered. "Drek! Drek Dragon! I can't leave him here."

  "Of course you can't," Millie agreed.

  Cube bid them both farewell and went outside. "Drek!" she called. "Where are you?"

  There was a honk. Cube looked across the moat to a nearby pond that looked reasonably clean. Drek had found it and washed himself. He came sliding to meet her as she crossed the drawbridge. He no longer smelled of moat or stench. Cube hugged his neck, relieved that she hadn't left him behind. Soon he was back in the pouch.

  Now what about the dogsled? "Can you find your own way back if I leave you now?" she asked it.

  The dogsled wagged its tail. She hadn't known it had a tail. "Okay, go home now, with my thanks."

  The dogsled puffed into smoke and disappeared. Actually it was returning the same way as she was about to, just not as far. It would be hard to get lost, since everything was circling Ida's head. But would that have worked for Drek, who had come here in the pouch?

  Cube checked for the thread. It led ahead, but not the usual way. It was growing larger, thicker, and higher. In fact it was a huge cone, its apex just before her. It was expanding into infinity. Which was exactly what she should do.

  "On my way," she said, and concentrated on expansion. Immediately she felt herself growing larger, puffing out, becoming as big as the castle, and as big as the world. As big as the universe! She saw Ida's head, as Zombie World orbited it, but she was still growing, expanding to the next stage, to the next Ida, and the next and the next, too rapidly for her to count.

  Suddenly she was lying on a bed in a small chamber. What had happened? Why had the expansion been interrupted?

  Then she saw Princess Ida, with the little globe of Ptero orbiting her head. She was back to Xanth proper! "I'm back," she said, half in wonder.

  "That's nice," Ida said. "Did you accomplish your mission?"

  "Some of it, I think." She sat up, feeling rather massive in her original body. "I have a baby to deliver to Castle Zombie."

  "A baby!" Ida said, as surprised as Cube had been.

  Quickly Cube explained what had happened. "So I'll need to hurry there, but I don't know the way."

  "Perhaps one of your Companions does."

  "Karia! She can take me there."

  "Unfortunately it is now night," Ida said. "Flying is not safe at this time."

  "But I need to get there by dawn!"

  "Perhaps your centaur can take you on the ground. The enchanted path should be safe even at night."

  "Yes, that will have to do," Cube said. "Uh, thank you, Princess Ida. There turned out to be a lot for me to do on the moons."

  "When you are done with your Quest, you must return and tell me about it."

  "I will!" Cube hurried out of the chamber, and out of the castle.

  When she was beyond the moat, she put her hand to the pouch. "Centaur."

  Karia grasped her hand and slid out. "I see we are back at Castle Roogna, at night."

  "Yes, and we need to get to Castle Zombie by dawn. Do you know the way? I understand that you won't fly at night, but if you know the enchanted paths--"

  "I do. Will you tell me why the sudden urgency?"

  "Yes. As we travel." And while they traveled rapidly along the dark path, Cube told the centaur about Zombie Planet and the Hell Toupee and the baby girl with her deadline for delivery.

  "That is remarkable," Karia agreed. "I wasn't aware that the storks made errors like that."

&nb
sp; "They must have had an address, Castle Zombie, and not realized there were two of them."

  "Perhaps. Yet I remember that Breanna of the Black Wave was active in the notorious case of the Swell Foop that won Counter Xanth from Demoness Fornax."

  "Another trick by Fornax?" Cube asked. "But how would that interfere with my Quest?"

  "Perhaps you were not the target, this time. She might have been trying to punish Breanna."

  "But hurting a little baby? I can't believe that."

  "It may be that you lack the necessary evil mind."

  That gave Cube an idea. "I can consider it with an evil mind." She explained about the Hell Toupee. "Make sure I take it off again, just in case."

  "I will."

  Cube brought out the toupee and put it on her head. The nicety of the ploy was immediately apparent. "Oh, yes, that is the most effective punishment," she said. "To deny Breanna what she most wants: a wonderful baby. Naturally I won't deliver Amber Dawn to her."

  Karia's arm swung back and knocked the toupee off her head. It fell on the ground. "Leave it there," the centaur said. "You're right: it is evil."

  Cube shuddered. "Thanks--I needed that. But I'd better recover it. The thread led me to it, so there must be a reason for me to have it."

  "That must be true," Karia agreed reluctantly. She turned and trotted back. Cube dismounted, picked up the fallen toupee, put it in the pouch, and remounted.

  "When will we reach Castle Zombie?" Cube asked.

  "Two hours after midnight. You should get some sleep."

  "I should," Cube agreed. "But wake me if there is any trouble."

  "I will do that."

  Cube relaxed, lulled by the steady beat of the centaur's hooves. Soon she slept.

  Then Karia woke her. "Cube. Wake quietly."

  Cube looked around. The centaur had stopped moving. Darkness was all around. "What's the problem?" she murmured low.

  "I seem to have lost the path. I don't know how it happened."

  There was a burst of demonic laughter. "Ho ho ho! I did it, centaur! I tricked you from the enchanted path."

  "Who are you?" Karia demanded.

  "I am Demon Viate."

  "Ugh!"

  Cube realized there was a pun, as there often was in demons' names. D. Viate--deviate. Demons did not exactly have talents, but they did have specialties, and evidently this one's specialty was to cause travelers to lose their way.

  "Maybe we need a demon on our side," Cube murmured. She put her hand to the pouch. "Metria."

  The demoness emerged. She caught on instantly. "Viate, get your obscure posterior out of here!"

  "What are you doing here, Metria? Go make your own mischief."

  "This is my mischief. Now put us back on the right path before I get annoyed."

  "And what if I don't?"

  "I'll smack you on the kisser."

  "How could you do that?" he demanded contemptuously, raising his fists.

  "Like this." Metria popped across and caught the demon with a loud smack.

  "Ooooo!" Viate wailed, and vanished.

  "Darn!" Metria swore. "Maybe I kissed him too hard."

  "We need to get back to the enchanted path," Cube said, trying to stifle a smirk. "Can you find it?"

  "Let me look," the demoness said, and popped off again.

  "You'll never find it," another voice said.

  Cube couldn't see who spoke, but it sounded like a demon. Her nickelpedes wouldn't have any effect against a demon. So she tackled it forth-rightly. "Who are you?"

  A glowing manlike shape appeared. "Demon Vious, not at your service."

  "Ugh!" Karia exclaimed.

  That would be D. Vious. Devious. There was unlikely to be any help there. But Cube had a notion: maybe he could be made to help if she used his own nature against him. So she got devious. "Let me talk to your awful girlfriend."

  "Why would you want her?"

  "Why would you want to know?"

  Evidently perplexed, he yielded, probably curious about the point of her deviousness. "Cent!" he called.

  "Ugh!"

  A shimmeringly lovely outline appeared. "What is supposed to be so awful about me?" the demoness asked, sounding hurt.

  "Nothing," Cube said quickly, giving the centaur a warning nudge with her knee. D. Cent was exactly whom they needed, a decent demoness. Naturally opposites attracted. "It's your boyfriend we don't like. You are Demoness Cent?"

  "I am. Is there any way I can help you?"

  "We have lost our way, and would like to return to the enchanted path. Will you show us?"

  "I regret I am unable."

  This was one demon who would be unlikely to deceive them. "Why is that?"

  "Because this is the Isle of the Goles. It relates to Xanth only once a day, actually night, at midnight, and has no connection at other times. So there is no way to the enchanted path. Not until next midnight."

  "But we can't wait that long!"

  "I am extremely regretful," Cent said sincerely. "Perhaps my former boyfriend Termined can help you.

  "Ugh!" But at least the centaur had the wit to muffle it this time.

  Demon Termined--D. Termined. That sounded promising. "Yes, we would like to talk with him."

  "Termined!" she called.

  "Demon Termined here," a new voice said. "I happen to be busy at the moment, but if you really want to make up--"

  "No," Cent said. "I want you to help these nice folk get off the isle. Viate led them astray, and they need to leave immediately."

  "But they must wait until midnight."

  "We know that," Cube said. "But we thought that if anyone could help us leave sooner, you are the one. You have such--"

  Karia tried to stifle her ugh but some of it leaked out anyway.

  "Resoluteness," Cube said firmly. "Surely there is some way, for a person like you."

  "Hm. What kind of deal do you offer?"

  This was progress, of a sort. "Maybe there is something we can do for you in return."

  "Maybe there is. I am trying to train a surly mortal horse. How are you at horses?"

  Cube knew nothing about horses, but did not feel it would be expedient to say that. "Perhaps if I saw the horse."

  "This way. The corral is nearby." The demon lighted the way along another path. Karia followed, with Cube still riding.

  Metria reappeared. "There's no path back," she said, frustrated. "This island has no connection to Xanth."

  "Not until midnight," Karia informed her. "It seems we were led here at the one time it was possible."

  "That's a suspicious coincidence."

  "Fornax, again," Cube muttered. "She must have enlisted Demon Viate to do it."

  Metria glowed purple. "I could get annoyed, if I tried."

  "Our best course is to find our way through despite her," Karia said. "Not only will that enable us to complete the Quest, it will make her madder than ever."

  Cube and Metria laughed together.

  They arrived at the corral. Within it stood a bold warrior horse with a glittering harness and saddle. "What a magnificent creature!" Cube exclaimed.

  "He's an ornery brute," Termined said. "I can't do a thing with him." He threatened the horse with a whip that appeared in his hand.

  "Don't you dare!" Cent cried, outraged.

  The horse's ears laid back. Suddenly the demon groaned and fell to the ground. "$$$$!" he swore villainously, puffing into smoke. "He did it again!"

  "Now this is interesting," Karia murmured approvingly. "This is obviously a highly trained horse, and he has some kind of power."

  "He may not like demons," Metria said.

  "He may not like being disparaged or abused," Cube said. "I appreciate that."

  The horse's head turned toward her. He evidently understood what they were saying.

  "Let me see what I can do," Cube said, dismounting. "Termined, what is his name?"

  "Charles."

  Cube approached the horse. "Hello, Charles. I've p
robably forgotten more than I ever knew about horses, but you strike me as a remarkable specimen. I hope you will talk with me."

  The horse nodded.

  "Do you like demons?"

  Charles shook his head.

  "Do you like being called an ornery brute?"

  He shook his head.

  "Do you like girls?"

  The horse nodded.

  "What about me?"

  Charles hesitated.

  "I'm a mortal girl," Cube clarified. "Even if I'm not beautiful."

  The horse looked embarrassed. He sniffed her hair. Then he nodded, recognizing her as a girl.

  "You evidently have a magic talent. You can make a person hurt."

  Charles nodded.

  "Ugh!"

  Karia had just caught on to a pun. Cube cudgeled her balky brain, and managed to get it. "Is your nickname Charlie? Charlie Horse?"

  He nodded.

  "So you can give muscle spasms to folk that bother you."

  He nodded.

  "I like you, Charles. I have a talent like yours, in a way. I can conjure and control nickelpedes." A nickelpede appeared in her hand. "It's unlady-like but useful."

  Charles nuzzled her cheek. He liked her.

  Cube banished the bug. "I considered making a deal to make you manageable, in return for being shown a way off this island. I can't make that deal, because you're not unmanageable, you just don't like being treated like dirt. I know the feeling. You have the right of the case."

  The horse gazed at her soulfully.

  Cube faced Demon Termined. "No deal. I can't make this horse treat you with a respect you don't deserve."

  "I can't get you off the isle before midnight, either," the demon responded.

  "Why you bundle of stinkweed!" Metria exclaimed. "I ought to smack you one, like this." She puffed across and have him a lip-smacking kiss.

  "Ungh! Keep the #### horse; he's your problem now." The demon disappeared. Demoness Cent also faded out, and Vious was already gone.

  "It seems the horse is yours," Karia murmured.

  "He's not mine! I don't own him." Could this be another unlooked for discovery? No, because she wasn't carrying the pacifier, so that she could use her own name and summon nickelpedes. Just to be sure, she put her hand to the pouch and found it there.

  "Yours because he chooses to be," the centaur clarified. "He likes you."

  "Oh--like a Companion." She faced Charles. "You want to come along with us?"