Nothing Like Him

by Jessica Roe

  Unable to wait anymore, I hook my foot around his ass and pull him into me. He slides inside and we both groan in relief, in ecstasy, in sheer bliss.

  Nathan doesn't wait for me to adjust, doesn't wait for us to grow used to the feel of one another again. He thrusts into me hard, just how I always liked it. He doesn't relinquish the grip on my hands so I can't touch him like I want to, so I bite down hard on his shoulder instead.

  “Take it,” he grunts, pushing in again and again. I throw my head back and he presses his face into my neck.

  “Then give it to me,” I challenge breathlessly. “Give me everything you've got.”

  His thrusts become faster, harder, deeper. Almost painfully so, just the way that's always driven me craziest. No one but Nathan has ever understood how hard I like it, how rough. No one has ever gotten me the way he does.

  His spare hand grips my thigh in a bruising hold and he yanks it higher. He's taking me all the way.

  A force begins to grow within me; powerful, overwhelming. I'd forgotten how this could feel, how Nathan could make me feel. How could I have let myself forget?

  We were made for one another.

  “Nathan!” I cry, when he pushes into me hard and I explode in a shower of stars and moons and fire. My body is electric, every inch of me thrumming with a power coursing through my veins.

  He releases my hands so he can slide his beneath my ass, pulling me against him as he slams into me again and again. He's wild now; there's no rhythm to his thrusts, only passion. My hands reach for him, gripping at the damp skin of his shoulders, digging my fingers into him so hard I'm sure my nails cut his skin.

  Tensing up, Nathan roars out and slams a fist into the sand, pushing into me one final time.

  He's still for a moment, before the air releases from his body and he relaxes. “You're mine, Phee,” he murmurs tiredly into my neck, his breaths still coming out fast and heavy. “Fucking mine.” He rests on me a few seconds before rolling over and flopping out on the sand, spent. He doesn't even make a move to pull his pants back up.

  I know how he feels.

  We lay there for a minute, our panting and the gentle crashing waves of the ocean the only sounds breaking up the night. Eventually we turn our heads and catch each other’s eye, breaking out into laughter.

  Nathan twists so his body is pressed up against mine and he cups my cheek with a sandy hand. Now the sex is over, he's back to being gentle. It was what I always loved about us – how we could go from rough to sweet in a matter of seconds. We kiss, slowly and languidly, taking our time with each other now the rush of need has been abated. For the time being.

  The two of us are still half naked in a place where anybody could walk by, and there are grains of sand in places they were never supposed to visit, but I don't care about that. The Ophelia I became after leaving Norson Lake would have cared, but not the Phee I am now. The old Phee. The new Phee. The happy Phee.

  Nathan's Phee.

  +++

  WE SPEND ONE more day in Florida. Nathan and I live the entire time in some sort of dream world where everything is perfect and nothing outside our little bubble can touch us. Mostly we hole up inside his hotel room, making up for lost time and reacquainting ourselves with every inch of each other’s bodies. We pop out every now and then to make an appearance on the beach so our friends don't worry, and we enjoy the sand and the sun and the ocean and just being together.

  Nathan and I are unable to keep our hands off of one another, even in front of the others, but not a single one of them mentions a thing. Like us, they seem to have decided that events in Florida can be dealt with once we're no longer in Florida, and I appreciate them not making it awkward. They act like us being together is completely natural. Expected, even. Like we've always been this way.

  I love them all for it.

  We don't talk about anything serious or heavy; about the implications of what's happened between us and what it's going to be like when we get home and where all of this leaves us now. We seem to have come to an unspoken decision to deal with it later, once our little adventure is over.

  I can deal with that for now.

  +++

  “YOU LOOK SAD,” Nathan comments as he shoves the few belongings we brought with us into a rucksack. Packing to go home isn't fun at all, so I've left him to do it.

  I sit cross legged in the middle of the hotel bed, despondent. Not sure how to reply to his comment, I just shrug.

  As always, Nathan knows me better than I've ever known myself. He drops the rucksack to the floor and moves to the bed, crawling across the mattress to get to me. Scooping me into his lap, he kisses the side of my head with a grin and hugs me tight. He's happy. He's the happiest I've seen him since I returned home to Norson Lake. “It's gonna be fine,” he assures me confidently. “You know going home isn't gonna ruin things between us, right? We'll be fine.”

  Sticking out my bottom lip, I wrap my arms around his neck and lay my head on his shoulder. I'm being clingy but I don't care, and he doesn't seem to either. “You don't know that.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Something will ruin it.”

  He pulls away just slightly so he can cup my cheeks in the gentlest touch imaginable, making sure I'm looking up into his eyes. His smile is all gone. Instead, he's entirely serious. “Nothing could,” he promises me intensely. “Nothing.”

  I want to believe him more than I've ever wanted anything in my whole life.

  Chapter 23

  Ophelia

  BACK IN NEW York, Nathan drives me home to Norson Lake. I'd have loved to have stayed with him in Fortune a little longer like he'd begged me to, but I want to check on my mom, spend some time with her. It's been days and my worry over her is becoming too much to bear. I need to see her with my own two eyes; phone calls are no longer enough.

  “Can I see you later?” Nathan asks a couple of minutes away from home.

  “I should spend tonight with mom,” I tell him regretfully.

  Pulling a big eyed, puppy dog face, he grabs my hand and holds it on his thigh. “Tomorrow morning, then?”

  Grinning, because I feel the same need for him that he does for me, I agree, “First thing.”

  “We can talk then. About. . .everything.”

  I nod, because now that we're home we really do need to talk; about where we go from here, about our future, about telling our parents. . .

  We pull up outside my house. It's risky, but there's no sense in trying to hide things now, I guess. Besides, my dad will be at work and Mom in bed, so they're unlikely to spot him through the window.

  I go to turn to Nathan, to tell him I'll miss him tonight, when something catches my eye. Someone catches my eye. Someone sitting on the steps outside my front door, his shoulders hunched over in defeat and his head cradled in his hands.

  “You okay?” Nathan wants to know, but his voice sounds a thousand miles away. “You've gone white. Phee?”

  I feel him stare at me a moment more, then his gaze follows mine. I can practically feel the way he breaks as realization dawns. “Fuck. Is that. . .is that him?”

  It takes me a second to answer, and I have to swallow hard before I do. “Seth,” I confirm in a small voice.

  Almost as if he heard me say his name, Seth chooses that moment to look up. He must have been deeply lost in his own thoughts before because he seems completely surprised to see a car right in front of him. Spotting me, he stands and waits.

  Nathan's head falls. “Shit.”

  And our dream world comes to a devastating end. Real life takes the reigns once more.

  Even from here in the car I can see how terrible Seth looks; how tired and worse for wear he seems. Suddenly I feel heavy with guilt and dirty to the very core of my soul. I can't ever remember him looking so rough. He's always put together and collected, even after a three day music festival or a long shift at the hospital or nursing a hangover. It was one of the things I liked about him – he was neat. He was the compl
ete opposite to Nathan and that's what I'd needed.

  Or at least, that's what I thought I'd needed.

  I turn to Nathan slowly. He's conflicted. “I don't want to leave you here with him,” he admits, squeezing my hand tighter. I'd forgotten he'd been holding it, and I'm grateful Seth can't see it from where he's stood.

  Shaking my head, I tell him, “Seth is a good man, Nathan.” I cut him off when he opens his mouth to speak. “I know you need to dislike him but it's the truth. He's a good man and I've treated him terribly. The very least I owe him is to explain things in person. Ending our engagement over the phone was probably one of the cruelest things I could've done.”

  Nathan closes his eyes, not wanting to hear my words. “No, Phee. Stringing him along would have been crueler. You needed to end things. You and I belong together.”

  This time I'm the one that squeezes his hand. “I know.”

  His eyes fall back open in relief. Clearly he'd thought I'd regretted ending the engagement. That's not what this is at all; it's just the way I did it that I regret.

  After a tense moment, he sighs and releases my hand. “Okay, I'll go so you can sort things out. But I'm not fucking happy about leaving you.”

  “I know that too,” I reply softly.

  We stare at each other, lost. Parting has become almost unbearable after the few days we've spent together.

  “I want to kiss you.”

  A ghost of a smile touches upon my lips. “Me too.”

  But he doesn't, and though I want it, I'm grateful because Seth doesn't need to see that. He doesn't deserve such blatant heartlessness.

  Nathan reluctantly lets me go. I grab my things and climb from the car, watching him drive away until I can no longer see him before turning back to Seth. He's still waiting in the exact same spot; crushed, hurt, confused.

  I die a little inside.

  “I arrived last night,” he tells me when I reach him. His eyes flicker down to my finger. The ring is gone, tucked away safely in my purse so I can return it to him. “I told your family. . . Well, I didn't really tell them anything. Just said I came here to see you, which is the truth anyway. I didn't want to worry them.”

  “Thank you.” I'm grateful he hasn't said anything to them yet. Drama is the last thing my family needs. Besides, I should be the one to confess.

  “So. . .can we talk?”

  “Of course,” I breathe, wanting desperately to reach out and hug him but knowing it would be a mistake. “Just. . .just let me check on Mom.”

  “Yeah. Yeah! Of course!” He nods, a little too quickly. Like me, he's not really sure how to handle this situation. “She's asleep right now. Ellie's up there with her. Your dad's at work.”

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  He follows me inside and waits in the living room while I head straight up to Mom. A huge part of me had worried she'd have withered away to nothing while I was gone, but she looks almost exactly the same as when I left. The weight doesn't leave my shoulders, but it eases just a fraction. Leaning down, I kiss her frail, sunken cheek and shoot Aunt Ellie a forced smile.

  “Whatever's happened?” she asks quietly. She's folded up in the armchair by the bed, a forgotten book left open in her lap. “Why does Seth look as if somebody murdered all the puppies?”

  “All the puppies?” I raise an eyebrow.

  “All the puppies,” she confirms.

  If only I could smile for real. I shake my head and look down at my feet. “I'll explain later.”

  I think Aunt Ellie knows, but she simply nods and accepts my answer.

  Seth is waiting for me on the sofa when I get back downstairs. His body is stiff, rigid.

  I sit on the other end. “Seth-”

  “You need to know that I came here to fight for you, Ophelia,” he interrupts quickly with a cracked voice, turning so he can face me fully. He doesn't come any closer, but he gives me his all. “I don't know what's happened since you've been back, but I understand you're going through something terrible right now and you're not thinking clearly. We were fine, we were happy, and now we're just over? It doesn't make any sense. We can fix this, Ophelia. I know it.”

  I've done this. I kept secrets from him and held back the truth about my life and made him believe we were the perfect couple. Now I need to come clean. “There's no point-” I begin, but a quiet voice calls my name from the top of the stairs.

  “Phee?” I whip around on the sofa, startled to see my mom out of bed. This is the first time I've seen her out of her room since coming home.

  At her elbow to support her, Aunt Ellie smiles. “She woke up and heard you were home, wanted to come say hello.”

  There's so much meaning to that. So much meaning to the fact that my mom even can come say hello, like it's the simplest thing in the world.

  Jumping up, I run to the stairs. “What are you doing out of bed?” I demand, worried.

  At her insistence, Aunt Ellie, Seth and I work together to help her all the way down the stairs. We settle her into an armchair and cover her in blankets. Mom looks perkier, if not healthier, than she has since I first got here. What's going on?

  “Dear Seth has arranged private healthcare for me,” Mom explains before I can ask out loud. My eyes widen. Private healthcare. . .is not something our family ever could have afforded, even with our combined incomes. This is. . .this is a Godsend. Seth is rich, but I'd never have dreamed of asking him for something like this.

  “But-”

  “I tried to tell him we couldn't possibly accept such a gift,” Mom continues. There's color in her cheeks. Real color! “but he took care of it all anyway. He's my guardian angel.”

  When I glance over at Seth in amazement, I find him staring down at his hands, avoiding eye contact with me.

  This is. . .this is enormous. This means that my mom can live out the rest of her days peacefully and happily without worrying over the cost of medical fees. She'll have the best possible care and so many more resources. Maybe they'll even find a cure.

  Now it makes sense why Mom is out of bed. She has real hope for the first time and it's energizing her in a way nothing else could.

  Her face is awash with relief, with joy, and it's in this moment that I come to the realization that I cannot be selfish. I can't ruin this for her. After what Seth has done for my mom, I could never break up with him. Not only would it break his heart, but it would break hers too. I can't break up with him now, and I can't break up with him later, after my mom has recovered or passed away. I've treated Seth terribly, but after this I could never be so callous. Not ever.

  My mom is right. Seth is a guardian angel. Not just hers, but mine too. Our whole family's.

  No. I will stay with Seth, I will marry him, and I will never, ever lie to him again. If he still wants to be with me after I've been honest about everything I've ever hidden from him, I'll do my best from that point forth to make him blissfully happy for the rest of his life. He deserves no less than my utter devotion, because he is selfless, kind and unfalteringly generous. He's incredible. He deserves so much more than me but if it's me he wants, I'll give it to him.

  Because the thing is, this act of kindness isn't something he's done just to win me back. I know that with everything I am. He's done this because he came here and saw my mom suffering and is the kind of man who can't sit back and do nothing when he has the power to help ease a person in pain. He's done this because he wanted to do right by her, and nothing more. I already know that if I told him right now that there was no chance for us ever again, he wouldn't take any of it back. He'd still help my mom.

  And that right there is why I can't leave him. Why I won't.

  What Seth has done for Mom is something I'll never be able to repay, and not just in monetary terms. He's given her a sense of peace she never could have had before. The very least I can do in return is be loyal and true to him for the rest of our days.

  And the first thing I need to do is to come clean.

  About everything.


  +++

  SO SETH AND I talk. After Aunt Ellie takes an exhausted Mom back upstairs to bed, Seth and I talk; we talk and talk and talk. In all honesty I do most of the talking, and it takes a long time for me to come clean about everything. I start at the beginning, explaining my past; about Nathan and our brothers and the baby and the girl I used to be. And then I confess to everything that's happened since I returned home to Norson Lake. About seeing Nathan, falling for him all over again, being with him in Florida.

  Sat on the opposite end of the sofa once more, Seth bends over so far his face is practically pressed up against his knees as he tries to cope with the pain my words have caused him. I can practically hear his heart shatter.

  “I'm so sorry,” I cry, hot tears spilling over my cheeks. “I never intended to betray you, I swear.”

  He looks up at me, his face red and patchy and damp. I have never, ever seen Seth cry. Not once. Not even after his most awful shifts at the hospital when he's lost a patient he's been working so hard to save. It breaks me apart that I've done this to him. “You didn't betray. . . You. . . Technically our engagement was over when you. . .”

  I hate that he's trying to justify my actions. “Yes, but. . .before that, we'd kissed.”

  “And you have feelings for him?”

  A new wave of grief swells inside my heart, because I do. God I do. “Yes.”

  “But you love me?”

  I nod. I'm not in love with Seth, I can admit that to myself now. The love I feel for him is nothing like the love I feel for Nathan, and definitely not as strong or as consuming, but I do love him. How could I not?

  “Then I forgive you.” He shakes his head at that, his face tightening. “No, I. . .I can forgive you. In time. I can forgive you, Ophelia. I love you so, so much. I'm willing to work through this with you. Are. . .are you?”

  I pause. Because when I give him my answer, I'll be making things official. I'll be giving up the love of my life, giving up Nathan. And I know from experience that losing Nathan is one of the hardest things I'll ever do.