The Amish Midwife's Hope

by Barbara Cameron

  She ran up to the house, rushed up the steps, and grasped the doorknob but it wouldn’t turn. She stared at it, confused. It was never locked during the day. She knocked and knocked until her fist felt raw but he didn’t come

  And then suddenly the door opened and she stepped inside. The house was empty. It was as if he and Lizzie had never lived there.

  Confused, she went from room to room but each was empty. She called his name and it echoed and echoed.

  She stared down at the bundle in her arms, wondering why it suddenly felt so light. And when she pulled a corner of the blanket from the boppli, there was nothing there. The blanket slipped from her fingers to fall soundlessly to the bare wooden floor.

  She woke with a cry.

  Sitting up, she wrapped her arms around herself and shook off the nightmare. Dawn was breaking. She didn’t have to be up early for office hours or home visits, but she wasn’t the type to lie in bed. Besides, even if she was able to fall asleep again, she was afraid the nightmare might come back.

  She dressed and fixed her hair and pinned on a fresh kapp. Then she went downstairs to start her day. She stood looking out the window as the coffee perked. The snow had stopped. Two more days until Christmas. She ate breakfast and decided she was getting the gift of time to herself when she didn’t receive any calls from patients who needed her. So she plunged into more baking and candy making. The hours passed and she enjoyed working in her kitchen. She’d have plenty to take to the familye Christmas Eve dinner and for gifts.

  * * *

  When she arrived at her oldest bruder’s house on Christmas Eve, she had to use her foot to bang on the kitchen door because her arms were so full.

  “Rebecca! Is that you behind all these boxes?” her mudder cried when she opened the door.

  “I got carried away baking and making candy. But I’m schur nothing will go to waste in this familye.”

  “Nee, you’re right,” her mudder said with a chuckle as she took some of the boxes and placed them on the kitchen table. “So, will Samuel and Lizzie be joining us tonight?” she asked quietly.

  Rebecca shook her head.

  Miriam slid her arm around her waist. “Well, let’s go on in and join the familye.”

  They walked into the living room and Rebecca felt her heart lift. The room was crowded with her familye and fragrant with evergreen branches strung along the mantel. Candles cast a golden glow and scented the air with vanilla, bayberry, and cinnamon.

  “Rebecca’s here!” Aaron, her oldest bruder, said in his booming voice as he sat by the fire in a leather chair, the place their dat had always sat in. The big family Bible lay open on his lap. He looked so like their late dat. “Now we can begin!”

  Christmas Eve. At last. Love filled her heart as she took a seat, and Aaron smiled as he began reading the story of the night the Child of God had been born.

  * * *

  It was a very different Christmas Eve celebration this year, Samuel couldn’t help thinking.

  Last year so much familye had been gathered around to hear his dat read the story of the birth of the Christ child.

  This year it was only his schweschder, her mann, her two kinner, and he and Lizzie. Sarah Ann slept in a hand-carved cradle by the fire. Lizzie came to sit on his lap while Levi read the story of the night one child had changed the world.

  This child of his had changed his world so much, he thought as he held her closer. And that little one who slept like an angel in her cradle that her grossdaadi had made for her mudder had changed his life as well. He’d been so frightened they’d lose her or Hannah—or both of them—that it had brought up the nightmare of losing Ruth and their boppli and he’d told Rebecca he couldn’t marry her.

  Now he’d come to realize that he’d made the mistake of his life.

  As if sensing his thoughts, Lizzie shifted and looked up at him. “Is Rebecca coming?”

  “Nee. Remember I told you she’s with her familye tonight.”

  “But—”

  “Shhh, listen to your onkel, Lizzie.”

  She leaned against him again, and he was relieved that he didn’t have to answer the next inevitable question: Will we see Rebecca tomorrow?

  When Levi finished reading, they went into the kitchen to fix plates. There was plenty of food. Their freunds and neighbors had dropped off so much since Hannah had come home. Samuel had come over early with Lizzie and they’d heated up the ham Barbie had brought and the vegetables and rolls others had delivered, hoping to see the new boppli. Levi fixed a plate for Hannah and insisted she stay seated in a comfortable chair.

  He and Lizzie had brought a big dish of macaroni and cheese and more gingerbread cookies. Lizzie had talked him into baking them several times since she’d come home from decorating cookies that night with Rebecca. It wasn’t enough to bake a big batch for the schul play. They’d had to make enough to fill the cookie jar and bring a big container tonight. Each batch had gotten a little better. The ones Lizzie proudly passed around tonight had turned out pretty well if he did say so himself. But he hoped this was the last of them. They were running out of flour.

  She was a happy but tired little girl when they rode home. But as he went to her room to say gut nacht, she asked the question he’d hoped she wouldn’t ask but knew he couldn’t avoid. “Will we see Rebecca tomorrow?”

  “Ya,” he said, and she smiled and snuggled down in her bed.

  They’d see her. One way or another.

  He got ready for bed and rehearsed what he’d say until his head hurt. He seldom had a problem sleeping, but he tossed and turned for hours before he finally fell asleep.

  What felt like just minutes later, Lizzie tugged on his arm. “Daedi, Merry Christmas! Wake up, Daedi!”

  He groaned and opened his eyes. When he glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table, he groaned again. “Lizzie, it’s not time to wake up.”

  “We have to get ready. We’re gonna see Rebecca and give her our presents.”

  “We’re not going there at this hour.”

  “I know, silly Daedi. We have to get dressed and have breakfast first. Come on—I made you breakfast.”

  He shot straight up in bed. “Lizzie, you’re not supposed to go near the stove.”

  “I didn’t. C’mon, get dressed and let’s eat.”

  When he went downstairs, she was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cold cereal. “See, I didn’t cook.”

  “Gut.” He walked over to fill the percolator and get it going. He really needed coffee this morning. When he sat down, he tried not to grimace. Lizzie had poured him a bowl of the store-bought cereal she loved and already dumped the milk on it. He shoved a spoonful of the soggy mess into his mouth and gamely chewed.

  “Do you like it?”

  “Ya. But I’m very hungerich so I’m going to make some scrambled eggs, too.”

  “Allrecht. Can we have some cookies, too?”

  It was Christmas. “Just this once.”

  Dawn broke as he stood at the stove scrambling eggs. Sunlight sparkled off the snow. A cardinal was a bright spot of color as it sat on the bird feeder with its more subtly colored mate and ate the seed they’d put out the day before. Then the female flew over to sit on the porch railing and seemed to look straight at him.

  Startled, Samuel stared at it. Some said the bird was a visitor from heaven. He didn’t usually entertain such ideas, but today he pondered the thought as he spooned scrambled eggs onto plates and set them on the table.

  “Daedi?”

  “Hmm?”

  “When can we go?”

  “Not until nine. That’s when the big hand is on twelve and the little hand is on nine.”

  She sighed loudly and started on her eggs. “That’s so long.”

  He tried to hide his grin. “By the time we eat and I take care of the horses and wash the dishes, it’ll be time.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  They did their barn chores and had just come inside to wash their hands w
hen they heard a knock on the front door. Lizzie ran to answer it and when he heard her shout of joy, Samuel hurried into the living room and then stopped dead in his tracks.

  “Rebecca.”

  She stood there uncertainly. “I know it’s a little early for a visit but I wanted to make schur I came by before I got a call.”

  Lizzie grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. “I wanted to go to your house but Daedi said we had to wait until nine.”

  “You were coming to see me?” she asked as she looked at Samuel in surprise.

  “Ya.” He closed the door. “Let me take your coat.”

  “Nee. I’m not staying long.”

  “Please,” he said. He was relieved when she handed the present she held in her hands to Lizzie, took her coat and bonnet off, and handed them to him. After putting them on a nearby chair, he sat on the sofa and drank in the sight of her. It seemed like forever since he’d seen her, but it had only been days since she’d attended the schul play. Samuel felt proud of his dochder’s restraint as she waited for Rebecca to sit down in a chair by the fire. Lizzie seemed more interested in Rebecca than the gift she’d brought.

  “You can open your present, Lizzie,” Rebecca said with a smile.

  Lizzie tore into the wrapping and cried delightedly as she pulled out a dress. “Oh, Daedi, look! What a pretty dress! For me?”

  Rebecca nodded. “For you. Why don’t you go try it on and see if it fits?”

  Lizzie threw her arms around Rebecca’s neck to thank her and then she flew from the room and ran upstairs.

  “We need to talk,” he said quickly.

  She shook her head. “I didn’t come for that. I just wanted to give Lizzie her present.”

  He held up his hand. “Please, please, just give me a minute. I was wrong, Rebecca.”

  When she hesitated, he felt a ray of hope. “I know I hurt you badly. I pushed you away. I let my fear overwhelm me. I’m so sorry. Please tell me you’ll take me back.”

  “Oh, Samuel, I know what happened to Ruth was horrible and I understand how that can make you afraid to make a commitment again—”

  He leaned forward and took her hands in his. “I’ve had time to think about it, Rebecca. To talk to Hannah, to think some more. When it comes down to it, I don’t want to live without you. Hannah asked me how I would feel if we didn’t get married and you married someone else and lived a long time together. I don’t want that to happen. I want to be your mann, Rebecca.”

  Before she could answer, Lizzie spun back into the room and twirled around in her new dress. “It’s the most beautifulest dress I ever saw.”

  “It is,” Samuel said, admiring it. He looked at Rebecca. “You did a wunderbaar job.”

  Lizzie thrust a package into Rebecca’s hands. “I made this for you. Aenti Hannah helped me. She said I did gut my first time sewing.”

  Rebecca smiled as she opened the package. Lizzie had shown Samuel her gift—a handkerchief embroidered with the letter R. The stitches were a bit wobbly and if you looked closely, you could see where a few had been pulled out.

  “Oh, Lizzie, I love it!” She hugged her.

  Lizzie grinned. “I liked sewing it. Aenti Hannah said maybe we could sew stuff together one day, you and me.”

  She nodded, looking at Samuel. “Maybe.”

  “Lizzie, will you listen for anyone coming to visit while I take Rebecca out to show her something in the barn?”

  “Why can’t I go?”

  Samuel searched for a way to keep her inside so he could have some privacy with Rebecca. “Because we don’t want to miss any visitors with Christmas gifts. If someone comes, you should invite them in and then ring the bell by the back door to call me.”

  “I’ll sit right here by the front door,” she cried, and she jumped up to push a chair closer to the window to look out.

  Gifts must have been the magic word.

  “Kumm,” he said to Rebecca. He held out his hand and felt relief when she took it.

  He almost forgot to grab his coat on the way through the kitchen.

  Her present—the most important one—wasn’t finished. He’d gotten too discouraged after he broke off their engagement.

  They walked outside to the barn. He pushed open the door and led her inside. “I didn’t get it finished. I started it and then…Well, I figured we wouldn’t need it. But I’m hoping you’ll forgive me and it’ll be in our home after we’re married.”

  He pulled the tarp off the wooden headboard and footboard and held his breath as he looked at her.

  “You’re making us a bed,” she said slowly.

  “We’re starting new, the two of us. I think we need our own bed.”

  He watched her run her hand over the carving—a curving pattern of leaves over the top—and saw the tears start again. “I think you and Lizzie have made this the best Christmas ever.”

  “Make it mine, too.” He took her hands in his. “Say you’ll marry me.”

  “Ya,” she said and lifted her face for his kiss.

  “I hear bells ringing,” he murmured against her lips.

  They broke apart and laughed as they heard the bell on the back porch ringing madly. Visitors had arrived with gifts and Lizzie was letting them know in no uncertain terms to come inside.

  “Merry Christmas, Samuel.”

  “Merry Christmas, Rebecca.”

  They walked back to the house holding hands.

  Glossary

  ach—oh

  aenti—aunt

  allrecht—all right

  boppli—baby

  bopplin—babies

  bruder—brother

  church spread—an Amish favorite made of peanut butter and marshmallow creme

  daed—dad

  daedi—daddy

  danki—thank you

  dat—father

  dawdi haus—a small home added to or near the main house into which the farmer moves after passing the farm and main house to one of his children

  dochder—daughter

  eck—corner of the table

  eldres—parents

  en alt maedel—old maid

  Englisch, Englischer—what the Amish call a non-Amish person

  familye—family

  freund—friend

  fraa—wife

  grossdaadi—grandfather

  grosseldres—grandparents

  grossmudder—grandmother

  guder mariye—good morning

  gut—good

  gut-n-owed—good evening

  haus—house

  hochmut—pride

  hungerich—hungry

  kapp—prayer covering or cap worn by girls and women

  kind—child

  kinner—children

  kumm—come

  lieb—love, a term of endearment

  maedel—young single woman

  mamm—mom

  mann—husband

  mudder—mother

  nacht—night

  nee—no

  newehockers—wedding attendants, sometimes called side sitters

  onkel—uncle

  roasht—roast, a stuffing or dressing side dish made of cubes of bread, chopped celery, and onion

  rumschpringe—time period when teenagers are allowed to experience the Englisch world while deciding if they should join the church

  schul—school

  schur—sure

  schwemudder—mother-in-law

  schwei—sister-in-law

  schweschder—sister

  sohn—son

  wilkumm—welcome

  wunderbaar—wonderful

  ya—yes

  zwillingbopplin—twins

  Note: The Amish call the rules of behavior—both written and unwritten—the Ordnung. Certain behavior has been expected within the Amish community for many, many years. These rules vary from community to community, but the most common are to have no electricity in the home, to not own or drive an automobile, and to dress a certain way. The Lanca
ster County, Pennsylvania, Amish community allows cellphones while some other Amish communities limit or ban them.

  Recipes

  Gingerbread Cookies

  3 cups all-purpose flour

  1½ teaspoons baking powder

  ¾ teaspoon baking soda

  ¼ teaspoon salt

  1 tablespoon ground ginger

  1¾ teaspoons cinnamon

  ¼ teaspoon ground cloves

  6 tablespoons unsalted butter

  ¾ cup firmly packed dark-brown sugar

  1 large egg

  ½ cup molasses

  2 teaspoons vanilla

  1 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest (optional)

  Directions

  Preheat oven to 375°F.

  Prepare baking sheets by lining with parchment paper or grease baking sheets with a little shortening.

  In a small bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, ginger, cinnamon, and cloves until well blended. In a large bowl beat butter, brown sugar, and egg until well blended. Add molasses, vanilla, and lemon zest (if using) and continue to mix until well blended. Gradually stir in dry ingredients until blended and smooth. Divide dough in half and wrap each half in plastic and let stand at room temperature for at least 2 hours or up to 8 hours. (Dough can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 4 days. Return to room temperature before using.) Place one portion of the dough on a lightly floured surface.

  Sprinkle flour over dough and rolling pin. Roll dough to a scant ¼ inch thickness. Use additional flour to avoid sticking. Cut out cookies with gingerbread man cookie cutter. Space cookies 1½ inches apart on the baking sheets. Bake one sheet at a time for 7–10 minutes (the lower time will give you softer cookies). Remove cookie sheet from oven and allow cookies to stand until they are firm enough to move to a wire rack to cool.

  After cookies are cool, you may decorate them any way you like. Rebecca likes to decorate them as men, women, and children.

  Makes about two dozen cookies, depending on how large your cookie cutter is.