by Lux Carmine
Sometime between kissing Kevin and the end of school we'd both fallen asleep. I felt safe from all the bullying and teen angst in Kevin's arms. The banging of a fist on metal woke me and I sat up with a start and looked into the eyes of Billy and Mike.
They looked at the two of us, worry on their faces. I was worried that maybe they weren't really on board with the plan but my fear eased when they climbed into the truck, one on my right side, the other straddling my legs. "Ruby, are you okay? Kevin texted us and let us know what happened," Mike said, his warm hands encircling my ankles.
I licked my lips and sat up, wiping a bit of drool from the corner of my mouth. I'd been sleeping hard.
"I mean, I'm alive."
"You know that's not what I meant."
I shook my head, looking down at my hands, protected by Kevin's. I looked up at the three of them. "I know that I'm lucky to have all of you, but it still sucks. It does make it suck less, though."
Billy chuckled. "No it doesn't. It makes the other parts suck less, maybe. Do you want me to beat her up?"
"Who?" I asked.
"Tracey, that jerk from Biology."
I shook my head. "No. She wouldn't have said anything if Jason hadn't openly tried to pass me off onto another lab partner."
"He's an idiot sometimes. He'll get over it."
"You guys keep saying that but what if he doesn't."
"He will. Hey, there's an open mic tonight at McKneelys. Do you want to come with us? Maybe it will take your mind off of things."
I shrugged as I looked around to all of them. "I don't really have the energy to do much tonight."
"All you have to do is sit there and have a drink. Alcoholic if you want, we know the bartender from the foster system."
"Alright."
"Cool. Be ready to go around 8."
"8? How long will we be out?"
Billy chuckled. "Don't worry, Cinderella. We'll have you home by midnight. Your aunt is cool with that, right?"
"I'm sure she will be as long as I get my homework done." I groaned, thinking of homework made me think of the project I needed to do with Jason. When were we going to start working on it and where? I didn't even know what it was at this point.
"Hey," Steven said, approaching the truck. His left cheek was red and slightly puffy. His hair, normally tidy was askew. "You guys ready to go?"
"What about Jason?" I asked, sitting up.
"He's going to take the Civic home," Steven said. He climbed into the truck and then smacked Kevin on his leg and Kevin grumbled and peeled himself from my side, leaving it cold. When Kevin got up Steven slid in and pulled me in close to his side, his other hand cradling the side of my face, holding my cheek to his chest. He kissed the top of my head.
Mike hopped out and went with Billy and Kevin into the cab of the truck. We pulled away from the school and I saw Jason, his backpack slung over his shoulder. He was staring right at me, his left eye red and angry. I looked up at Steven. His eyes were closed, his breathing calm. I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled in closer. He must have heard what Jason had done and taken some of his frustration out on him.
What if Jason blamed me for the punch to his face? What if this just pushed them further and further apart? I was nervous for the guys, and for myself.
At eight they pulled up into my driveway and I pushed off the front steps. I'd already told my aunt I was going out and after she made sure I had my phone with me she told me to be back no later than midnight. It was a school night, after all. Melissa gave me a hug and told me have fun. She pushed my hair over my shoulder and quietly told me that I needed to be careful.
While I sat on the steps I considered what she'd said. What had she meant exactly? I figured she either meant be careful tonight, I'd told her we were going to a bar, or be careful in a broader sense. Be careful with my heart. But I'd already given Kevin, Steven, Mike and Billy my heart. The one I hadn't fully given it to was the only one in danger of hurting it.
The ride to McKneelys was loud. The guys were blasting old country hits on the stereo. The windows were open and the wind whipped their voices to the back where I was snuggled between Kevin and Mike. I'd opted for a pair of blue jeans and a White Stripes t-shirt. The guys didn't seem to mind my casual dress. One of the many things I liked about them.
Once we arrived we hopped out of the truck and found ourselves an empty table. Steven and Mike left the table to get drinks and the rest of us stood around, chatting about school and music and stuff. Nothing serious. When they returned with the drinks we all cheered and touched beer bottles and then took a communal chug. Steven pulled his beer away and nodded towards the stage. The MC took the mic and welcomed the audience and then the first act. Like a young Elvis Jason approached the mic, a black acoustic guitar in his hand. His left eye was swollen and colored a nasty shade of purple, blue and orange. The colors would look beautiful on a canvas but grouped together on his face it looked ugly.
I glanced around the table and all the guys eyes were on him. They were here to support him. And they'd brought me along. I felt a stab of tears in my eyes. They hadn't asked but they knew they didn't need to. I wanted to support Jason. I wanted so badly to fully be a part of their larger group. They felt like a family. Maybe not always happy, but always supportive and there for each, no matter what. And I realized this is what I'd been missing. My mom and grandma had been that supportive family for me. And when they'd both died they'd left this hole in me. Melissa was great but my aunt was too hands off to be considered supportive. She didn't ask about my feelings or go out of her way to make me feel welcome and accepted. These guys filled that hole. They were like my new family.
9
After Jason's song he came down off the stage and towards our table where all four of the guys were hooting and hollering. He slowed when he saw I was with them. His eyes were glued to me.
"Wow, that was..." My voice faded away. There weren't really words for how incredible he'd been up there. I had no idea he could sing.
His jaw popped. Whatever he was going to say he held it back. "Thanks." He looked around the table, "you guys didn't have to come."
Billy scoffed. "You think we would miss an opportunity to hear you choke, dude. We were let down again, but we'll keep coming, waiting for the day."
Just like that Jason's scowl twisted, his lips rose and a smile graced his face. I hadn't seen his smile since the second day in Bio. I'd forgotten how much more handsome it made his face. "Keep waiting."
"Oh I will. And while I wait I'm going to play pool. Jason, you game?" Billy said, grinning.
"You're a sadist. You always enjoy getting your ass kicked by me."
Billy cupped his hand and put it to his ear. "I'm sorry, did anyone hear that? No, no one ever hears the loser."
"You're so going down, dude." Jason retorted, a grin on his lips.
"Nev-ah." Billy said, grabbing his beer. They both ran off towards the pool table and I was left with Kevin, Steven and Mike. I smiled at them and took a sip of my beer. Someone new was on stage singing, but it was obvious we only came for one act.
"Sooo...this isn't awkward at all," I said, trying to break the tension.
"We could play darts. Doubles?" Mike asked, looking at the other two. They shrugged.
Mike grabbed my free hand and tugged me towards the darts which were right behind the pool table. I laughed and drank a bit of my beer as I watched them set everything up. "I don't know how to play," I confessed.
Mike grinned, "Lucky for you it's not exactly rocket science." He demonstrated throwing a dart and quickly explained the game. Kevin went first, then Mike, then Steven. When it was my turn I picked up the darts and held the first tightly in my hand. After a few air throws for practice I tossed the dart and it went sailing. I was excited until it promptly nose dived and landed in the foam at the foot of the board.
The guys laughed and then encouraged me.
"Aim higher."
"Throw a little harder."
The advice was overwhelming and I was a little tipsy. "Okay," I said. I concentrated really hard and then I threw the dart. Another failure. It hit the wall below the board.
"Alright, Ruby, you've got this," Steven said, casually clapping his hands.
"I've got this," I told myself. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. I visualized the board in my mind, pulled my hand back and sent the dart flying.
I heard groans behind me. My shoulders dropped. That probably meant I'd failed. I opened one eye and saw Jason standing as still as a statue, facing me about two feet from the dart board. I blinked, wondering why he wasn't moving. And then my eyes focused on a red and blue object attached to the inner leg of his jeans. Then I gasped too.
His blue eyes looked from the dart to me and I felt shame coloring my cheeks.
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Jason!" I hurriedly went to him and got onto my knees to get a better look. I grabbed onto his pants to steady myself. "Does it hurt?" I glanced up at him and was quiet for a few seconds, mesmerized by his eyes which had a cloudy daze in them. I'd never seen him look like that. Like he saw something he truly wanted.
His left hand was holding his pool stick and his right was clenched by his side. "Yes. It hurts," he said through clenched teeth, still unmoving.
"Should I pull it out?" My left hand moved closer to the dart, slowly. I couldn't help but cop a feel, letting my palm and fingers graze the thigh that was underneath his jeans. Just before I could reach the dart Jason swiftly pulled it out. He groaned and jerked. I was so caught off guard by the action that I lost my balance again and lurched forward, towards his legs. I caught myself before I took him with me and slowly rose to my feet with the assistance of Steven who'd come up behind me.
When I was standing I put my hands on Jason's chest and tilted my head back so I could get a better look at his face. "I'm sorry," I said again.
He didn't touch me. That look in his eyes had faded and I was once again left feeling like a nuisance. "You can make it up to me by never playing darts again."
I pressed my lips together and nodded as Steven pulled me away. He wrapped his arm around me and hugged me to his side. "That's probably fair."
"Yeah," Jason agreed, his steely blue eyes still watching me as I was pulled further and further away.
"Sorry."
His eyes grazed my body and I could've sworn I heard him mumble, "Me too."
The next morning at school I felt the eyes on me again. I figured everyone was still buzzing with the excitement of seeing the new girl on social media in a compromising position with four of the hottest and most elusive guys in school. But when I approached my locker to put my books away I was approached by the president of the chess club, Robbie Flosser. He leaned on the locker next to mine, a satisfied smirk on his face. I glanced at him and quickly glanced away. I didn't need to get detention for slapping him again. The smile wasn't helping my hand twitch any less.
"I knew it," he said. His eyes studied me, waiting for my response. When I gave none, ignoring him as I switched out my books and shut my locker, he continued, walking in step with me down the hall. "I knew you'd be good on your knees."
I paused and turned to him. When he saw the confusion on my face his grin grew wider. "I guess you haven't checked out today's newest video. And if things with that Elvis-wanna-be don't work out let me know. I'm always down for a good time."
I swallowed hard, my heart thumping in my chest as I digested his words. I continued to walk down the hall. The whispers around me seemed to get louder. I felt tears pricking at my eyes. What was going on? I couldn't wait any longer to find out. I ducked into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall before pulling out my phone. The reception wasn't great and my nerves were skyrocketing as I typed in the school hashtag and waited for results to load.
I bit down on my lip as a video came up. It was me on my knees in front of Jason in the bar. It looked bad. It looked really bad. My hand went to my hair, I needed to grab onto something to keep myself grounded. I wanted to die. Who was taking these videos? Why were they picking on me? Didn't they have anything better to do? I shook my head and opened my text messages.
Ruby: I'm not feeling well. I threw up in the bathroom. I'm going to walk home.
Melissa: ...Okay. Do you want me to walk you?
Ruby: No. I'll see you later.
Melissa: Okay. Let me know if you need anything.
I stared at the phone for a moment and debated whether or not I should let the guys know. I wasn't going to be at lunch, or drama club. I waited a few more minutes, hoping the halls would be completely cleared when I made my escape. I was about to get up when the bathroom door opened and female voices echoed through the tiled space.
"You did not!" the first girl said.
"I did! Remember last year when I went AWOL for a few weeks? I was at their house every day after school. It was after drama club was over," another girl replied.
The first girl gasped. "No! So you hooked up with all of them?"
"Oh yeah, totally. It was their thing. It was too weird for me which is why I had to bounce, but maybe it's that freak's thing. I mean who goes down on a guy in a bar in public?"
"A desperate skank."
"Exactly." They both laughed.
I heard my heart pounding in my ears. The Lone Wolves had done this before? If the girl gossiping with her friend was to be believed then this wasn't exactly news. I was just the latest girl. Is that why Melissa had been so adamant that I be careful? Did she know about their past and not tell me? How could I be so gullible and stupid? Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe. Not enough air could get into my lungs. I clutched at my throat and opened the stall door.
Both the girls turned and looked at me, disgust and surprise on their faces. I gasped for breath, reached out to them.
And then the world went black.
I woke slowly, feeling uncomfortable sleeping on my back. I was a belly sleeper. When I tried to turn over I felt the sharp pull of something on my arms. My eyes fluttered open and I saw my bare arms on top of a blue blanket. I winced as I tried to sit up. My hand went to my head and there was a bandage there.
What had happened? The last thing I remembered I had been coaxed into kissing Billy before going into school. No, then I ran into Robbie. Then I ran into the bathroom. Saw the movie. The girls.
I wasn't the first.
I closed my eyes tight as the pain in my chest came back. The door opened and a nurse came in and put her fingers on my wrist.
"Hey, Ruby. How are you feeling, sweetie?"
"No great," I said. "What happened?"
"You took a spill at school. Some scared girls found you in the bathroom on the floor. Do you remember what happened?"
I nodded.
"Do you want to tell me?" the nurse asked, her smile kind.
"I was having a bad day. Some stuff about me was posted on the internet. And I was going to leave school. But then I heard some girls come into the bathroom and... They were talking about my friends. And my chest was hurting and I felt like I couldn't breathe. And that was the last thing I remember."
The nurse nodded and gently pat my hand. "Sounds like an anxiety attack. Have you ever had one before?"
I shook my head slowly. "I've had chest pains before."
Thinking about the anxiety attack I'd experienced after the police found me and told me about my mom and grandma was not something I wanted to relive again. I swallowed back the tears in my throat and tried to forget.
She smiled a little. "You were upset and your body was trying to protect you."
I snorted. "It didn't do a very good job."
The nurse chuckled. "Not in this case, no. Your aunt went to go get herself some dinner and you had some visitors earlier."
I looked up at her, searching her eyes, seeing if they would give me any hints as to who the visitors had been.
"They were boys."
I felt a flush on my cheeks. "Are they still here?" My eyes shift
ed to the closed door, mentally I wished someone would come in so I could have a peek outside.
"No. Visiting hours are over for today. But I'm sure they'll be back. Unless the doctor releases you before then. He's going to come in soon to talk to you. Are you hungry?"
"No, not really. Just cold."
She grabbed the blankets and pulled them up to my shoulders. "I'll turn the AC down just a little. Try to relax. Try not to think. You're safe here."
I nodded, listening but taking a few moments to digest her words. Despite what she'd said I didn't feel safe here. I felt antsy. I wanted to know who had come to see me. Was it all of them? Was Jason here too?
Why did I care? They had lied to me. But had they? Had they ever said they'd never dated anyone else? They hadn't. Melissa had said it and from what the girl in the bathroom had said it had been a secret. Still, it made me wonder if this was a game they played. How serious could they be about it? Maybe they were just looking for a vulnerable girl to take advantage of. It hurt to think that way. I hadn't known them long but I'd already established a bond with all of them. I'd grown to care about them. And if I had to spend the rest of the school year without them I wasn't sure how well I would manage it.
I needed to talk to them about it. I needed to clear the air.
Ruby: We need to talk. When I get home I'm going to come over.
Steven: You're awake! Thank God! We're coming to you!
Ruby: Visiting hours are over!
Steven: We'll see! ;-)
I set my phone aside as my aunt came in, she frowned at me. "Ruby, thank goodness you're awake! Don't do that to me again! I had to leave a very important meeting early and I nearly starved waiting for you to wake up! Did the nurse tell you anything yet? Or are we still waiting on that stupid doctor?"
I blinked back the tears in my eyes because it was obvious she was only here because she felt she had to be. "I had an anxiety attack?"
