by Lux Carmine
My aunt's eyes widened. "Anxiety? At your age? Why? Is it school? Is it too challenging here for you? Is it about your mother?"
Suddenly I thought of a way I could make things up to Jason. "It's about school. Biology is stressing me out. I was going to go talk to the counselor and see if I could get moved to a different class."
My aunt sighed heavily and nodded her head as she pulled out her phone and made a note to herself. "I'll call in the morning and explain that you need to be moved out of the class."
I nodded. "Thank you." I settled back onto my pillow and breathed a sigh of relief. Jason didn't have to give me the stink eye anymore and Tracey Bouche could find another person to pick on. And hopefully this would fix things for him. And for me. I'd miss seeing him everyday but maybe not seeing him would be better than watching him tolerate my presence.
"I need to go make a call and let them know I'll be late tomorrow," my aunt said, her head down, her eyes still on her phone. She turned and left, leaving me alone with the beeping machines.
A minute after she was gone the door to the room burst open and suddenly there were four males in my room, and a nurse threatening to call security.
"Wait, please! I'd like to talk to them...just for a minute."
The nurse looked all around the room and nodded. "Fine. I'll give you ten minutes." She looked down her nose at the guys and put on her best scowl, "And in eleven security will be doing their rounds up here so I expect you'll be gone by then."
Once we were alone the guys came over and surrounded me. Both my hands were being held. Their eyes all shimmered with concern.
"That video was terrible Ruby, we don't know who posted it but we're going to find out and--"
"I heard a girl in the bathroom saying that she'd slept with all of you last year." I didn't want to mince words. I didn't want to hold any of it in. I just wanted to rip off the band-aid.
They all stared at me, jaws wide open, gaping at me as if I'd just told them I had terminal cancer and three days left to live.
Steven recovered first. "What girl?"
"I didn't ask her name," I said, my impatience rising, my heart beating louder in my ears. "Has there been more than one? Am I just another one of many?"
Steven's expression changed from anger to normal. "No. There hasn't been anyone else for us." He pointed around the room.
Billy piped in, "Probably it was some chick who wanted to appear to be cool."
"Because having sex with a group of five guys is cool?"
Billy shrugged. "I think the person makes up their own coolness. But you know how teens are. They all want to say they've done the most sexually explicit thing they can think of. And I don't think anyone ever thought of us like that until you started walking the halls with all of us. They see us and they want what we have."
"Yeah, what he said," Mike agreed.
"So it wasn't the video that upset you then?" Steven asked.
I rolled my eyes, nodding. "Well, of course the video upset me. It looked like I was giving Jason oral in the middle of a bar."
"Whoever is doing it is really good at gifs. And camera angles," Kevin piped in.
"Did you remember seeing anyone from our school at the bar that night?" Steven asked, looking around at all of us. We all shook our heads. "We'll find out who it is, Ruby. And then we'll go to Principal Moss."
10
The doctor released me that night but suggested to my aunt that I take a few days at home to recover. I spent the days laying around, watching TV. And the afternoons I was surrounded by the guys. They brought me flowers, filled me in on the school gossip and talked to me about the play. They were telling me who they'd decided they were going to star opposite of.
"You know, we still haven't found the right girl to play Sandy," Steven threw in casually. Not so casually, though, because I knew exactly where he was trying to go with it.
"Uh-huh. Well I'm sure you'll find someone," I said, shifting on the couch.
Billy punched Steven on the arm. "Told you she wouldn't fall for it. She's not stupid."
"I had to try," he countered, shrugging his shoulders. "If Jason doesn't pick someone soon then he's going to lose the lead role as Danny. We need to start rehearsing if we're going to put the play on in a couple of months."
"A couple of months?" I coughed loudly. "How are you going to do that?"
They all shrugged. "That's what we do. Ms. Tisdale, the drama sponsor, is pretty chill so whatever we decide to do she rolls with so long as it doesn't mean she has more work to do," Steven added.
"Sorry for coming over and seeing you so much. We just know from experience that the closer it gets to opening night, the less time we have for other stuff. Our lives will be in the theater and trying to keep up with school work," Mike said.
"So I won't be seeing you?" I asked. Inside my heart was pounding with the thought of it. Two months of not seeing them? Could I do that?
They looked around, anywhere but at me. Mike nudged me with his shoulder, his hand going to my knee. "We tried to get you to join. It wasn't to embarrass you."
I looked at his hand on my knee and felt the warmth pool in my belly. I knew that if I helped in the theater it still wouldn't be the same. They would be on stage and I would be somewhere else. I wouldn't get to actively participate or watch them work their magic.
The doctor had also recommended therapy to deal with the recent loss I'd suffered. I had my first session last night and I'd told my therapist all about what had been happening. She told me the best thing I could do to ease my anxiety was to keep making friends and stay busy. Not high pressure busy, but fun busy. Fun busy was what these guys were all about. Thinking of the obstacle to get into the show was a whole other can of worms. Jason would have to say yes to being my love interest on stage.
"Okay, I'll try out for the role of Sandy. But Jason has to agree to it. You can't pressure him."
The guys grinned all at once. "Do you need help with your audition?" Kevin asked, a new light in his eyes.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess so."
"This is going to be epic," Billy said, rising from the couch.
"Why?"
"T-bird Sandy at the end of the play. That's why."
My eyes widened and my stomach dropped to my feet. "What?"
"Epic," Billy repeated, pulling me up and into his arms.
11
Upon my return to school it was agreed upon between the guys that I would not walk the halls alone. They wanted to shield me from more harassment and keep me safe. I could've told them that hanging out with them was what had spurned the videos in the first place but, I didn't because walking with them meant more time with them. And there was no way I was going to give that up.
Billy walked me into Biology, my aunt had forgotten to make the phone call and, now that I was trying to make it up to Jason a different way, I was glad that she had. Billy waited until I was seated to press a kiss to my forehead and take his leave. He bumped into Jason in the doorway and they exchanged some words I couldn't hear. Tracey was thankfully absent so I wasn't in any real danger of being bullied this period.
Even the walks to classes hadn't quelled all the bullying, but at least it was tolerable with one of the guys by my side. Their sweet words of encouragement were enough to block it out and make me feel as if I wasn't a total outcast loser. Once Billy had finished speaking with Jason he made his way towards our table and took a seat next to me.
He was silent throughout the whole first half of the class while Mr. Richards explained the lesson for the day. Once it was time for partner work we got up from our seats, grabbed our equipment and then sat down again. At first we were all business, swabbing our cheeks and putting the cells onto our slides. But as I put my eye to the microscope to have a look he finally broke his silence.
"I was afraid you weren't going to come back and that I'd have to keep doing our lab work all by myself."
I swallowed hard. Hearing his voice alone was enoug
h to send tremors through my body. "You'll have to try harder if you want to get rid of me." I took a break, drew what I remembered and then took another look.
I could feel his eyes on me, but he didn't say anything else until he was taking his turn with the microscope.
"I'm sorry. For what I said that day. And for sitting back and not saying anything after Tracey was an asshole."
When he pulled his head back I quickly dodged his gaze and pretended I was doing work. "It's not your job to protect me," I said, as calmly as possible. I could feel his eyes on me and I tried to resist but after a couple of minutes I had to turn my eyes to see if he was actually staring. Our gazes locked and held.
When his eyes dropped to my lips I felt the panic rising up in my chest and glanced away. "Are you done so we can move onto the next step?" I glanced at his paper to gauge his progress. He hadn't drawn his cheek cells yet.
Our eyes clashed once more and he dropped it first, moving back to the microscope to finish his work.
"We also need to talk about the project and set up a schedule for when we can work on that. I know you and the guys are going to be really busy with drama club but--"
"I'm quitting drama club so I'm pretty open."
"What?"
He met my eyes. "I'm quitting drama club."
"Uh-wha-Have you told the guys?"
He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his work. "I'm going to quit today."
"But...why?"
"I'm just not into it this year. I want to focus on my music, get myself out there. We're graduating this year and I'm not stupid enough to think that I'm going to go to college. I'll have to take some shit job in NYC and bust my ass at night to be able to cover rent."
"You're going to NYC? But I thought you guys were going to LA." Their post high school plans included a tiny apartment that they all shared and jobs waiting tables, trying to run interference with casting directors. In their perfect world they would be mega star actors who shared the biggest Hollywood mansion. And they would throw lavish parties and foster many, many troubled youths.
"Plans change, I guess." His eyes looked at me when he said it and I felt a stab in my guts. Clearly he was talking about me and how I'd come in and ruined the relationship they'd all had together. My insides churned and I felt the heat in my cheeks.
I hated to think that I was the reason he was breaking apart from his friends.
"Maybe you will change your mind again."
"Doubt it," he said, finishing up his picture. "I turn 18 in a couple of months and that's when I plan to head out."
"And not finish high school?"
"I don't need a high school diploma to get a singing gig."
"But you're almost done. And without a high school diploma you'll be limited for anything else you want to do."
His eyes studied my face and then he grinned. "That's sweet of you to be concerned for me, Ruby, but I'm a big boy and I've been looking out for myself for most of my life. I don't need anybody."
I let those words sink in. I'd said the same thing to myself at the start of the summer when my mom and grandmother had died and I'd discovered that my father had a whole other life he wasn't willing to share with me. I swallowed back my words. I wanted to tell him that someday he would need someone. And that he shouldn't push everyone away. I wanted to tell him that it was okay to let yourself be vulnerable. And that he was lucky. He had four people very close to him, who wanted to spend their lives with him. But I didn't say any of that.
"Who will fill your role in the play?"
Again he shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe one of the other guys will step up. Or they'll have to open it to auditions."
"There's nothing that will change your mind?"
"Nope," he confirmed.
"We have a problem," I said to the guys who were goofing off as I came into the theater.
Billy sighed and shook his head, holding his palm out to Steven. "I knew it. Pay up."
I frowned at both of them. "You were betting on me?"
"Betting against each other," Billy corrected. "I said there was no way you'd actually go through with the audition. And Steven said there was no way you wouldn't. It wasn't about you, it was about which one of us knew you better, that's all."
"Well you lose, Billy. I'm not the problem. Jason is the problem," I said as I came to a stop at the foot of the stage. I let my bag drop with a thud on the floor.
"Ha!" Steven held his hand out to Billy. "Pay up."
I gaped at the both of them and Mike wrapped an arm around me and gave me a little shake. "Just ignore them. What's up with Jason? You still think he won't go for this?"
"No, it's worse. He's going to come in today and quit drama club."
"What?" The word loudly echoed through the theater as they all four said it in unison.
I nodded. "He told me in Biology that he's done with this and he wants to focus on his music career. And when he's 18 he's going to drop out and move to NYC."
Kevin shook his head and then walked away from the group.
Steven exhaled deeply. "It'll be fine. We can guilt him into staying."
"I don't think so," I said. "He needs a valid reason to stay. He wants to do music, can we put him in charge of it or something? Give him a bigger role?"
"A bigger role?? He's already the lead in the play!" Mike exclaimed.
This was falling apart quickly. I hadn't meant for them to pull each other apart. "What if we can get someone to come see it who could help him after he graduates? What if we get the newspaper to report on it? Or we stream it or record it and put it on the net?" I suggested.
The side door opened and Jason came strolling through it, his book bag slung over his shoulder. He slowed down when he saw me standing amongst his friends, all of our eyes on him. He cursed quietly but continued to come closer. I could see him visibly steeling himself, pushing his shoulders back and lifting his chin.
Melissa came in right behind him, a wide grin on her face. She pointed at Jason's back and put her hands to her cheeks. She opened her mouth wide as if she were calling out to the football players on the field and moved her head back and forth.
"I...need to get ready," I said softly and promptly left, going backstage to wait for Melissa to help me with makeup and hair for my transformation.
12
"Ruby?" Kevin called to me from behind the makeshift dressing room walls.
"Did he storm out? Was all of this for nothing?" I asked, my heart was thudding in my chest, waiting for his response which I was sure was going to be yes. I'd spent the last thirty minutes trying really hard to concentrate on not crying and my deep breathing techniques that my therapist had armed with me. Melissa helped too, chattering away, trying to take my mind off of what was happening in the theater between the guys.
"Nope. It's not for nothing. Take the stage when you're ready."
"Okay," I said, suddenly overwhelmingly nervous. I had rehearsed it many times, each of them filling in for Danny Zukko. It wasn't until they'd brought out the mirror so I could see my movements that I finally mastered it -- the seductive moves of Olivia Newton John.
"Hey, it's just us out there. We sent everyone else outside to practice lines. Don't be nervous, okay?"
I felt my heart warm. He knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling without me even having to tell him. "Thanks, Kevin."
"You've got this."
I stood on shaky legs and gazed at myself in the mirror. This is probably what Sandy felt like when she'd donned on the bad girl outfit to impress Danny. Unsure. Unfamiliar. It felt like I was looking at a stranger.
I ran my hands down the black skin tight outfit. And for a moment I had a flash of what could happen. Jason sees me, laughs, throws his hands up and storms off stage. Or I fall in these red peep-toe heels and fall on my face and my stalker gets a video of it and broadcasts it and it gets picked up by the five o'clock news and I'm a laughing stock all around the world.
I shook my head to clear my
thoughts and looked at myself again. I looked good. I looked as close to Bad Girl Sandy as I could. It was pretty close. I took one more deep breath and then left the dressing room area. My nerves were getting to me and I felt like I was walking on a cloud. I gripped the side of the leather jacket and strolled on stage, my eyes trained on Jason who was standing with his thumbs shoved in his pockets.
His head turned towards me and his eyes widened as he took me in. I slowed my walk because he was totally messing up my audition. I heard a throat clearing in the audience but Jason still didn't move, his eyes were glued to my body.
I paused where I was supposed to and pretended to take a puff of the cigarette.
"Jason!" a stage whisper knocked him out of his trance.
"Sandy!"
"Tell me about it, stud." I said, in my best Bad Girl voice.
The music started and right on cue Jason started to sing. The chills he was singing of were mine. I'd never had a guy singing to me before. I pushed those thoughts away, I needed to concentrate. I hit every note, my feet moved with every beat and my hips weren't stiff. I felt like a bad ass. I felt like I'd nailed it. At the end of the number I jumped into Jason's arms and my legs went around his waist. Mike had had trouble holding me up, but Jason didn't. We stared at each other. His hands felt good on my hips. Our bodies were pressed together, this very thing felt very much like another thing that I hadn't yet experienced. It felt inappropriate, private. And yet we were sharing it together with four pairs of eyes on us.
We were panting, both of us out of breath from singing and dancing. He stared into my eyes and I stared into his. Without warning he walked us off stage. I was confused, "Where are we going?"
"I can't do this..." He said, his voice gruff.
I felt my heart drop, disappointment weighing heavily on my chest. I had failed. Before I could speak though, he had me pressed against the side stage's wall and his lips found mine. They were seeking and desperate, hungry. My fingers found the hair at the back of his neck and curled into it. I didn't want to let him go. Ever.
