by K. C. Wells
“I think I’d better call your family doctor.” They hadn’t moved from the hallway.
Kel didn’t understand. “Why? I’m okay.”
“That’s just my point. You’re way too calm. I think you’re in shock.”
“Shock?” Kel thought he was coping admirably. “I think I will have some tea.” He walked through the dining room into the kitchen, his steps firm, his back straight. He reached into a cabinet and found the green box of peppermint teabags. Luc filled the stovetop kettle and turned on the heat under it.
Kel leaned against the cabinet. “So what happens now?” His voice didn’t sound like his own. This was a flat, disinterested voice.
“The medical examiner will call, and then they’ll liaise with whatever funeral home you—” Luc expelled a breath. “You can’t do this, not on your own. There’s too much to be organized.”
For a second, Kel was on the point of telling Luc he could cope just fine, until he realized Luc was right. He was only twenty-four, for God’s sake. No one at that age should be thinking about organizing funerals.
He swallowed hard. “Could… could you, maybe, help me? I mean, have you done any of this before?”
Luc gave him a gentle smile. “Of course I’ll help you. And no, I’ve never organized a funeral before, but I know what needs to be done. I’ll draw up a list. I’ll need access to a few things, like your parent’s address book, so we know who to invite. I’m assuming your parents had a lawyer to take care of official stuff. And—”
Too much. It was all too much. Kel wanted to cover his head with his hands and wait for it all to stop, just stop.
Strong hands came to rest on his shoulders. “It’s okay to lean on others and accept help, y’know. No one expects you to do this alone.”
God, his voice was so soft, and when Luc gave him a hug, Kel went with it, pressing his face into the broad chest, breathing in the smell of outdoors and cotton and… He clung to Luc, his eyes dry, as a wave of exhaustion hit, crashing into him, taking with it every bit of energy he possessed.
“Why don’t you go lie down, while I see what I can rustle up for dinner? We’re both ready to eat.”
Kel craned his neck to meet Luc’s gaze. “You’re not leaving?”
Luc’s hand was warm and gentle on his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. Just put your head down for half an hour. I’ll be right here if you need me.” He released Kel, and took a step back. “Now, where’s your room?”
Kel pointed toward the rear of the house. “Upstairs, on the left.”
Luc guided him to the foot of the staircase. “Holler if you need anything, all right?”
“Sure.” He climbed the stairs, gripping the rail, grateful that Luc hadn’t accompanied him. Because he had a feeling he was going to lose it once he got inside his room. When he reached it, Kel closed the door behind him. He barely made it to the bed, falling onto it, burying his face in the comforter.
It had to be a dream, right? A horrible dream.
Kel closed his eyes and waited for the nightmare to end.
Luc waited until he heard Kel’s door close, before walking into the dining room, pulling out a chair, and sinking into it, his head in his hands.
What an end to a strange day.
He still couldn’t believe he’d asked Kel to help him, when just the sight of him had every fiber in Luc screaming that he had to keep away. I’ve managed it all these years. Why did I have to go and change things now?
Except right then, whatever was going on in Luc’s head was pointless. The boy was all that mattered. The boy, and the awful circumstances he now found himself in.
Luc couldn’t believe it. John and Christine—dead? He could recall the first day he’d met them. Luc had been so excited, moving into his first home at the tender age of twenty-four, still flushed with elation at starting his new career. The house was way too big for him, of course, but then again, he hadn’t chosen it. That had been down to Grandma. When someone presents you with a house, you don’t say no.
And that boy. Luc could remember gazing at him in his bassinet, marveling at how tiny he was. Watching him grow had been an adventure. Kel had been a character from the start, and there’d been many times when Luc had felt sorry for him, being an only child.
Luc gave himself a shake. Taking a walk down Memory Lane was not a good idea. And as for inviting Kel over… What the hell was he thinking? There had been a damn good reason for keeping his distance from that boy, and to ignore what common sense he had, just because he felt sorry for Kel…
For Christ’s sake, would you just listen to yourself? That boy has just lost both parents. This is not about you, so focus on what needs to be done, and when he’s strong enough to cope… walk away. Fast.
Because the sight of Kel, looking more toned than Luc ever remembered him being, with the beginnings of a beard—oh dear God, how that beard made him look—
Fuck. He couldn’t afford to think like this.
Luc got up from the table and went into the kitchen. He was pretty certain of finding something in the freezer. Christine was old school, and he knew from conversations about her penchant for making large batches of John’s favorite recipes, for freezing.
John had always been the more aloof of the two, but he and Luc had gotten along okay over the years, as long as John kept off the topic of religion and Luc kept his mouth shut. Because there were things in Luc’s closet that he did not want his preacher neighbor to find.
If Luc didn’t know better, he’d have sworn Grandma had bought him that particular house on purpose. She might have been a damn sight more liberal than her son, but that didn’t mean she liked the idea of having a gay grandson. Not that the word gay would ever have passed her lips.
What did you think, Grandma? Luc gazed up at the ceiling, because if there was a heaven, he had a feeling she’d be there: The Lord wouldn’t have dared say no to her. Did you think putting me next door to a preacher was going to change me?
Knowing his grandma, that was probably a fair assessment.
And now John and Christine were dead. Luc might not have agreed with their beliefs, but he liked them well enough as people. Hard to dislike two human beings who could produce something as beautiful as Kel. He’d mourn them, when the time was right.
Until then, Luc had a feeling he was going to be busy. Because Kel needed a friend, and whatever else Luc was, he could be that.
Chapter Four
“Kel? The cars are here.”
Kel took a last look in the mirror. The new suit felt stiff. One look in his closet the previous week had been enough to let him know a shopping trip was required. Luc had come with him, thankfully, and it hadn’t taken long to pick out the black suit. As for a tie, he’d found one of Dad’s.
Tying it had brought back so many memories, but unlike the ones that had plagued him during the last week, this one made him smile. Kel’s first efforts at manipulating a tie had made him want to pull his hair out. Funny how things improve with age.
“Kel?” A soft knocking at the door.
“Coming.” He walked over to the door and opened it. Luc in a suit was something to behold. “You look more comfortable than I feel,” Kel commented.
Luc shrugged. “When you’re in business, you get used to wearing them. And the sharper you look, the more people respect you.” He drew in a breath. “Time to go. I’ll be behind you in my car.”
Wait—what? “Why can’t you come in the same car as me?” He was not going through this alone.
Luc sighed. “Family goes in the car. If your grandfather were here, he’d travel with you.”
“But he’s not, and we’ve no way of knowing when he’ll get the news. And I am not going to go to the funeral sitting on my own in that car!” For the first time since Kel had learned of their death, tears threatened to spill over his cheeks. “Please, Luc. You can be my granddad’s stand-in. Just, don’t let me—”
Luc stopped his words with a finger to Kel’s lips. �
�Hush. I’ll come with you. It would be my honor to represent your family.” He withdrew his hand, his gaze locked on Kel’s eyes. “Is that better?”
Kel swallowed. “More than you know.” Luc stepped aside, and Kel left the room. He went down the stairs slowly, holding onto the rail, feeling as though a breeze would shatter him into a million pieces. Luc followed him into the hallway and up to the front door. The house was the quietest it had been all week. Since the news broke, there had been a steady stream of visitors, mostly ladies from the church, bringing food. Kel was certainly not going to starve.
Luc opened the door, and there it was, the gleaming black car, its driver waiting beside it, dressed in a formal black suit and cap. People stood at the end of their driveways or on the sidewalk, in silence.
And in front of the car was the hearse, an even longer, sleeker vehicle, its interior filled with colorful wreaths that covered the caskets.
Kel swallowed. “Let’s go then.” He walked to the car, holding his head up, and as he neared it, the driver opened the rear door for him.
“I’ll get in the other side,” Luc said quietly, before walking around the car.
Kel climbed into the back, and the door closed with a heavy clunk. When they finally pulled away from the curb, he sagged against the leather upholstery.
“Just so you know, there are going to be a lot of people at the graveside,” Luc said after a moment.
“Yeah, I kinda expected that. Probably everyone from Dad’s church, for starters.” Kel expelled a deep sigh. “Thank you, by the way. You’ve done so much for me this past week.” He avoided looking forward. He didn’t want to think about his parents in those gleaming caskets.
Luc huffed. “It wasn’t that much.”
Kel wasn’t about to let it drop at that. “I’m serious. You found a funeral director, put out the announcement in the paper, organized food for the reception after…”
“I’m just thankful your parents had thought ahead. Once we found out they’d bought a plot, that made things a whole lot easier.”
Kel bowed his head. “I’ve never felt so useless. I couldn’t even pick out the songs or the readings for the service.”
Luc reached over and took hold of Kel’s hand. “That’s why we left those things up to people who worked with your dad, remember? So that you didn’t have to think about it.” He squeezed Kel’s hand. “And you weren’t useless. You picked out what they should wear, didn’t you?”
Kel swallowed. That had been torturous, standing in his dad’s closet, trying to decide what suit to give the funeral director. The suit they’re gonna bury him in. He shivered. When they’d told Kel he could place objects in the coffin, he’d stared at the guy like he’d grown a second head. It was only when he was standing in his parents’ bedroom that the idea had come to him. There was that little teddy bear in a wedding dress that Kel had bought for her for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary last year. It had seemed silly at the time, but Mom had loved it. She always kept it on her nightstand.
His chest constricted at the thought of that little teddy bear, placed in her hands….
“Do you think I was right?” he blurted out.
“About what?”
“Not wanting to go see them before they closed the casket.” The funeral director had invited him to say any last goodbyes, but Kel’s heart had quaked at the very idea.
“No one is ever right or wrong in these circumstances. You do what you feel is right.” Luc released his hand. “And while we’re talking about what’s right or wrong… no one says you have to say something during the service, okay? There’ll be plenty of others who’ll want to do that, believe me. Just don’t feel pressured.”
Kel pushed out a long, shuddering breath. He had no idea how Luc knew that had been bothering him, but to hear his words was such a release.
And there was the reassuring touch of Luc’s hand on his again. “It’s going to be all right,” Luc said softly.
It was not going to be all right. How could it, when something was gnawing away at Kel’s insides? I’m a horrible person. What kind of son doesn’t cry when his parents die? He had no idea why the tears hadn’t come. The numbness he’d experienced that frightful day had pervaded, until Kel was sort of used to it.
“We’re here.”
Kel glanced up as they passed through the gates of the cemetery. He tightened his grip on Luc’s hand. “I just want this to be over,” he whispered, as if saying the words any louder would have been wrong, making him an even worse person than he already was.
“It will be, soon enough.”
The car came to a halt, and the driver got out to open Kel’s door. He stood at the edge of an immense lawn, its surface dotted with urns and grave markers. A short distance from the cars was a large gathering of people.
At the back of the hearse, men dressed in black were reverentially taking out the caskets. Kel’s chest tightened, and breathing became difficult.
Luc’s hand was at his back. “I’m right here, okay?”
Kel had never been more grateful in his life.
Luc worried about Kel.
He had to give it to the boy: he was more resilient than Luc had thought. Kel stood beside the grave, his head up, back straight, his gaze fixed on some point in the distance.
Except it wasn’t resilience, was it? Luc had the distinct impression that this whole tragic situation just hadn’t sunk in yet. He doesn’t really feel it yet.
Luc had known his own share of grief. He knew from experience that the different stages of it would not be denied. At some point—when, Luc had no way of knowing—all of it was going to hit Kel like a thousand-pound wrecking ball in the solar plexus.
What made Kel’s demeanor even more astounding was that he was surrounded by grief. Members of John Taylor’s congregation wept openly at the graveside, unable to contain their sorrow. So many of them approached Kel and shook his hand, hugged him, and clung to him, and yet through it all he remained apparently untouched.
Yeah, Luc was really worried about Kel.
They came to the part where the two caskets were lowered into the graves, and Kel shivered, despite the unexpected warmth of the afternoon sun. Luc stood beside him, and unseen by those around, took his hand. Kel gripped it so tightly that Luc thought he’d cut off the circulation, but he let the boy hold on: if it gave him some comfort, so much the better.
Then it was done.
The minister read aloud the notice that any who wished to join Kel at his home to celebrate his parents’ life were welcome. Luc had already arranged for caterers to supply drinks and nibbles, after consulting with a few of the ladies who’d visited the previous week to gauge numbers. No one he’d dealt with had shown any surprise at Luc’s involvement, but he suspected that was due more to grief than a lack of curiosity.
One by one, the mourners left the graveside, until only a handful remained.
Luc put his hand to Kel’s back. “Time to go,” he said softly. “They’ll be expecting you back home.”
Kel swallowed. “Not that it feels like a home right now.” Then he pulled himself up to his full height. “You’re right. I should be there.” The minister approached him, and Kel shook his hand, thanking him for his words.
To Luc’s mind, the whole situation felt surreal.
He guided Kel back to the car, and once inside, Kel rested his head against the seat and closed his eyes. Luc kept silent. There was nothing he could say or do at that moment which would help.
After a moment, Kel sighed. “Now what?”
Relief filled him. “Now we go back to the house and see how many people have showed up.”
“No, I mean… what do I do now?” Kel turned his head to look at Luc, his dark eyes full of pain.
Luc took a deep breath. “It’s early days, Kel. I know you’re almost finished with your MBA, and—”
“I can’t think about school right now,” Kel interjected.
Luc nodded slowly. “I know. And n
o one expects you to. Your school will understand, trust me.” He covered Kel’s hand with his. “Just… take some time. You have a home. You won’t have to worry about money.” Not according to John and Christine’s lawyer.
Kel blinked, then narrowed his lips, pulling his hand free of Luc’s. “Money? Really? I’m not thinking about money now.” The brief flare of anger relieved Luc even more. That’s it, boy. Let yourself feel some emotion.
“Of course not.” Luc kept his voice soothing. “But at some point, you’re going to have bills to pay. It’s good to know that will all be taken care of.” There was still probate to go through, but Luc was pretty sure Kel would be financially stable at the end of it all. The house would be his, for one thing.
Kel widened his eyes. “Speaking of money…. You’re not going to be out of pocket, are you? I mean, you paid for the catering, and the funeral.”
He’s thinking of me, despite his grief. “Don’t worry. Your lawyer asked me to send him itemized bills for everything I’ve spent. Once the estate is settled, I’ll be reimbursed.” Luc smiled. “It’s not about to bankrupt me.”
Kel’s breathing became a little less erratic, and Luc’s tension eased. He knew time was a great healer, but he didn’t envy Kel the journey he was about to start upon.
He’s in pain, and the worst is yet to come.
As they drew up to the house, the street already filled with cars, Luc made himself a promise. When it came to Kel, it didn’t matter what Luc’s own feelings were. So what if, for reasons of his own, Luc had spent the best part of eight years avoiding him?
He was going to keep an eye on that boy. Because someone had to.
Chapter Five
Kel opened his eyes, and for a moment, he listened for the usual sounds that said Mom was already at work in the kitchen, and sniffed the air for the familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee. Then he remembered.
There was no coffee.
There was no Mom.
