Fueled in Fire

by Ryan Michele

  Lightly, I touched his back. He didn’t move and we sat like that for a long time, not a single word, just that connection between us. Since I had no clue what was wrong, there was nothing for me to say. It was up to him, and he needed time. Therefore, I gave him that by releasing him then bending down and taking off my boots and socks, running my feet over the carpet. Sock fuzzies were the worst.

  This act must’ve got through to Crow, because he fell to his back on the bed, arms extended up, looking up at the popcorn ceiling. I never understood why people did that finish to ceilings. My grandma’s house had them on the ceilings and walls. Many cuts and scrapes came from running into it over and over again through the years. My right elbow had a scar from when I hit really hard. It was also the moment my grandfather decided the popcorn needed to go and had a prospect scrape it all off and redo the walls.

  I laid down next to him propped up on an elbow, peering down at him. He didn’t meet my gaze; instead, he began talking to the ceiling.

  “Found out today that the dad I thought I had for thirty-three years really isn’t my father.” His words were strained coming out, and he closed his eyes.

  My breath caught at how big of a blow that could be to anyone’s life. I felt devastated for him, and my heart seized.

  I couldn’t imagine my dad not being mine, just one day something pop up like this and change my life forever. That hurt—the betrayal, the confusion. It would be so deep and ingrained it would probably never be able to get cleaned out. And Crow was getting hit from it.

  Damn.

  I could only imagine how he felt. How overwhelming this had to be.

  “My dad’s been there through everything. Raised me on his own because my mom was, and still is, a flighty bitch. He was there for every practice, game, school event—everything. He’s been my rock since I was brought into this earth and now…” He paused, and my heart broke for him. “Come to find out, he’s not my biological dad.”

  We sat in silence for a moment. I wasn’t sure how to bear the weight of his pain.

  “He’s mine, but he’s not anymore.” The words came out low and heavy.

  My hand reached out touching his chest where his heart was beating over time as he laced his fingers with mine and continued. “I don’t understand how all this happened,” he said on a squeeze.

  “Break it down for me, and I’ll help. Puzzles are my thing.” I was doing the only thing I knew how to do, get to the root of the problem and tackle it.

  Instead of doing so, he looked over at me, wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me down to him, our lips connecting immediately.

  It wasn’t long, but it was fantastic.

  The kiss felt more of a need. A need for the connection we shared. A need for the comfort he desired. A need for his heart to stop bleeding, and I was the only one who could give him that.

  He tucked me to his shoulder, my head resting there, our legs tangling as they hung off the bed. Crow was quiet once again, but his heart thudded in my ear. Steady and strong. It was a sound that brushed off the cold left there from the last time we parted ways.

  After awhile he spoke again, and what he said next rocked my world. “Found out tonight that Cruz is my biological father.”

  It was my turn to go still as a rock. My limbs felt like concrete, and every molecule of air around us froze in time. Crow was Cruz’s son? How was that even possible? So many questions ran through my head wanting to fix this and find out the answers. I wanted to give comfort to the man beside me. Cruz was a good man, had a good family. This wasn’t a bad thing even if it felt wrong right now. My mind wanted to put all the pieces together to create the complete picture.

  First, I went with the obvious ones. Narrow down the pieces of this puzzle quickly and efficiently. “How do you know that? Did Cruz tell you? Did he have proof.” Okay, so it was three, but all very pertinent to the situation. There had to be some kind of proof here. No way would Cruz just spring this on Crow without it. He just wasn’t that kind of guy.

  “Showed me DNA paperwork that says it’s true. Pictures of him and my mom together around the time I was conceived.” He nodded to a folder he tossed down with his bag. “It’s all in there.” His eyes glared at the paper like it was his enemy.

  I guessed maybe it was since it turned his every memory upside down.

  My itchy fingers wanted to reach for the information, but instead I asked, “Did he know this when you were born?” In my gut, I knew that answer though. Cruz would never have allowed a son of his to be taken out of his life. That there was no doubt. For some reason, I just needed to hear the answer. Part of me wanted to say it out loud to verify the man I knew Cruz to be, but in some way maybe so Crow could hear it too and realize he wasn’t the only one shaken by this news.

  “No, just found out.” He paused.

  “Okay, so how does he know for sure then?” The information he was giving me was good, but there were missing pieces to the puzzle.

  “At thirteen, I went to juvie for theft. According to the dates on the paper, the sample was collected at that time.”

  I filled in, “And Cruz had it run with his…”

  “Yep. Ninety-nine percent positive that I’m his oldest son.”

  “Holy shit.” I breathed deeply against his chest. Cruz didn’t fuck around when it came to his kids. He was a fantastic dad and a great club president to the Ravage MC. He was also straightforward. This all had to rattle him as much if not more than Crow.

  Hell, I’d known Cruz all my life, and I didn’t know how to process it all quite yet. Small steps. That was where I needed to take Crow for this journey.

  “Where do I go from here?” Crow spoke, and his words were laced in a sadness that I ached to ease from him. “One, I don’t know if my dad knows about this or if he’s as clueless about my parentage as Cruz and I have been. I want to believe he didn’t know for some reason that feels like it would hurt less. But then I think of him and hope that he did know so it doesn’t come as a blow to him. I know I need to talk to him about it, but fuck if he doesn’t know it’ll crush him. He’s already sick. I sure as hell don’t want to add any pain, but need answers at the same time.” He swiped his hands over his face as if it would wash away everything he’d learned that day. When that didn’t work, he opened his eyes and looked so damn tired. This had torn him apart, and it was warring on his face.

  My heart hurt for everyone involved. Knowing Cruz for so many years, one thing he wasn’t was a liar. He told things exactly as they were without hesitation, just like Crow. Therefore, I knew that Cruz wouldn’t have brought this to Crow unless he was one hundred percent sure it was correct information. More so, Cruz was a great father to his kids, and him not having that opportunity with Crow must be killing him right now. Add in Crow’s dad in Rebellion and it was a cocktail of misery for all. I wondered too about my friends. Cooper, Nox, and Austyn were the kind of people who loved fiercely. Family was everything to all of us, and this would be something they would take to heart.

  “I don’t know how to feel.” He said, “Everything inside me twists like a tornado spinning out of control, throwing everything I’ve ever known about my life out the window, and it’s takin’ everything inside of me to stay grounded.” He clutched on to me tighter, making me feel like I was the one keeping him grounded at the moment. I appreciated that. Loved it was in my power to give.

  It was my turn to get real.

  “You feel how you feel, babe. You have every right to be angry, hurt, surprised, scared or any other feeling. You were just dealt a blow that came out of left field, never even knowing it was a possibility. That’s hard on a man. And it’s not some you’re a pussy thing. It’s a life thing. When one’s world is turned on its axis, it’s normal to feel every way imaginable, and you need to let those out and not keep them bottled up. Feelings you push down only come back as pain later and worse.”

  His hand moved methodically up and down my arm. I wasn’t even sure he knew that he w
as doing it, but it felt nice. It was as if we were giving each other our strength.

  “I need to ask my dad about this, but how do I bring it up? Then the ramifications for if he doesn’t have a clue and what they entail. If he does know, I don’t know how I should feel. Pissed that he didn’t tell me or honored that he wanted me to be his son. The unknown doesn’t sit well with me.”

  Damn he was so twisted, hurt, and confused. It hit me that there wasn’t much I could do to fix this except be here for him and listen. Being one to solve things, it sucked this one didn’t have a solution.

  He continued, “Then my mother. She comes back to Rebellion all the time, and my father loves the flighty twat, gives her money, and Christ knows what else. Did she lie to him about me? Did she tell him that he was the father, or was she honest with him and told him the truth? There are so many questions, and right now I have no answers.”

  I rose, maneuvering my body so my chin rested on his chest. Everything in his demeanor showed the confusion, hurt, and betrayal. He was a big man broken in a way he didn’t know exactly how to make right. I hated that for him because the only thing in this situation he could do was get answers and learn to deal with those. It was like a death and finding your new normal again. His would never be the same.

  That feeling still lived inside me like a breathing dragon. The emotions all building and ready to spew out in flames.

  Time. He’d need time.

  “Give yourself tonight to process. Tomorrow, you feel up to it, you go talk to him. If he’s anything like you, you lay it out for him straight up because that would be what you’d want. Just rip it off like a Band-Aid. It may hurt him, but from the way you talk about him, he loves you and biology doesn’t mean shit to him. No matter what, he’s always going to be your dad. Nothing will change that. If you have Cruz in your life too, that will take some adjustment, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Unfortunately, he’s the only one who can answer your questions besides your mom.”

  His body went tight. He didn’t like his mother, that was plain to see. It was a shame because Crow was a good man, and she missed out on that. She fucked up there, big time. Her loss.

  “I’m not talkin’ to that fuckin’ bitch. She needs to stay far away from me.” He paused and there was no doubt this was true, then continued, “Then there’s the fact that I have another father thrown into the mix. Fuck, I have two brothers and a sister. How fucked is that?”

  “Sounds like you should be on the Springer show.”

  His lip tipped a bit in the corner, and I was happy he had a small reprieve. “Everything is chaos right now.”

  “How can I help?”

  Crow pulled me to his lips and kissed me hard, slow, and wet. My body came alive, hands exploring his chest until he pulled back. When he did, there was something softer in his demeanor. He appeared to be a slight bit calmer. He heaved in a couple of deep breaths, and his shoulders loosened just a bit.

  “Fuckin’ starved, babe. Need food.”

  That wasn’t what I’d expected, and my arousal took a nose dive which was stupid considering the shit storm he was going through. It was selfish, and that wasn’t in my personality. It made me feel like shit, and I pushed it all away putting my focus only on Crow. Whatever he just let go of was big. I’d need to feed him and get him sleep.

  “Right. I’ll see what they have that delivers around here.”

  He kissed me with a touch of his lips and whispered, “Thanks for hoppin’ on the back of my bike, Pixie. Needed you here with me.”

  The feeling like shit faded as the warmth filled my chest. This man was torn in two and needed me here with him.

  I swore in that moment a huge chunk of me fell in love with Crow.

  We ordered Mexican and ate. Crow was quiet through this, and I didn’t press not knowing how exactly he handled these things, learning this and giving him room.

  The light from the television shone through the bare room. There was no sound only the flickering of the light illuminating the space and dancing on the walls.

  Since he turned it on then put it on mute, I rolled with it. Growing up, I’d learned to roll with a lot of things. This was another one of those instances, taking my cues from Crow.

  My thoughts went back to Cooper, Austyn, and Nox. Austyn would’ve called me if she knew anything, especially knowing about Crow and my connection. Since she didn’t, Cruz hadn’t told them. Fuck, this was going to turn their worlds upside down too.

  So much time just… gone.

  Time was a thing to treasure. It was a golden item that once it was gone you’d never get it back.

  Ever.

  Princess, she’d be pissed at first wanting to kill Crow’s mother, then she’d welcome Crow with open arms. That was the kind of woman she was. She loved fully and to the death for those she loved and cared about. From the stories told over the years, she did the same thing with Cooper. Even with thirty plus years passed, Crow would be no different to her.

  How strange was it though that Cruz was the president in Sumner and Crow was the President in Rebellion? Two presidents of the same club, but different charters. That shit should be written in a book somewhere.

  My mind was everywhere. It was with my Ravage family in Georgia, and it was with Crow. This was going to be a hard pill for everyone to swallow. The only thing I could do was give Crow enough water that he didn’t choke as it went down. I would be his liquid, a safe place to fall.

  “Thank you,” he said quietly, my attention going to him instead of the muted TV.

  “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  “Missed you.” His words made the butterflies set off in my stomach which hadn’t happened before, ever. Fucking butterflies. Me. I was in trouble, falling deeper for this man with each tick of the clock.

  “Missed you too,” I said, maneuvering to look Crow in the eyes. The hurt was still there. Processing this was difficult for him as it would be for anyone. This strong man fighting within himself trying to make it through the other side.

  He closed his blues and when he opened them once again, the fire and desire was burning bright. The pain was gone, and in its place was fire, passion.

  His lips came to mine hard, deep, and rough. This wasn’t a kiss of gratitude. This was a kiss of want and need. I took the invitation without hesitation, needing him just as much. He rolled pulling me under him, his weight feeling magnificent.

  Our mouths danced creating a buildup of what was coming, driving our desire for one another. We were so in sync with our movements from our lips, bodies, and hands, every touch was countered. Our lips took from each other, but gave in the same respect. My body already alive began to burn, my skin hot, and breaths picking up speed.

  His large hands skated up the sides of my body taking my shirt with it. One minute he was kissing me, the next my shirt flew away to the floor and his lips were back to mine. Luckily that was all I had on. His hot skin touched me; add in the kisses and my skin began to prickle.

  Between my legs throbbed, wanting to be filled by this man. My mind was completely on board with that want.

  Crow maneuvered pulling off his boxers, settling between my legs and pressing inside me inch by inch, his eyes never leaving mine. He rooted himself all the way in and stilled. My body conformed to his size, and I wiggled my hips to get a reaction.

  “Need you to move,” I breathily demanded.

  He kissed me then ever so slowly began to thrust in and out. Each movement slower than the last. My body screamed, hands going to his ass to squeeze him to hopefully get him to move. I needed more friction, and as soon as it came I’d shoot off like a rocket. I was so close. Climbing higher and higher, I was right there.

  His cock pressed all the way inside me and stilled once again.

  “What are you doing?” I growled, getting seriously frustrated.

  He brushed the hair away from my face and kissed my lips softly. “Come to Alabama with me.”

  “Thought that was what I w
as doing?”

  “Good.”

  He kissed me deep once again, his thrusts becoming so hard the headboard kept banging against the wall. Over and over he pushed and pulled inside of me.

  The orgasm hit me like a sledgehammer taking away every thought but just one.

  Should I go to Alabama with him? Too late.

  That decision was already made.

  3

  Crow

  Loved having Rylynn on the back of my bike. Her arms were wound so tight around me it felt as if she was the one grounding me. Never found that in a woman before.

  Women.

  I had my share.

  I was young and dumb. Pussy was pussy except with Sophia, and that was before I knew love and pain could mix into a concoction no voodoo priestess could top. I’d loved Sophia back in high school, but not once did I feel like she tethered me to the earth. Not like this. Not like Rylynn. She was everything holding me down. So very much that I wasn’t sure she realized it yet.

  Wrong Way and Brewer cut off continuing down the road as I turned us into the concrete drive of my house. Shutting down the engine, Rylynn climbed off and I did as well.

  She stretched, her shirt going up and giving me a hint of her creamy skin. “Nice home you have here, Grizzly.”

  Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I led her on the sidewalk to the house. “Yeah. Gotta have somewhere to crash. Can’t do it at the club all the time.”

  Opening the door, she stopped just inside checking the place out while I tossed my keys on the small table. “Not much for decorating huh?”

  “Nope. Comfort is all I give a shit about.”

  Rylynn pulled her phone out of her pocket and tossed it to the kitchen table along with her glasses. She was literally coming to Rebellion with nothing. I’d have to rectify that for her. She was giving me everything, and I would give it back tenfold and more.

  Rylynn was mine. I took care of what was mine. Always.

  Taking off my cut then sitting down to take off my boots, I made my way into the bathroom. After doing my business, I stared in the mirror at the man before me.