Below Deck

by Tara Sivec

  I watch my father’s anger quickly fade, turning into sadness and remorse, but now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. Now that I’ve found my voice, I can’t keep it quiet.

  “I put my life on hold the last six months for you, and you didn’t even notice. I didn’t eat; I barely slept. I handled all of the meetings and phone calls with the board and the accountants. Hell, I even stopped taking a salary! I did everything I could to protect you and help you and YOU DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE!” I scream, my eyes filling with tears. “You didn’t even care.”

  He quickly closes the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Mackenzie. I did care, I did notice. I just…I just didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored the problems, they’d just go away. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this on your own.”

  I sniffle, pushing out of his arms to swipe away the tears that have fallen down my cheeks.

  “Why? Why would you ignore this? She bled you dry, dad. Everything you worked so hard for, it’s gone. She took all of it, and you let her. You put her name on everything, you gave her the power to ruin you, and she did,” I whisper.

  With a heavy sigh, he sinks down onto the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands.

  “Do you know how lonely I’ve been since your mother died?” He asks after a few quiet moments, dropping his hands between his legs to look up at me. “I was a computer nerd. A single father living in a tiny house in the suburbs of New York. Women never looked at me twice, and they certainly wanted nothing to do with me when I couldn’t even afford to buy them a drink. Then, suddenly, I had money. I had power and I had status. Allyson came along, beautiful and half my age, and she looked at me twice. She fed my ego and she made me feel good. I’m not stupid, Mackenzie. I know why she was attracted to me, and I know why she agreed to marry me, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to be lonely anymore, and I stupidly thought she would grow to care for me, but it never happened. And then everything snowballed and I didn’t know how to stop it. I was in too deep and I didn’t want to admit I’d made a mistake. I let you down; I let all of my employees down. I let my need to feel like a man and to stop feeling so lonely ruin everything.”

  The pain in his voice replaces all of my anger with a sadness so deep I don’t know if it will ever go away. I sit down next to him on the bed, grabbing one of his hands and holding it in mine.

  “You didn’t let me down,” I reassure him.

  He shakes his head and squeezes my hand.

  “Yes, I did. You are the most important person in my life, and I lost sight of that. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have let you shoulder all of this on your own, and I’m so sorry.”

  Resting my head on his shoulder, I clasp his hand tighter in mine.

  “We’ll fix this, dad. I promise, we’ll fix this,” I tell him quietly.

  He yanks his hand out of mine and quickly turns to face me on the end of the bed, pressing his hands to either side of my face and holding it in place.

  “No, we won’t.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but he quickly cuts me off.

  “This isn’t your problem to deal with, Mackenzie. It was never your problem, and you’ll never know how sorry I am that I made you feel like it was,” he tells me. “I made this mess, and I need to deal with the consequences. On my own. You’ve shouldered the burden for too long. I let my foolish need to feel wanted and to have someone to take care of again blind me, and I won’t let you suffer because of that.”

  Reaching my hands up, I press them against the top of his that still gently hold onto my face.

  “Dad, you still have me. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I don’t still need my father and need him to take care of me every once in a while.”

  He laughs, shaking his head at me.

  “Honey, you’ve never needed someone to take care of you. You still won’t let me pay off your student loans or buy you a car,” he smiles.

  “Those student loans are MY debt, not yours. And I live in New York City. No one needs a car in the city,” I scoff.

  “You’re strong and independent, just like you’re mother. It’s one of the things I love the most about you. I know working for the company wasn’t want you wanted, but I was selfish. I was afraid to let you go and spread your wings because I didn’t want you to fly away and never come back. So I kept you close and I broke your wings, and I ruined both of us,” he says, his voice cracking with emotion.

  “You didn’t ruin anything. We just got off track for a little while. I’m sorry you were lonely, and I’m sorry that made you jump at someone like Allyson,” I whisper.

  “I should have listened to you. You didn’t like her right from the start, but I figured you’d never approve of anyone who wasn’t your mother. I thought it would just take time. But this trip showed me how completely different we are from them. Our families were never meant to be merged and I’m going to rectify that as soon as we get home,” he explains.

  “You can’t just leave her and move on, dad. She has to be punished. She stole everything from you. From your company. She put you in hot water with the board and the IRS. We have to make sure she pays for what she’s done. I’ve been going over a plan of action with your accountants. I have meetings scheduled with—”

  He cuts me off by pressing one of his fingers against my lips.

  “I know. I finally pulled out my laptop this morning when I couldn’t sleep and read through all of the emails I’ve been ignoring. I know how hard you’ve been working, but it stops now, Mackenzie. No more. I love you, and I adore you for trying to protect me. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for sticking my head in the sand all these months. But this isn’t your job or your burden to carry anymore.”

  His words are like a soothing balm to the wounds I’ve been carrying around inside me all this time. I hate that he’s going to have to deal with all of this on his own, but he’s right. I can’t let it be my problem anymore. I can’t put my life on hold for him any longer.

  “What am I supposed to do now? Just go back home and pretend like everything is fine?” I ask, suddenly unsure of how exactly I’m supposed to let all of this go, let him go down in flames and just stand back and watch.

  “You’re supposed to live your own life, be happy, and let me clean up my own messes. I might have turned a blind eye to a lot of things over the last year, but did you think I wouldn’t notice the way you’ve been looking at a certain deckhand who works on this ship?” he asks.

  My entire body heats with embarrassment and mortification and he laughs at my expense.

  “He seems like a nice, hardworking young man. Obviously no man is good enough for my daughter, and the way he looks at you all the time makes me wish I would have been one of those fathers who threatened a boy with a shotgun when he came sniffing around, but I think he might be just what you need to be happy, and help you live your own life, if you’d let him.”

  All of the reasons I’ve been holding back from Declan suddenly melt away. As much as it pains me to let my father handle everything on his own, I have to do what he says. I have to let go, live my own life and find my own happiness.

  I know it’s crazy, and I know it’s a risk, but I don’t care. Declan had the guts to open himself up to me and lay his heart on the line, and now it’s my turn. I no longer have to worry about distracting him with my problems.

  There’s nothing holding me back from taking what I want and jumping in with both feet, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.

  “Are we there yet? Can I take this thing off now?”

  “You sound like a toddler. And no, you can’t take the blindfold off yet,” Declan laughs as he continues to walk behind me, holding onto my hips and guiding me where I need to go.

  I had every intention of spilling my guts to Declan yesterday after I spoke with my father, but he was busy
working and I didn’t want to bother him by turning myself into that distraction he didn’t need. I tried to tell him again last night after everyone went to bed, but he distracted me by putting on a movie for us in the main salon. Curled up on the couch in front of him under a blanket, with his body pressed up against my back, I stopped paying attention to the movie when his hand slid down into the front of my shorts. After two orgasms and then falling asleep in Declan’s arms before the movie ended, I forgot all about talking to him when he woke me up and walked me to my room.

  Today, we woke up to find out the captain dropped anchor in the middle of the night due to another round of bad weather he was trying to avoid, and since we were on our way home to St. Thomas, we found ourselves back off the coast of St. John. Allyson and Arianna sent word with one of the stewardesses at breakfast this morning that they both had headaches and wouldn’t be coming out of their rooms all day, and my father, now that he had his head back on straight, found himself overwhelmed with emails and phones calls for work. Brooke wanted to do some shopping since we didn’t have time when we were here earlier in the trip, and sweet-talked Captain Michael into letting Ben go with her. After they left, Declan found me on the sundeck and told me had a surprise planned for me today.

  I’ve had this damn blindfold on since we got on the jetty and came over to the island, and Declan has refused to let me take it off. I know we got into a vehicle that drove us a few minutes away from the dock, and since we got out he’s been steering me in a ton of different directions, but he’s remaining tight-lipped about where we’re going.

  “Can I just have a hint?” I beg.

  I feel Declan’s lips on the bare skin of my shoulder and he kisses the spot before moving his mouth by my ear.

  “Seriously. You’re worse than a two-year-old. I take it you don’t like surprises.”

  Just like always, the low rumble of his voice and the feel of his breath against my ear makes me shiver. And having a blindfold over my eyes, being able to hear him and smell him, but not see him, makes me want to ask him to take me back to the ship so we can do other things with the blindfold that require less clothing.

  “I love surprises. Especially when I know what they are,” I tell him.

  I’m immediately rewarded with another laugh from him, and right when I start to tell him about my blindfold idea, he grips onto my hips tighter and forces me to stop walking.

  “Okay, you can stop complaining now and take off the blindfold.”

  Yanking the fabric up from my eyes and over my head, I blink a few times to get used to finally being able to see again and stare out at what I see in front of me in confusion.

  “Um, this looks…fun,” I state, hoping he doesn’t get offended that I have no idea what I’m looking at.

  We’re standing on a dock, looking at the ocean in front of us, but a large rectangular area of the water, half the size of a football field, has been fenced off. The fencing connects to the dock and there’s a small building over to the left, right in the middle of one side of the fence. A man suddenly walks out of the building onto the dock and lifts his hand in a wave to Declan.

  “Life jackets are behind you,” he shouts to us. “Go on in the water, they’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  Declan waves back, turning away from me and grabbing a life jacket off of an entire rack of them behind us and hands it to me.

  “So, we’re going swimming in someone’s weird, fenced-in ocean pool?” I ask as I shrug into my jacket, clipping the buckles across my chest as Declan does the same with his own life jacket.

  “Something like that,” he replies with a smile, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the ladder leading down into the water.

  After a few minutes of treading water, Declan puts his fingers to his mouth and lets out a loud whistle. I slice my arms through the water and turn my body away from him when I hear a noise come from the building. A gate opens up down below the front of it, and my eyes widen and I let out a gasp when three dolphins come flying out from under the building and zoom through the water towards us.

  “We’re swimming with dolphins?!” I squeal, unable to keep my excitement contained. “Oh, my God. WE’RE SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS!”

  The three beautiful creatures swim right in between us before circling around and moving away. I can’t wipe the smile off of my face as Declan swims up behind me. He wraps one arm around my waist and holds me to him, grabbing my hand and holding it palm down, right underneath the water.

  “Your two requests for this trip were to drive a jet ski and swim with dolphins. I couldn’t exactly let you accomplish only one of those,” he tells me as I watch one of the dolphins break away from the others and head back towards us. “Just keep your hand like this and she’ll swim right under it so you can touch her.”

  I can feel tears stinging my eyes and I blink them away rapidly as the beautiful creature glides through the water right towards me.

  “Brooke and I called every dolphin excursion place on every island and they were all booked. How did you do this?” I ask.

  “I told you, I have connections working in this business. The owner owed me a favor. Here she comes. Don’t be afraid,” he tells me softly, pushing my hand deeper under the water.

  The dolphin swims right up to us and under my hand, slowing herself down as my palm slides over her sleek, smooth, rubbery skin as she goes.

  We spend the next few hours watching the trainer have the dolphins do tricks for us, holding onto their fins and letting them pull us through the water, and ending the best day I’ve ever had with one of the dolphins coming up out of the water to kiss my cheek.

  I watched Declan laugh and enjoy himself even though I’m sure he’s done this a bunch of times before, I think about what kind of strings he had to pull to make this day happen for me. I realize right in this moment that I’ve done it. I’ve finally gotten a life and it doesn’t matter how quickly it happened or that it started off as a fling. This is what I want. This is what makes me happy—being with this man who drives me crazy as much as he makes me smile, and I don’t care what kind of obstacles stand in our way, I want more of this life. I want it all.

  I just have to tell that to Declan and hope he still meant what he said when he told me I made him want to change his course.

  CHAPTER 23

  Declan

  I haven’t been able to wipe the sappy grin off my face for the last two days, ever since I surprised Mackenzie with the dolphin swim. Even knowing tonight is the last night Mackenzie and her family will be on the ship isn’t going to bring me down, because I have a plan and I’m sticking to it.

  After my morning meeting with Ben and Eddie yesterday, going over everyone’s duties, the three of us walked around doing preventative maintenance on the ship. When I was finishing things up on the sundeck, Mackenzie came running up to me with a nervous smile on her face and an anxious bounce to her step. When she told me she had something important to talk to me about as soon as I could get away from work, I told her not to worry about anything and I had something to show her first. I knew the things I’d said to her that night in the wheelhouse scared her, but I didn’t want her worrying about any of that. I just wanted her to be happy, have fun, and learn a little more about me.

  Grabbing her hand, I took her with me as I finished up my chores around the ship. Then, I took her on a much more in-depth tour from what she got when she first boarded. That initial tour only included a quick safety lesson and all the amenities in the guest quarters. I took her to the engine room and introduced her to the guys down there and I showed her all of the inner workings of the machinery. We walked around every inch of the ship and I explained to her what everything is used for. We sat down on the deck and I taught her all the different knots we use, completely amazed at how quickly she picked them up, tying a Figure 8 Knot faster than even Ben can.

  We laughed, we talked, we had fun, and most importantly, I showed her all the reasons why I love being on a boat so much, hopin
g she’d understand and feel the same. At the end of the day, as we watched the sun set off in the horizon and she helped me fold up all the deck chairs, she made a comment about how she might like to work on a boat, getting away from everything and traveling the world.

  And that’s why I haven’t been able to wipe the damn smile off my face since then.

  “Hey there, handsome.”

  My body jerks away from the palms running up my back, and the mop in my hand that I was using to wipe off the deck around the Jacuzzi drops from my hands and clatters to the floor when I turn around.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Armstrong. Is there something you need?” I ask in the politest voice I can muster, smiling at Allyson who’s standing in front of me in the skimpiest bathing suit I’ve ever seen. I want to take a shower in bleach from having her hands on me.

  She takes a step towards me, pressing her fake tits up against my chest and running one claw-like fingernail down the side of my cheek. I’ve had a lot of female guests hit on me over the years, and it’s always a struggle to remain professional and nice without bruising their ego by telling them they’re the last woman on earth you’d ever get mixed up with.

  Aside from the fact she’s the biggest bitch I’ve ever come in contact with, she’s so disgustingly skinny that her ribs and the sharp bones of her hips stick out. All I can think about as she stands here, staring up at me with a seductive smile on her face and her rock hard, too-big-for-her-body tits smashed against my chest, are the soft curves on Mackenzie, her full and all natural breasts that feel perfect in my hands, and the gorgeous smile that lights up her entire face.

  “It’s Mrs. Drake-Swanson-Armstrong,” she corrects me, her hand flattening against my chest and slowly moving down over my abs. “And there’s definitely something you can help me with.”