A Touch Of Grey

by René Van Dalen

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  Sunny

  The weeks after Penny’s funeral had been a dark time for us as Jagger had fallen into a deep depression. He had started coming to the Sanctuary with me every day and hung out on the veranda at my cottage. I think it was to avoid his brother and the other men. He had had a steady stream of visitors since he came home from the hospital. Visitors he did not want to see

  The only one who had been able to shake him out of his dark mood was Loek. He had asked Jagger’s opinion about problems he had with the security system and only then had my man’s eyes lightened with interest.

  So now, instead of sitting morosely on the veranda staring at nothing he was crawling all over the Sanctuary’s security system and fences. At least getting interested in the security has helped to lift some of the darkness on his soul.

  If only it lasted longer than a few hours, unfortunately the darkness returned with a vengeance the minute we drove through the gates of the Iron Dogz compound. And the bleakness in his eyes stayed for bloody hours while we all tried our best to pull him out of his self-imposed mental prison.

  Because of his depression and general pissy attitude the introduction to Dayana had not gone well. I had had such high hopes that his love of animals would assert itself at some stage, but it hadn’t.

  And today was the last straw. He had pissed me off and this time I wasn’t going to let it go.

  This far and no further.

  I wanted my man back, not this twisted asshole who didn’t let anyone close.

  I looked at him where he leant against the side of my bakkie, his arms crossed over his chest. His face was expressionless and cold as he watched me with Dayana. My cat was in a mood as well and hadn’t been easy to handle. She was snapping and snarling and tried to swat me more than once.

  “You need to get your ass out of that enclosure before that bloody cat hurts you.” Jagger suddenly snarled at me.

  I was immediately furious with him.

  “It’s your eternally pissy attitude that’s affecting her. She knows something’s wrong with you and that she doesn’t have my full attention. You need to get over blaming yourself for what happened because it’s affecting everyone around you.”

  I had turned my back and taken my eyes off Dayana to bitch at him and she took the opportunity I offered her. Her low growl was the only warning I got before she hit me. The next minute I was on the ground with a big cat sitting on me and Jagger screaming blue murder outside the enclosure.

  Ignoring Jagger’s frantic shouts I looked up at my cat. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know it, right?”

  Her answer was to lick the side of my face and slide down to lay her heavy head on my belly with a deep sigh. I knew I wasn’t going to be moving anytime soon. She had me pinned and I relaxed and started scratching the side of her face and behind her ears. A rumbling purr came from her half open mouth every time she breathed out, vibrating against my belly. Her eyes were half closed as she used me as her pillow.

  It took about twenty minutes before she decided she had enough of me, got up and sauntered off. She hopped up onto the rocks and lay down in the sun and I could finally leave her enclosure.

  Outside of which a furiously angry Jagger waited.

  I didn’t allow him to speak. “I know you have a lot to say but I don’t want to hear it right now. When you come out here to watch me with the animals you do not shout or go crazy, you allow me to handle whatever situation comes up. The same way I won’t interfere in your business at the club and will let you handle whatever you have to handle.”

  The anger faded from his eyes, leaving behind a worried glint.

  “I didn’t know what the fuck to do. I thought she was going to hurt you and there was nothing I could do. I fucking hate feeling helpless and it’s been happening far too damned often lately.”

  And there it finally was…an opening to talk about what had happened.

  He blamed himself for not keeping Penny safe because he was the club’s security specialist. When I tried to talk to him about it he had made excuses and made it off to be nothing. But I knew there was something dark bothering him and I had to get him to talk about it because it was like a festering wound inside him.

  I would have loved to talk to him right there and then but we were on our way back to the Iron Dogz compound and I didn’t want to start something I wouldn’t be able to finish before we got there.

  It took a couple of days before I got the chance to broach the subject again.

  We were on our way back to the compound after a visit to Doctor Cohen.

  I had been over the moon when she cleared him to go back to work even thought it was mornings only for now. Jagger hadn’t felt the same.

  “I’m just useless extra weight the club has to carry around now.” He grumbled irritably.

  Crash was driving, he had insisted on being present at every single appointment and I was eternally grateful for it. Especially right now.

  He threw me a quick confused look before he looked back at the road.

  At the cottage Jagger walked up the steps and sat down on the couch on the veranda. I knew if I left him he would be there the rest of the day. Not moving and expecting one of us to be at his beck and call.

  Crash stood indecisively and I silently waved him away. He was only too glad to get on his bike and head to the construction site.

  “Where the hell is he going? I need him here.” Jagger grumbled unreasonably.

  “He’s going back to work, there’s a lot to do now that Hawk has lifted the lockdown. He’s on the team that will be starting at the Heron’s Lodge soon and they want the site here to be up and running before they have to leave.” I explained almost carelessly. I knew it would piss him off.

  And I was right. Just the mention of the Heron’s Lodge had him sitting up and paying attention.

  “Why don’t I know anything about this? It’s my damn development. Why didn’t anyone tell me we were ready to go ahead?”

  Slamming my hands onto my hips I snarled at him. “Maybe because you’ve had your head stuck up your ass for a while now and haven’t been paying attention. I don’t know how many times Crash and Banger tried to talk to you about the development and you just kept telling them later. You will get to it later.” I snorted. “Well buddy boy, later has come and gone and you’re still sitting on the damned veranda feeling sorry for yourself. Get over yourself. You’re not the only one around here who is hurting.”

  Rage unlike any I had ever seen shone out of his eyes as he slowly stood and faced me.

  “Fuck you! No one else around here is responsible for the death of a good woman and her unborn baby. No one else but me.” He slapped his chest hard. “I’m responsible. It’s my fucking job to keep the fuckers out and I failed. I fucking failed! Penny and her boy are dead because of me, because I didn’t do my job properly.”

  And there it was. The darkness that had been eating him whole. And I knew just how to cut it out of his soul.

  “Bullshit! No one is responsible but my bloody brother! Mine!” I shouted at him. “If anyone should feel responsible it should be me, he came here because of me. But do you see me crawling into a hole and blaming myself? Hell no! It’s because I know there’s nothing anyone of us could have done to change the way it had played out.”

  He visibly jerked as I said that. I softened my voice as I continued.

  “Some people aren’t meant to be here long. They are angels sent here with a purpose. I strongly believe that. I believe Penny’s purpose was to love and give Rider the strength he needed to become the man he is. To give him his daughter, and in her own way prepare him for the road he would have to travel without her by his side. I see a strength in Rider that’s going to progress as he gets older. He’s going to be a force to be reckoned with in your club. Even now, with sorrow riding him hard, your brothers look to him for advice because they trust him to deal truthfully with them. Don’t diminish his loss by taking the blam
e for it. The blame falls on those who first pointed a finger at your club, at your people.”

  Jagger stared at me for a long, long time before he spoke.

  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you but I’m fucking glad I found you outside our fence. I may always carry Penny’s death on my soul but having you believe in me makes it bearable.” He whispered in an anguished voice.

  “It’s not about me believing in you or you deserving me, baby. It’s just about the love, the love we have for each other.” I whispered. “There’s no such thing as some people deserving to be loved more than others, that’s just bullshit.”

  Shaking his head he slowly walked right up to me and drew me into his arms.

  “There are things I need to tell you, things in my past.” He whispered against my hair and before I could say a word or even nod he continued in a rough and strained voice.

  “When my parents died and we didn’t have any money I…I…I whored myself out to rich women to support my family.”

  Even though I was shocked and horrified I let him talk, let him get it all out.

  “A school friend’s aunt saw me, found out I needed money and offered me a way to make a lot of it. I did it for three years, saving every cent I could for the day I would be able to walk away and go to college. When I finally ended it I was very popular with my clients and my pimp wouldn’t let me go until I threatened her with exposure. A few years later she tried to get her claws into Sam and I almost lost my mind. Spider, who was a friend at College, brought me to Bounty, Hawk’s dad, who was the president at the time. He made it all go away and gave us a home. I owe the club everything but I’m no better than the whores back at the clubhouse.”

  I couldn’t let him carry on.

  “That’s such crap. You’re a fucking hero, that’s what you are. You were fifteen years old when the bitch saw an opportunity to use you. She took your teenage years from you and used your need to protect your family for her personal gain. You might have been paid well for what you did but she was paid way more. Those women who paid to be with you are equally to blame. They are all paedophiles, you do know that, right? There are laws protecting children from people like them.”

  The more I thought about it the angrier I got. My man had been hurt in a way that had changed the man he had become. At the core of him he distrusted women, didn’t trust that he could be loved for who he was and not for his body. That will have to stop and I would be the one to stop it.

  I stroked a hand over his chest and abdomen then slowly stroked back up and clasped my hand around the side of his neck and looked into his beautiful but tormented eyes.

  “I don’t just love the way you look, baby. There are so many things about you that I love. I love the heart that beats in this chest, a heart so big and so loyal to those you consider your own. I love the way your eyes narrow when you laugh. I love those small lines at the sides of your eyes from squinting into the sun and laughing so much. I love your mouth, your lips so soft when you kiss me. I love your beard that rubs so deliciously against my pussy. I love those big callused hands with their sure grip and with the veins big and blue under your skin. I love the way your voice sounds when you come, the way it gets deeper when you call my name. I love the way you take care of me. I love the way you hold me when I cry, and I even love the way you protected me with your body. Saving my life very nearly at the expense of your own. Every single part of you I love and will always love. Even that big head filled with all those stupid ideas of not deserving me.”

  I stood on the tips of my toes and kissed his mouth softly.

  “You are it for me Ryan. My one. My soul mate. My forever man.”

  A heavy sigh gusted from deep in his chest as his arms tightened around me.

  “I need to make love to you right now, little doll.” He whispered against the side of my neck, his beard making gooseflesh erupt all over my skin.

  “Take me inside and love me, baby.” I whispered but he shook his head slowly from side to side.

  “No. Right here, right here where anyone can see me taking my woman.”

  I gasped and jerked my head up.

  “Why?”

  He gave me a secret little smile.

  “Because I want to celebrate us with the wind and the sun looking on. If I wasn’t in such a damned hurry I would drive us up to the pool. I want to lay you out on the soft grass and worship your body while the sun shines down on you. Gilding all the parts of you that has me losing my mind.”

  God. It turned me on so much. Now I wanted it. I wanted to lie next to the pool while he made love to me. Pulling out of his arms I licked my lips and bit my bottom lip.

  “How quickly can you get us to the pool?”

  Turned out he could get us there damned quickly.

  Holding my hand he punched in the code, opened the gate, closed it then punched in another code.

  I frowned at him. “Why did you do that?”

  “So no one can disturb us. I’m the only one who can now open the gate and I’m not opening it until I’ve had my fill of you.”

  Taking my hand he led me through a leafy tunnel of trees and shrubs, dry fallen leaves crackling under our feet. Then the tunnel widened and opened into a clearing, it looked exactly like how you would imagine an enchanted clearing in the woods would look. In the middle lay a glistening pool with a waterfall at the far end. Gentle ripples fanned out and gently stirred the plants on the edges. Soft mossy and grassy beds surrounded the rocks that edged the pool and it was to one of those mossy beds Jagger led me. Slowly dropping to his knees in front of me he pulled off my boots and threw them to the side, my socks followed, still kneeling in front of me he unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them and my panties off. They joined the socks and boots. A soft wet kiss on my mound had me moaning softly. Rising up he drew my tee over my head, threw it to the side, undid my bra and did the same.

  I stood naked with the sun warm on my skin and watched as he quickly undressed.

  And then his warm skin was pressed against mine. At first he just held my in his arms, placing soft kisses on my shoulders and neck. My hands stroked over his arms and back, tracing the heavy musculature.

  Still placing little kisses on my neck and shoulders he slowly sank down, taking me with him and laying me out on the soft, warm mossy bed. He opened my legs and sat on his knees between them, using one long rough finger to draw a line down the centre of my body. His eyes followed his finger as he drew circles around my hard nipples, the circles widening as he drew it down to the bottom of my breasts. I was so turned on I couldn’t keep my legs still or stop from writhing under his hand.

  Two fingers started a new journey at my collarbones, drew along them, down to my breasts and circled my nipples before roughly brushing over both. I arched under his ministering hands and moaned. Watching him I saw the lines at the sides of his eyes fan out in a smile. He liked my reaction and by the state of his cock I knew how much he liked it.

  Those two fingers slowly descended over my belly, circled my belly button then drew a line across my hipbones before heading towards my centre. A centre that was dripping and aching for him.

  “My little doll is so wet it’s running out of her little pussy.”

  His voice was deep and rough as he finally, finally rubbed his fingers over my lips, opening them up and stroking the silky skin.

  “Put them in me, Ry. Shove them in hard and deep, please.” I begged breathlessly.

  But he shook his head from side to side as he kept torturing me with silky slides and barely there touches.

  “Today we’re living out my fantasy, my Sunny girl. My fantasy of slowly driving you out of your mind as the sun shines on your dripping little pussy.”

  I thought I was in a sensual overload but it got worse. Lifting my ass onto his thighs he tipped my pussy up to sun and the rays immediately warmed it. It felt so, so good. I briefly wondered why I had never read about a hero doing this to his female in those books I’ve been reading. Thos
e women didn’t know what they were missing.

  “Oh baby, that feels so good, so hot, so warm, so everything.” I moaned as those fingers kept slowly stroking and every now and then flicking over my engorged clit. I tried lifting my hips into his fingers, trying to force them inside me where I ached to be filled.

  The fingers disappeared and I looked down to see his hand circled around his cock, using the wet pouring from me to lubricate himself he slowly slid his hand up and down, tightening when he got to the head. He slightly arched into his hand as it slipped over the wide mushroom head.

  I lifted my hips again urging him to slide himself inside me where he belonged.

  Moaning I reached down grabbing hold of my nipples, rolled and pulled them so that those wonderful sensations sparked in my pussy.

  Seeing me playing with my nipples sent my man over the edge. Not into climax but into a frenzy to get inside me. Still playing with my nipples I watched breathlessly as he pulled his cock down towards my waiting pussy and pushed the big pierced head into my opening. He didn’t push, just rested there with half the head inside me, his hands holding my hips still, forcing me to take him the way he wanted to give it to me.

  He took me slow just like he said he was going to do. A slow push and slide, stretching me so wide it gave me pain and ecstasy at the same time. Pain that quickly faded as he slowly started thrusting in and out of my squelching pussy.

  “Hear that, my Poppie (my little doll), hear how wet you are for me? I fucking love the sound of my dick diving down into your sopping wet pussy. Your pussy is stretched wide open for me and it’s all red and swollen and covered in your juices. Love the way your lips and my dick glisten in the sun. Never seen anything sexier in my life, never been inside a pussy that was made for me and me alone. So fucking beautiful and all mine, only mine.” His voice was husky and rough with lust.

  Suddenly he sat up, drew my legs up and over his shoulders and clamped those big hands of his around my hips and started thrusting into me. Bottoming out on every thrust and making my tits shake. But he wasn’t satisfied with that for long. Grabbing my thighs he opened my legs wide and holding onto them held me in place as he continued thrusting. I felt my juices overflowing and running down my ass and I watched his eyes looking down at me. Watched his tongue slide over his bottom lip before disappearing and his teeth biting down on it instead.