A Heart's Gift

by Lena Nelson Dooley

  “I can put him in his bassinet. I think he’d like to watch what we are doing. I’m sure it’s time to start fixing supper.” Lorinda stood, being careful not to jostle her son.

  She really didn’t want him to spit up on her. She didn’t have enough clothes to change several times a day, and she didn’t like the sour smell it left on her.

  “Spending time with your baby is important, too.” Ingrid picked up the newspaper Franklin had been reading the night before and folded it. “I’ll just drop this off in his office.”

  Lorinda took Michael into the kitchen and laid him in the basket-like bed they had set close to where the women did the cooking. He spent the nights in the cradle in her bedroom, but most of the time in the kitchen, he was awake. She loved watching him kick and look all around while she helped prepare the meals. Mrs. Oleson had tied some colorfully painted wooden rings to the handle of the basket with yarn just long enough that his fingers could bat at them. The swinging movement captured his attention.

  “I thought we could have fried chicken tonight. It’s one of Franklin’s favorites. I put the dressed one Stella brought by this morning in the spring house.” Ingrid donned an apron that covered much of the front of her dress. “I’ll let you make the mashed potatoes, and I’ll take care of the chicken.”

  Lorinda leaned over and placed another kiss on Michael’s cheek. “Want me to get a jar of green beans from the cellar?”

  “Bring two, and I’ll make the biscuits.” Ingrid reached for the canister that contained flour.

  Lorinda glanced out the window. Today was such a beautiful day. A few cottony clouds floated overhead, and three hawks whirled around gracefully as if they were playing chase. They looked so carefree. She wished she were. Flying away on the wind sounded wonderful, but so many things tied her to this place … not just her son.

  She really didn’t feel she was doing her share of the work. Having her and her son in the household added more to the busy schedule, and the things she’d been doing couldn’t make up for the extra stress. If something didn’t change, she might have to leave and find another place to work. To relieve the burden on Mrs. Oleson, if for no other reason. But deep in her heart, she didn’t really want to go. The ranch had been a sanctuary for her when she needed it most. Here she was creating happy memories that could someday force out all the dark ones. Humming a snatch of a hymn they had sung at church on Sunday, she felt carefree and alive for those few minutes. More than she had since losing Mike.

  When she arrived back in the kitchen, Ingrid had picked up Michael and held him close to her heart. Lorinda enjoyed the sight. The older woman looked like a grandmother. The only grandmother her son would ever know. One more reason she didn’t want to leave, but she couldn’t add to this wonderful woman’s workload.

  “He really likes you, Ingrid.” Lorinda had no memory of a grandmother in her own life. Could she deny her son the presence of one?

  Her friend grinned. “And I really like him, too. I love his clean baby smell.” She buried her nose against his neck and sniffed, then pressed a soft kiss there.

  After opening the beans, Lorinda dumped them in a pot and set it on the stove. “I’m glad to see you taking some time to relax.” She glanced toward Ingrid.

  “Oh, I relax quite often. More now than I ever did before.” Ingrid slipped into another chair at the table and gently rocked Michael. Slowly his eyes drifted closed. “I think he’s going to nap. I’ll put him down and start supper.”

  Both women worked a few minutes in silence. Finally, Lorinda had the beans seasoned just right. “You know, sometimes I feel I’m not really doing my share of the work. You’ve been going too easy on me.”

  Ingrid turned toward her. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m not helping enough around here. I’m just adding to your already heavy workload.” Lorinda stirred the beans again. “If I’m not doing my part, I might need to find somewhere else to stay...and a new job.”

  A frown snatched the twinkle from the housekeeper’s eyes, and deep wrinkles grooved her forehead. “I would hate to see you go. Just having you here has made a big difference in my life. And both Franklin and I enjoy having this baby around.” She nodded toward the bassinet. “If you want me to give you more to do, I’ll find other jobs for you. I’d hate to face the long winter without you here, and I’d be worried about you and the baby if you left.”

  Lorinda hadn’t even considered that possibility. “All right. I’d like to stay if I’m really a help.”

  Why had she brought this up? Yes, she felt as if she wasn’t being productive enough, but she hadn’t wanted to upset Ingrid. The other woman was right about the long winter. Visions of the solitude she experienced for six months in the mountain cabin circled like vultures in her mind. The deep ache of the remembered loneliness almost took her breath away. Of course, Ingrid wasn’t truly as alone as she had been in that log house.

  “Having a woman to talk to and work on projects with will make the winter so much easier.” Ingrid’s smile dismissed Lorinda’s idea to move on.

  All she could do was nod. Relief rose within her. She knew she’d probably eat better if she stayed here, and her son needed her for his nourishment. If only she could settle her mind about the future.

  The back door to the mudroom opened with a squeak. Lorinda glanced at the kitchen clock. “It’s a little early for Franklin to be finished with his work, isn’t it?”

  Releasing an enticing aroma, Ingrid turned the piece of chicken she had picked up with her fork and replaced it in the pan of bubbling grease. “He has been coming in a little earlier each day this week.”

  Lorinda heard one of his boots drop to the floor with a thud. He was the first man she’d ever known who took off his boots in a mudroom at the end of a work day. That sure made keeping a clean house easier.

  “Do I smell my favorite meal?” Franklin walked straight to the bassinet, and Lorinda realized he’d done that a lot lately. Even before he checked out what was on the stove.

  Lorinda couldn’t help watching him as he looked at her son with a gleam of love in his eyes. The warmth that brought to her heart crept up to her cheeks. She hoped neither he nor Ingrid would notice. Maybe they’d just think her face was flushed from the heat of cooking.

  Ingrid laughed. “Yes, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, and hot biscuits. And I think I saw a dried peach pie around here somewhere.”

  Lorinda smiled. She loved the way laughter was such an integral part of the lives of those living in this house.

  “How’s the little guy doing today?” Franklin leaned closer to the basket and stared intently at her son. “I believe he’s waking up.”

  Lorinda’s gaze followed his, and sure enough, Michael stirred. Maybe he’d heard the masculine tone. Those words brought a pleasant rumble to the room.

  Franklin glanced at her. “I’ll pick him up, since you and Mrs. Oleson are busy with dinner.”

  She nodded, and his large hands grasped her son with care. Tears threatened in her eyes. She’d never seen a man so gentle with a baby. She wondered if Mike would’ve been like that. Mike had shown no interest in any child they encountered, infant or older.

  “Hey, there.” Franklin held Michael level with his face while supporting his neck and holding his head up. “Did you have a good day, little guy?”

  Once again, Michael emitted the soft coo.

  The smile that spread across Franklin’s often-solemn face lit the room like sunshine coming over the mountain pass. He pulled the infant close and settled him in the crook of his arm before glancing at each of the women. “Did you hear that?”

  Mrs. Oleson wiped her hands on her apron. “That’s the second time today. It’s so sweet.”

  “Yes, it is.” Once again, Franklin turned his attention toward her son.

  All Lorinda could do was stare at the two of them. Her heart was so full of emotions she really didn’t understand. She knew she loved her son, but
something else resided there as well. She shook her head and turned back toward the beans, while her thoughts wandered far afield.

  Tonight’s the night.

  After the wonderful meal, Franklin had retired to his office to go over the accounts, but he hadn’t been able to concentrate. He needed to talk to Lorinda. If he didn’t, he’d never get anything done.

  Having an heir was important, but now he didn’t want just any child. He wanted this particular baby. He had fallen in love with little Michael, and he couldn’t imagine losing him. He couldn’t love him more if he’d been his own flesh and blood.

  When Michael was born, he loved him from the first moment he saw that little face. He didn’t realize it at the time, but he did now. And he was going to do whatever it took to keep the child here.

  What about Lorinda? The nagging question wouldn’t let him go. She came in the package deal, and he almost wished she didn’t. But that was unrealistic. He had to find a way to convince her to marry him. Since she’d loved her husband, she probably wouldn’t be ready to love another man, and that was just fine with Franklin. Love could not be a part of the equation, now or ever.

  He knew marriages of convenience often worked out well. He’d heard stories from several of the ranchers that lived close-by. He wanted no emotional ties to any woman who had the ability to rip his heart out and stomp on it. But he could pour all his love on their son. Surely that would keep her happy.

  “Did you want to talk to me, Franklin?” As if she stepped right out of his thoughts, Lorinda came through his open office doorway.

  “Where’s Michael?” When he voiced his question, a strange expression flitted across her face. Maybe he’d been too abrupt.

  “Mrs. Oleson wanted to play with him, so I thought this would be a good time to come see what you wanted. She said it wasn’t anything urgent.” Lorinda continued to stand close to the door, as if ready to take flight.

  Franklin got up from behind his desk and escorted her to the leather-covered couch near the fireplace. “Let’s sit down.”

  She sat at one end of the sofa, and he took the far end, leaving plenty of space between them. He didn’t want to crowd her. She might think he was trying to force his will on her.

  He glanced at her face. She kept her eyes trained on her lap where her hands moved about, picking at possible lint on her dark skirt. Not that he could see anything wrong with it. Maybe she was nervous. He should set her mind at ease.

  “Do you enjoy working here, Lorinda?” He kept his tone gentle, but restrained himself from allowing any emotional undertones to his question. He didn’t want her to jump to the wrong conclusion.

  Finally, she raised her head and looked at him. “I really like the ranch and being with Mrs. Oleson. She’s helped me learn a lot.”

  Good. She must not want to go away. That gave him hope. “I enjoy having Michael around.”

  Now hope lit her eyes. “I was afraid adding a baby to your household might have been a bother.”

  “Quite the contrary. He brightens my day, and I think the little guy likes me as well.” He couldn’t keep his lips from forming a smile at that thought.

  “I’m sure he does. He reacts to the sound of your voice.”

  He wasn’t sure what was the best way to approach the subject. He’d always been direct, so maybe that would work best here as well.

  He leaned forward with his forearms on his thighs, clasping his hands between his knees. “I want to tell you something about me.”

  “All right.” Finally, her fingers stilled, but a wary expression still lingered in her eyes.

  “Because of circumstances that happened at a critical time in my life, I never planned to marry. But I have a large ranch that has been in my family for a long time.” Somehow, he couldn’t look at her face while he poured out as much of his heart as he dared. “I really need an heir.”

  He lifted his eyes toward her face and saw her grimace. She raised her hand as if she wanted to interrupt.

  “Please...let me finish before you say anything.”

  She nodded, dropped her hands into her lap, and stared at him while he continued.

  “You need a new start, and it’ll be hard trying to build a life and make a living with a baby to care for. I think I have a solution to both our problems.”

  She sat straight, lifted an eyebrow, and looked doubtful, but she still didn’t comment.

  “You and I could marry.” The words sounded so stark and bare, even to his own ears. He hid his cringe.

  “N–”

  “Let me finish before you say no. This would be almost a business arrangement, but so much more. I’m not looking for love, or even a...physical relationship.”

  She sank back against the cushions and waited, her gaze skimming around him but never lighting on his face.

  He couldn’t sit still, so he arose and started pacing. “You would be my wife in every other way. You wouldn’t have to worry about the future. You’d be respected as my wife and protected by me. And your son would become ours…and my heir.”

  She sat there so long he decided she wasn’t going to comment at all. He stopped and glanced at her. The waiting was excruciating. The expression on her face a bland mask. Perhaps he’d bungled any chance he might’ve had to get her to agree.

  “Mr....uh, Franklin, I really don’t know what to say... Before I make a decision, I’ll need to consider all aspects of the situation. Can you give me that time?”

  “Of course, I can. How long do you think it will take?” He hated the hint of desperation in his tone.

  “I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know when I’ve come to a decision.” She arose and regally walked out the door without even glancing back.

  She carried the best chance for his future with her, and he wasn’t a patient man. But what could he do but await her answer? He didn’t want this opportunity to slip through his fingers.

  He might never have another.

  Chapter 12

  For the first time since Michael was born, Lorinda couldn’t keep her attention on her son while she nursed him and got him ready for bed. The startling conversation she’d had with Franklin wouldn’t let her thoughts settle. His idea had a lot of merit, and she wanted to know her future would be secure without constantly worrying about the unknown.

  After that thought took hold of her mind, her heart lurched within her. How could she even consider such a thing? She didn’t know if she’d ever be ready for another man to take Mike’s place in her life. Not being under male domination had freed her to begin to learn just who she was. Ingrid was teaching her so much she needed to know to become completely independent. That was a heady thought. Completely independent. Would it ever really happen?

  More than that, why had Franklin been so vague about the reasons he didn’t want to marry? A handsome man like him, who wasn’t afraid to express his love to her son, wouldn’t be satisfied in a marriage relationship without love. What if she agreed with him and they went through with the wedding, then a woman he could love came into his life? Both of them would be trapped in a prison of their own making. Then what would happen to her sense of security?

  Although Lorinda hadn’t ever thought about marrying again, somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she would want more of a family...at some time. A man could come into her life as well and fill that need inside her.

  Besides, what was wrong with her that Franklin wouldn’t even consider her worthy of his love? His rejecting the idea of a physical relationship in any marriage they would enter hurt her…but not as much as her father’s continued abuse had. This pain was on a totally different level. In her marriage with Mike, she had moved beyond the feeling of being useless instilled in her by her father. But the internal scars remained.

  Franklin was kindness itself, offering her a home and protection when these were just what she lacked. Could she really turn her back on what might be her only chance to have both? What if no other man ever came into her life who would a
ccept her need to be somewhat independent?

  As she rocked Michael, his eyelids drooped and finally settled shut. Maybe she’d have to pour all her love into her son and forget about a man ever wanting to love her. She’d spent plenty of her life without comfort and security, and she never wanted to go back to that dark, scary place. Her son must never know the kind of life she’d endured at her father’s hand.

  Marriage to Franklin, even this kind of sham marriage, would be better than living a lonely existence the rest of her life. Maybe in time, they could establish a mutually beneficial relationship within his boundaries...and maybe, pigs really could fly.

  She laid Michael in his cradle. When he started to stir, she gently patted his back until he settled back to sleep.

  After dressing in her dimity night dress and plaiting her hair into a loose braid, Lorinda blew out the lamp and got into bed. She turned onto her side and closed her eyes. Thoughts marched through her head, their pounding keeping her from slumber.

  She flipped over to her other side and scrunched the pillow up under her neck and head. Swooshing out a deep breath, she willed her body to relax. In only a few moments, every muscle tensed once again. No matter what she tried, sleep eluded her.

  Finally, she arose and paced across the moonbeams bathing the room with soft, silvery light. She stopped to gaze at Michael sleeping peacefully. Oh, to be able to forget everything like an infant and just sink into rest.

  Maybe she was going about all this the wrong way. She lit the lamp, picked up her Bible, and sat in the wooden rocking chair with the padded seat.

  “Father God, you’ve brought me to this house of safety.” She whispered the words so she wouldn’t wake her son, but she liked talking to God as if he were in the room with her. She’d formed that habit during those lonely months in the cabin. “I don’t know what to do. Please show me something in Your word that will lead me. I know Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path, and I need a lot of light right now.”