The Loudest Silence (Part One)

by Olivia Janae

  Vivian let her hand rest on Kate’s thigh as they drove, eyeing Kate as she giggled over anything and everything.

  “What is Max going to think of you?” Vivian mused.

  “You kidding? He’d better be asleep at this hour!”

  “Very true.”

  “Plus, Teresa will be happy. I promised her that I would give her a huge drunk tip every time I came home and I wasn’t sober. You know, just in case I was later than I said or anything like that.”

  “A drunk tip?”

  “Yup. A drunk tip.” Kate leaned over and sloppily kissed her cheek. “Wait. Oh my god, I forgot to pay for my drinks!”

  Vivian chuckled. “Don’t worry, I took care of it.”

  Kate glared at her, one eye closed. “Whyyyyyy? You’ve gotta stop doing that! I can pay for my own drinks, Vivian! I’m an adult person!”

  Vivian grinned, giving Kate’s thigh a smell pet. “Tell you what. I’ll take it out in trade.”

  Kate loved the dirty smile Vivian gave her. “Does that mean – are you staying?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then yes.”

  “You called me your girlfriend.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Vivian’s eyes flashed.

  “You called me your giiiiiirlfriend! When you were yelling at Ash and her stupid face.”

  Vivian’s lips formed an O. “Aren’t you? I suppose it was wrong for me to just assume. I just thought that, since we were friends first… I apologize.”

  “Am I?” Kate peered at her through one bleary eye.

  Vivian smiled, stroking the beautiful face before her. “Yes. If you have no objections, then I should say that you are. I would like you to be.”

  Kate sighed as she rested her head against Vivian’s shoulder. “Okay.”

  17

  Ash made good on her promise. She picked Kate up the next morning in Ana’s borrowed car, a cup of Kate’s favorite coffee in the cup holder, and together they drove in a very stiff silence to Ash’s repairman in Skokie.

  Kate’s head was pounding as she pulled her broken cello from the trunk. She felt like a raisin, dried out from the alcohol the night before, and yet no amount of water she drank seemed to help. It only made her mood sourer as she glared at Ash, who held the door open for her.

  The shop was eccentric, a single room with a counter and a splattering of machinery behind it. On the walls and shelves were every type of string instrument, some trinkets, some photos, some drawings alongside the actual wooden bodies, often taken apart. It was a lot to take in; just looking at the chaos of it made Kate’s head pound worse. The tall, skinny man looked up from a small violin as they entered, his scraggly face grinning when he saw who had come through the door.

  “Ashley!” he cried in a thick New England accent. “I was wonderin’ if I’d see you soon.”

  Ash didn’t seem to like this. She scowled, her hands shoving into her pockets as she glowered at the wall. “Good news travels fast, huh?”

  He laughed. “Well, my dear, a royal fuck-up like yours tends to grab people’s attention!”

  Ash didn’t respond.

  “That the cello?”

  Kate nodded and pulled her cello from its case, settling the bridge on the counter beside it.

  The repairman whistled. “Look at that whopper! That will be a bitch-a-roony to patch.” He cringed and then offered an apology to Kate for his swearing.

  “But you can?” Ash asked.

  Hands still on the damaged face of Kate’s cello, he looked up, his eyebrows high. “And what are you goin’ to do if I can’t, missy?”

  Ash scowled. “You can or you can’t, Mike?”

  Kate couldn’t find it in herself to feel bad for Ash over the harsh tone he had just used. This was entirely her fault.

  “It should be fixable, Ash, but I ain’t makin’ any promises. Give it here. You’re lucky as sin that I got somethin’ she can rent. And your ass is lucky that Jacqueline Kensington didn’t take your job. You’d better hope she doesn’t change her mind, kiddo. Oops, sorry, miss.” He nodded at Kate again in apology.

  Kate wasn’t listening. She was fully focused on his hands, as he removed the strings and grabbed a little knife from a cluttered table. She gave a yell, her hands going out as he pried it into the seam and popped the corner of the cello’s face off.

  Kate winced at the sound of each inch of wood being pried up as Mike continued to lay into Ash.

  “Yup.” Mike nodded. “It should be fixable. I dunno, miss, might take me a few weeks. Come around back, and I’ll show ya the rental.”

  They were back on the street thirty minutes later, Ash pointedly not looking at Kate.

  “We’re done. Yeah?” Kate asked, gathering her hair into a ponytail in quick jerks. “I just watched him break apart my cello. I have a piece-of-shit rental. Jacqueline Kensington apparently will take your job if you don’t, or at least that’s what Vivian told me. We’re done. No more acting like as ass, no more insisting we date. Done. You leave Vivian and me alone.”

  Ash’s head jerked up, her teeth bared. Kate’s shoulders squared. If Ash wanted to fight, then she would happily fight.

  It took a second, but Ash’s head just drooped again. She gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Get in. I’ll take you home.”

  Kate didn’t have a lot to say to Ash over the next few weeks, but she did take a sick satisfaction whenever she struggled with the foreign cello that she had been given. The cello was student quality and had a tendency to fall out of tune as she played, making her sound terrible and straining her muscles so badly that she began to wear a brace on her bow arm to help soothe some of the discomfort. It terrified her, giving her tendonitis-themed stress nightmares.

  The upside to this, if there was one, was that Ash had grown sullen but distant. It was clear she was trying to grab Kate’s attention, constantly throwing wounded puppy frowns at her. Each night there was a new girl waiting at the stage door at the end of rehearsal, and each time she kissed them hello she would send Kate a hopeful glance, as if waiting for her to grow jealous. Kate never did.

  Kate also found that she had made a friend in John. The man was loud, and kind of brazen, but he was kind and she liked him.

  She didn’t get an official yes, that her cello was fixable, for three weeks. She cried when the repairman told her that; ignoring him when he laughed and explained that if the hole had been anywhere else on the cello’s face, then they would have been “up shit creek.”

  Mid-September, she was allowed to take her beloved cello out for a test drive, only to discover that the sound was completely different. Mike had promised that he just needed to tweak a few things, and she had tried not to worry. She had been an absolute mess, researching ways she could buy a new one despite how many times Vivian rubbed her back and promised that Mike would do his job.

  It wasn’t until the first week of October that her instrument was back in her hands, soothing her constant state of career panic.

  She spent a week crooning to it, practicing and becoming reacquainted. The sound still wasn’t quite the same, stiffer and harder to produce, but it was playable and she could live with it. She just needed to invest some time and effort in learning how her cello worked now.

  She wouldn’t leave its side, conditioning constantly, so it took a good amount of effort on Vivian’s and Max’s part before they were able to tear her away and get her to spend an afternoon with them at a local Halloween store.

  “I just don’t get it,” Kate said as they stepped into the small shop. “How is it already October?”

  Elated, Max took off, running between the gaudy makeup sets and the costumes, only to reach the end of the aisle and stop dead at the sight of the masks, which left a thrilled but hesitant look on his face.

  The year really was running by too quickly, reminding her of how little time she had left with the WCCE.

  She pushed the thoughts away. She would find something. She would
find a way for them to settle… somewhere.

  “So, what is it again?” Kate asked, plopping a pointed witch’s hat on Vivian’s head. “Cute.”

  Vivian laughed, modeling it for Max who frowned and shook his head. “It’s the annual All Hallows’ Eve Gala. My parents’ foundation is a huge donor, so every year someone has to go. My mother annually refuses to mingle, as she calls it, so I always go in her stead.”

  “And you want me to go with you? To help you represent your parents’ company?” Kate asked skeptically.

  Vivian just smirked and pressed a kiss to her baffled lips.

  “What about Max? He loves Halloween. We have to take him trick-or-treating – um, at least I have to take him trick-or-treating.”

  “Of course we will, or at least I assumed we would. The gala doesn’t start until eight. We can take him trick-or-treating through this neighborhood that I know. It’s very nice, no threat of razor blades in apples or other foolishness, and then afterward, I thought we would have a sitter come to my loft.”

  Kate rifled through the makeup kits just to keep her hands busy. She was fairly sure that no amount of money, at least no amount of money that Kate could afford, would convince Teresa to babysit on Halloween night instead of going out with her friends. Kate wasn’t even sure that she wanted to ask her. The girl was seventeen; she should have a wild and crazy night!

  Vivian read her face perfectly as usual. “I assume Teresa will be otherwise occupied. I thought I would go through a babysitting service.”

  “A service?” Kate blanched. There was no way she could afford a service on Halloween night either.

  “Yes, I hear there is one that caters specifically to my building.”

  “And by you hear you mean you know, right? You own the building, and therefore you probably hired the service.”

  Vivian just smirked, but the smile that Kate returned was weak at best. She was going to have to tell her that she simply could not afford that and, god, she really didn’t want to. It was going to be humiliating. Thus far they had taken a very passive approach to dealing with their financial differences – so passive, Kate thought, that Vivian hadn’t even realized that there was one. She was not looking forward to enlightening her.

  Her stomach began to rumble in complaint. It wasn’t that Vivian had been callous about it, and honestly it hadn’t come up much since their relationship had started, but it was as though Vivian just never thought about money… ever. She never checked the price tag on items, she never checked her bank account before she bought something, she never flinched when she slipped her card over to a server or a bartender.

  “Teresa is my sitter. I don’t want to fire her.”

  “And no one is asking you to.”

  Max pulled on Vivian’s arm to get her attention and signed quickly, “Can I go as deaf for Halloween?”

  Both Kate and Vivian laughed until they had tears running down their faces.

  In the end, Max decided on something fairly easy for Halloween. He wanted to be a vampire, just like his new favorite Halloween movie, The Little Vampire. They gathered his white grease paint and plastic fangs with ease, vampire lore forever in demand.

  Kate’s costume, however, was not as easy. They had left the store with her still perplexed. She had spent a few nights flicking through photos of the gala in former years, trying to secretly understand what she would be facing. At first she had been impressed, enjoying the photos with wide-eyed fascination, until it hit her: she couldn’t just go as Frankenstein’s Bride in a cheap throwaway costume from the corner store. The people in these photographs looked like they had paid handsomely to resemble Boris Karloff and Marilyn Monroe. She had said yes to Vivian, of course she had, determined to cover the cost of the sitter herself, but she had no idea what to do for the costume; not only financially but also in a more practical light.

  Concerned, Kate had finally confided her worries to Vivian, who had looked at her as if she had sprouted two heads. “Of course, everyone goes to a professional before the gala.”

  Kate felt about as big as an ant under someone’s boot. “Oh, I, uh, crap.”

  “I have been going to the same company for my costume and makeup since I was a young girl.”

  “Of course you have.” Kate laughed uncomfortably, rocking on her heels a bit, hands shoved nervously into her pockets.

  She had no idea what to do now. She was sure she couldn’t afford that.

  Annoyance flared within her as she realized she couldn’t afford any of it – the costume, the sitter, there was no last-minute gig that she could find that would bring in enough cash for all of that. She had no idea how much a professional makeup artist would cost, but she didn’t think it would be cheap. She was going to have to dip into her savings. For a party.

  “Kate, I had assumed that you would be making an appointment, too.” Vivian had been in the middle of answering an email and therefore hadn’t seen the way Kate swayed in place.

  “How much …” she had begun to ask, not really wanting the answer. She was trying hard not to let her annoyance turn into anger. It wasn’t Vivian’s fault that she didn’t get it. “Look, uh, Viv …” She waved, trying to get her attention.

  Vivian’s eyes popped at whatever was on Kate’s face. “Hey …” Vivian had held out her hand and Kate, groaning, plopped down beside her. Vivian smiled and silenced her with a kiss. “Don’t worry, it’s in the foundation’s budget every year, makeup for myself and a date.”

  “What? No way—”

  “Really, Kate. Every year I have to have someone on my arm. Mother thinks it makes me seem unapproachable if I do not. Well, more than I already am, I should say. And I think she’s quite fond of the yearly diversity boost to have the founders’ lesbian daughter appear with a date.” Vivian rolled her eyes. “I’m happy that this year I can bring someone I actually like.” Vivian grinned and nibbled covertly on her neck. “Someone I am actually invested in. It will make the night so much more enjoyable.”

  “You don’t just bring Charlie with you?”

  Vivian paused, choosing her words carefully. “My mother and Charlie have a… complicated relationship.”

  “Uh-huh,” Kate replied slowly.

  “It will be fun,” Vivian grinned, before going back to softly biting her neck.

  So Kate had unhappily given in, knowing that if she wanted to be there for Vivian, then a team of professionals were going to appear on October thirty-first and make her stunning – or grotesque.

  She would find the money to pay for herself somehow.

  Max jumped on Kate on Halloween morning, his knees planting firmly in her gut. “Is it time to get dressed?”

  “Not yet, kid.” She coughed and groaned, rolling him off.

  Fifteen minutes later, he was back. “Is it time to get dressed now?”

  “I promise I’ll let you know, buddy.”

  Finally, just for some early morning peace, she allowed Max to put on his cape. He ducked and wove throughout the apartment, laughing his best evil villain laugh and gnashing plastic vampire teeth.

  “Am I scary, Mommy?”

  “You’re terrifying, kid,” she said through a yawn.

  Kate was exhausted. She had been working like crazy over the last few weeks, volunteering for every extra gig that she could find, playing for a few gothic weddings. She had been scrimping on everything that was possible and had even signed herself up to help the stagehands before and after rehearsals and concerts.

  Still, after all of that, she wasn’t sure she had enough to pay for everything happening that night. She didn’t know for sure. She hadn’t found the courage to ask Vivian.

  Kate and Max were in the bathroom, Max happily splashing away in the tub, when Vivian knocked at the front door that afternoon.

  “I’ll be back in a bit, okay? Only a few more minutes before you gotta get out.”

  He ignored her, plunging his plastic ship into the bubbles and screaming – a clear sign that they were goi
ng to have a problem come time to dry off.

  Kate’s eyes popped the moment she opened the door.

  Vivian always dressed well – Chanel skirt suits, Armani slacks and blouses, Gucci dresses – it was sort of her MO. Her makeup was always flawless, her heels always clicking twice as loud, demanding those around her to acknowledge her dominance. Today, though, Vivian was in a pair of tight but comfortably worn jeans and a cotton T-shirt; her face was clean of makeup and her short hair was pulled back into a casual ponytail.

  Kate tried to say hello, standing with her hand frozen on the doorknob, but instead a strange choking sound came from her suddenly tight throat.

  It was the most real and the most attractive she had ever looked, at least since that night that she had showered when Max was sick.

  Kate felt her skin tingle slightly, her face growing hot and red.

  “What? What’s wrong?” Vivian took a wary step back.

  “Nothing.” Kate frowned, reaching for her hand. “Actually, can you come here for a sec?”

  “Kate?”

  She had seen under Vivian’s professional veneer many times at this point – it was impossible to go to bed together and not see that side of someone, let alone the following morning – but showing up at her apartment like this… it was so much more, and it meant so much more. It was like allowing yourself to be caught with morning breath by your new lover for the first time or allowing them to comfort you when sick. She had to assume that Vivian simply knew the makeup artist would only have to remove whatever she wore in a few hours, but Kate saw something so much more in the actions. It was arousing in more ways than one.

  Face purposefully blank, Kate pulled Vivian straight into her bedroom, closing the door behind them.

  “You’re making me nervous, Kate. What’s wrong? Did something happen? I don’t—”

  She pushed Vivian into the back of the door, her mouth on hers. Vivian yelped in surprise, her back arching off the door as Kate hungrily cupped the apex of her jeans, moaning lightly as she did.