The Loudest Silence (Part One)

by Olivia Janae

  Kate groaned, her cheeks growing hot.

  Vivian sighed. “There is no real way of knowing and trying to guess would be futile.”

  “She gave me an invitation to the Lyric audition.”

  “I know.”

  “You know?”

  “I do. I was the one to recommend you for it.” Well, that explained why both Jacqueline and Altman knew her by name.

  The valet pulled the car around and they got in, Vivian slipping him a tip.

  The car ride was silent, Kate lost in her own thoughts.

  “So I suppose,” Vivian’s voice once again pulled her back to her, “that you liked my video.”

  Kate groaned and laughed. “Clearly.”

  Vivian eyed her as they turned onto the long expanse of Lake Shore Drive. “You’re quite an intriguing woman, you know.”

  “Is that code for you liked my reaction?”

  “Very much.”

  She grinned a little.

  “What?” Vivian asked when she noticed.

  The air crackled and exploded like a newly lit string of firecrackers as Kate ran her hand up Vivian’s thigh. “I so won.”

  “Oh, trust me, Kate,” Vivian breathed, her hand coming down on Kate’s, “you may have won the battle, but I will win the war.”

  In that costume, with that look in her eyes, Kate couldn’t help but believe it – and look forward to losing.

  The loft was quiet when they entered; a good sign. Vivian, a huge smirk unfolding, didn’t bother to go downstairs. Instead she started up the second flight of stairs toward her bedroom, a room Kate had yet to visit.

  Kate chewed on her lip as she watched her go before grudgingly heading downstairs. The babysitter was packing her belongings into her bag, clearly having heard them come in.

  “Hey, how was everything?”

  The girl smiled. “Easy as pie.”

  “Great! Did he fall asleep all right?”

  “I think he was excited to go to bed. He said this is his first time sleeping here.”

  Kate laughed, amused by how simple it could be sometimes. “It is.”

  “Right. I’m going to get going. Goodnight, ma’am.”

  “Um,” she reached for her purse, but the girl held up her hand.

  “Let me guess. Vivian covered it already,” Kate said, her voice dry.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Of course she did,” Kate muttered. She gave the sitter an embarrassed nod and tiptoed to the guest room.

  Max was buried under the fluffy pillows, looking comfortable but tiny in the huge bed. Kate smiled, resisting the urge to go to him and touch his back, his forehead, just wanting to share a little bit of the love she felt for him. With a smile, she closed the door tightly and started up the stairs.

  She thought over what she wanted to say as she climbed, rehearsing ways she would bring up the money situation. She knew that Vivian was only trying to help, but she really didn’t need to keep paying for everything. She was going to pay Vivian back for tonight, she—

  She took the last step, and her jaw dropped.

  Vivian’s smile was wide, her eyes devilishly twinkling as she lay with her head propped up on her arm. Her hair was still high on her head, her crown still glittering with menace, and her lips still stained the deepest black, but otherwise she was completely and shockingly naked.

  Kate happily swore, any thoughts of money gone for the rest of the night.

  The week that followed could easily be measured by the number of stuffed animals, toys, and dinosaur-print briefs that appeared in the guest room. Each time they stopped by the Flynn apartment a new article seemed to come back with them, until by Saturday night Kate was fairly sure his room at home must be bare.

  Kate was sure she had never known this type of happiness with a significant other before. It was just so… easy.

  It was too easy.

  “I mean it!” Kate snapped at the boy as he stomped his feet mid-tantrum. “You do not go to someone else’s house and then trash the place. Go. Everything in the bag. We have to go home tonight!”

  “Mommy!” Max threw himself onto the couch, his tearstained face red as a tomato. “Mooommmyyy, I don’t wannnt toooooo! We stay heeeeeere! We’re uh-s’posed to stay heeeeeere.”

  Green lights flashed in the corners of the room, and Kate’s eyes rolled. In the case of an emergency while Vivian was alone with Max, she had set up a device to flash whenever the kid cried. It would be a useful tool if there was ever an emergency, Kate was sure of that, but for now it simply meant bath time, bedtime, and cleanup time turned into a mini disco. Usually, the sight of the light flashing was enough to make him laugh, but he was having none of it tonight, not when Mommy was talking about going home.

  “Max, if you don’t get up right now, put on some clothes, and clean up your things, then you’re going to get a time-out.”

  It was a rare occurrence that the threat of a time-out pushed him into hysterics, but today was one of those days. His usually sweet face turned purple, and he screamed, “No time-out, Mommy!” making the green lights go haywire.

  Vivian came stumbling downstairs, still putting her earrings in, her eyes frantically trying to find the boy who clearly must be dying a horrible death.

  “Look, you scared Vivian!” Kate sighed and waved in her direction to get her attention. “He’s fine, he just doesn’t want to go home.”

  Vivian looked surprised for a moment and finished climbing down the stairs.

  “Max Robert Flynn, you have until the count of three. One!” Max’s face set. “Two!” He crossed his arms over his stomach, stubborn as his mother. “Three!” She picked her wailing son up by his armpits and placed him on the stool that had already been designated for time-outs.

  Max held tight to it, writhing and twitching, screaming at the top of his lungs, but his butt stayed where it had been put, not quite daring to get down.

  Vivian squeezed her shoulder, and Kate knew that though Max didn’t see it, Vivian could tell just how much she hated punishing him.

  “I’m trying to get him to clean up his stuff in there so we can go, but he doesn’t want to,” she said, releasing her tense shoulders.

  Vivian gave a small nod, her hand rubbing circles into her belly. “So, that means you’re going then?”

  “You said you have to work all day, right?”

  “I do,” Vivian admitted as she straightened her already immaculate pencil skirt.

  “Well, uh, yeah, I assumed that we should go when you’re not here. Besides, you probably want your loft back sometime.”

  Vivian moved on to straightening her already straight cuffs. “Oh, I don’t know. Your cello is here. Max clearly doesn’t want to go. We are close to work. I had… I had assumed that you would stay.”

  Kate stared for a moment in disbelief, slowly reading between the lines. “You want us to stay? Has the week not been enough for you? You don’t want us gone by now?”

  She could read the clear “no” on Vivian’s face, and Kate’s heart fluttered.

  “Well, it is just so much more convenient.”

  Kate smiled and hugged her tightly, sighing a deep, happy sigh. She loved how perfectly Vivian fit into her arms, especially when she was in flat feet like she was now; temple met jawbone, arms fit perfectly around ribs.

  “You really want us to stay?”

  Vivian smiled, finally meeting her eye. “I do …”

  An unfamiliar feeling flickered at the edge of her mind, something warm and safe.

  She sighed again before releasing her and turning back to Max. Dropping to her knees, she did her best to look her hiccupping boy straight in the eye, “Max, do you know why you got put on the time-out stool?”

  He nodded, lips still trembling. “B’cause I didn’t go clean up my room.”

  “Right, and when Mommy tells you to do something or Viv’n tells you to do something, you’re supposed to do it, right?”

  “Right.”

  “No
w, can you tell me why you’re so upset?”

  “B’cause!” he wailed again. “I want Viv’n, and I don’t want to goooooo!”

  Vivian dropped down next to Kate and cupped the boy’s wet cheeks. “I love you too, Max, but you know you have to listen to your mom. Besides, even if you were to go home today, I would simply see you tomorrow.”

  Max hiccupped and launched himself into her arms, smudging her crisp, white shirt with his runny nose.

  “Hey, no sad face.” Vivian drew her face into an overly dramatic pout, and Max giggled. “Now, will you please do what your mom asked?”

  He nodded and unhappily headed to the guest room to gather his belongings. Kate just watched him go, a little chagrined.

  “So, you’re not going to be here when I get home tonight?” Vivian asked, pulling Kate close again and nuzzling her neck. “It’s so silly. The commute is an hour shorter than from your apartment. We have lunch with my mother tomorrow. Plus, the more you are here, the less you are in that neighborhood, snow bunny.”

  Vivian had done well at hiding her distaste for Kate’s neighborhood until she had caught the news clip about a shooting that had happened a block from Kate’s apartment a few days before. Her unhappiness with Kate and Max’s living arrangement had been quite open since then. Kate had tried to insist that no one was fatally injured, but Vivian didn’t care.

  “I don’t know.” Kate hesitated. “Is it bad to punish him for throwing a fit because we’re going home and then decide to stay?”

  Vivian blinked a few times, obviously as unsure as Kate was about it. “Well, if you do decide to stay you have the key, right?”

  Kate swore, searching her pockets for her keys. “Right, I, uh, I totally forgot to give it back to you.”

  Vivian waved her hand. “Seems wise for you to have it. Hold on to it for now.”

  “Okay.” Kate gave her a small smile, knowing that Vivian was pretending that giving her a key was no big deal. She decided against calling her out on it.

  It was very much a big deal.

  “Okay.” Vivian kissed her fully and pulled on her wool coat. “I have to go to work.”

  “Have a good day, dear,” Kate teased.

  Vivian rolled her eyes, kissed a still hiccupping, red-faced Max, and was out the door.

  Kate sat on the couch with a huff, unsure what she should do. She really did love this place. The weather outside had begun to drop to icy temperatures, and the wall of windows had fogged against it, making the morning light soft and pale. She took a deep breath, relishing the scent of Vivian.

  It was surprising to find how at home she and Max felt here. The stark black and white coloring was neither Kate’s nor Max’s favorite, but despite the lack of warm colors, the place felt as if there was always a jolly fire burning in the corner. Kate couldn’t say she liked the idea of leaving. Instead, she could practice for a while, she reasoned. Then they would walk down to the store and make something nice for Vivian for dinner. The prospect seemed kind of great, so Kate smiled and called to Max.

  The boy gathered his things at double time now, throwing his clothes into the washing machine with gusto. Now that leaving the loft meant going shopping instead of spending a night away, he had found an uncanny motivation.

  Once he finished, Kate wrapped him in his thick jeans, jacket, and scarf. It wasn’t freezing yet, snow hadn’t fallen, but in the low forties the air had grown sharp teeth.

  Away from her son, Kate pulled on two extra shirts and her highly insufficient jacket. The last thing she needed was for Max to ask her why she needed them under her jacket. She would get a thick winter coat for herself soon, she just needed to make sure that Max was warm enough once the air dropped into the negatives first.

  She pulled on her gloves and the silly poof ball beanie that made Vivian laugh every time she saw it. Hand in hand, she and Max started down the street.

  They gathered all of the ingredients at the small downtown Jewel-Osco; then, slinging reusable bags over their shoulders, they headed back to the loft.

  The giant security guard who often stood sentinel in the lobby of Vivian’s building eyed them as they went past.

  Max was still fascinated with the man, too intimidated to speak to him but, remembering the wink, he always stared.

  “Morning,” Kate said cheerfully with a little wave, high on life at that moment.

  “Ms. Flynn.”

  She rolled her eyes at him, and she saw the corner of his lip twitch. Just as they entered the elevator, Kate called, “Hey!” and tossed the man a huge muffin she had gotten specifically for him.

  The man’s eyes grew wide for a second, and Kate smirked as the doors closed. She was determined to force him to stop being so stiff.

  “Okay, kid, Mama’s got to practice.”

  Max nodded and ran into the guest room, leaving a trail of his coat and scarf behind him as he ran for his toys.

  She put away the food, and in the bright morning light she began to practice. Now that she had a goal in mind, she was well on her way to becoming the best player she had been to date. She had set up a routine, a vigorous practice schedule, and it was working. She had also been harassing all of the other WCCE players about their practice routines and had found a few helpful hints. She just needed the audition to be officially announced so they could tell her exactly what pieces she needed to prepare.

  Once she had spent a few hours practicing, she made them lunch, and they watched cartoons for a bit, Max taking his nap in his mother’s lap.

  When it was rounding on three o’clock, Kate woke him and said with a tickle that it was time to get the stew on the stove and the cookies in the oven.

  “We’re making cookies?” Max bellowed.

  “Of course!”

  They had fun cooking and baking, Max getting a little messier than he should have.

  “Okay, Vivian should be home in about an hour. Bath time.”

  “Mommy!”

  “Max!”

  He frowned, but clearly didn’t want another throwdown like this morning. She marched him right upstairs and drew a bath for him. Once it was full, he waved her away. “I can do it! I can do it!”

  Kate tried not to stumble over the pang in her heart. He was growing so fast; she wasn’t sure she could handle it.

  Max was just in his pajama pants, his hair sticking up in odd directions, when the cookies came out of the oven. “Just one?”

  “Not even one.”

  “But you’re going to have one!”

  “Nuh-uh!”

  Max eyed her as if he didn’t believe her at all.

  “Help me set the table.”

  They were just placing the last fork when the elevator door slid open and Vivian came clicking in.

  Kate turned and caught her eye, not missing the warm feeling that heated her extremities as Vivian caught sight of the table.

  “How was your day, dear?” Kate asked, smiling a little.

  Vivian’s face crackled into dawn. “You made dinner?”

  “We made dinner.”

  Max threw his arms around Vivian in greeting, burying his face in her stomach. Vivian laughed and stroked his back while reaching for Kate and kissing her over his head.

  “What’s for dinner?”

  Kate grinned as she gave her another kiss.

  She knew this was fast. She knew that she and Vivian were throwing themselves into this with reckless abandon, but she couldn’t help thinking that this was indeed happiness.

  20

  Kate brushed her hair into a new style for the third time, gathering it up into her signature professional ponytail. She groaned, hating it just as much as the previous two.

  “Seriously, it will be fine,” Charlie told her, despite the fact that her leg hadn’t stopped its nervous bouncing since she had sat down beside her.

  Kate scowled at her reflection. “She seemed to like me last week – kind of, anyway – but that doesn’t mean she will this week. She seems like that ty
pe of woman.”

  “Seems like you’ve already got her figured out.”

  “Oh, and plus,” Kate went on, dismissing Charlie’s petulant attitude, “when she saw me, I had a lipstick hickey from her daughter that was roughly the size of Canada. She probably thinks I’m a total freak. I have to look good. Have to look, I don’t know, professional.”

  “This?” Max appeared at the top of the stairs to Vivian’s bedroom in a button-up and jeans.

  “No, buddy, I think we need something a little fancier. Charlie, will you please go and help him find his slacks?”

  “Whatever you say, boss.”

  Kate glared as Charlie just shrugged at her as a way of apology.

  They were all a little on edge.

  Vivian blew out of the bathroom looking mildly frantic. “Have you seen my other pearls? I can’t find my other set of pearls.”

  “What?”

  “My pearls!” Vivian barked, her hands spitting out the signs as she spoke. “My pearls! They were my grandmother Amelia’s.”

  “Whoa!”

  “Oh.” Vivian paused in the middle of the room, rubbing her stomach and looking forlorn. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine. Did you look on the dresser? I think I put them up there so Max wouldn’t get to them yesterday.”

  She found them and grunted her approval, or possibly her thanks.

  As a rule, Vivian spent every day crisp and clean, like a well-composed painting. Today, knowing she was going to be under her mother’s eye, she had scrutinized every part of herself until she was immaculate. Her hair had been combed and combed until it fell perfectly, exactly the way she liked it. Her dress was black and fitted, but not tight; her heels were at a perfectly respectable height; her nails and makeup done flawlessly.

  Looking at her, Kate felt a little like the messy kid sister in her fitted black dress pants and white silk blouse borrowed from Vivian’s closet. She groaned and snatched her hair back up as she pulled on her heels. This would have to do.

  Vivian strode past to check her hair in the bathroom once more, but Kate caught her. “Viv, you look beautiful. You always look beautiful. More importantly, you’re perfect, your hair. Your clothes, your jewelry, it’s all perfect, okay? Why are you so nervous?”