All We Never Knew

by Elena Aitken

  “Thank you again for trying to keep it a surprise,” she said into the silence. “But you should know by now that I hate surprises, which is why I always know what’s going on.” She couldn’t help but laugh. “But I do appreciate the effort. Honestly.”

  “I’m glad.” He squeezed her arm. “But I can’t take all the credit. In fact, Sabrina insisted on doing most of the work.”

  “I’m not surprised.” Sabrina had always had the tendency to completely dominate a situation. “It’s probably a good thing she decided to do the whole single parent thing. I can’t imagine her ever acquiescing to anyone else.”

  It was still strange to think that Sabrina, who’d always insisted she never wanted children of her own, was going to be a mother in only a few short months. Let alone a single mother. Maren had to admit, she’d had her doubts about Sabrina’s responsibility, but during her pregnancy, she’d really settled down. She had no doubt that if anyone could navigate the waters of single parenthood, it was Sabrina. But there was still something that didn’t feel right about her best friend’s pregnancy. Something Maren had always questioned a little bit but had never said aloud.

  “Hey,” she said before she could change her mind. “Do you think maybe Sabrina isn’t telling us everything?”

  Davis had his eyes closed, his voice heavy with sleep. “What do you mean?”

  “About the father of her baby.”

  That got his attention. Davis’s eyes snapped open. “She used a donor.”

  “But maybe she didn’t.” It was an idea that had niggled at the back of Maren’s brain for a few months, but she’d never felt right saying it out loud. After all, why would Sabrina lie? “Remember that guy she was dating?”

  “You think it’s Ryan’s baby?”

  Ryan had been Sabrina’s last boyfriend. He managed a nightclub and was always out late, living a party lifestyle. Definitely not the type to settle down and have a family. She shrugged at Davis’s question. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “But maybe. I mean, he wouldn’t have been the best candidate for fatherhood. Maybe she just thought it was better than telling us the truth?”

  “I don’t know, Maren.” He closed his eyes again. “It seems like a bit of a stretch.”

  “What about that chiropractor she works with?”

  “Dr. Tommy?”

  “Yeah. He seems to be pretty into her. And I know she thinks he’s…”

  Davis opened one eye and raised his eyebrow. “Seriously, Maren. I don’t know why you’re so stuck on this. If she said she used a donor, I don’t understand why you’re questioning it. She’s your best friend. Why would she lie?”

  Maren knew her husband was right. After all, why would she lie? She shook her head and laughed at herself. “You’re right. Besides, it doesn’t really matter. She’s having a baby. And as far as I’m concerned, it’s better her than me.” Maren sat up and pulled her hair back behind her head before letting it fall again around her shoulders.

  “What do you mean?” Davis turned and propped himself up on one elbow. His eyes were wide open again. He knew her well enough to know that there would be no chance for sleep while she wanted to talk.

  She shook her head and stared at him. “Can you even imagine having a baby right now? Starting all over again, when we’re finally almost home free.”

  “Home free?” He reached out and took her hand. “I thought you loved being a mom. Don’t tell me you’re counting the days now?”

  He was only teasing, but his words hit close to home. Her baby wasn’t so little anymore and in only a few years she’d graduate and go off to college. The idea made Maren immeasurably sad, but more and more, it had also started to excite her.

  “I do,” she assured him. “More than anything else in the world. And I’m not counting the days.” She paused for a moment. “But it certainly doesn’t mean I want to do it again. Who has the energy for crying babies, endless diapers, and sleepless nights? Besides, if I get that big promotion at work, I wouldn’t have time for any of that anyway.”

  Davis squeezed her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “Of course you’re going to get it. When’s the big meeting?”

  “Wednesday.” The day of her actual fortieth birthday, which was why she knew without a doubt she was going to get the job. Maren was not a superstitious woman, not really, but she also knew a sign when she saw one and there was no bigger sign that things were going to change than that. A new decade, a new career, a new Maren.

  Maren

  A few days later, Maren woke up on her fortieth birthday and just as she had for the last few days, was struck with a wave of nausea that threatened to knock her down the second her feet hit the floor.

  She spent the next few minutes throwing up into the toilet, willing her body to kick whatever flu bug she’d managed to pick up. There was no time to be sick. Especially not today of all days. The meeting regarding her promotion would be after lunch, and there was no way she was going to miss it.

  She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and pulled herself up to standing. With both hands locked on the bathroom sink for support, she took her time to make sure she wasn’t going to throw up again. A deep breath. And then another. In the medicine cabinet, she found a package of non-drowsy anti-nausea medicine pills she’d bought a few summers ago when Davis had insisted on taking her sailing on a coworker’s boat. It was probably expired and less effective, but this was no time to be concerned with details. She’d take what she could get. Anything to stop the swirling in her stomach. She swallowed a pill with a handful of water and got into the shower.

  By the time she made it downstairs, the nausea had passed, leaving Maren only slightly off-center and judging by the amount of bronzer she had to use, way paler than she would have liked.

  “Good morning.” Davis greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and pressed a cup of coffee into her hand. “Happy birthday, sweetie.”

  “Happy birthday, Mom.” Rylee gave her mom a side hug, carefully avoiding the coffee. “Do you feel wiser?”

  “Wiser?”

  Rylee grinned. “You always ask me that on my birthday and now that you’re forty, you must be pretty wise, right?”

  Maren tried to laugh, but her stomach chose that moment to act up again, so instead she just shook her head and sat at the table. The strong aroma from the coffee, which normally was her favorite part of her morning ritual, was definitely the culprit. She pushed the cup away as far as she could and took a deep breath.

  “I’m making you birthday pancakes,” Davis announced from the stove. He glanced in the direction of the abandoned coffee cup and back at Maren with a look of question. “Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale.”

  “You do, Mom. Kind of goth, actually.”

  Maren ignored her.

  “You’re not still feeling sick, are you?” Davis put the spatula down and sat next to her at the table. “I was kidding when I said you couldn’t recover from a few glasses of wine the way you used to.”

  When she’d woken up the morning after the party not feeling well, both of them had chalked it up to too much wine the night before. But hangovers didn’t last five days. Not even when you were forty. And especially considering she’d only had a few glasses of wine. “No.” She shook her head. “It must be a little bug or something, but I’m feeling a little bit better every day, so hopefully it will pass soon.”

  It was a lie. She wasn’t feeling any better, but the last thing she wanted was anyone to fuss over her and there was no way she was going to miss her meeting.

  “Really, I am feeling a lot better. But maybe I should just stick to toast this morning?”

  Davis rubbed her forearm and hopped up from his chair. “One piece of birthday toast, coming up. I hope you’re feeling better in time for dinner tonight. I’m going to pick up Indian from Spices on my way home.”

  Indian was her favorite, but the thought of butter chicken and vegetable korma was not helping her stomach at the momen
t.

  “And don’t forget your mom’s coming by,” Davis reminded her.

  As if she could forget. Mother-daughter relationships could be tricky and Maren’s was no exception. Of course, she loved her mom and of course, her mother meant well. At least she thought she did. But Barbara’s way of showing her love was to pick apart everything Maren did before proceeding to tell her exactly how she could do it better. It was exhausting. And the last thing Maren was in the mood for.

  Davis gave her a sympathetic smile as he put a glass of water in front of her a moment later. “Are you going to give your mom her birthday present?” he asked Rylee, who sat on the other side of the table, staring at her cell phone as if it contained the secrets of the universe. She didn’t blink or make any indication that she’d heard her dad.

  “Rylee?”

  Still nothing.

  Maren extended her leg and gave Rylee’s knee a nudge under the table with her foot. Her daughter’s head flew up, her eyes narrowed slightly until she saw the way Maren was looking at her. She gestured with her head to Davis, who was still waiting Rylee’s acknowledgment.

  “What?”

  “I asked you if you were going to give your mom her birthday present?”

  Her face colored briefly but she jumped up and retrieved a gift bag from the counter by the back door. “Here you go, Mom.” She tried to deposit the bag on the table in front of her mother, but before she could escape, Maren grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a quick hug. She was slipping away too easily these days. And despite knowing it was all part of growing up, Maren still missed the way she used to stop whatever she was doing to give her mom a hug.

  Maren held her as long as she could before Rylee wiggled and tried to pull away. “Mom, you’re going to make me sick.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered in her ear, ignoring her concerns about sharing germs. Rylee shrugged as she moved away, but there was a glimmer of a smile on her lips as she returned to the opposite end of the table.

  Teenagers were tricky, and Rylee was no exception. She was almost impossible to read these days. One moment, she was the sweet girl she’d always been, laughing and smiling, and the next, she was moody and sullen.

  Hormones.

  Maren could remember exactly what it was like to be her age and this too would pass.

  “Come on, Maren. We’re waiting.”

  Brought back to the moment, she turned her attention to the gift bag and pulled the colored tissue paper out with a flourish. She stopped short of throwing it to the floor behind her, and tossed it to the table instead before reaching her hand inside. Her fingers slipped over buttery soft leather and when she pulled the portfolio out of the bag, her eyes filled with tears. She held it in front of her, letting one hand stroke the soft brown surface. “It’s beautiful.”

  “It’s for your new job,” Rylee blurted.

  She shook her head slightly and a tear slipped down her cheek. “I don’t have the job yet.”

  “Mom! Don’t cry.” Rylee’s mouth fell open in mortification. Maren wasn’t a crier, never had been. “It’s just a thing to hold your papers, Mom. Seriously. Don’t cry.”

  “It’s not just a thing,” she insisted, thoroughly touched over the gift. “It’s beautiful. And so thoughtful.”

  “And you are going to get the job.” Davis put the piece of toast on the table and kissed the top of her head. “There’s no doubt about that. They’re lucky to have you, and I know you’re going to design the best playgrounds any kid has ever seen.”

  PlayTime, the playground equipment company Maren worked for, designed and created state-of-the-art playground equipment for schools, community centers, and pretty much anywhere else kids played. After five years of doing mostly administration work, she was more than ready to take over her own accounts and design some playgrounds on her own. The gift was absolutely perfect.

  “Thank you.” She swiped at the unexpected tears. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

  “Maybe it’s an age thing?” Davis neatly ducked Maren’s hand as it flung out toward him and laughed as there was a knock at the back door. “Three guesses who that is.”

  Nobody bothered to answer the door and a moment later, Jessica walked in with a bouquet of early flowers from her garden. “Happy birthday!”

  Maren stood to accept the flowers and give her friend a hug. “Thank you. These are beautiful.”

  “You deserve them.” She looked around Maren’s shoulder. “Pancakes?” Jessica raised her eyebrows in Davis’s direction. “You really are the perfect husband. Too bad it didn’t rub off on Brent.”

  “Hungry?” Davis didn’t wait for an answer before fixing Jessica a plate. He did his best to ignore the comments and ever so slight digs against men that had become part of Jessica’s natural way of conversation. Especially because her ex-husband Brent was a good friend of his. She took the plate with a thank-you and sat down at the table.

  “You’re not eating?” Jessica gestured to Maren’s piece of plain toast that she still hadn’t managed to take a bite of. “I probably don’t have to tell you that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” She winked and took a bite of her own pancake.

  “I think I’m just nervous.”

  “Oh! Today is the big day. I’m sorry, I totally forgot,” she said with a mouthful.

  “It’s all good.” Maren took her untouched toast to the counter. “I think I’ve gotten myself all worked up about it, though. My stomach is a little off today.”

  “And every day this week.” Rylee raised her eyebrow. “Mom, if it were me, you’d make me go to the doctor.”

  It was true, but she wasn’t about to say so.

  “It’s just nerves,” Maren insisted. “Or a little virus or something.”

  “Or you’re pregnant.”

  Maren froze, her mouth open and her eyes locked on her friend.

  “Excuse me?”

  Jessica shrugged. “I was only kidding.” She looked between Maren and Davis. “Seriously. You should see your faces. Would it really be so terrible?”

  Yes! Maren wanted to scream. It would be terrible. Not ten years ago, or even five years ago. But now? It would be beyond terrible. Aware that her daughter was watching her, Maren somehow managed to swallow the words down and instead said, “I’m not pregnant.”

  Jessica turned back to her pancake. “Stranger things have happened.”

  Not to her. Those types of things did not happen to Maren Bennett.

  She’d been on birth control since Rylee was born. After a particularly hard pregnancy and even harder delivery, Maren and Davis both agreed that one healthy baby was enough for the time being. They’d agreed to revisit it when Rylee was a few years older, but somehow they’d never gotten around to it. If they were going to have another child, they would have done it.

  No.

  She was definitely not pregnant.

  The idea would have been laughable, too, if it didn’t scare the hell out of her.

  Rylee

  “You’re late.”

  Rylee peeked around her locker to see her best friend, Sienna, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and the same concerned look on her face she’d been seeing way too much of lately.

  Rylee ignored it the way she always did. It was easier that way. Besides, she wasn’t late for school, just a few minutes later than she usually was. But there was still plenty of time before the first bell rang.

  “It’s Mom’s birthday. We had pancakes.” Rylee don’t know why, but she felt the need to explain herself to her. She was her best friend and all, but even though they’d been friends forever, it didn’t mean she had to tell her everything.

  Even though it wasn’t long ago that she used to.

  “Oh right. I forgot.”

  Rylee gave her a look. There was no way she knew it was her mom’s birthday, but she didn’t feel like getting into it. Rylee went back to digging around her locker in search of her calculator.

  “I was
thinking we could hang out later,” Sienna said. “We haven’t really spent much time together lately.”

  Glad that her head was hidden in her locker, Rylee flinched and felt a flash of guilt.

  “Yeah. It’s been awhile.” Her calculator found, she pulled her head out of her locker and looked at her friend.

  “So maybe you can come over after school and we can do our homework and check out YouTube. I saw a hilarious video of cats versus dogs the other day and I know you’d love it.”

  Rylee couldn’t help but smile. No doubt, she probably would love it. It didn’t matter who you were; anyone who didn’t laugh at a cat versus dog YouTube compilation was probably a little bit dead inside. They were so freakin’ funny.

  “I mean, if you’re not busy…” Sienna looked down at her sparkly blue fingernails. “Or doing something with Brice.”

  And there it was.

  The whole reason Rylee had been spending less time with her best friend lately. It was exhausting.

  Sienna hated the fact that Rylee had a boyfriend. Well, not really a boyfriend….but a boy who she hung out with.

  Whatever.

  She hated it.

  And she hated Brice.

  And Rylee hated hearing about it.

  It had just been easier to avoid Sienna’s calls than listen to her talk about why Brice wasn’t a good guy. On some level, Rylee knew she was just jealous. Maybe not of Brice, but definitely that she had a boyfriend.

  They’d been talking about it ever since they were eight years old. What would it be like to hold hands with a guy? Go on a date? Have a first kiss?

  And ever since Friday night, when she’d snuck out from her mom’s party, Rylee knew the answers to all of those what-if questions. But as much as she’d been dying to tell Sienna and lay on her bed, hugging a pillow while she spilled all of the details, she hadn’t. Because Rylee knew without a doubt that Sienna would get that pinched look on her face. Especially if she told her about the wine she’d taken. Even though they hadn’t gotten drunk. Not really. Brice had drank most of it. Rylee only had a few sips. Okay, more than a few. But not enough to be a big deal. Still, Sienna would not approve. She might even try to hide it, but Rylee would be able to see it. The disapproval that would take away from how exciting it had been to hold his hand, have him pull her closer and—