Lost Years

by MK Schiller

  She caressed my cheek. I leaned into her hand, pulling her against me.

  Don’t let me lose you, Scarlett.

  She nodded as if I’d said it out loud. Maybe I had. “I’ve taken precautions.”

  “What precautions?”

  “I filed a restraining order. I pressed charges when he hit me, but he had bruises too, so the charges were dropped. I just want him to leave me alone now. He needs help, and I’m smart enough to know that I’m not the right person for that job, not that I’d want it. The day after I met you, I took my restraining order to the ferry operators. Vance isn’t allowed on the boats anymore.”

  “Why didn’t you do that before?”

  “I was hopping a bus to Nashville, but then I met you…and I have no fucking idea what I’ve been doing since.”

  “Me, either, Texas.”

  Her thumb ran across my chin. “You’re gonna get TMJ if you don’t relax this jaw.”

  I laughed, feeling the strain as I loosened myself. “I’ll do my best.”

  “What if they arrest you?”

  “I’ll deal with it.”

  “We’ll deal with it,” she said.

  “That’s even better. We don’t have to worry about tonight, though.”

  “Okay, can we stop fighting now? It’s been the longest day of my entire life.”

  I took her trembling body in my arms and hugged her. Between Tom’s memorial and the calamity at the bar, Scarlett needed some peace. I wanted to give it to her.

  “We can shelve it.” I tilted her chin so I could look at her beautiful face. The moonlight cast a ghostly glow on her. I kissed the freckles on her nose. “Are you hungry?”

  “Starving,” she said, rewarding me with a smile.

  “Let’s go to the diner.”

  “It’s closed.”

  “Rose gave me a key. I’ll make you something.”

  She tilted her head, eyeing me skeptically. “You cook?”

  “I’ll blend you up a green smoothie.”

  She pouted. “Are you punishing me?”

  I laughed and picked her up in my arms, spinning her. “Texas, we’ll figure it out.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The diner was eerily quiet. The empty booths and long counter seemed abandoned. Scarlett ended up doing the cooking, which was just as well. She made pancakes and eggs.

  I took the plates, bringing them to the same booth we’d sat in yesterday…a day that seemed too far away for the number of hours that passed. I took a long sip of my milk. I hadn’t had milk since I was a kid, but I poured us both a glass, adding two scoops of strawberry powder to hers. It tasted good—wholesome, cold, and fresh. It tasted like childhood. Certainly not the one I’d had, but maybe the one I’d missed.

  “Why did you put strawberry powder in my milk?” she asked.

  “Don’t you like it?”

  “It’s my favorite, but how did you know?”

  I shrugged. “I’ve seen you drink it.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

  “Well, good guess on my part, then,” I said, pouring a generous helping of syrup over my hotcakes.

  She nodded but didn’t seem convinced. I sliced into my pancakes and took a big bite. For now, me and my lie were safe.

  “How did you learn to fight?” she asked.

  “I picked it up.”

  I wiped her mouth free of the milk mustache, and she did the same for me.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “No?”

  She circled her straw in her milk. “My father took me to this boxing match in the city. He’d scored tickets, and my mom was working. It wasn’t suitable for an eight-year-old, but he couldn’t find a babysitter. I remember watching the fighters. Even at that age, I thought there was something graceful about it. Not the hitting part, which scared the bejesus out of me, but the way they danced around each other…like partners and adversaries. I saw that same grace tonight when you avoided Vance’s fists.”

  “Your father took you to a fight when you were eight?” I asked.

  “Yeah, but that’s not the point. I want to know where you learned to fight.”

  “I participated in some underground matches at school.”

  “What would make you do that?”

  “At first, I needed money. I had a trust, but my father controlled it, and he always gave me crap when I wanted a withdrawal. I figured this way, I wouldn’t have to ask him for anything. It was a quick way to make a lot of cash.”

  “You must have been good.”

  “Not at first. I got my ass kicked a lot. I started going to this gym, and this guy, Max, sort of took me under his wing. He taught everything from boxing, wrestling, and even karate. These matches are kind of anything goes.”

  “Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

  “It wasn’t just about the money. Honestly, if I admitted that, I would have to tell you the whole truth of it.”

  “What is the whole truth?”

  I focused on my food, trying to think about how honest I wanted to be. I didn’t want to lie to her, but the truth was grim. “I loved hurting someone else. I got off on it. But I don’t want to scare you. Sometimes you flinch when I make sudden moves, and that kills me. I didn’t want to give you a reason to think I’m violent. I swear on my soul, I’d never hurt you.”

  She put her hand over mine. “There is no doubt in my mind about that. The reaction isn’t about you, it’s me. And I’ll get over it one day. Just not today.”

  “Good.”

  She looked at her watch. “I had a job interview today.”

  What? She’d been with me all day. “When?”

  “I mean I was supposed to. In Nashville at this restaurant. I’d scheduled it a week ago. I forgot to call them to cancel.”

  “I’m sorry you missed it.” My jaw tightened instinctively as everything inside me tensed. “Well, sorry not sorry.”

  She laughed. “Don’t be. Since we’re laying it all out, I want to tell you something, too. Nashville? It was a plan but not a purpose. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I thought searching for something was better than doing nothing.”

  Her phone rang then, jolting both of us. “Russ,” she answered. “That’s great news. Thank you.”

  Her smile was full of relief. “Vance is fine. He’s going to get help, and he’s not going to press charges.”

  “Good,” I said, not really wanting to let him spoil our night anymore.

  I headed over to the jukebox and fished a quarter from my pocket. “I promised you a dance, beautiful girl. This is the song, right?”

  She stood, walking over to me. “Yes.”

  We swayed together. Nothing felt as right as Scarlett in my arms. I was a total love-struck sap, and I didn’t even care. This strong, beautiful, loving goddess was mine, and for the first time in my life, I was living.

  “Would you like to go to the beach? We can go swimming maybe. We haven’t done that.”

  “This late?” she asked.

  “Wow, and you accused me of acting like a sixty-year-old?” I grinned, twisting a strand of her hair around my finger.

  “Okay, smart ass, let’s do it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  After a quick stop at her house so she could grab a few supplies, we arrived at the beach. We headed straight for our rock. I sat with my arms around my knees, watching her under the moonlight.

  She took off every stitch of clothing. “Where’s your suit?” I asked, moving to cover her naked body.

  She laughed. “I’m not putting it on. No one is out here.”

  My fingers twitched. Botticelli’s Venus had nothing on Scarlett in the flesh. She pushed me away and descended into the water. I hustled, ripping off my clothes before running after her. I wasn’t the best swimmer, but I found myself moving effortlessly beside her. The water was cool but comfortable. Her body was warm and erection provoking. I kept trying to catch her, and she pulled away from me.
<
br />   “Are we playing hide and seek?” I asked. “Or do you just enjoy torturing me?”

  She laughed. “Do you think you can find me?”

  “I will always find you.” I dove into the water and came up behind her. I pulled her against my chest, and she squealed. My hands moved up to her breasts. I grazed her nipples with my thumbs, feeling them harden. I ran my lips against her shoulder and neck. I nipped at her ear.

  Her breath hitched, and her hand found its way to my stiff cock. I growled as she stroked me.

  “Do you have a condom?”

  “Scarlett, I’m naked. Where would I carry one?”

  “No, I mean with you?”

  “Yes, come on.”

  We both ran against the waves until we were on land again. Her hair whipped behind her. The moonlight hitting her creamy skin made it glow. She was born of sea spray and blown here by the wind.

  Her body shivered. I wrapped the towel around her, tying it. I tied the other around my waist. I found my jeans, dug out my wallet, and made quick work of pulling out a condom.

  I turned, unable to form any words. She was unbelievably beautiful, almost ethereal, as she stood before me, pale skin, seductive smile, wet strands of hair clinging to her face. She dropped the towel. I would worship at the altar of her body tonight.

  Our kisses were soft at first, but her tongue entangled with mine and the taste of her was too delicious. I deepened it, running my hands through her wet hair. I pulled it back to gain access to her neck. I tasted her sweet skin sprinkled with saltwater. My erection poked though my towel, and it dropped to the ground. We fell back onto the blanket. I rolled the condom on, with the intention of being prepared, although I wasn’t done with my exploration. I took her nipple into my mouth. She moaned, caressing my hair and then tugging on it. Her legs separated, her body arched, and she said my name like a plea.

  My body covered hers, and our skin pressed tighter, emitting electricity. Our hearts beat in unison as our lips crushed into each other. We fit as if our bodies were made for each other. I think they were.

  Her hand pushed on my shoulder, her eyes blazing. “Let me lead this time.”

  I rolled us so she was on top of me. “Anything you want.”

  She lifted herself over my erection, and I felt her walls clench me with her slow descent as she mounted me. She whimpered. I grunted. Somehow the sounds made a melody. She put a hand on each side of my chest and moved her body. The moon behind her illuminated the desire on her face; her hair sprayed seawater against my chest with each movement. Her blue eyes twinkled in the night, shinier than the backdrop of stars behind her. I couldn’t take it anymore. I lifted myself and embraced her, burying my head into her neck. She swung her arms around me, and we worked in slow tandem, building toward our release. She pressed her lips against mine with an urgent need. Her voice garbled, but she said my name in breathless whispers and demanding screams as her body trembled around me. We both fell back, slick with saltwater, sweat, and satiated desire. Our heavy breaths, carried by the wind, echoed back at us.

  She laid her hand on my chest. “Why do I feel like I can give everything of me to you?”

  “Because you can. You have everything of me, too.”

  The problem with giving everything was that you had a lot to lose.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Anna was young. She sat still as a possum while my father walked around her. We were in Aunt Rose’s house. “Are you sure about this, sweetheart?” my father asked.

  “Aunt Rose asked me to stay. I like the weather here. I want to visit with her longer. Besides, it’ll make everything easier.”

  My father looked broken and sad, not an expression I was used to. He was a weak man, but he looked physically ill in that moment. Almost as if he’d aged right before me.

  “I’m going to stay with her,” my young self said, holding on to her wheelchair.

  “Flynn, you don’t need to stay. You have camp this summer and—”

  I cut Anna off. “Wherever you are, I am. You need me.”

  My dad tousled my hair. “I’d rather he stayed. Flynn is good at taking care of you. Aunt Rose won’t know what to do.”

  “Don’t cry, Daddy. We’ll be back before you know it.”

  We never came back. Serenity, Texas, became our new home from that day on. We were never tourists. We were natives.

  She kissed me awake. We were nestled on the blanket. She fit comfortably in my arms. Somewhere in the night, we’d had the foresight to put our clothes on, but neither of us wanted to go home. So we talked into the night, letting the lullaby of the waves sing us asleep. I blinked my eyes open.

  “Get up. I want to show you the most beautiful sight in the world,” she whispered.

  “I’m already looking at the most beautiful sight in the world,” I said, cementing each word with a kiss.

  The crimson blush spread across her face, covering the four freckles. “C’mon, we don’t have much time.”

  “It’s dark outside still.” What could she possibly want to show me at five in the morning?

  “You have to see the first light, over the waves. The sunshine peeks through the darkness.” She ruffled my hair, kissing my forehead. I grunted against her, my dick waking up as I was. She backed away. “Seriously?”

  “It has a mind of its own, baby. This is what you do to it.”

  She laughed. “Get up and bring your two heads, please.”

  She stood, stretching, before offering her hand to me. I took it, avoiding the temptation of pulling her back down on top of me, but I behaved. I held the blanket while she led me to the rock. Our rock. I sat on it, and she leaned back against me. I embraced her, nuzzling her neck, draping the blanket over us.

  “Are you cold?” I asked, holding the blanket tighter when she shivered.

  “Excited.”

  The sun peeked through the horizon, casting a soft glow on the white-capped waves. The sand shimmered against the water as if diamonds were buried among the grains. The birds chirped, flying around the soft orange glow. My girl was in my arms. Everything felt right.

  It was time. I had to tell her the truth. Even if I didn’t understand it. I could feel her troublesome anxiety brewing beneath the surface. The questions about our relationship moving so fast and how I knew the things I did. Scarlett hid her vulnerability, carrying a cloak of strength to everyone but me. I needed her to understand that my feelings were genuine and real.

  Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

  “Told you it was beautiful,” she said, her eyes concentrating on the horizon where sky met sea.

  “It is.” I couldn’t hold back anymore. “I love you, Scarlett.” Three words I’d said in many different ways over the course of the last few days. I should have never underestimated their standalone power, though. She stiffened in my arms.

  “Jason—”

  “I do.”

  She bit her lower lip, turning her head from me. “You’re scaring me.”

  “Why?” I titled her chin toward me. “Talk to me.”

  “Do you realize we’ve only known each other for four days? I have no idea what I’m feeling. You came into my life and turned everything upside down. I shouldn’t feel this much this fast. It’s not natural.”

  I tightened my arms. “But you are, and that has to mean something.”

  “We don’t know each other. Not really.”

  “That’s not true. I’ve told you things I’ve never told another person.”

  “Maybe so, but it’s four days. Four days!”

  “I know everything about you.” I moved her face so I could look into her eyes. “Before your father left, he used to call you a retard and stupid. Sometimes you believed it, but you figured out he was wrong. You are so smart. You always want to earn the answer.” Her eyes widened, not with hope or love. It was fear. Shit.

  “Your mother’s boyfriend did some fucked-up shit to you when you were thirteen. Tommy figured it out, though, when you
started wearing loose clothes and you quit glossing your lips. He was always intuitive like that. You finally told your mom. She believed you enough to keep Frank away from you but not enough to leave the bastard. That should make you bitter, but it didn’t. Instead, you vowed to always be loyal to the people you loved…and you are.” She shook her head.

  “Shut up,” she said.

  But I couldn’t let her go until I’d said everything.

  “Tommy was gay, and he told you his secret. You blame yourself for his death because you thought you could have stopped him. But trust me, angel, there was nothing you could have done.”

  Her face flickered with fear. Fear.

  “I didn’t tell you any of this. Who told you?” She pushed me away, but I kept holding her, frantic to make her understand.

  “Would you believe I dreamed it?”

  She blinked her eyes, shaking her head at me. “No.” A tear formed in the corner of her eye, her body trembled against mine, and her breaths came out shaky.

  “I’m not telling you this to scare you, Scarlett.”

  “Then why the fuck are you telling me?” she demanded, her voice crackling with hysteria.

  “So that you understand when I tell you I love you after four days, I mean it. I can apologize to you for not being there for you when you needed me all those times. But it didn’t matter, because you are so strong, you didn’t need me. But I sure as hell need you. I know the beautiful person you are, and I love everything about you. I wish I had a better explanation for both of us. But Scarlett, believe me when I say that every fucking year I’ve spent without you is a lost year.”

  She struggled against my grip. “Let me go, Jason. I don’t know who you are, but you had better let me go right now.”

  I dropped my arms in defeat. She bolted into the forested area, kicking up sand in her path. I ran after her. How could I have been so stupid? I sounded like a deranged stalker, and of course, she’d be frightened. “Scarlett, please don’t run from me.” I chased after her through the forest in my bare feet. Sharp stones and pine needles worked their way into my feet, but it didn’t slow me down. I got to the clearing, but she wasn’t there.