Bonnie

by Iris Johansen

  “Everyone comes to a meeting in the road with God when they’ve reached the final pit. They either follow Him away from it or leap into the abyss.” He took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow. “But sometimes if there’s someone there to explain the rules, it can make a difference.”

  “Yes, it can.”

  “Why did you phone my cousin James?”

  “It was the only lead I had. The people you worked with at the VA hospital are very close-mouthed about you. Why is that?”

  “Because they’re good friends, and they knew I wanted to make a final break with my patients there. I set them up with fine, competent doctors who could help them, but many patients develop a dependence on their psychiatrists that’s difficult to break if they find they can maintain contact. The best way is to make a clean break. When I started at the seminary, I made it impossible for me to be found.” He tilted his head. “Yet you found me. I’m very curious why you bothered.” He stiffened. “Unless you’re a relation to one of my ex-patients?”

  “Not a relation. Definitely connected.” She paused. “Ted Danner. I need to know everything you know about Ted Danner.”

  His wariness became even more obvious. “Indeed?” He murmured, his gaze searching her face. “And why is that?”

  She was silent. How much to tell him? She was suddenly aware that this man exuded a power that was very formidable. All of that casual, almost boyish charisma had vanished. “He recently murdered a man. He may murder others. Who should know better than you that he’s unbalanced? You treated him for a number of years, didn’t you?”

  “Murder.” His lips tightened. “You’re sure? Not self-defense, not an accident?”

  “A dagger in the chest isn’t usually an accident.”

  His eyes closed for a moment. “Dear God in Heaven. Lost. Truly lost.” His eyes were glittering with moisture when he opened them. “And mad…”

  “You’re surprised? Yet you must have known that was a possibility. You were his psychiatrist. Didn’t he ever give you a glimmer that he was capable of killing someone?”

  “Of course he did. He was a Ranger. He was trained to kill.” His lips twisted. “He was praised when he did it right. The Army made him what he was, then threw him to us to heal when he became … unstable.”

  “You’re blaming the military?”

  He wearily shook his head. “I blame no one but the world we live in and what it does to us.” He added bitterly, “And the demons it causes to rise within our souls. Ted Danner knows all about those demons. He’s obsessed with them. He probably thought he was killing one when he stabbed that man.”

  She stiffened. “You say that with some authority. You know Danner very well?”

  “As you said, I treated him for years.”

  “But you cut your ties to him as you did your other patients?”

  He was silent. “I cut all ties.”

  She had seen something in his expression. “But did he accept it? Danner was a Ranger, he was smart. He would know how to track you down. Did he have some kind of paternal fixation on you? Have you seen him since you left the hospital?”

  He didn’t answer the question. “Who are you? And what are you to Ted Danner? You said you weren’t a relation. Are you with the police?”

  “No, my name is Eve Duncan.”

  He slowly nodded. “I thought I recognized you. You’re the forensic sculptor. I’ve seen your photo in the newspaper. What do you have to do with Ted Danner?”

  “You tell me.” She took step closer to him. “What did he say to you?” she asked fiercely. “No one was closer to him. First, as his psychiatrist, then his priest. He did search you out, didn’t he? Did he mention my daughter?”

  “Your daughter?” He shook his head. “Why would he—” He stopped, as the realization hit him. “You daughter was killed years ago. You believe Danner did it?”

  “I don’t know. She was taken about the time you left the hospital and stopped treating Danner. Did he ever talk about her?”

  He shook his head in bewilderment. “Why would he?”

  He was telling the truth. “She was also the daughter of John Gallo. You must know about John.”

  “Ted Danner’s nephew.” The priest nodded. “He loves him very much. He probably doesn’t love anyone else on this Earth.”

  “You know that, and you didn’t know about Gallo’s daughter?”

  “Perhaps Danner didn’t know.” Then he muttered, “Or perhaps he did. It would explain so much. The little girl…”

  “He knew,” she said jerkily. “He knew about my Bonnie. And what would it explain?”

  He didn’t answer directly, “And you think he killed her?”

  “It’s possible. I’m going to find out. I’m going to find him. You have to help me.”

  He shook his head.

  “Don’t tell me no,” she said fiercely. “You’re a priest, a man of God. I’ve told you that Danner has already killed and might kill again. You can’t let him go free. You know where he is, don’t you?”

  “No.”

  “But you’ve been in recent contact with him. You could find him. He must have told you something. You’ve got to help me.”

  “God will help you.”

  “It’s your duty, dammit.”

  “My duty is to God and my vows.”

  “So pure. But how pure are you, Father? You appear to have gotten off scot-free on that charge that was leveled at you several years ago. But it just occurred to me that if you were afraid that Danner might bring new evidence and testify against you, it might ruin your bright new life. You might not want him to be found. Were you experimenting on Ted Danner, too?”

  His gaze was narrowed on her face. “You’ve done some in-depth research, haven’t you?”

  “Answer me.”

  “But I don’t have to answer you. You obviously wouldn’t believe me if I did.”

  “Does Danner come to you in the confessional?”

  “Yes. But very infrequently.”

  “Then you must know—you have to know something.”

  “And you know I can’t violate the confessional.”

  She didn’t know anything but that she didn’t trust anything that he was telling her. “Not even to catch a murderer, to prevent another murder?”

  He was silent. “I couldn’t violate my vow. I’d have to do it in another way. I can only try to find Danner myself and prevent him from striking at another of his demons.”

  “Demons? You mentioned that before. What are you talking about?” She added bitterly, “Or is that something else that you have to keep confidential?” She took a step closer to him. “You listen to me, Father Barnabas. My daughter is dead and may have been killed by Ted Danner. I have to find him. I have to know everything about him. I won’t stop until I do. I’ll follow you everywhere you go.” She paused. “And I don’t care about your vows. You have to tell me what he told you.”

  “I can’t do that,” he said quietly. “You must see that I can’t betray a trust. As a psychiatrist, I was bound by one oath, and when I became a priest, I became bound by an even stronger one. Either way, I mustn’t break my vows.”

  “Or you could be protecting yourself and using your vows to keep me from finding Danner.” She added deliberately. “Implanted false memories, Father Barnabas? What a horrible crime.”

  He looked her straight in the eye. “Yes, it is.”

  “Did you do it? What was the verdict of that court?”

  He smiled faintly. “Another vow that I can’t break. I agreed to a sealed testimony. You wouldn’t want me to get in trouble with the law.”

  He wasn’t going to help her, she realized in frustration. The priest was staring at her with an expression that was firmly determined. “Danner is a criminal. The authorities are looking for him. They won’t understand about your vows, Father Barnabas.”

  He smiled faintly. “God will understand. I can’t please everyone, Ms. Duncan. I have to choose. I realized that a
long time ago.” He glanced away from her. “Who is Danner supposed to have killed?”

  “Thomas Jacobs.” Her gaze was studying his face, but she could see no change of expression. “You don’t recognize the name?”

  His smile deepened. “I understand you deal with faces all the time in your profession. Can’t you read me?”

  “Maybe.” She was silent a moment. “I don’t believe he told you anything about Jacobs. But that’s a guess. I don’t know you, and you’re obviously smart and have a good deal of self-control.”

  “And you’re desperate to learn something you can sink your teeth into. I’m a great disappointment to you.”

  “You’re damn right.”

  “And you’re in pain. Such pain.” He nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll tell you what I can, Ms. Duncan. You won’t be satisfied, but it may help you get through this.” He gazed at the water now flowing from the fountain. “First, you have to know that I have no real idea where you can find Ted Danner. For the first few years after he found me and started coming to confession, he worked here at the church. But then he slipped away and only came back every several months. I tried to get him to return, but he said that he was too comfortable here and that he wasn’t meant to stay with me.”

  “That sounds amazingly self-sacrificial. I’m finding that fairly unbelievable in the context of what I know about Danner now.”

  “Why? Every man has to fight the sin within him. Danner’s battle was more extreme than most.” His lips tightened. “And as long as he stayed on his medicine, he was able to manage it. But he stopped taking it when he said it weakened him, and he was afraid he couldn’t fight the demons.”

  “What demons?”

  “He would have to identify them for you. He wanted help with them, but he would only talk about them vaguely. I couldn’t pin him down.”

  “And you have no idea where he went when he left you or what he was doing?”

  “I know he was working as a volunteer for the Salvation Army for a while in Birmingham. But then he left them, too, and started to go from job to job.”

  “He wasn’t a young man, and he’d been injured. How could he get work?”

  “The spinal operation was a complete success, and he worked out for hours every day. He said he had to keep strong. He was almost fanatical about it. He had a tent, and there were times he lived off the land for months at a time.”

  He was telling her more than she had hoped. Not enough, but maybe she could push him. “Danner didn’t tell you he had killed?”

  He didn’t answer for a moment. “Of course he did, and it tormented him. But it was always about his time in the service.” He hesitated. “I cannot tell you any personal details, but perhaps it would be better if I give you an idea how my sessions with Danner proceeded. That would not be a violation. After a dozen or so appointments, he began to start loosening up. He told me about his nephew. He was completely devastated when he heard Gallo had been killed in Korea.”

  “But he didn’t tell you about my daughter, Bonnie?”

  He shook his head. “You have to understand. Danner is a very secretive man, and he’s always surprisingly insecure in his relationships. I had to pull stories and feelings out of him.” His lips twisted. “After we crossed the bridge in the doctor-patient relationship, I always had the feeling he didn’t want to disappoint me. It’s not unusual to have a patient like Danner develop a certain dependence on my good opinion. But that was a real hindrance in getting anything of any significance done. He didn’t want to tell me anything that he thought would turn me against him. I’ve never been able to overcome that reluctance.”

  “And he never told you anything about Bonnie?”

  “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

  “Wouldn’t you? But you said ‘the little girl.’ What little girl? Danner must have told you something about Bonnie.”

  He shook his head. “Nothing clear or concise. He never referred to her by name.” He paused. “Though he did mention a little girl.”

  She stiffened. “Did he tell you what he did to her?”

  “You don’t understand. He never spoke of this little girl as a victim. He refers to her as if she’s alive. It may be another child.”

  “Then you have to tell me where I can find her. He’s a murderer. We have to get her away from him.”

  “I don’t think that she’s in danger. If I were to describe his feeling for her, I’d say he was intimidated.”

  “What?”

  “That’s my impression.” He shrugged. “And that’s all I can discuss with you. You had a right to know that I have no definitive information concerning your daughter.” He turned away. “Rules are rules, but I don’t believe God would want you tormented like that.”

  “Wait.”

  “I have to go and change, and I have an appointment with a young couple who are being married. I’ve told you all I can.”

  “Wait. You said he was lost … and mad. And what’s all this talk of demons?”

  He paused, then said, “During his bad times, he believes that he’s surrounded by demons and that it’s his duty to destroy them.”

  “Bad times? Does he have good times?”

  “Oh, yes, he can be kind and generous, and he wants desperately to be good. But those times have become less frequent lately.” He added soberly, “Which makes for a very dangerous condition. One moment he’s fairly stable, and the next he’s … volatile.”

  “You mean dangerous.”

  “Considering what you’ve told me, I have to assume that’s true.”

  “I don’t know about his good times, but I’ve witnessed one of his bad episodes,” Eve said grimly. “He almost killed my friend Catherine. You said that you’d go after him yourself. How can you do that if you don’t know where he is? Was that the truth?”

  He smiled. “I don’t lie. Good afternoon, Ms. Duncan.”

  She couldn’t let him go. “John Gallo is probably inside with Father Dominic now. Will you talk to him?”

  “Of course.” He was walking down the path. “He’s Danner’s nephew. There must be great love between them. He’s probably suffering right now. It’s my job to alleviate suffering.” He glanced over his shoulder. “But, no, my answer to him will be the same as to you. I’ve told you all I can reveal about Ted.”

  Her hands clenched as she watched him walk away from her. Questioning the priest had been like battering against an invisible wall. He had been courteous, cool, and tough as nails. There was no way to reach him and get past the barrier of his damn code. What could they do? It wasn’t as if they could use force against him. How did you manage to overcome a code that had led Kevin Donnelly from the secular to the pulpit? He had given up everything because of his beliefs.

  Maybe. Unless that pious front hid an inner corruption. She should have pinned him harder on that court case.

  But she had to do something. There had to be a way, and she wasn’t going to find it staring after the priest like this.

  She started after him.

  * * *

  “DON’T DO IT, MAMA. You’ll only get upset, and he won’t change his mind.”

  Bonnie.

  She turned to see her daughter sitting on the edge of the fountain. The sun was shining on her red curls, and the spray surrounded her in a misty aureole.

  “He’s got to change his mind. I have to find Danner.”

  “I think you’ll find him, but it can’t be through Father Barnabas. He’s not going to give in.”

  “He might if I keep after him.”

  Bonnie shook her head. “That won’t happen, Mama. He and Ted Danner have been together for a long time.”

  “So he’s going to let Danner have a chance to kill again?”

  Bonnie didn’t answer.

  She gazed at her in despair. “I don’t understand how this works, Bonnie. I believe Danner may have killed you, dammit. Why won’t you help me?”

  “It has to play out the way it’s meant to do. I don’t und
erstand either, Mama. I’m trying to help, but I told you that it’s only gradually becoming clear to me.” She shook her head. “But I can feel your pain, and it hurts me. I want it to be over, Mama.”

  Lord, so did she. “Then go and make that priest help me. What good is being a ghost if you can’t pull a few strings?”

  Bonnie chuckled. “It doesn’t work that way. Though I’m learning things all the time.” She added softly, “Beautiful things, Mama. You can’t imagine. I can’t wait to show them to you.”

  “Neither can I, baby.” Eve felt the tears sting her eyes. “But it was pretty beautiful when I had you with me, too.”

  Bonnie nodded. “But that was only the start. There’s so much more.” She got up from the fountain. “But we have to work our way toward it. We’ll be together. But you’re still on the path, and you have wonderful companions to travel with you.”

  Joe, Jane, Gallo, Catherine …

  “I’m going now. Now forget about going after Father Barnabas. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

  “What? Do you think I’d mug a priest?”

  “No, but there’s no telling what else you might do to make him give you what you want.” Bonnie grinned at her. “And you can be very determined about getting what you want, Mama.”

  “I don’t promise not to try with Donnelly. I don’t trust him. Even if he’s not as bad as I suspect, he has no right to put roadblocks in our path just because he’s worried about Danner’s soul. Your soul is the only one I care about.”

  “That’s not true. You care about the souls of a lot of people. You just don’t think about souls very much. People on the path are usually too busy to do that.” Her smile faded as she met Eve’s eyes. “You have a wonderful soul. It’s deep and strong, like a clear, powerful river. It sweeps everyone along and makes them feel safe, as if they know they’re headed in the right direction.”

  Dammit, her eyes were stinging again. She smiled unsteadily. “It sounds … wet.”

  Bonnie didn’t return her smile. “You made me feel safe.”

  “I didn’t keep you safe.”

  “You’ve told me that before. I didn’t know what to answer you then. I do now. It was one of the things I learned. It was time for me to go.”