The Secret Recipe for Moving On

by Karen Bischer

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  FOR MOM AND DAD

  LOVE, BRAT

  CHAPTER 1

  Some of my best decisions have been the spur-of-the-moment kind:

  Stopping at Kenny’s Ice Cream Palace between work and home and being the ten thousandth customer and getting free cones for the rest of the summer.

  Not getting on that Six Flags roller coaster just before it got stuck and no one could get off for two hours.

  Going to that college fair and meeting my boyfriend.

  Finally sleeping with him.

  Well, okay, in three weeks, anyway.

  I just made that decision while sitting on the beach next to Lake Newman, and feel very secure in it.

  Now I just have to tell my boyfriend.

  We’re surrounded by friends, so I need to get him alone. Unfortunately, Hunter and his friend Steve are listening intently to Steve’s phone, trying to pick out new songs that will fit in their a cappella group’s repertoire.

  But maybe Hunter isn’t concentrating too hard, because he was just kind of weirdly staring at Brynn Potts as she slathered sunscreen on her arms and legs.

  Earlier, when I’d swum across the lake and stopped to catch my breath, I’d turned just in time to see him pick up a squealing Brynn and toss her in the lake, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if 1) Brynn wasn’t wearing a skimpy bikini and 2) Brynn hadn’t popped out of the water and chased after Hunter, the two of them giggling like crazy.

  A nagging feeling of what I assume is some kind of biological “Hey, that’s my man” territorialism suddenly forced me to think about whether I was finally ready for condom-purchasing and the ensuing nakedness after all.

  So I stride over to Hunter, sticking my shoulders back, and hope I look just as hypnotizing in my purple-striped one-piece.

  “Hey,” I say, putting a hand on his shoulder.

  “What’s up, babe?” he asks, his eyes closed. He’s “feeling the music,” as he likes to say.

  “Want to join me for a walk?”

  “Uh, maybe in a few minutes,” he says.

  But in a few minutes, Brynn will probably be sitting on his lap, and even the idea of that sends a weird spasm of urgency up my spine, so I squeeze his shoulder, a silent way of letting him know I need to talk to him.

  But he doesn’t get it. I feel like Hunter and I haven’t been in sync much lately, mostly because we’ve barely seen each other the past couple of weeks.

  “I’d really like to talk to you about something,” I say, and that seems to catch Brynn’s attention, because she turns around, shades her eyes, and gives me a smile.

  “Uh, okay,” Hunter finally says as he takes the earbud out of his ear.

  I wait for him to pull on his sneakers and T-shirt and try not to be bothered that he seems a little annoyed by this interruption. I comfort myself by thinking about how excited he’ll be when I tell him I’m finally ready to sleep with him. The possibility of sex kind of trumps music at this point.

  We follow the path away from the beach to the top of the small cliff overlooking the lake. He’s silent for most of the walk until we get to the top of the cliff, when he asks, “So, what’s up?”

  My palms start to sweat. “Is everything okay between us?”

  Hunter cocks his head. “Okay? What do you mean?”

  You’re imagining the weirdness. Awesome, Mary Ellen. But I plow on. “I just feel like you’ve been a little distant the last week or so.”

  Hunter rolls his eyes and puts his hands on my shoulders. “I’ve been so wrapped up in getting the Ringtones’ setlist together, I’ve been ignoring you, haven’t I?”

  “So we’re cool?”

  “Yes, and I’m sorry. And I want to find a way to make it up to you.”

  Relief floods me and I smile. “Well, I’ve been thinking. You know how our camping trip is coming up?”

  Hunter slaps his hand to his forehead. “Oh, crap, I still have to buy a tent.”

  I try not to seem ruffled by this. “They’re on sale at The Sporting Zone. Maybe we can go there later this week.”

  He nods. “Yeah, sure.”

  That’s when Steve and some of the others on the beach start yelling up at us, “Jump! Jump! Jump!”

  Even if my priority weren’t to drop this sex bombshell on my boyfriend, I’d still have no desire to jump right now. For one thing, I’m wearing my shoes, and my biggest pet peeve is having wet feet and not being able to take your shoes off. Second, I’m wearing the semi-pricey eyeglasses that I accidently tried on before seeing how much they cost, but my mom insisted on paying for (“You’ve worked so hard this summer and they look great on you; let me treat you,” she’d said), even though I think she’s had to bring lunch to work for the last three weeks as a result. I felt guilty enough letting her buy them given our family’s current financial state—I don’t even want to know how I’d feel if I lost them by jackknifing into Lake Newman.

  Hunter just waves at everyone like he’s a politician or something.

  I can’t hold it in anymore. “I think we should do it that night.”

  “What night? I’ve got rehearsal every day this week.”

  He still thinks we’re talking about The Sporting Zone.

  “No, I mean do it. When we’re camping. Have sex.”

  Hunter looks confused. “In the tent?”

  Now, I’m a little thrown. I was expecting him to smile dazzlingly and be like, “No way!” like the time his parents surprised him with Devils tickets. I mean, he doesn’t even like hockey, but he’s wanted to sleep with me for at least eight months now.

  I try to force a laugh. “Of course in the tent!”

  Hunter sticks his hands in his pockets and stares at the ground. “Oh … I just … because you were so…”

  I know he wants to say “picky.”

  “… cautious before, I didn’t think you’d want to do it, like, in the woods.”

  I can’t help it when a feeling of angst swells inside me. When I’d put off all of his previous attempts at having sex, I’d stopped because it didn’t feel right doing it in his sweaty-sock-smelling room with his gerbils watching us from their cage. My room wasn’t an option because I have a really narrow twin bed. It didn’t feel right doing it in our parents’ beds because that’s gross. And the backseat of a car just isn’t romantic. But most of all, I knew once you had sex you couldn’t undo it.

  All those times I’d said no, I didn’t feel guilty because my mother, Teen Vogue, health class teachers were always like, “Wait until you’re ready.” It felt okay saying no. But when it feels like every other girl is saying yes and your boyfriend is aware of that?

  Yeah, there are times when it feels like I’m in some remedial sex zone, like I’ve been left back three grades and everyone else is on the AP track, graduating early and with full sex honors.

  “I think it will be romantic,” I fina
lly say. “No one around except us, nature, and the elements.”

  This seems to bring him back into the moment. “You’d better use those forecasting skills of yours and pray it doesn’t rain,” he says, smiling.

  “That might be even more romantic! Rain tapping on the tent…” Okay, probably not, but he’s not giving me much to work with here.

  “Not if we’re getting washed away in a mudslide.” He reaches an arm out. “Come here.”

  I snuggle into his chest and breathe in the smell of sunscreen on his T-shirt. I’m still getting used to his harder and more defined pecs, the result of all his excessive working out of late. In the last few months, ever since his a cappella group, the Ringtones, won the Ringvale Heights High School talent show, he’d gone from mocking our school’s gym rats to weight-lifting in his basement on a daily basis. I’m not complaining. He looks amazing.

  “If you’re sure…”

  “More than you know.”

  “… then three weeks from now it is.” He kisses me on the top of my head, but before I can reach up for full-frontal lip contact, he lets go of me, tears off his shirt, and runs for the edge of the cliff, yelling, “Cannonball!”

  Hunter obviously does not have a problem with wet feet in wet shoes.

  His jump is followed by cheers and chanting, “Panz! Panz! Panz!” (short for his last name, Panzic) from our friends on the beach below. I see him pumping his fist as he emerges from the water. I’m not sure if he’s feeling victorious because of his jump or because he’s finally going to lose his virginity.

  I stand there awkwardly, watching Hunter swim back to shore. I always thought deciding to have sex would feel like something momentous, not end with my normally soft-spoken boyfriend shouting and cannonballing to get away from me.

  I peer down at everyone on the beach, where no one seems aware of me, except Alisha Desai, who’s wading in knee-deep water. She gives me a big smile and a wave. I wave back, but stay put. It’s hot, but I’m not done enjoying the view of the treetops and endless stretch of New Jersey sky, where cumulonimbus clouds are starting to gather in the west.

  “Ellie Agresti!” Steve screams, startling me. “Jump on down here!”

  I give a faint smile. I think of my best friend, Jodie, who wants to be a TV writer someday. We play a game called “If this were a bad TV show…” and fill in situations with television clichés. Like, right now, if this were a bad TV show, I’d jump off the cliff, which would represent me 1) leaping into the sexual unknown and 2) proving that I’d grown as a person, overcoming my fears of growing up or something equally “barfy,” as Jodie likes to say.

  I sigh as I turn my back on the beautiful scenery, grab Hunter’s shirt, and head down toward the beach. When I rejoin our friends, Hunter’s shaking his dark brown hair like a dog, spraying water all over Kim Darrett and Brynn, who squeal and giggle. Well, Brynn giggles—she and Hunter have been best friends since second grade, and she thinks everything he does is hilarious—but Kim pulls her black hair into a bun and flops over on her beach towel and onto her stomach.

  “Sorry, Kim,” Hunter says, fighting a grin.

  “Whatever,” Kim huffs.

  I just smile, not wanting anyone to think I’m taking sides.

  See, our friends are mostly Hunter’s friends, since he’s known them longer. When I transferred to Ringvale Heights in January, I met Hunter right away, and we started dating soon after that, so his social circle became mine. And while I do like a few of them, some can be a bit … ridiculously stuck-up.

  Like, I can tell the wheels are turning in Kim’s head when I see her eyeing Alisha’s reading material on the towel next to her.

  Alisha, who may be the sweetest person in the senior class, let alone our group, has pulled from her bag Prom of the Undead, a current best-selling book about high school zombies and the girls who love them. Kim rolls her eyes at Brynn when she sees this, and I pray Alisha doesn’t notice.

  “How is that?” I ask.

  Her eyes light up. “It’s amazing. Amazingly cheesy, but I love it.”

  That’s when Kim lets out a seriously condescending snort. “I don’t get why everyone loves that book so much. Don’t people realize there are better things to read?”

  I bite my tongue, not wanting to say what I’m thinking, which is that there has to be a better way for Kim to express her opinion without tromping on Alisha’s.

  Alisha shrugs and blows a strand of dark hair out of her face, not seeming bothered. “It’s nice to have something fun to read before delving into the school reading list.”

  Brynn takes this moment to jump in. “I read the first ten pages and had to put it down. It was so ridiculous. But I guess tweens like that sort of thing.”

  “It’s escapism,” I say, forcing a laugh so I didn’t come off as combative. Because, I mean, Alisha is in all honors classes and is obviously not a tween. “It doesn’t have to be great literature.”

  That’s when Kim pulls out her book, Crime and Punishment, and tilts her head, as if daring me to say something.

  Alisha smiles, opening her book. “To each her own.”

  I move over to where Hunter is, trying to ignore the feeling of annoyance bubbling up inside me. He and Steve are sharing a pair of earbuds again, listening to something on Hunter’s phone.

  Hunter smiles at me. “It’s a song we could do as a group.” He hands me his earbud. “What do you think?”

  Ever since the Ringtones won the spring talent show with my song idea—Bruno Mars’s “Grenade”—Hunter likes to bounce possibilities off me.

  Just as I’m about to put the earbud in my ear, Brynn stands up and walks over. “As the Ringtones manager, I get veto privileges.” She snatches Steve’s earbud from him and scoots between him and Hunter.

  Brynn asked if she could manage the Ringtones after they won the talent show and group members had girls throwing themselves at them and asking when their next gig would be. Brynn wants to be a publicist someday, so she viewed this as her first big job, and has since scored them a couple of gigs singing around the area. If you consider nursing homes and the local farmers’ market “gigs,” that is.

  I put the earbud in and try not to be bothered that Brynn, with her revealing aqua-color bikini, is practically sitting on my boyfriend’s lap. I remind myself that they’ve been friends forever and probably think of each other like siblings at this point.

  “Ed Sheeran,” I say as the music fills my ear. “You guys will kill with this.”

  “I know, right? You always get it and I love that,” Hunter says, beaming. Then he looks around. “Did anyone bring food? I’m starving.”

  “I brought cookies,” I say, reaching for my bag.

  “Oh no!” Steve cries. “I don’t want anything you’ve baked. I’m still remembering your chocolate chip cookies!”

  I give him a dirty look and toss a package of Oreos at him. “How many times do I have to tell you? My dad keeps the sugar and kosher salt in unmarked containers. It was an honest mistake.”

  Hunter laughs and I want to push him into the lake. He knows my chef father doesn’t label everything in the pantry, and I even showed him the salt to let him see just how much it looks like sugar. At the time, he agreed it could have happened to anyone.

  “It’s not like I see you guys baking up a storm,” I mutter under my breath.

  “Chill, Ellie,” Hunter says with a grin, and my face flames knowing he heard me. “We’re all taking home ec for a reason.”

  “Yeah, an easy A,” Brynn says.

  Hunter laughs. “Well, that, too.”

  Brynn, Hunter, Steve, and I signed up for home ec as our elective for senior year. Actually, the class is called Applicable Life Skills for Young Adults, but from what I hear, it mostly involves cooking.

  Alisha stands up. “I’ve got to get home for a family barbecue. If anyone wants a ride with me, speak now.”

  “Ooh, I’d love a ride,” Brynn says. “We’re having my sister’s birthday
dinner tonight.”

  I glance at Hunter, since we got a ride with Steve, but he’s watching Brynn. “Diana’s home?”

  Brynn nods. “Yeah, you should stop by later, she’d love to see you. You’re, like, family.”

  I get a twinge in my stomach when Brynn says that. I know Hunter’s known her family longer, but he’s closer to them than I think he’ll ever be to mine. Granted, I don’t bring Hunter around to my house that much because I could tell there was a mutual dislike between him and my mom when they met. Hunter was all, “Does your mom really read tarot cards?” and not in a fascinated way, and Mom was like, “That Hunter seems pretty aloof,” and not in a “but that’s okay” sort of way.

  Hunter looks at me. “We should probably go. Cool?”

  I nod, since I don’t really want to be here without him.

  Kim makes a face. “I’m going to stick around.” She turns to me. “Hey, Weathergirl, is it going to rain? I need to put the top up on my car if so.”

  To her credit, Kim sounds like she may be trying to be friendly when she says this. But I think several of my friends seem to think it’s funny that I want to be a meteorologist, like I’ll be some bimbo pointing out smiley-faced sunshines on a big map of the United States. I tell them all the time that I want to do research on weather, not broadcast it, but no one seems to listen. I glance to the west, where the storm clouds were forming before. They’re getting closer now.

  “Nope, not that I know of,” I say, plastering a smile on my face.

  It’s not like the rain will kill her or anything. Maybe just make for a mildewy smell in her BMW convertible. We’ll call it my revenge for her ripping on Alisha’s book.

  I feel a little guilty thinking like this because of Hunter—he obviously cares about his friends, but sometimes I can’t deal with how cluelessly snotty they are.

  But when we walk toward the car with Alisha and Brynn, I try to make an effort. “Alisha, will there be a broadcast tomorrow morning?”

  Hunter’s walking ahead of me, but I hear him snort. He thinks everyone at our school’s TV station takes it way too seriously … even though he’s just as intense about the Ringtones.