Head Over Wheels

by Diana Morland

  “You don’t show it.”

  “I work hard at my job every day. If I’m not successful, I change what I’m doing. You’ve seen me work.” Just last night, Mindy’s dream had come true—she’d worked at her desk for hours while Shayna read on the couch and even brought her a soda and a snack before heading to bed. She’d thought the whole situation was blissful. Maybe Shayna hadn’t felt the same.

  Before Shayna could argue, she continued. “And you can’t say that I’m not working hard at roller derby. I didn’t think I needed to until I had evidence otherwise. And your cynicism about our relationship isn’t evidence that I need to do something different.”

  “Your optimism isn’t evidence that everything is always going to stay the same.”

  Mindy shook her head. “If you don’t like my optimism, why are you even dating me?”

  “It’s fun. Or it was fun, until I saw how you used it on everything important.” Shayna looked away. “Aren’t you ever scared of anything? Don’t you ever think that something is going to go wrong?”

  Mindy closed her eyes. “I can’t think that way. That’s just going to invite it to happen. If I only focus on the good things, then those are the only things I will make happen.” In her mind’s eyes, she was repeating the scene the day Hannah had left her. She’d come home to find Hannah’s things packed in suitcases, every sign of her presence scrubbed from the apartment they’d been sharing. She’d said she was going to New York.

  She’d never given Mindy a chance to say yes or no.

  Mindy had worried about her relationship with Hannah, had seen some problems in the way Hannah had stopped kissing her or welcoming her to bed after she’d been hard at work on some design project, but she’d been afraid to talk about it. And talking about it wouldn’t have helped. There was nothing she could have done to keep Hannah from leaving.

  But that didn’t matter now. It was a good thing. If Hannah hadn’t gone to New York and met a new girl and gotten married—if Hannah hadn’t left, Mindy wouldn’t have had the chance to meet Shayna, and Shayna was worth a thousand Hannahs.

  “But if you don’t plan for the bad things, then what do you do when they do happen?”

  “I… I deal with them. They always turn out better in the end.” Mindy grabbed Shayna’s hand. “There’s no point in worrying about them because I can always handle anything bad when it comes.”

  But Shayna was shaking her head, backing away, pulling her hand out of Mindy’s grasp. “No, you don’t. You laugh it off. You say it isn’t your fault.”

  Mindy followed her back through the living room and into the hall. “I do not!”

  “That’s exactly what you did when we didn’t make it onto the all-star team. You just said it had nothing to do with us. That’s not dealing with it, Mindy. That’s just ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away.” Shayna stepped back, through the doorway to Mindy’s bedroom.

  “Well… I…” Mindy was speechless, and she was pissed. She didn’t know why Shayna had to judge her on that. She might not be the world’s greatest derby player, but she was getting better, and that was all because of Shayna.

  She followed her into the bedroom, taking a deep breath, but her heart lurched and she forgot what she was going to say when she saw Shayna getting dressed. It wasn’t the sight of her gorgeous tits being strapped into a bra that stopped her—it was the look in her eyes, hard and cool, like she wasn’t going to listen to anything else.

  She finished getting her clothes on and looked at Mindy. Mindy couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Nothing that she thought Shayna would listen to.

  “You need to realize that the world isn’t all sunshine and roses,” Shayna said. “I don’t know how I can be with you if you won’t face the real world.”

  “And what about you?” Mindy snapped, her anger overtaking her. “You ignore what’s really in front of you—you just assume that no one has good intentions! The world isn’t out to hurt you, but you’re acting like it is!”

  Shayna grabbed her bag and pushed past Mindy in the hallway. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “What? Shayna, just listen to me. We can work this out.” Mindy followed her once again, unable to think of anything to do but stay as close to Shayna as she could.

  Shayna shook her head, reaching for the doorknob. “No, we can’t talk about this. You’ll just get mad at me and I’ll deserve it.”

  “Now who’s being selfish?” Mindy wanted to grab Shayna, to pull her back inside, but that wouldn’t do any good.

  Shayna wrenched the door open and glared over her shoulder at Mindy. “That’s right. I am selfish. That’s why I can’t do this. I can’t rely on you, Mindy.”

  “Why the hell not? I’m reliable!”

  Shayna shook her head. “I can’t make you do that. It’s my parents’ job to take care of me, but it’s not yours.”

  “It could be,” Mindy said, but she knew neither of them would like that even as she said it. She just had to say anything to keep Shayna from leaving.

  “No, it couldn’t.” Shayna swallowed. “I’m just leaving right now because I don’t want to hate you, Mindy. We’ll talk later when we’ve both calmed down.”

  She shut the door behind her. Mindy stood there stunned for a moment. Had that been a tear trickling down Shayna’s cheek? Mindy had to keep her from running away. She opened the door and ran down the hall, but Shayna was already gone.

  Chapter 20

  Mindy’s head throbbed as she sat down on the bench in the locker room and unscrewed the top of a brightly-colored drink claiming electrolyte power. She wasn’t normally a sports-drink person, but today, the ones in the track’s vending machine had drawn her eye. She knew she was dehydrated from coffee and crying and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten, so chugging sports drinks was—hopefully—exactly what she needed. She wouldn’t be able to play very well without calories.

  Dehydration aside, she was playing well; she knew her extra practices with Shayna were helping. Tara was pretty demanding—almost as good a captain as Shelly had been—but Mindy was still keeping up with all of her drills. The fact that she kept feeling like she was about to fall over just made her more determined.

  As she tipped her head back and slurped down the last of the brightly-colored sugar water, Kristine sat down on the bench next to her. Once Mindy had straightened up again, Kristine nudged her shoulder. “Hey, you okay? You’ve been really quiet today.”

  “I have?” Mindy screwed the top onto the drink bottle, looked at the trash can, and decided not to try to throw it from here if she was off her game.

  “Yeah, you didn’t even laugh when Christy said she felt like worse shit than the meconium-covered infant she helped deliver this morning.”

  Mindy smiled. That did sound really gross. “I must have missed that.” She’d been thinking about Shayna, and money, and whether she was really going to see her girlfriend again.

  “So what’s wrong?”

  She sighed and looked down at the drink bottle. “I had a fight with my girlfriend.”

  “Oh, the hottie from the Rittenhouse Rioters?”

  Mindy sighed as an image of Shayna in her derby gear swam into her mind’s eye. “Yeah, that’s her.”

  “You didn’t break up, did you?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  Kristine sucked a tooth. “It’s like that, huh? I’m really sorry, that sucks. I shouldn’t tease you about it.”

  Mindy smiled again and nudged Kristine with her shoulder. “Please, if I can’t handle being teased about it I’m probably dead and you should start looking for my replacement on the team.”

  “Who’s getting replaced on the team?” Leave it to their new team captain to hear the worst part of that conversation. Tara rolled over to them, eyebrows so high they were practically in her hairline. “Mindy, please don’t tell me you’re quitting.”

  Mindy shook her head quickly. “It was a joke. I love this team, I
wouldn’t quit.”

  Tara sighed. “Oh, good. The team is getting messed up enough as it is, and I don’t want to have to try holding together a team with a lot of turnover in my first month as captain!”

  Mindy’s eyes widened and she and Kristine shared a glance. “Is there some other turnover?”

  “Tiffany might be leaving,” Tara said with a grimace. “We don’t necessarily need to replace her right away… but if she doesn’t change her mind, we’ll be holding tryouts in a couple of weeks instead of a regular Saturday practice. That’s cool, right?”

  “Cool with me,” Mindy said, but she didn’t like the idea of anyone on the team leaving. She didn’t know Tiffany all that well, but Tara was right that the team had been shaken up enough lately. Maybe Tiffany would change her mind like Gayle had.

  “Anyway, let’s get back on the track,” Tara said. “Good work out there lately, Mindy, but don’t push yourself too hard, okay? You look like you’re fading today.”

  “Thanks,” Mindy said sarcastically, but Tara was already heading back to the track, calling for the rest of the team to join her.

  Kristine stood up and pulled Mindy to her feet, which made Mindy grin, considering she had almost half a foot on Kristine. “You didn’t notice that Tiffany’s been kind of annoyed lately?” Kristine asked.

  Mindy shook her head. “I really am out of it. But hey, my skating is getting better.” Despite her sarcastic response, Tara’s compliment had been good to hear.

  “Yeah, it is. Come on.” Kristine tugged her arm as they headed back toward the track. “And I know you—you’ll be okay no matter what happens. You always put the best face on things.”

  “Yeah,” Mindy said, but she didn’t know anymore if that meant she would be okay.

  Mindy had held off, but that night when she got home from roller derby, she sent Shayna a text. Hey. You doing OK?

  She refused to let herself wait for a response, instead digging deep back into the design project she’d been working on. It was almost two in the morning when she sent the final draft back to the client, so she went right to sleep. Early in the morning, though, a chime rang by her ear.

  She sat up almost instantly—she must not have been sleeping well—and grabbed for her phone. Shayna had just texted her back. I’m OK. Thanks. You?

  Surviving, she texted back, in such haste that her thumbs slipped and she had to rely on autocorrect to make sure her words were readable. Want to come over?

  I have to work, was the response, a few minutes later.

  After?

  Not today.

  Mindy took in a deep breath. She could handle this. She could. OK. Hope work goes well.

  Now that she was awake, she started to get ready for her day, making coffee and getting a quick shower. When she got out, Shayna had texted, It never will. It never does.

  Mindy frowned. Shayna was cynical, sure, but she’d never seemed to hate her job quite this much. If it sucks, get a new one, she texted back.

  Right, because that’s so easy.

  Mindy didn’t have a response to that. It wasn’t easy, and she knew it. She texted back a quick Love you and, afraid of not getting the response she wanted, put her headphones on and checked her email.

  No response from last night’s client, but she had an email from her favorite client asking for graphics for a website. It was a project that would take a long time—lots of different graphics—but it would have a unifying theme, and they wanted her draft of the theme and a header by Monday morning. They had a few colors and other design suggestions, but in general they were giving her free rein. In excitement, she wrote back immediately with her acceptance, assuming they agreed to her rate for the project.

  She didn’t wait to hear whether they liked the rate or not, diving right in to work on the project. She just had three days to do a lot of work, but she knew she could handle it. She’d done projects like this in less time.

  It wasn’t until her growling stomach forced her off the computer and toward the kitchen that she saw the text from Shayna. Love you, too.

  Mindy breathed more easily.

  The next morning, Mindy was working at ArriveSpace—well, actually, she was in the middle of a conversation with Dena and Alex, but she was at ArriveSpace when her phone rang. She frowned, looked at it, and saw “Shayna.”

  She jumped up, waving her hand at Dena and Alex and rushing out of the main room to a place where she could hear the phone. “Shayna?”

  “Mindy? I’m sorry, I’m calling from work, so I can’t talk long if a customer comes in.”

  Mindy’s heart beat faster at the idea that Shayna had wanted to talk to her so badly that she couldn’t wait until she was done at work. “That’s fine. I’m getting ready for derby anyway.”

  “Oh, that’s right, you have practice in the morning and weight lifting in place of a match at night, right?”

  “Yeah, that’s how things are, and Tara will chew me out if I miss one. But you’re welcome to come join us if you want to try your hand at the weights.”

  “Um, I think I’ll pass. Can I come over afterward?”

  “Of course!” Mindy’s heart leapt. “I won’t be home until around nine-thirty, though.”

  “That’s perfect. I’ll bring you food to make up to you.”

  “Sweetie, you don’t have to make up to me.”

  “But I want to. Not a cupcake, though. I am so incredibly sick of cupcakes.”

  Mindy snorted. “I’m totally cool with that. Bring whatever you want, or don’t bring, as long as you show up. Were you going to stay the night?”

  “If that’s okay.”

  Mindy’s heart soared, but then fell again as she remembered the design project. She had a lot of work to do, she and the client had agreed to terms, and she couldn’t afford to let them down. “I’d love it, but I will have to work kind of a lot.”

  “Oh, that’s fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Mindy, I love how dedicated you are to your job, and I love watching you work. As I recall, you really like having me around when you work, too.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t know if you’re really comfortable with missing out on my attention.”

  “I promise it’s fine, Mindy. If I hate it, I’ll tell you so specifically, okay?”

  Mindy chewed her lip. She wasn’t sure if she was satisfied with that answer. But before she could continue the discussion, Shayna spoke again, this time in a whisper.

  “Sorry, a customer just came in. We’ll talk tonight, okay?”

  “Okay,” Mindy said, but she thought Shayna had already hung up on her. She put her phone into her derby bag, frowning. Well, at least they would be able to talk more easily when Shayna came over—she hoped.

  Chapter 21

  Mindy was pleasantly exhausted when she got home from lifting weights that night. Her arms were a bit wobbly, so it took her a while to find her keys in her bag, especially since she was distracted by her thoughts of having a nice, hot shower before Shayna came.

  That was why she didn’t see Shayna until she was almost stepping on her, on the front stoop of the apartment building. “Shayna!” she cried, dropping her keys. “What are you doing here already?”

  “The bus came earlier than I expected,” Shayna said, smiling a little as she grabbed the keys and stood up. A plastic bag swung from her arm. “You know, you should probably give me a key.”

  “Damn, I should,” Mindy said, staring at her keys. “I don’t think any of the key copying places are open right now.”

  Shayna laughed. “I didn’t mean this minute, sweetie. Come on, let’s get inside.”

  “Oh, shit, you must be freezing.” Mindy hurriedly opened the front door of the apartment building with her key and ushered Shayna inside with one arm. “Didn’t anyone let you in?”

  “No one’s been in or out so far,” Shayna said with a shrug. “I wasn’t waiting for that long, though I admit I’ll be happy to be inside.”

  “We
ll, I…” Mindy took a deep breath as they began to climb the stairs. “You brought Chinese food?”

  “I thought it would be good for after weight lifting. And I bought it with cash—my own money from working.”

  Mindy paused on the landing to give Shayna a big, smacking kiss on the lips. “You know I don’t care, right? I’m glad you used your own money, because you’re glad, but I love you the same whether you live within your means or spend all your parents’ money.”

  Shayna was quiet, but she stayed by Mindy’s side as they finished climbing the stairs. As they headed down the hallway, Shayna said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. Can we not talk about that right now?”

  “Of course,” Mindy said quickly. “Whatever you want. Let’s get inside and eat your Chinese food.”

  The food was still warm, and they sat on Mindy’s couch and devoured it, talking about roller derby. Mindy opened her fortune cookie, which read “Do not keep searching for happiness. It is right next to you.”

  Shayna laughed and insisted on reading it herself to make sure Mindy wasn’t making up the fortune. “They knew I was getting food for my girlfriend. They must have put that one in on purpose.”

  “They were right,” Mindy said, giving her another kiss and putting one arm around her. Shayna felt so good in her arms, soft and warm, even if she was a little gassy from the takeout. “Go on, open yours.”

  “Okay.” Shayna leaned against Mindy as she bent forward for the fortune, smiling.

  “Something wonderful is about to happen to you,” Shayna read.

  “Ooh, they got that one right, too.” Mindy kissed Shayna again, sneaking her fingertips under her shirt. “Do you want to eat your cookie?”

  “It can wait,” Shayna said breathlessly, tossing the cookie onto the table. Mindy pushed her gently onto her back on the couch, sliding one hand further under her shirt. She was wearing another one of those little sweaters that made her breasts look so good. Of course, her breasts always looked amazing.