Imperfect Saint

by Jess Bryant

  Millie was gaping up at him again when he finished and he chuckled at the awe she couldn’t keep from her gaze. He leaned over and brushed his lips against her temple. She didn’t flinch away from him this time and he smiled against her hair. She shook her head slowly as he pulled away, amazement and something else flashed in her dark eyes and if he wasn’t wrong, a bit of a blush on her cheeks.

  “What?” He asked innocently when she continued to stare at him, “Did I get it wrong?”

  “No.” Millie whispered softly, “No. You got every detail exactly right.”

  He loved that breathy quality in her voice. Loved that he’d made her sound like that, look at him like that. He’d surprised her but he’d also impressed her. She’d liked that story and he’d liked it a little too much not to make it true, so he did the only thing he could.

  Hunter smiled softly, “What do you say, beautiful? How about another dance under the stars with me?”

  Millie opened her mouth but then closed it again. Her gaze darted around the table. Almost all of the eyes in their vicinity were watching them and she must have realized that declining would be a bad idea because she nodded. He slid his fingers around hers and helped her from the chair, holding her hand as he led her a few feet away to a spot under the trees where they would be mostly alone but not out of sight of the wedding party.

  She didn’t say a word. She didn’t contradict his story. She couldn’t, because he’d just described this moment as their first date and it was all, mostly, true.

  When they’d first walked into the large backyard, he’d been knocked speechless by the grandeur of it all. The rolling green grass and the perfectly manicured landscape. The long, antique wood tables and chairs set up beneath the trees. The exposed lights hung from their tall branches. It was set up as if it was a rustic, outdoor dinner but everything about it was upscale, all the way from the fine china to the silverware, right down to the small band playing as the guests dined and chatted amongst themselves without even noticing the beauty of it all.

  But he had. He’d noticed. And now he had Millie exactly where he wanted her, in his arms, under the stars, taking in the magic of the night instead of distracted by her asshole ex or even her family.

  He twirled her slightly and she laughed as he pulled her back in. She felt good in his arms. Like holding her was completely natural. She relaxed a little and let him lead and he smiled as some of the distance she’d been putting between them evaporated.

  Millie waited until she wasn’t facing the others to look up at him and whisper, “That was some story you told them.”

  “It was. Wasn’t it?” He winked and she snorted.

  “For a lie.”

  He shook his head, “It wasn’t a lie, Mills. Not really. All of the parts that matter were true. I told you earlier, this isn’t fake for me and that story I told them? Lemon setting us up? The big party with Nashville’s elite? Dancing under the night sky? That’s not fake either because it’s happening right now. This is our first date.”

  “Hunter.” She glanced away, her voice soft and he knew that he was pushing too hard.

  He had all weekend to convince her to take him seriously. They’d barely been at the Turner home a few hours but there was something about being here with Millie that made him want to tell her everything he was feeling. Maybe it was the promise of the upcoming wedding; romance in the air, or maybe it was just that he finally had her to himself, away from work, where she couldn’t use professionalism as a way to keep him at bay.

  He’d wanted her from the first time he saw her but it was more than that now. Every minute he got to spend with her only made him want more and he knew that meant he shouldn’t push too hard and too fast or else he’d risk losing her before he ever had her but he didn’t want to let this chance slip through his fingers either.

  “You’re doing a really good job of convincing everyone that we’re together.” Millie spoke softly, finally meeting his gaze again, “You’re so good at this, you’re even starting to convince me. It’s… a lot to take in.”

  “I know.” He brushed her hair back softly, “I know.”

  “I don’t think you do.” Millie looked up at him, “I told you something earlier too, remember? Joshua is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with. I loved him and I trusted him and…”

  When she trailed off and shook her head he sighed, “You don’t have to tell me.”

  “No, it’s just, I want to. You make me want to tell you things, everything, and I can’t. Hunter, I can’t. We can’t. If I did, you wouldn’t look at me the way you look at me now and I’m not sure I can stand to lose the way that look of yours makes me feel.”

  God, that hit him in the gut. She knew. She’d known how he felt about her. She didn’t want to lose it, or him. And it was all he could do not to kiss her right then and there.

  Instead he shook his head, “That’s not true. You can tell me anything. It won’t change how much I want you.”

  “It will though.” Her bottom lip trembled slightly and she ducked her head, leaning against his chest as they swayed together under the trees, “I’m not the person you think I am.”

  “You’re exactly who I think you are.” He murmured against the top of her head. “You’re perfect.”

  “That’s not true. I’m not perfect. Far from it. I’m broken.”

  He pulled back enough to lift her chin and force her to meet his gaze, “Millie, look at me.”

  She blinked and he would have sworn that behind her glasses her eyes were wet with unshed tears. He hated the very thought of it. He hated that anything he’d said or done could have made Millie hurt this much.

  He’d known even before he came here that she was keeping secrets. He’d known that the façade she showed the world was mostly smoke and mirrors. But he hadn’t known that she was holding so much pain inside herself or just how badly he would want to be the one to help heal her.

  “You’re not broken.”

  “I am.”

  “Even if you are, so what? We’re all broken in some way or another aren’t we? That doesn’t make you any less perfect in my eyes.”

  “Well it does to them.” She shot a glance back towards the tables full of people that were supposed to be her family and friends.

  “Fuck them.” He muttered harshly and then forced a calming breath, “If they don’t see how amazing you are that’s on them, Millie. Not you. Maybe you are broken. Maybe you’ve got cracks, but baby, we all do. You don’t have to try to be something you’re not. Not for me. If you’re broken, I’ll be the glue that helps fix you, Millie. All you have to do is let me.”

  “Maybe I’m not fixable, Hunter. Maybe I’m not just broken. Maybe I’m ruined.”

  Hunter growled at the soft words. He couldn’t help himself. He had to kiss her. Right there, in that moment, not kissing her ceased to be a possibility. He wouldn’t let her believe for even a second that she was ruined, that she was anything less than perfect. Nothing she could tell him would make him want her less and if words wouldn’t convince her then maybe his kiss could.

  He dipped his head, taking her mouth, and when their lips met it felt as though he’d waited a lifetime too long for this moment.

  Millie gasped at the first touch of his mouth on hers and he pulled back just a breath, giving her a chance to turn away. She wanted this. He knew she did. He could feel the chemistry between them. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. It wasn’t her body telling her to keep him at a distance, it was her mind. He’d seen that big brain of hers whirling behind her eyes, thinking and plotting and rationalizing and he’d known that the only way to shut it off was to make her feel instead. So he’d kissed her and now he waited, breath held and body frozen, for her response.

  She didn’t disappoint.

  Millie tilted her face up for him, giving him permission, and that was all he needed. He took her mouth again. It was more than just a brush of lips against lips t
his time. He kissed her for real, the way a man kissed a woman that he’d wanted for far too long. He kissed her hard and without restraint.

  He coaxed her mouth into sliding against his. He could taste hints of the whiskey she’d been drinking on her lips and he swore he was drunk on her. Millie wrapped her arms around his neck, letting him pull her even closer, so close it felt as though he could weld them together. There was no distance between them now. The only thing keeping them apart was their clothing and even that was too much when he had the sweet taste of her in his mouth and the feel of her soft skin under his hands.

  Finally. Finally he knew what she tasted like. Finally he knew what she felt like in his arms. Perfection. She’d been made for him.

  He traced her bottom lip with his tongue and she opened for him, sliding her own alongside his. She mewled like a contented kitty when he wrapped one hand in her hair, holding her head steady as he plundered her mouth again and again, unable to break away even for air. He wanted to imprint himself onto her soul, just as she’d done to him, but somewhere, outside the fog of his desire, his need to strip her bare and join their bodies, to claim her as his own, some part of his brain clicked back to reality and he remembered where they were.

  Not alone. Not in their bedroom. Not in private where they could explore this incredible, intense, connection for as long and as thoroughly as they wanted.

  They were still standing under the old oak trees, lit with twinkling lights. The sound of voices murmuring low broke through the steady thump of the blood racing through his ears. The band was still playing though nobody else had joined them in dancing. He could feel dozens of pairs of eyes on them and he hated the feeling, hated the way Millie stiffened suddenly, as if she too had just returned to reality and realized they weren’t in their own little world. She started to pull away from him but he held tight, tucking her back against his chest and holding her there as he lowered his lips to her ear.

  “Shh, it’s okay.”

  “Hunter…” She shivered slightly when she said his name and he smoothed a hand up and down her back, “Wh-why?”

  “Why what, baby?”

  “Why did you kiss me like that? Why here? Why now?”

  “You know why.” He felt his jaw clench when she pulled back enough to look at him and gave a small shake of her head.

  She looked absolutely breakable in that moment. Her hair messed from where he’d run his fingers through it. Her lipstick slightly askew. Her cheeks flushed and her eyes glassy behind the glasses that set crooked on her face now. She looked like if he said the wrong thing that she really might crack open and break so despite his urge to pull her close and kiss her again, to remind her that to him this wasn’t a lie or an act, to tell her that he’d kissed her because he’d wanted it and he thought she wanted it too, he simply pulled her back into his chest and sighed.

  “Do you want the truth or the easy answer, Mills?”

  Her grasp on him tightened fractionally, just enough to reassure him, but then she whispered the words he’d feared she would say, “Maybe for now, the easy answer?”

  It hurt. He couldn’t deny that. But he tried to keep the reaction from showing on his face or in his body language.

  They’d just shared something special. She couldn’t pretend they hadn’t, not even if she wanted to. She couldn’t shut him out anymore. Not after kissing him like that. Not when he now knew that her body yearned for him the way his yearned for her. One taste, one kiss, was never going to be enough, not for either of them, but he’d already told himself that he had all weekend to convince her, so he forced the pain her words caused down deep inside him.

  She wasn’t ready to hear the truth. Not yet. At least not all of it. And until she was, he had to play along or risk her pushing him away for good.

  Hunter sighed against her hair and gave her the easy answer she wanted, “Your ex wasn’t buying us as a couple. Answering all the questions in the world wouldn’t have convinced him you’d moved on. He doesn’t want to believe that this, us, is real. Now he has to.”

  Millie stiffened at the mention of her ex and he felt her head turn slightly, seeking Joshua out amongst the faces at the tables. That hurt too but Hunter held her in his arms. He knew what she was seeing. The same thing he was. Joshua Bell had shoved up out of his chair and was snarling something at his date. He grabbed the girl by the arm and hauled her out of her seat, all but dragging her with him as he stormed back towards the house. Millie made a sound, something he didn’t understand, but she buried her head against his chest again and he simply held onto her, hoping she would stay with him.

  “Thank you.” Millie finally spoke, and his heart ached for her all over again.

  “No problem.” He lied, “It’s what I’m here for, right?”

  Millie didn’t respond but he hadn’t expected her to. Even still, she didn’t push him away. She stayed right there, in his arms, letting him hold her, and he figured that spoke volumes above what her words could in that moment. She wasn’t pushing him away and that was the only sliver of hope he needed for the time being.

  7

  Millie felt stupid. Stupid and naïve and nervous. She sat on the edge of the bed, her bed in her childhood bedroom, and chewed on the inside of her cheek until it ached.

  One bed. She and Hunter were sharing a room. She’d let everyone believe they were a couple. She was a grown woman and even if her father didn’t like it, he wouldn’t make Hunter stay in a separate room. She and Hunter were sharing more than a room though, they would also be sharing this bed.

  Why hadn’t she thought about that before? Why hadn’t she already worried it over a million times and come up with a solution? Why hadn’t it even crossed her mind?

  Even when they’d been up here in her room earlier, before dinner, she hadn’t given it so much as a second thought. She’d had other things to worry about then. But now, back in her room, their room, Hunter in the bathroom changing into pajamas and her, already wearing the simple pink and white polka dot boxer shorts and tank top that she’d packed for herself, the one bed seemed to loom large and inviting and terrifying now.

  It was because Hunter had kissed her. She knew that. He’d changed everything when he’d taken her in his arms and kissed her like she’d never been kissed before. He’d crossed the imaginary line she’d drawn in the sand the first time she met him and now she knew there was no going back.

  He’d kissed her and she’d kissed him and her body ached for him now in ways that she hadn’t even known were possible.

  They were about to go to bed together. Sleep together. Side by side, beneath the blankets, together in the dark, and she couldn’t stop her whirling mind from questioning everything now.

  What would happen once they crawled into bed and turned off the lights? Would he press her for more? Would he turn to her and take her into his arms again? Would he hold her close and make her feel as safe and as cherished as he had when they’d been dancing? Would he kiss her again? Kiss her until she felt dizzy and unable to breathe for how much she wanted him? And if he did, would she let him?

  She wanted him. She couldn’t lie to herself about that. Not anymore. Not when he’d been nothing short of perfect over the last few hours. He’d walked into this situation willingly. Lemon hadn’t forced him to come here as Millie’s date. He’d chosen to do it just as he’d chosen to take it a step further and convince her family that he was her boyfriend. He’d told her, more than once now, that he wasn’t acting, and she knew that she couldn’t keep up the façade of indifference now that he’d kissed her.

  He’d said he wanted her. He’d showed her with his kiss. And she wanted him too.

  She just wasn’t sure she was ready for him.

  “Millie?”

  She jerked her eyes up from the ground at the sound of her name and saw Hunter standing in the doorway between the bathroom and the bedroom. He was wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants that sat low on his hips and absolutely nothing else. Her mouth we
nt dry at the sight of him, shirtless and gorgeous, standing in front of her.

  He was absolutely breathtaking. All of those firm, hard muscles with that golden skin stretched taunt. He was built like a GI Joe, which she supposed was fitting considering he’d spent much of his life in the Army. She wasn’t surprised to find that he was beyond fit. She’d seen that patch of hair leading into his pants and the indentations of his abs earlier when he’d had his shirt unbuttoned. What had her mouth falling open was the dark ink that wrapped around his right arm from just above his wrist almost to his elbow.

  “You…” She blinked, starting to reach out and then catching herself, “You have a tattoo.”

  His face flickered into an expression she couldn’t read before he nodded, “Yeah. I do.”

  She remembered then all the things he’d rattled off about her earlier in the day. He’d known she had a small tattoo even though she kept it hidden and out of sight. Yet he had a much larger span of ink covering his arm, in a place that she would have seen easily if he’d ever worn short sleeves in front of her, or even pushed up his button down, only she’d never known it existed.

  “Why?” The word fell from her mouth and Hunter raised an eyebrow.

  “Why what?”

  “Why do you keep it hidden? I didn’t know. You know about mine but…”

  “It wasn’t like we ever discussed ink, babe.” He shot her a knowing look, “It never came up.”

  “But…” She frowned, not liking the easy way he dismissed it, “You keep it covered on purpose. If you didn’t, I’d have seen it before now.”

  “I figured little miss professional boundaries might not like me showing off ink at work so…” He shrugged and she glared at him, seeing straight through the sarcasm.

  “That’s not why you kept it covered.”