Imperfect Saint

by Jess Bryant

“I…” Hunter struggled for words and finally shook his head, “No. I didn’t see her. I didn’t know. I…” He huffed out a rough breath, frustrated with himself for not trusting his gut downstairs when he’d realized something was off. “When I got here the doorman wasn’t at his spot and nobody seemed to be in the lobby. I thought it was weird but I chalked it up to them taking a break or catching them between shifts. I never thought… No. I didn’t know she was there.”

  “The doorman, he was already gone when you arrived?” Detective Brian moved on with relative ease while Hunter still struggled for words.

  “Yes. Is he dead too?”

  “We can’t be sure yet. We haven’t tracked him down. He’s missing at the moment.”

  “Missing.” Hunter repeated, rubbing at his face. “Jesus.”

  It was Tyler’s hand on his shoulder that kept him steady this time. Vaughn moved to his other side. They were like a squadron, moving in sync, protecting the weak link in the middle of them, all without saying a word. Hunter felt another flood of relief that his brothers had come when Vaughn spoke up.

  “Is that all you need, Detective? He’s been through a lot tonight. They both have.”

  “Yes.” Detective Brian looked between them, “That’s all for now, though we’ll need you to come down to the station and sign your statements once we have it all typed up.”

  “No problem. You have my number.” Vaughn responded for him.

  “Mr. St. James. Hunter.” The detective corrected when they all looked at him, “You and your girlfriend got very lucky tonight. I’ve seen enough of these scenes to know they don’t normally end like this. I’m glad you’re both still here to give your side of the story.”

  “Thank you.” Hunter struggled through a throat thick with emotion as he caught sight of Millie across the room, bandaged and cleaned up, no longer bloody but bruised and looking fragile and breakable again, all because he hadn’t been there to protect her.

  He had to take a moment to consciously remind himself that no, she wasn’t fragile. She hadn’t broken. She’d been strong. She’d fought. She’d saved her own life and quite possibly his too.

  And she loved him. She’d said so. In the heat of the moment, when they’d both been scared to death, she’d said it. If she hadn’t fought off the attack, if she hadn’t survived, he might never have heard those three lovely, beautiful words, but now that he had, he intended to spend the rest of his life being thankful that he had her to hold and to love.

  Moving in together? Fuck that. She was marrying him, and soon. Just as soon as they got rid of all the cops and doctors, and the bandages and bruises. She was his and if his brothers wanted her at the St. James family dinners then that was fine. He’d make her a St. James and then she’d have to go with him every Sunday for the rest of their lives.

  21

  By the time the police and the medical technicians left, a new day had begun and dawn was fast approaching. The detectives had asked their questions again and again. The EMT’s had cleaned and bandaged Millie’s wounds, given her stitches and something for the pain that was making her drowsy.

  Through it all, Millie had felt numb and hollow, as if the entire night was nothing more than a nightmare she couldn’t seem to wake up from. She didn’t want to wake up and find out that it had all been real, that Joshua was in a hospital somewhere because she’d stabbed him, that the man she’d once loved had tried to kill her, that he’d become a murderer in the span of one terrible night.

  She didn’t understand how it had happened. Not any of it. And she was so tired that she didn’t even want to try comprehending it all right now.

  Right now, all she wanted, was to curl up in bed and go to sleep, preferably with Hunter wrapped around her so that she would know, without a shadow of a doubt, that nothing else could hurt her.

  The police had split them up as soon as they arrived. They’d wanted to question them alone. She supposed the cops had needed to make sure their stories were the same. Even knowing the rationale behind it, she’d hated that they put them on opposite sides of the room and she’d been counting the minutes until she could race back into the safety of his arms.

  As if he needed the reassurance as much as she did, as soon as the police had released him from questioning, Hunter had come straight to her side, hugged her tight and refused to let go of her. She’d clung to him in the same way, grateful for his presence and his support in ways that she couldn’t begin to put into words. Hunter didn’t seem to need words though. He simply held her and was there for her, just as she’d known he would be.

  She had no idea how long they’d stood there like that, holding each other, but eventually someone had cleared their throat and made her jump nearly a foot off the ground. Hunter had cursed at the other man who had apologized profusely for scaring her. She hadn’t been able to speak but not because he she was scared. She hadn’t spoken because she was too in awe of how much the other man resembled the one holding her in his arms.

  Hunter had introduced her to his younger brother, Tyler, and then when a big, solid, brick wall of a man with dark hair going silver at the temples came back into the apartment a moment later, she’d also met his older brother Vaughn. She’d felt ridiculous meeting them amid her wrecked apartment, when she looked like a psychotic mess, but neither of them had made her feel like there was anything out of the ordinary going on. She supposed it must be part of their training or something, that they saw all of this damage and simply took it in stride.

  She’d been happy to let them take control of the situation so long as it meant she didn’t have to think.

  Vaughn had asked if it was okay for him to pack her a bag. She’d nodded and he’d disappeared into her room. Hunter had calmly explained that it was best she stay somewhere else tonight and when she’d only stared up at him it had been Tyler that jumped in to make the decision for her. He’d said he would drive them to Hunter’s apartment and then clear out for the night so that they could be alone. By the time Vaughn returned with a duffel bag full to the brim with God only knew what her senses had started to return enough that she remembered Simmons was hiding somewhere in the apartment.

  Vaughn hadn’t even questioned her sudden panic about her cat. He’d simply handed the duffle to Hunter, grabbed the cat carrier out of the hall closet where she’d told him it was, and went back into the bedroom to find the traumatized feline.

  When he’d returned ten minutes later, Simmons was in the cat carrier and Vaughn’s big forearms were covered in scratches. She’d tried to apologize and explained that the cat was a rescue and nervous around strangers but he hadn’t let her. He’d shaken off her words and said he’d faced a lot worse than a cat scratch and she thought that maybe, just maybe, in another timeline, if she’d met Hunter’s oldest brother on a different set of terms that trying to hug him wouldn’t have seemed like an insurmountable task despite his stoicism.

  Vaughn had taken the cat and the big duffle. Hunter had helped her find shoes and a jacket. Tyler had gone to pull his SUV around to the back entrance to avoid anyone that might be waiting for them at the front of the building.

  They made a good team, she noticed. Each of them working in sync with the others to accomplish their mission. Vaughn was clearly the older brother and he took complete control. He escorted them downstairs and out the back door, helping Hunter and Millie into the backseat and putting the cat carrier in the passenger seat before making sure it was okay he go back upstairs and clean up for her. She’d nodded, not knowing what else to do, and when Vaughn shut the door and rapped on the top, Tyler had driven them away from the curb and towards sun just beginning to peek over the edges of Nashville.

  All through the drive, Hunter had held her. They’d been quiet, all three of them. Just breathing and watching the lights blur as Tyler sped across the city. At one point Millie was almost certain she’d fallen asleep on Hunter’s chest because in the blink of an eye she startled to find herself being lifted out of the vehicle and H
unter hushing her as he carried her into another building.

  She vaguely recognized it despite her weariness. She’d only been to Hunter’s place once since they had started dating and that had only been because he forgot the tickets to the theater that he’d printed out and they’d had to swing by and pick them up. He said he preferred spending time at her apartment since it was larger and more private. Even still, she’d somehow missed that what he’d been saying was that he didn’t live alone and she didn’t realize it until Tyler unlocked the door, dropped her duffle to the couch, put the cat carrier on the floor next to it and said he’d pack a bag and then be out of their hair.

  Millie rubbed her eyes as she forced Hunter to put her back on her feet, “You live with your brother?”

  “Not exactly.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

  “But…”

  “But he stays here. A lot. Tyler doesn’t really live anywhere. He couch surfs from here to Vaughn’s to Tatum’s and sometimes even Dad’s place. He stays with friends sometimes. I had the extra bedroom so he spends more nights here than anywhere else, but I wouldn’t say he lives here.”

  “What do you mean, he doesn’t live anywhere? He’s what… twenty-three?”

  “Twenty-five next month.” Hunter snorted, “But he’s not ready to grow up and I’m not going to be the one to make him. He spends most of his money on all these wild adventure trips he loves to go on and I’m not going to force him to pay rent just to tie him down in a life he isn’t sure he wants.”

  “You mean if he decides he doesn’t want to work for Vaughn he won’t have to worry about being homeless because he can’t afford his own place.” Millie nodded thoughtfully, her mind kicking on enough to begin to process all of it.

  “Yeah, something like that.”

  She managed a small smile, “You’re a good big brother.”

  “He’s the best big brother.” Tyler came back into the room like a whirlwind, dark hair flying and blue-green eyes flashing as he shot her a wink before turning to Hunter, “Be sure to lock the door behind me.”

  “I’m the big brother. I got this.”

  “I know you do. Just, take care of her.” Tyler reached out and gave Hunter a one-armed hug and Hunter returned it without ever letting go of Millie with his other arm.

  She smiled softly at the embrace. It had been an awful night. It had been weird and the last few hours had seemed more dreamlike than anything based in reality, but she knew instinctively that the St. James brothers loved one another. Vaughn and Tyler had come riding in as soon as they’d heard from Hunter that there was a problem and they’d done their best to try and fix it for them, or at least make it better. Seeing Hunter and Tyler together like this reminded her that she would need to call her brother soon, and her father, eventually.

  The thought had her wanting to crawl back into her shell and let the St. James brothers deal with that too.

  “Hey.” Tyler’s voice pulled her back to the moment and she realized that he was looking at her now.

  “Sorry, what?”

  “I said, you’re a badass, Millie Turner. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.” He winked again and Hunter made a low growling noise and pulled her into his side.

  “Stop flirting with my girl and go away.”

  “I’m going.” Tyler hefted his backpack onto his shoulder again and then grinned at his brother, “I can see now why you were trying to keep her all to yourself, Hunt. She’s a special lady. I’m sure Tatum will love getting to meet her at Sunday dinner.”

  “We’re not doing Sunday dinner this week.” Hunter groaned.

  Tyler only shrugged, “That’s fine. Whenever. Vaughn and I already voted and we think she’s gonna make a damn fine St. James one day.”

  “I said, get out.” Hunter all but shoved his brother who tripped a little but waved as he opened the door and then disappeared out it with the sound of laughter still ringing in the small space.

  Once he was gone, the space went quiet and still again. Hunter let go of her to move to the door. He flipped both locks and then checked it again before trusting that it was going to hold.

  Somewhere in the back of her mind Millie knew that there was no point in locking herself up tight now, the threat was gone. Joshua was in the hospital and once he was stable they’d move him to a room with bars. Now wasn’t the time to worry about her safety.

  She should have been worried about it for the last six weeks, ever since the day of Colin’s wedding when Joshua had vowed to make her pay. She should have known it was coming like an impending storm, but she’d let her guard down. She’d let herself believe she was safe because she was happy. And she’d been wrong.

  But she’d won. She’d gotten away. She was still alive and she still had Hunter and she still loved him with every fiber of her being.

  Finally alone, Millie opened her arms and Hunter came back into them, wrapping her up tight. She buried her face against his chest. He smelled like cologne and sweat and home. Hunter felt like home to her. He was her safe place. Not her apartment, not now, not ever again. But with Hunter, she felt like she was home.

  Hunter wrapped her in an embrace so tight she could barely breathe but she didn’t mind. She held onto him just as tightly. His heart was still racing and she could hear him breathing fast. His hands shook slightly as they traced over her back, up and down, comforting her but also comforting himself with the knowledge that she was here and safe in his arms.

  They were silent and still for so long that when Hunter finally spoke, his gruff voice surprised her a little.

  “I almost lost you tonight.”

  She tightened her grip on him and shook her head, “No, you didn’t.”

  It was an automatic response. She didn’t even think about the words before they left her mouth. Hunter hadn’t almost lost her, of course he hadn’t. She would never leave him, but it took only a moment for her brain to so helpfully supply the memories of the night and realize that wasn’t what he’d meant, and Hunter confirmed it when he pulled back enough to hold her face and meet her eyes.

  “I did. I almost lost you. Mille, he had a gun.”

  “I know.”

  “He was going to do a lot worse than just hurt you this time.” His eyes studied her face as he spoke the words slowly, as though she wasn’t understanding, but she was.

  “I know.”

  “He killed someone just to get to you, Millie.”

  “I know” She pushed down the tears that tried to come when she thought of poor Kendra.

  Joshua had killed her. He’d shot her in the head. All because she’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe she’d refused to let him up in the elevator or maybe, by that point, he’d already snapped and he hadn’t given her life a second thought. Whatever had happened, however it had happened, a girl that Millie knew, one that she saw every day and that she talked to about the weather and traffic and wished a good morning on her own way to work, was dead.

  Kendra was dead and it was Millie’s fault.

  “How are you being so calm about this?” Hunter ran his hands through her hair, “Are you in shock? Mills? Baby, talk to me. Tell me you’re okay. Please.”

  “I’m not okay.” A tear spilled over onto her cheek and before she could wipe it away Hunter was there, kissing the salty liquid and then peppering her face with more kisses as other tears began to fall. “I’m not okay but I’m trying to hold it together. I have to hold it together.”

  “Why?”

  “Why, what?” She repeated, blinking up at him.

  “Why do you think you have to hold it together right now?” Hunter frowned, “I know you’re strong and independent and you’re used to doing things on your own but you don’t have to deal with this on your own, Mills. I’m right here. You can fall apart and I’ll help put you back together.”

  A sob escaped her and she bit it back, “That’s what you told me when all this started.”

  “What?” He was the one that l
ooked confused now.

  “I told you I was broken and you said you’d help put me back together.” She whimpered her way through another sob. “And you did. You made everything better. You made me better. But I don’t know if I can piece myself back together this time.”

  “You don’t have to.” Hunter hugged her again, “I’m here. You take all the time you need and I’ll be right here by your side the whole time.”

  “A girl is dead because of me, Hunter.”

  “No.” He pulled back and forced her to look at him again, “No. Don’t you dare blame yourself for that. That’s on him, Millie. That was his choice. He had the gun and he was the one who pulled the trigger. You couldn’t have saved her.”

  “But I saved myself.” She whimpered in protest.

  “Yes, you did. You fought like hell and I’m so damn thankful that you did. Mills, he could have shot you as soon as he walked through that door. He didn’t because he wanted to make it hurt and instead you used his own hatred against him and you got away. You saved yourself and I’m so, so happy you did because I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, “I love you so damn much, Mills. I’m not sorry you survived. I’m only sorry that you’ll have more scars from that bastard. I should have been there.”

  “No.” She was the one that pulled back to look at him in exasperation, “God. No, Hunter. I’m glad you weren’t there.”

  “What? Why? I could have…”

  “He’d have killed you on the spot.” Millie cut him off as she wiped at her cheeks, “If you’d been there, he would have shot you the second he saw you.”

  “Mills…”

  “No, you don’t understand.” She stepped back from him, “He’d snapped, Hunter. He told me that he’d been watching us. Not just me. Us. That’s what drove him crazy. He saw me with you and he saw that I was happy, and he couldn’t stand knowing that I was in love with someone else and that’s what made him snap.”

  Hunter pulled her back into his arms and dropped his forehead to hers, “Say it again.