Sad Girls

by Lang Leav

  “A little,” he joked.

  Freddy sat back down crossed-legged on the rug and turned to face Candela. “Your turn, missy. Truth or dare?”

  “Uh, truth.”

  “Who was the first person you had sex with?”

  “Novak Blackwood.”

  “Seriously? I thought it was Drew,” I said.

  “That didn’t count as sex.”

  “Ah, what exactly constitutes sex for you, Candela?” asked Lucy.

  She grinned. “You know, the definition they give you at the White House.”

  “Okay, let’s rephrase that, then: who was the first person you fooled around with?” asked Freddy.

  Candela thought for a few minutes. “Lisa Sadler.”

  Freddy’s mouth fell open.

  “Seriously?” asked Lucy.

  Candela nodded. “Uh-huh. Fourteen, sleepover, found her dad’s stash of weed. I think we made it to third base.”

  “Nice,” said Freddy with approval.

  “It was a fun night,” said Candela with a shrug. She took a gulp of vodka and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Okay, Audrey, your turn. Truth or dare?”

  “Truth.”

  “What did you wish for earlier, when you were blowing out your birthday candles?”

  “World peace,” I said, batting my eyelashes at her.

  “That’s my girl,” said Lucy.

  “She did not wish for world peace,” said Candela.

  “Okay—Rad’s turn,” I said quickly, eager to move on from the subject. “Truth or dare?”

  “Truth.”

  “Who was your first celebrity crush?”

  “Pamela Anderson,” he shrugged and grinned.

  I rolled my eyes. “Typical.”

  “I had a poster of her above my bed.”

  “In her Baywatch gear?”

  “No, it was a PETA ad, I think.”

  Freddy cupped his hands around his mouth like a megaphone. “Nerd!”

  Rad turned to Lucy. “Truth or dare?”

  “Dare.”

  “Okay, you have to call the first person on your contact list and tell them you love them.”

  “Sure, that’s easy enough,” she said, reaching into her purse for her phone.

  “But,” continued Rad, “it can’t be a family member or friend.”

  Lucy froze. “Oh shit. No. No way!”

  “Yes way!” Candela said, her face lit up with glee.

  “Yeah, Lucy, rules are rules,” I agreed.

  She shook her head. “Nah-uh.”

  Freddy began to make clucking noises at her, moving his elbows in and out in a flapping motion. She glared at him.

  “Lucy, Lucy,” Freddy began to chant, and we all joined in. “Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.”

  With a look of dread on her face, Lucy scrolled through her contact list. “Fuck!”

  “Who is it?” I asked.

  “Dr. Mahajan, our family GP.” She looked at Rad and shook her head. “Jeez, no way. I can’t do it.”

  “You can’t back out now, Lucy,” I said.

  “Come on, babe,” said Freddy. “I had to make out with Duck.”

  “I am happy to make out with one of you instead.”

  “Sorry, you’re not going to get off that easy,” Candela said.

  “Oh shit.” She held her hand up to her forehead. “Shit, shit, shit.” She took a deep breath and dialed his number while we all cheered her on.

  “Shhhhh,” she waved her hand at us.

  “Put it on speaker,” I whispered.

  We all held our breaths as the dial tone echoed through the air.

  There was an answer on the fifth ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, Dr. Mahajan, it’s Lucy—Lucy Locket. Um, Brenda’s kid.”

  “Oh, hello, Lucy. Everything okay?”

  “Uh, yeah, there’s something I have to tell you.”

  “Go on.”

  “Um—I love you,” Lucy blurted.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I love you, Dr. Mahajan.”

  A short pause.

  “Are you feeling okay, Lucy?”

  “Yes, I’m fine.”

  Her lips quivered at the corners as she tried to contain her laughter.

  “Well, thank you, Lucy. I am very flattered, but I have been happily married for the last thirty years.”

  “Oh,” said Lucy. “Well, if it doesn’t work out with Mrs. Mahajan . . .”

  “I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”

  “Okay, thanks, Dr. Mahajan.”

  “Good night, Lucy.”

  “Oh my God!” she cried when she hung up the phone. She clapped her hand over her mouth. “I can’t believe I just did that!”

  We all burst into laughter.

  Freddy gave her a congratulatory pat on the back. “Well done, kiddo.”

  “Ha,” said Candela. “I love how cool he was about it. Like, ‘Hello, I love you, Dr. Mahajan.’ ‘Okay, Lucy, thanks but no.’”

  We all broke into laughter again.

  “I was a victim of the same dare once,” said Rad.

  “Whom did you have to call?” I asked.

  “Cameron, my mechanic.”

  “How did he take it?”

  “He was pretty cool about it. And he gave me a discount the next time I brought my car in.”

  “You stud,” said Freddy.

  “Oh God,” said Lucy, burying her face in her hands. “That reminds me—I have to go in for my flu shot next week. No way I’m doing that now.”

  “Hey, it looks like we’re out of booze,” said Candela, draining the last of the vodka.

  “Lucky for you we picked up a six-pack of Coronas on our way here,” said Freddy.

  “It’s chilling in the trunk of my car,” said Rad. “I’ll go and grab it.”

  “I’ll come with you,” I said, getting up.

  We began the short walk to his car. Tonight the moon was barely visible, and I tripped on a loose rock as Rad’s arm shot out to steady me. Without a word, I laced my arm through his and we continued walking.

  “Hey, Audrey,” he said, when we were out of earshot. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  “Yeah?”

  “These past few weeks . . . well, you’ve been really great . . .”

  There was something in his tone that made my stomach drop. Even though I knew that Rad and I couldn’t keep going down this path forever, I didn’t want it to end just yet.

  “Okay,” I said and waited for him to continue.

  “It’s hard to believe it’s only been a few weeks since I’ve met you. I mean, I can talk to you about stuff that I’ve never been able to tell anyone else.”

  “Me too,” I said.

  “But we’re friends—we know that. That’s where it starts and ends with us. It’s just—” he frowned. “Everybody is turning it into something else, something it’s not. Your boyfriend looked at me with daggers all night, and to be honest, I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want some guy hanging around my girlfriend, either. And you know, with Ana—”

  “Rad, you don’t have to explain. I know what people are saying about us, and I know what we have to do.”

  He nodded. “It sucks, though, doesn’t it? I really like talking to you.”

  I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. “So do I.”

  Soon, we were at his car, and he reached into his pocket for the keys.

  “Hey,” I said, turning to face him. “Do you think there’s an alternate universe where we didn’t have to worry about all this stuff? Where we could keep hanging out and no one would care?”

  “Yeah,” said Rad with a smile. “We’re just characters in a book, re
member? There are millions of books out there. We could be living all sorts of different lives.”

  “Which book would you put us in?”

  He thought about it for a moment. “The Princess Bride.”

  I laughed.

  He opened the trunk and rummaged around in the dark. He stopped when he heard the rustle of paper. “Oh, I almost forgot! I got you a present.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah,” he said, handing me a brown paper bag. “I saw it in a shop window and thought of you.”

  I put my hand in the bag and drew out a hard round object.

  “It’s a snow globe!” I peered at the miniature scenery of a tiny town set against the backdrop of snowcapped mountains. “Oh, it’s so pretty.” I tipped it upside down then back up again. We watched as the bits of tiny white confetti swirled around the globe.

  “I remember what you said that day we met, about snowcapped mountains.”

  “Oh.” I was suddenly overcome with emotion. It felt like the person standing in front of me knew me better than anyone else. On impulse, I took a step toward him, and we put our arms around each other. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

  “Thank you,” I said, putting my head on his shoulder. He was wearing a blue-and-white checked shirt that felt both soft and rough against my cheek. My face was inches away from his neck, and I caught the scent of soap and something else that was warm and comforting, like freshly laundered sheets.

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it.”

  “I do.”

  “I hope you’ll find your way there someday, to that little mountain town, and write your book.”

  “I hope you’ll write yours too.”

  I pulled away from him reluctantly. “We should get back or they’ll send a search party.”

  “Okay.”

  “So this is it then, I guess.”

  “It feels kind of like a breakup, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah, in a weird way it does.” I couldn’t imagine how I would stop myself from calling him, and I sensed he felt the same way. It was a new thing for me, feeling this attached to another person, especially since we’d known each other for such a short time.

  “Do you think we’ll stick to the plan?” I asked.

  “The one where we stop talking?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  He seemed to think it over. “Have you got your phone on you?”

  I reached into the pocket of my new Audrey jacket and pulled it out. At the same time, he fished his phone out from the back pocket of his jeans.

  “Let’s delete each other from our phones.”

  “Now?” I felt a wave of sadness wash over me.

  “Yes, on the count of three.” He gave me a sheepish grin. “Otherwise we’d never stick to it. I know I won’t.”

  “Okay.”

  “Ready?”

  I nodded.

  He began to count. “One . . . two . . . three.”

  I pressed the delete button on his contact page and looked to see that he had done the same.

  “You know, I’m really glad I met you, Audrey,” he said, putting his phone away.

  Tears began to well up in my eyes. I looked away, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

  “I just wish I had met you sooner,” he continued.

  “I know.”

  “Maybe one day we’ll end up at the same campus, like what Lucy said. Things might be different then.”

  His words gave me a sense of optimism. It sounded like a dream, studying at the same campus as Rad, seeing him every day. And it wasn’t unrealistic. If I did well in my exams, I could be there next year.

  “I like the thought of that,” I said.

  Six

  I brought a bottle of Pinot and a small yellow cactus plant to Candela’s housewarming party. I had stuck googly eyes on the cactus and made him a tiny paper top hat.

  “He’s sensational!” Candela declared holding him out for everyone to see. “I’m going to name him Reginald.” She set Reginald down on a nearby coffee table and introduced me to the guests. There were a handful of people I knew, and I guessed the rest were friends of the punk flatmate on the account of all the piercings and tattoos. “Ramona!” Candela called out to a girl who was coming down the hallway. She grabbed my arm. “Come and meet my friend Audrey.”

  Ramona wasn’t her real name. It was Sheila. She had always hated the name, so on her eighteenth birthday she walked straight into the registry and changed it to Ramona. “Look at me,” she said, her large, expressive eyes boring into me. “Do I fucking look like a Sheila?”

  “Not at all.” I meant it—she looked every inch a Ramona.

  “What was your name again?”

  “Audrey.”

  “Audrey—?” She tilted her head to one side and studied me carefully.

  “Field.”

  “Oh, nice,” she said approvingly. “Audrey Field sounds like a writer’s name. Like Charles Bukowski or Virginia Woolf. It’s almost like they were preordained. Do you write?”

  “Not really.”

  “Yes, she does!” Candela countered. “She rarely shows her work to anyone, though.”

  “Well, you’ll be a writer; mark my words. You have the name for it,” she said with an assertive nod. “Although I knew a guy named Brady Leclair. Sounds hot, right?” she asked, looking at us for confirmation. Candela and I both smiled agreeably. “Well, sorry to disappoint ladies, but—” she stuck her fingers in her mouth and made a gagging noise. “Absolute troll and personality to match. Great name, though. I’d fuck that name.”

  “Ramona’s a riot,” Candela said, “but Ally is a real bore.” We were sitting outside, on the patio steps, while Candela had a smoke. “I don’t think I’ve seen her at all tonight.”

  I tipped my head up toward the inky black sky. It was a beautiful, clear night, and I could see the cluster of stars that spelled out Sagittarius, my mind projecting the outline of a centaur, arrow poised and ready to launch. I thought about Rad and wondered whether he was thinking of me.

  “No one ever sees her,” Candela said. “She’s always in her room, with her head in a book. It’s a Saturday night, for Chrissake.” She shook her head. “Anyway, looks like Lucy is still a sick puppy.”

  “I spoke to her earlier. She sounded awful. I can’t believe that flu is still going around. Duck couldn’t get the night off because there are too many people off sick.”

  “Oh God, I hope I haven’t caught it. I missed my flu shot this winter,” Candela moaned. “I literally cannot afford to get sick anymore.” She stuffed her cigarette butt into an empty can of Asahi and fished around in her jacket pocket for another one. “I went for a job interview the other day. Beauty assistant.”

  “Beauty assistant?” I looked at her amused. “You?”

  “Yeah,” she said with a shrug. “The pay wasn’t too bad.” She held the cigarette between her lips and lit it before taking a drag. Tilting her head up, she blew out the smoke, a little at a time. “The lady who interviewed me was so fucking weird, though. I mean, she made me peel a hard-boiled egg.”

  “What?” I said.

  “Yeah, for real. She went off in the back room and returned with this sad-looking egg and told me to peel it.”

  “And did you?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she laughed, “but I butchered it. The whole thing was a mess. Then she pressed her hand to her forehead like this—seriously, Audrey,” she continued when she saw my incredulous look. “She basically said in this whiny bitch voice, ‘Our clients have very delicate skin, and what you just did to that egg’—then she closed her eyes and shook her head like she was so disappointed.”

  “She had such high hopes for you, Candela,” I said, laughing.

  The door opened suddenly, and Ramona burst out from behind it.
“What are you cocksuckers doing out here?” she shrieked. She was off-balance and clearly wasted. “Dex is getting ready to paint up my tits; you’re missing out on all the fun.” She pouted.

  “He’s a body painter,” Candela explained, seeing the look of confusion cross my face.

  “A bloody good one too,” Ramona drawled. “But first I’m going to give him a lap dance.” She began swaying her hips suggestively, looking dangerously unstable. “Not that it’s gonna do anything for him. He’s gay as fuck.” She hooted with laughter just as someone called out to her from inside the house. “I’m coming,” she called. “Hold off on the orgy ’til I get inside.” She shot us a lascivious wink, then blew a kiss in our direction. “Don’t be too long, bitches.” With that, she turned, slamming the door shut. I looked at Candela and raised an eyebrow.

  “Mum can’t stand her,” she said. “Thinks she’s a bad influence.”

  “I wonder why she would think that,” I said under my breath.

  Candela grinned. “Don’t be a smart-ass, Audrey. Ramona can be a little wild, but she’s really nice once you get to know her.”

  “How is your mum coping with you moving out?” I asked.

  “She’s pretty pissed about the whole thing,” said Candela. “Especially with exams coming up. Anyway,” she stretched her legs out and sighed, “I’m thinking of quitting school.”

  “You’re what?” I said, alarmed.

  “I’ve given it a lot of thought.”

  “But Candela, school’s over in a few months. You might as well stick it out.”

  “Yeah,” she said, with another shrug. “But it’s getting to be a pain, you know? I have to get up at seven every morning now, to make the bus. And I’ve taken on all those extra shifts at Lambell too, now that I’m paying rent.” Lambell was an upmarket steakhouse where Candela waitressed.

  “Why don’t you just move back home for a while? You’ve made your point.”

  “No way,” said Candela. “I’d rather die than give my mother the satisfaction of seeing me come back.”

  “Seriously, your mum isn’t that bad. I have to live with mine, and she’s a million times worse.”

  Candela knew what my mother was like, so she didn’t have a good enough comeback.

  “Why are you doing this, Candela? I thought you wanted to go to college and do an arts degree or something.”