Swapping Lives

by Jane Green

  ‘Where have you been?’ His little-boy-lost voice.

  ‘Just out with a friend,’ she said lightly. ‘No one you know.’ When in fact she had eaten cold pizza alone in her apartment, worked a few hours, then watched a couple of videos.

  Amber developed an air of mystery that Richard couldn’t penetrate.

  ‘I don’t know what it is about her,’ he said to Hal, his best friend, ‘but she’s different. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.’

  They were married at the family compound in Brookline, and it truly was the happiest day of Amber’s life. Before you think this was all too premeditated, too cold, know that Amber had fallen deeply in love with Richard. That yes, she had decided he would be hers, and for all the wrong reasons, but the more she saw him, the more he made her laugh and made her relax, the more she realized that she loved him.

  In fact, when she wasn’t trying so hard to be something that she wasn’t, Amber found that she was able to relax with Richard in a way she hadn’t ever been able to before.

  But those days, those early carefree days of their marriage seem like a long time ago now. Richard’s career is going better and better – so well, in fact, that Amber hardly ever sees him – and although she loves their house in Highfield, adores her children, Jared and Grace, there is something about the old days that she misses.

  Her house may be beautiful, but often it feels as if it’s not her own. There is the constant presence of Lavinia, the nanny, not to mention the cleaning team that comes in three times a week to thorough clean.

  Sometimes she gets back from meeting friends for lunch and tries to enjoy a quiet coffee in the kitchen, then Lavinia will come in and start emptying the dishwasher, or Jared and Grace will get back from school and jump around her, climbing onto her lap, desperate for her attention regardless of whether or not she’s in the middle of something important.

  And there’s the ever-present guilt. She knows she’s a better mother when she’s able to spend quality time with her children, when she’s able to give them to Lavinia when they’re tired and clingy and whining, and yet she always feels guilty about not spending enough time with them.

  But her life is so busy. It’s not that she ever wishes she didn’t have children – God forbid that thought should even cross her mind – it’s just that sometimes she wishes life were a bit simpler. And mostly she wishes that Richard were home more, although she knows this isn’t likely to change, and after all, look at all she has, look at her beautiful house, beautiful clothes. If Richard didn’t work the hours he does she’d never be able to have all this.

  Oh how far she has come.

  Chapter Two

  ‘Damn, damn, bugger and damn!’ Vicky checks her watch as she grabs her coat and starts to run towards the lift, shouting instructions to her assistant, Ruth.

  ‘Can you just make sure the copy for that story on anorexia is given to Janelle tonight. I’m so sorry but I’ve got to go – I’m already going to be late for this bloody dinner party.’

  ‘Another set-up?’ grins Ruth as Vicky is about to disappear out of the door.

  ‘Not even.’ Vicky rolls her eyes. ‘This time they asked me to bring a date and I completely forgot. Don’t forget that copy!’ And she steps into the lift.

  Until she hit her early thirties the vast majority of Vicky’s friends were single. There was the core group of hard-bitten journalists, most of whom had worked together at one time or another. Jackie had been the other staff writer on Poise! when Vicky had first started, although now she had moved on to producing on Radio 4, regularly relying on Vicky to come on and be a talking head when the issue of the day was anything vaguely concerning women. The same age as Vicky, Jackie had got married two years previously and had created a bohemian love nest in Islington. No children as yet. Jan had been Vicky’s first features editor. A decade older than Vicky, she had married young, had two children, then got divorced and rediscovered her career. She now lived with Mike, an editor on The Times.

  Georgia was the only one left who was still in the same boat as Vicky, but Georgia didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, which Vicky never quite understood. Like Vicky she too had a couple of lovers she could call up when necessary, but unlike Vicky she didn’t crave more than the odd night of intimacy.

  Georgia never let her ‘friends’ stay the night. ‘Are you crazy?’ she once said to Vicky, who always insisted Daniel sleep over. ‘I want to stretch out and sleep diagonally on my bed if I feel like it. Plus I’m a horror first thing in the morning and I don’t want to see anyone, never mind let anyone see me.’

  ‘But don’t you miss the cuddling?’ Vicky said.

  ‘Are you kidding? I can’t bear anyone to touch me when I’m sleeping.’ Georgia shuddered. ‘Frankly as soon as they’ve done the dirty deed they can leave.’

  Vicky laughed. ‘I’ll never understand you,’ she said. ‘You make it all sound so clinical.’

  And Georgia shrugged. ‘I guess it is but that suits me. No point confusing sex with anything else. And really, at the end of the day, that’s all it’s about – sex. No strings attached. That’s your problem with that Daniel. You think it’s just about sex but how can it be when you want him to stay the night and wrap you up in those big manly strong arms of his?’

  ‘Oh shut up,’ Vicky said. But she had a point.

  *

  Ah, Daniel. Wouldn’t he be the perfect guest to this dinner party tonight? The dinner party held by Deborah, the final member of the core group who had not only dropped out first but had dropped out quicker and more absolutely than any of the others had dared.

  Deborah and Dick. And their three gorgeous towheaded children. Deborah who had left her staff job on the Daily Mail when her second child came along, and now did the odd freelance job working from home. Deborah who was never happier than when standing outside the school gates of her eldest son’s exclusive Hampstead prep school, chatting to the other mothers about what exactly they would do to solve this bullying problem everyone was talking about.

  Tonight was Deborah’s attempt to blend some of her new friends with some of her old. The friends from school were Lisa and Christopher, Chris and Vanessa – old friends of Dick’s, Jackie and Pete, and Vicky plus one. She did think about trying to find an appropriate single man for Vicky, but really, who has the time?

  As for Vicky, the only reason she had accepted was because Jackie was going, and she never gets to see her socially these days, but why, oh why hadn’t she remembered she was supposed to bring a date?

  Single men are not an easy thing to find when you’re thirty-five years old and you’ve got precisely one hour to catch the tube home, jump into the shower, make yourself presentable then turn up to a dinner party with a gift under one arm, trying not to look utterly frazzled.

  But Daniel would be perfect. Hurrying to the Tube Vicky calls him on her mobile.

  ‘Lo?’

  ‘Daniel? It’s Vicky.’

  ‘Hey, Vicky! How are you?’

  ‘I’m great, Daniel, but listen, I know this is short notice but I’ve got to go to this dinner party tonight and I’ve only just found out I was supposed to bring a date. Please, please tell me you’re free.’

  There’s a pause. ‘Oh Vix, I wish I’d known earlier, but I can’t. I’ve got a dinner myself.’

  ‘Oh please get out of it. Can’t you?’ Vicky lowers her voice seductively. ‘I’ll make it worth your while.’

  ‘Vix, I really couldn’t, but seeing as you’ve made such a strong case, how about I come over later? Say, around 11.30?’

  ‘Oh forget it,’ Vicky snaps. ‘I’m not your bloody sex toy,’ and with a sigh of irritation she clicks her phone shut.

  It is only when Vicky walks into the living room that she remembers quite how much she detests being the only single person at events such as this.

  Jackie and Pete are not here yet, and perched on sofas are women that Vicky doesn’t know, and even though Deborah sweeps her over and
introduces her, it is clear from the outset that these are not people with whom she will have much in common.

  Oh stop it, Vicky admonishes herself for these habits of old. I will not feel inferior to these people just because I am single. I am Features Director of Poise!, for God’s sake. I am just as good as they are. Hell no, I am better.

  But from the very first second Vicky knows she won’t be accepted. It’s the way the woman introduced to her as Vanessa glances at her boho chic outfit, so very different from Vanessa’s own Joseph trousers, Jimmy Choo boots, and chic little cashmere cardigan.

  ‘These are Maloles!’ Vicky is tempted to shout, proffering her gorgeous new shoes. ‘Yes that’s right, too trendy for you to even have heard of them in your uniform of Joseph and Jimmy Choo! I’m trendier than you. Ha!’ But of course that voice in Vicky’s head is only attempting to drown out the slightly stronger voice that tells Vicky she’s not quite good enough, she doesn’t fit in, she doesn’t have the uniform.

  Or indeed the husband.

  ‘I was just telling Deborah that my daughter is finally potty-trained,’ Vanessa says warmly, and the voices in Vicky’s head start to recede. ‘She’s the last girl in her class, which is just so mortifying.’

  ‘Oh?’ Vicky has no idea what to say to this. ‘How old is she?’

  ‘Nearly two and a half. Can you imagine? How many kids do you have?’

  ‘I don’t.’ Vicky shrugs. ‘Just me.’

  ‘Ah.’ Vanessa doesn’t seem to know quite how to continue. ‘So, is your husband coming straight from work? I couldn’t believe Chris actually got home in time.’

  Vicky grins. ‘I don’t have a husband. Just me, I’m afraid.’

  Deborah reappears with a glass of wine for Vicky, and puts her arm around her. ‘I know, isn’t Vicky lucky? Can you even remember what it was like having no husband and kids?’

  ‘To be honest the only thing I desperately miss is my sleep. Especially on the weekends. I adore my daughter, but I wish she’d sleep beyond six o’clock on a Sunday.’

  The other pretty blonde woman that Vicky doesn’t know comes over and introduces herself. ‘I couldn’t help overhearing. My son’s started having bad dreams so now he climbs into bed with us every night. You try sleeping with two men in your bed, both of them snoring and kicking you all night.’

  ‘I was going to say that was one of my fantasies,’ Vicky says, ‘until you got to the snoring and kicking bit.’

  ‘Used to be one of mine.’ Vanessa laughs. ‘Now my fantasies involve earplugs and feather beds.’

  The men, congregating on the other side of the living room, come over. ‘Couldn’t help hearing something about fantasies,’ says the man who turns out to be Vanessa’s husband, Chris. ‘Thought now was the time to come over and join you.’

  Vanessa rolls her eyes. ‘Trust me, it wasn’t anything for you to get excited about.’

  ‘Hello, I’m Christopher.’ Another man shakes Vicky’s hand. ‘I belong to Lisa. Where’s your other half?’

  Oh for God’s sake, Vicky thinks. Is it really so alien that I should not have an other half…

  She shrugs. ‘He had an accident this morning and had to have his nose and left ear removed. I’m going to see him at the hospital later.’

  Christopher stands stock-still and stares at her. He has absolutely no idea what to do.

  ‘Oh I’m only joking.’ Vicky attempts a smile. ‘I don’t actually have a husband. And if I did and he had to have a nose and left ear removed, trust me, I’d be sitting at the hospital with him.’

  ‘Right,’ says Christopher, who quickly moves to the other side of the group.

  It wasn’t until dessert that Vicky realized what was so strange. Nobody had asked her what she did. They had spent the evening talking about films they had seen, books they had read, indulging in the odd celebrity gossip story involving Kate and Jude and Sadie that Jackie swore came from an excellent source and was undoubtedly true.

  And a large part of Vicky’s evening had been spent listening to them share their concerns about whoever the current au pair or nanny was. Deborah’s nanny, apparently, was lovely but ate like a horse.

  ‘I couldn’t believe it,’ Deborah said. ‘When she came she was, well, not skinny but slim, and I swear to you – six months later – she’s now an elephant. She just doesn’t stop eating.’

  ‘Well what does she eat?’ Lisa asked.

  ‘She comes down in the morning and pours herself a mountain of cornflakes,’ Deborah said, as Dick started to laugh.

  ‘I have to admit,’ Dick said, ‘even I was somewhat surprised.’

  ‘Then after the cornflakes she has two slices of toast with about an inch of peanut butter and jelly on them, and recently she’s started making herself fried eggs as well. I wouldn’t mind but I keep going to the fridge or larder to get something to eat and it’s all bloody well gone.’

  ‘See, that’s what drives me mad,’ Dick added. ‘I don’t care so much about what she eats but she’ll put back an empty box.’ The others around the table started laughing. ‘No, but seriously,’ Dick pleaded, ‘who does that? Why doesn’t she just throw it away? I’ll go to pour myself some rice krispies and there are three rice krispie grains at the bottom of the box. Throw the damn box away!’

  ‘My au pair’s just dopey,’ Vanessa said. ‘Lovely sweet girl but wouldn’t know initiative if it came up and hit her on the head. I came home the other night at quarter to seven and the kids had had no bath, and were running around the kitchen on a total sugar high. Guess what she’d made them for dinner…’ Vanessa paused dramatically. ‘Apple strudel.’

  ‘No!’ came the shocked response from the rest of the women in the room.

  ‘I’m serious. I phoned and told her that I wouldn’t be back to make dinner so could she make something, but instead of sticking some fish fingers under the grill she took me at my word and made the only thing she knows how to make. Apple bloody strudel.’

  ‘Your kids must have been happy.’ Deborah grinned.

  ‘Happy? They were delirious. It took me about four hours to calm them down enough to get them to actually lie down.’

  ‘Well at least you didn’t have the pornmeister,’ said Christopher, exchanging grins with Lisa.

  ‘Oh God, that was unbelievable,’ said Lisa. ‘Tell them what happened.’

  ‘We had this fantastic nanny, Lucia. She’d been with us for two years and then her boyfriend came to visit and he stayed with us. A few days became a month, and then our cable bill arrived. He’d been going into the spare room every night at midnight and ordering porn films on cable, and watching them all night. Our cable bill was hundreds and hundreds of pounds.’

  Lisa shuddered. ‘Not to mention the fact that this was a man helping Lucia look after our children.’

  ‘You don’t think…’ Vanessa said, not wanting to speak the unspeakable.

  ‘No. My kids were old enough for me to quiz them and I know they would have told me if anything untoward had happened. Still. It was awful.’

  And Vicky decided to speak up. ‘We did an article last month about porn addiction, particularly on the Internet. It’s becoming more and more of a problem, and one of the main findings is that the more you watch the more desensitized you become, and therefore the more you need to watch in order to get turned on.’

  ‘What do you do?’ Vanessa broke the silence. It clearly hadn’t occurred to anyone, other than Jackie and Deborah who knew, that Vicky might have a job, let alone something that might actually be interesting.

  ‘Vicky is Features Director of Poise!,’ Deborah announced proudly on Vicky’s behalf, and Vicky then spent the rest of the evening – short though it was – answering envious questions about her life, the magazine world, what celebrities she had met, and how incredible her life must be.

  Finally they took notice of Vicky. Even though she didn’t have a husband.

  ‘I’m sorry for shouting at you.’ Vicky is contrite as she lies in the bat
h and picks up the phone.

  ‘Does that mean you want me to come over?’ Daniel’s smile is audible down the phone line.

  ‘Am I really that obvious?’

  ‘When you phone me at eleven at night then I pretty much know it’s not just for a chat.’

  ‘Well I’m in the bath now. How soon could you be here?’

  ‘Don’t move,’ Daniel says. ‘I’m on my way.’

  Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. Why can’t I fall in love with you? Vicky thinks as she watches him sit naked on the edge of the bed as he checks his email on his Blackberry then turns it off for the night.

  ‘You’re lovely,’ she says, reaching out and stroking his back, and he turns and smiles at her before climbing under the covers next to her.

  ‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ he says. ‘Wanna spoon?’ And Vicky snuggles against him, loving the warmth and intimacy of being cradled in another body.

  He’s kind, funny, intelligent, but the only time Daniel ever makes her heart beat faster is just as she’s about to have an orgasm. And even then it’s entirely predictable. Daniel is just the quintessential boy next door, and Vicky believes he’d settle down with her in a heartbeat.

  Although she’s not entirely right. There’s no question that Daniel does adore her, but Daniel has never been much good at exclusive relationships. He loves the ease of this arrangement, it suits him just as well as it suits her, and he’d be happy if they were to see one another more, but he’s not ready to give up the others. Not by a long shot. And one of the reasons he adores Vicky is that he thinks she knows that.

  Vicky may be his regular neighbourhood shag, but that doesn’t stop him from going out with other women. So far there’s been no reason to stop seeing Vicky; after all, there don’t seem to be any rules about sleeping with more than one woman, just as long as you always wear a condom.

  This evening, for instance, he had a date with Maya. He noticed her first because of her hair, a rich, burnished copper, and since he’s always had something of a thing for redheads he was happy to see that her face was just as striking as her hair.