When Day Breaks

by Maya Banks

  agitated as he was.

  It was clear they were scared shitless, but there was also admiration in the director’s eyes each time Eden pulled off a flawless performance and he called it a wrap.

  Eventually her calm spread to the rest of the crew, and by the afternoon, the tension had dissipated and the mood was much more relaxed. No one jumped at the slightest noise any longer. It was as if she held them all in her thrall, and, well, he supposed she did just that. He knew he certainly wasn’t immune to her. She just had a way of putting those around her at ease, and yet Swanny knew just how scared and upset she was behind the calm facade.

  It only made him admire her all the more for being able to maintain her composure and act as a reassuring presence when it was he and his team who were supposed to have that job.

  Every once in a while, between shoots, Swanny could see the calm slip just a bit, and he saw the fatigue and fear in her eyes. The sorrow as she was still processing all she’d learned in the last twenty-four hours. And hell, the woman could have died. Again.

  Two brushes with death in a short period of time and yet she was stalwart and a consummate professional. He’d never met a woman like her. Never met her equal and he knew he never would. There would never be another woman for him. Not after her. How could any other woman ever measure up? Who else would accept him and his faults? His scars, both external and internal.

  She looked up as if sensing his gaze, and her eyes immediately warmed and she smiled, the tiredness and fear drifting away as if she drew comfort and strength from his presence. Ironic, since everyone else was drawing comfort and peace from her.

  “If we can get in another hour, we’ll be ahead of schedule and can wrap up by noon tomorrow,” the director announced. “Great job, everyone. And Eden, you’re fabulous as always.”

  A cheer went up from the crew, and Eden smiled with her usual grace. “I’m sure under a different director we would indeed be behind schedule. You did a wonderful job, Lonnie. As always. I can’t imagine working on this project with any other director.”

  The director flushed at Eden’s praise and dragged his finger around his collar as if uncomfortable. The cantankerous, brusque director was as enthralled with Eden as everyone else, though he tried to hide it with his bark. Right now, though, Swanny was imagining a satisfied cat cuddled against Eden while having its head stroked as the director preened and actually smiled—a genuine smile—at Eden.

  And the hell of it was that Eden had been utterly sincere. She really was just too damn nice. Swanny would have told the director to go fuck himself on several occasions, but Eden had taken it all in stride and performed to expectation. Beyond expectation, in Swanny’s opinion. Considering all she’d been through, it was a damn miracle that she could even perform at all.

  Swanny’s team immediately kicked it into high gear, preparing for Eden’s departure to the new hotel, where she’d be checked in under a false name. Joe had used one of the many aliases KGI possessed for just such occasions as this.

  Before departing, Eden donned a black wig and wore heavily tinted, large sunglasses that covered nearly the entire upper portion of her face and a scarf wrapped around her neck and pulled up over her mouth. She also wore a coat with extra padding so it appeared she was several pounds heavier than she was, and she wore flats to make her appear shorter. She’d been instructed to hunch slightly to solidify the illusion of her being shorter and heavier.

  Swanny’s team had dressed casually, looking like normal people instead of the operatives they were. Though it made him extremely uneasy, they didn’t completely surround Eden, because they didn’t want to draw any attention to the fact that they were protecting her.

  The crew was instructed to remain until thirty minutes after Eden’s departure.

  Joe and Nathan went out first to get into the waiting SUV and then Swanny came out with Eden at his side, Skylar and Edge following casually behind.

  Swanny was on heightened alert, scanning their surroundings while appearing to be casual as he headed toward the car. One hand was inside his light blazer, resting against the butt of his pistol in case he needed to act fast. He knew Skylar and Edge were similarly prepared and that Nathan and Joe, already in the vehicle, would both have their weapons drawn, ready to leap out at the first sign of danger.

  When Swanny got Eden into the middle seat, Skylar went to the opposite door while Edge took the front seat next to the hired security specialist driving the SUV.

  Swanny didn’t like Edge being in such a vulnerable position. After what had happened when their vehicle had been hit with an RPG and the driver had been killed, if a similar attack happened, Edge was an open target. The very last thing Swanny wanted was to lose a teammate. A brother.

  Eden was more at ease as they drove to the hotel. She was relaxed, leaning into Swanny’s side, snuggling as if seeking his strength and warmth. Uncaring of how it appeared to his teammates, he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to his body. She laid her head on his shoulder and let out a sigh.

  “One more day of shooting and then the launch party and we’ll be done with this,” she said, relief evident in her voice. “I won’t lie. I’m ready for this to be over with. It scares me that you and your team are in the line of fire. I’d never forgive myself if one of them—or you—were hurt or killed because of me.”

  Swanny frowned because she sounded like she was ready to be done with it all. Including him.

  He was suddenly struck with a raging case of nerves. He could feel his palms growing clammy. What if she didn’t feel the same way about him as he did about her? What if when this was over, she moved on, leaving him behind, only the memory of him being her first lingering in her mind?

  He tried to block out his doubts and focus on the positive and hope for the best. It scared him to death to put his heart on the line. To open up to her completely and to be so direct in his planned conversation with her.

  His head told him he was an idiot for even considering that a woman like her would have any interest in seeing him beyond the time they spent protecting her, but his heart clung to the tenuous hope that he was more to her than her bodyguard.

  What if he got shot down?

  He wished he could be more confident. But his demons wouldn’t go away. His dreams were still tormented by his time in captivity, though he had noticed that when Eden slept with him, she chased away those demons, calming his inner beast and soothing away the pain of the past.

  But he had visible reminders of his captivity. Could a woman like Eden look beyond those? In her career, where beauty and elegance was a part of her daily life? He couldn’t imagine her ever wanting to show up to an event on his arm.

  Beauty and the Beast. Literally. Only real life wasn’t a fairy tale and no happily-ever-afters were ever guaranteed. He’d seen love work with the Kelly brothers. Other members of the KGI team. But he’d never considered it for himself. Never thought he would even entertain the thought.

  And yet he knew in the deepest recesses of his heart that he loved Eden beyond measure. He felt the worst kind of fool for setting himself up for such a huge fall. He wasn’t even sure when he’d fallen for her. She’d certainly had his attention from the moment he met her, but looking back he couldn’t pinpoint an exact moment when love had happened.

  It seemed he’d always felt it toward her, growing even more the first time they made love and he discovered he was her first. That had humbled him in a way he’d never been humbled in his life. It still had the power to bring him to his knees. It was a gift he’d treasure forever, no matter what happened between him and Eden.

  But he knew one thing. No matter where life took him, he’d never love another woman as he did Eden. Nor would he ever meet another woman of her caliber.

  CHAPTER 30

  EDEN issued an audible sigh of relief once Swanny and part of his team had entered her suite and swept the interior while Edge and Skylar had remained in the hallway with her, flanking her protective
ly and watching for any sign of anyone in the hallway.

  They’d rented out the entire floor of rooms so they’d be the only occupants, and the hotel had put a block on anyone stopping on their floor on the elevator. But the stairway presented an issue because they couldn’t lock it in case they needed to get out fast, and they damn sure needed more than one option for escape.

  Now everyone was gone except Swanny, and she sank onto the couch, only wanting Swanny next to her, his arms around her.

  “Want to get undressed and into more comfortable clothing?” Swanny asked before he sat next to her. He stood just in front of her, as if waiting to see what she wanted before he decided on his position.

  “Only if you’ll come to bed with me and hold me,” she said, watching for his reaction.

  It bothered her that she was still so unsure of herself, or rather of him. She wasn’t used to being anything but confident in her life and career. But this was something she’d never encountered before.

  She’d completely lost her heart to Swanny and she had no idea if he reciprocated her feelings. She knew he cared about her. No question there. But when this was all over with, would he simply move on to the next mission and she’d go back to her life and career as if they hadn’t ever held such a close bond?

  His expression immediately softened and a heated glow entered his eyes as he stared warmly down at her. He held out his hand to help her to her feet and then pulled her into his arms.

  “I’ll hold you all night, honey. But first there’s something I want to give you and then . . .” He hesitated briefly, uncertainty flashing in his eyes giving him an almost vulnerable look. He let out his breath as he pulled her a little farther away from his embrace. “Then, I’d like us to go to bed because there’s something I want to discuss with you.”

  He blurted out the last, as though it had taken him a moment to gather his courage and say it before he changed his mind.

  She looked curiously up at him, a sudden attack of nerves making her stomach flutter. Was he going to tell her they were over? That he’d made a mistake by making love to her? How did the saying go? Something like women got way more emotional when it came to sex and how they read far more into the act than a guy did? Had she set herself up for a monumental fall?

  Some of her panic must have shown on her face, because Swanny immediately looked contrite and pulled her back into his arms. “I’m sorry, Eden. That probably came out badly. I’m not so good with words, and I’ll man up and admit, I’m nervous as hell. But it’s nothing bad. God, I hope not anyway.”

  Something in his voice immediately soothed the tension that had knotted her insides. She could hear the nervousness in his voice, see the same tension she had felt in his features. It made her want to comfort him instead of seeking comfort for her own bout of nerves.

  “What do you want to talk about?” she asked, deciding to take the plunge. Like a bandage. Rip it off quickly and cleanly.

  Instead of answering her, he took her hand and pulled her toward the bedroom. When they were standing by the bed, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a silvery strand. At first she wasn’t at all certain what it was until he held it up.

  It was a delicate necklace with a heart charm that twinkled and caught the low light from the lamps. Her pulse ratcheted up. She was delighted with the gift, but she saw the uncertainty in Swanny’s expression and her heart immediately softened.

  “I’d like for you to wear this,” he said gruffly. “I know you can’t wear it all the time, like for your shoots or the launch party. But in between and especially if you aren’t with me, I’d like for you to wear it.”

  There was an odd note to his voice. She cocked her head to the side, studying him for a moment. Then she brushed away the oddity and decided he was simply nervous over whether she’d like something so simple. He likely thought nothing but the most expensive jewels ever adorned her body.

  Even if she didn’t like his gift—and that certainly was not the case here—she’d never in a million years crush him by rejecting something so precious.

  Reverently she took it in her hands, sliding it carefully from Swanny’s fingers.

  “I love it,” she said, a knot forming in her throat.

  “Really?”

  She swore she could see sweat on his brow.

  She extended it toward him and then turned when he took it from her.

  “Clasp it for me?” she asked.

  He fumbled behind her neck, and she smiled when he muttered a curse. Finally he secured it and she turned around, walking into his arms, hugging him tightly.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I really do love it.”

  He returned her hug and then tilted her head back with a nudge to her chin and his mouth covered hers. Heat scorched a path up her spine and yet she shivered as if chilled in reaction to the pleasure radiating in waves over her skin like the softest of whispers.

  She broke away, panting slightly, desire a strong, steady presence. It weighed down on her, filling her with need, desperate need.

  “If we’re going to discuss anything, then I suggest we get to discussing before we get sidetracked with other matters entirely,” she said breathlessly.

  Again she saw vulnerability creep into his eyes, giving her an unfettered glimpse of raw emotion shimmering back at her. It made her want to hug him to her and tell him it would be all right. But how could she when she had no idea what it was he had on his mind?

  After the last bomb he’d dropped on her, she’d be a fool to think whatever it was would be insignificant.

  “Get undressed for bed and comfortable. Give me a minute to wash up and change myself. Then we’ll get into bed and talk.”

  She swore he was delaying it, almost as if he were still gathering courage to broach whatever topic he had on his mind. It only made her more nervous, and she wanted to blurt out that he should just tell her now, because the wait was killing her.

  But she also recognized that whatever it was, he needed a moment to collect his thoughts. For him, she could wait, because she never wanted him to feel uncomfortable with her. Not when she was so at ease with him. There wasn’t anything she felt as though she couldn’t tell him, and she wanted him to feel the same way about her.

  “Okay,” she said softly. “It won’t take me but a moment, but take as long as you need. I’ll be in bed waiting.”

  Relief registered in his eyes and he turned abruptly, heading to the bathroom. A moment later she heard the shower turn on. She stripped out of her clothing and chose a comfortable pair of silk pajamas. She certainly had sexier options to wear, but she didn’t want to distract Swanny from whatever he wanted to discuss. The desire between them had been a tangible force in the room, but she’d also registered the importance of whatever it was he wanted to talk to her about, so she pushed thoughts of lovemaking from her mind and mentally prepared herself for what lay ahead.

  Hoping for the best, she took a steadying breath and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up to modestly cover herself, and waited for Swanny to return.

  She didn’t have long to wait. It wasn’t even five minutes before Swanny returned, wearing a pair of boxers and a form-fitting T-shirt that had her drooling over his muscled physique. He paused at the edge of the bed, uncertainty once again filling his eyes.

  Taking the initiative, she pulled the covers back and patted the space beside her.

  “You can talk to me about anything, Swanny,” she said softly. “I never want you to feel as though you have to hold anything back. Not from me. Never from me. I feel closer to you than I’ve ever felt to anyone else in my life outside of my father and brothers.”

  His features relaxed and he climbed into bed beside her and turned on his side facing her, propping his head up with his palm, elbow down on the pillow. He fiddled with the sheets a moment, his gaze lowered, but then finally he seemed to gather his courage and he lifted his gaze to meet hers.

  She waited patiently in silence, not wanting to pres
s. She sensed this was something huge. At least to him. But still, she couldn’t stanch the tiny tendrils of dread that wrapped themselves around her heart.

  “I know I’m not good enough for you,” he said gruffly.

  She opened her mouth to voice an immediate denial, but he put a finger gently to her lips.

  “Let me finish,” he said quietly. “There’s a lot I want to say and I need to get it all out before I completely wimp out.”

  She promptly closed her mouth, her heart aching at the vulnerability in his voice.

  “I—I guess I want to know where this is headed,” he said in a faltering voice. “You and me, I mean. You have to know I have feelings for you, Eden.”

  He stopped and shook his head.

  “That’s not accurate. I’m in love with you. Completely and utterly in love with you. There’s no doubt in my mind about how I feel about you. And I need to know if you have any feelings for me. When this is over, I need to know where that leaves us. You aren’t just a job to me. You never will be. And I don’t want, when this is all over with, for us to go our separate ways and pretend that we didn’t share such a deep connection, and I guess what I’m asking is if you feel that same connection or if it’s one-sided on my part.”

  He grew quiet, the anxiety in his gaze heightening. Her heart was racing, near to exploding. He’d laid himself bare before her. The courage that must have taken with his insecurities over not being good enough for her, not fitting into her world, his scars both internal and external. God, she couldn’t fathom such courage when she hadn’t even had the courage herself to tell him how she felt about him. She was suddenly shamed that he’d had to be the one to bring the topic up. That she hadn’t had his courage and had forced him into such a vulnerable position. If only she had as much bravery as he had. If she had only been willing to face her own fears, he would never be in this position, placing his very heart and soul in her hands when he had no idea if he’d face rejection.

  Tears burned her eyes and she made no effort to wipe them away. They slid soundlessly down her cheeks and for a moment she simply couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t possibly say a word. Her throat was clogged with emotion, her chest heavy. Close on the heels of raw emotion came overwhelming relief. He wasn’t blowing her off. God, he’d just said he loved her. The very thing she’d wished the most for. The thing she’d lacked the courage to offer him first.

  She still couldn’t find the words that were filling her heart, her mind, her very soul, so she did the only thing she did find herself capable of. She threw her arms around him, knocking him onto his back. And then she kissed him. Raw, heated, pouring every ounce of what she couldn’t summon to say into her kiss.

  Her tears spilled onto his skin. She could taste them, salty and warm on their tongues as he returned her kiss in equal measure. She framed his face in her hands, gently caressing the scarred side, and then she kissed the corner of his mouth, the one where the scar just reached and affected that side’s ability to tilt upward as much as the other, and then she followed the path of the scar all the way up his cheek to where it ended near the corner of his eye.

  “I love you too,” she said brokenly, finally able to speak around the huge knot in her throat. “I love you so much, Swanny. I’m so sorry I haven’t said it before. I guess we were both afraid. I’m so sorry I forced you into this position when I should have been the one to be honest with you the moment I knew I was in love with you.”

  “Oh God,” he whispered. “Thank God. I was so scared, Eden. You have no idea. I’ve never put myself on the line like this. Never thought I would. It scared the shit out of me. It’s taken me days to work up the courage to tell you everything in my heart. I know I’m not good enough for you, but God, I want you. I love you so much. I don’t want to be without you. Ever.”

  She growled in response, her eyes narrowing as the tears stopped and she glared down at him as ferociously as she could, given the emotional magnitude of the moment.

  “I swear to God, Swanny, if I hear the words ‘I’m not good enough for you’ one more time, I’m going to strangle you. That’s the most ridiculous, absurd thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Not good enough for me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  She was huffing with indignation, and he smiled. Then he laughed, the sound light and carefree, as if it had been years in the making. He relaxed beneath her, joy spreading over his features, warming his eyes. He’d never been more beautiful to her than in this moment. Lying beneath her so happy and at ease. As if she’d single-handedly slain every one of his demons. She realized then the power she had over him, and it didn’t make her feel good at all. She wanted them to be equals. She didn’t want the power to hurt him, ever. But she also realized now that they both had the power to hurt each other because they were too intertwined, too connected. Soul deep.

  Soul mates.

  It might sound corny as hell. Something from a book or a movie. But it fit. Because she knew to her bones that Swanny was the only man for her. There’d never be another after him. How could there be?

  “Promise me you’ll never say it again,” she said, taking a more serious, quieter tone. “Only I get to decide who’s good enough for me, and I say you’re perfect for me. Excuse my potty mouth, but I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. And if you think I’m going to hide my association with you or refuse to be seen in public with you, then I’ll kick your ass from one end of this room to the other.”

  He burst into laughter again and then gathered her tightly in his arms, hugging her to his hard body. He pressed a kiss into her hair and then inhaled, squeezing her even tighter until she could barely breathe. And yet she didn’t mind. She was locked against him, where she belonged. She’d never felt safer and more secure than she did right here in this moment with him wrapped solidly around her, a barrier to the outside world where danger lurked and someone stalked her, waiting and watching for an opportunity to harm her.

  “I guess this means we’re an item, then,” he said, an obvious grin in his voice.

  “Damn straight we are. I know we have some things to work out. Namely our careers. But for now I vote we put that conversation on the back burner and focus on here and now and the fact that what I want most is for you to make love to me.”

  “Never let it be said I denied my lady anything,” he said cheekily, tugging playfully at her hair.

  “I like your attitude,” she said in a sassy voice, matching his own playfulness.

  God, but she loved this. That she could be herself. The real Eden Sinclair. No cameras. No acting. No glamour or makeup. No fancy clothes. Not the supermodel the rest of the world saw. With Swanny she was just Eden. A woman with needs just like every other woman in the world. Normal. And she’d found perfection. Utter perfection. What more could she possibly ever ask for?