Untried Heart

by Nicky Charles

  The sound of raised voices outside his office had Michael looking up from his computer screen. To the best of his knowledge he had no appointments scheduled. And even if he did, there shouldn’t be a commotion in the waiting room.

  He stood and crossed his office, his long legs covering the distance in only a few strides then yanked open the door. Eugenie and a novice GA were standing nose to nose, their voices raised; the young man had his arms spread wide and was trying to keep Eugenie from entering.

  For a moment he watched, impressed with the change in Eugenie. Just a few weeks ago, she wouldn’t have had the gumption to barge in and then challenge another GA, even if that GA was a novice. Yes, she’d certainly shown growth over the course of her assignment. And, if he were correct, that case was drawing to a close which would explain her presence. Hmm, this should prove interesting.

  He switched his focus to the conversation going on in front of him.

  “No. The archangel is busy. He gave me the assignment of ensuring he was undisturbed.” The young man’s voice cracked part way through the sentence. He really was dreadfully young and much too eager, so much so that he was often underfoot. That’s why he’d been given what was essentially a non-assignment. It was intended to keep him busy and out of the way until Michael was able to find someone to take him on as an apprentice.

  “I have to see Michael. It’s urgent!” Eugenie tried to push past the novice who stood his ground remarkably well.

  Michael made a mental note of the fact before intervening. “You may let her pass.”

  “But you said—” The novice turned on him, then realized what he was doing and his face flushed bright red and then paled. He let his outstretched arms fall to his sides. “I...I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to question you.”

  Michael nodded. “It’s all right. Why don’t you go find some new reading material for the waiting room.”

  “Yes, sir! Of course, sir! I won’t let you down, sir!” The novice saluted and scurried on his way, tripping on the hem of his gown but catching himself before falling flat on his face.

  With a sigh, Michael turned to Eugenie, extending his hand to indicate she was to enter his office. “And to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

  “I...I’ve completed my assignment.” She sat down in front of his desk, for once not apologizing for bothering him or waiting to be told to take a seat.

  “I see.” Michael took his seat on the other side. “The usual protocol for completing an assignment is to fill in a report, file it electronically and, if I have questions after reading said report, we do a face to face debriefing.”

  “I know. I read that...somewhere. It’s just...”

  “Just what?”

  She clasped her hands in her lap, the knuckles showing white. “I can’t do a mind wipe on Ben.”

  “Can’t? I’m positive you were instructed on that particular skill.”

  “I mean I won’t do it.” She blinked rapidly. “I know the assignment is done, that it’s time to move on but...” A tear spilled down her cheek. “I...” She looked away. “I love him.”

  “You love him?”

  “Yes, I do and...” She swung her gaze back to him. “It hurts. My heart feels like it’s breaking into pieces at the idea of him not remembering me. I know it has to be done. I know I need to let go, but...” She shook her head, her voice hitching as she struggled for control. “Can you do it, sir?” Tears were now streaming down her face.

  “Is that what you really want?”

  “I... No. But it has to be. There’s no other option. I’m a guardian angel and... and...” She broke down completely, pulling her knees up to her chest and sobbing as she curled into a ball of misery. “I love him. I love him so much and it’s killing me to know he’ll not remember me, that I’ll never be able to see him again.”

  He sighed heavily, the sight of her tears affecting him more than he’d like to admit. It hurt to love, to have to let go. It was one of the hardest parts of being a guardian angel, leaving bits of your heart behind. Especially when your heart was tender and untried like Eugenie’s.

  When he’d given her the assignment, he’d wondered if this would happen but knew he had to allow her the opportunity to choose her own fate. She might have been content with completing the job, merely dipping her toes into the murky waters of love before moving on. But, as he’d suspected, she’d thrown her whole self into the case, opening her heart to both the wonders and pain of love.

  Eyes half-closed, he observed her grieving for the man she was about to lose. She’d been so young and sheltered when she’d died, never having had a chance to experience life. How should he deal with her? Allowing his mind to drift, he reached out to communicate with one much more knowledgeable than himself before giving a nod.

  He stood and rounded the desk then hunkered down in front of Eugenie and handed her a tissue.

  “Eugenie, before I do as you ask and do a mind wipe on Ben, I need you to answer one question. And I need it to be a completely honest well thought out answer so don’t speak too quickly because there will be no changing your mind.”

  “All right.” She looked up, seeming surprised to see him crouched before her. “Thank you.” She took the tissue and wiped her face and nose.

  “What’s more important to you? Your duty as a guardian angel or Ben’s heart?”

  “Ben’s heart.” Eugenie didn’t even hesitate. There’d been no pause, no sign of struggle in her countenance. She’d instinctively known the answer.

  Michael nodded. Just as he’d suspected. “So, what do you think will make Ben’s heart happy and whole again?”

  “Me.” She gasped and clapped her hand to her mouth. “I didn’t mean it to sound like that. It sounds awfully self-serving. What I mean…er…”

  He remained silent as she struggled to express herself. He’d not lead her to a decision by putting words in her mouth. She needed to come to the realization on her own.

  “I’ve really messed things up now, haven’t I? You’re going to kick me out of the program, aren’t you? I’ve failed.” Her shoulders slumped. “And, I don’t think I can work with another client. Not knowing Ben needs me.”

  “So, is it duty or Ben?”

  She looked down, twisting the tissue she clutched in her hand then suddenly looked up, a smile slowly transforming her face. “Can’t they be one and the same?”

  Michael put his hand on her clasped ones, letting his warmth flow into her. “You’ve discerned the answer, Eugenie, as I knew you would. Your assignment isn’t finished until Ben Davis’ heart is whole and happy. If you were to leave him that wouldn’t be the outcome.”

  “But, a mind wipe…?”

  “Where true love is involved a mind wipe, regardless of how skillfully it is performed, will never be complete. There will always be a hole in the heart of the human left behind. A feeling like a part of them is missing.”

  “So…?”

  “So, Eugenie, you must go back. To Ben. Be happy with him and in return he will be happy with you. You two will have a full and long life together.”

  Her brows knit together. “You’re kicking me out of the squadron?”

  “I’m not kicking you out, I am letting you go. Your wings will carry you back down to Ben’s home and then they will disintegrate. Your life will be human from then on.” Michael stood and moved back to lean against his desk. “It’s your choice. Human or angel?”

  “If it means I can be with Ben, human!”

  “So be it.”

  Michael suddenly found his arms filled with a smiling and very feminine woman. He gingerly put his arms around her and patted her back. It had been millennia since he’d held a woman like this and the gesture felt awkward. Then, to his consternation Eugenie kissed his cheek.

  “Thank you, Michael.”

  He felt his face grow warm and cleared his throat, gently disengaging himself from her.

  “My dear,” he held her at arms’ length, “I mere
ly posed the question, a higher power gave the answer. Now, off you go. You have a life waiting to be lived.”

  He watched as she turned to go. “Eugenie.”

  “Yes, Michael?” She turned at the door.

  “Watch for a special delivery. A package. Oh, and one last thing, you must be truthful with Ben Davis.”

  “You mean, tell him about my life here?” She laughed, “he’d never believe me.”

  “My dear, you’d be surprised what a man in love will believe.”

  Michael smiled to himself as he watched her leave. He’d miss her, just as he missed Alexander. An image of the tall, blond-haired angel came to mind as he recalled the details of the events that had occurred a few years earlier. It had eventually led the guardian angel to leave the squadron.

  He sighed and shook his head and returned to work. So many cases, so many humans needed the help of a good GA. He was going to be short-handed, he was sure of it. Pulling up a list of current angels under his command, he stared at the screen thinking he’d have to do some re-assigning.

  Chapter 22

  Eugenie appeared behind the barn, out of sight of the house and then checked her watch. Ben should be back by now and was likely working on his latest project. She hurried inside calling his name. Of course, he had no idea what had transpired between her and Michael but she felt the need for a joyous reunion even if Ben did think she was crazy. The only problem was, he wasn’t in the shop.

  Darn.

  Well, his truck was parked in the driveway so he must be in the house. She hurried across the yard and up the back steps. Her hand was on the latch when she paused, a thought occurring to her. She’d committed to spending the rest of her life with Ben but what if that wasn’t part of his plan? Yes, he’d said he loved her but was it a happily ever after love? Or passing affair kind of love?

  She allowed her hand to drop to her side, insecurities bombarding her. Did he want her around on a permanent basis? Maybe he was looking forward to getting his quiet life back. Or, what if the art dealer had convinced him to move to a big city and pursue being a full-time artist? Would she fit in? She thought of Jonathan and his party and how out of place she’d felt, just like she hadn’t been comfortable at the gallery a few nights ago. There was nothing fancy or special about her. Ben deserved someone he could be proud of, who could stand by his side and support him throughout his career.

  Her shoulders slumped as she finally entered the house, her steps dragging. She needed to find Ben and let him go. Exactly what she’d do afterwards, she wasn’t sure, but she’d not hold him back.

  “Eugenie?” He turned from where he stood by the kitchen table. “I was wondering where you were.”

  “Hi, Ben.” She forced a smile while she slipped off her coat and scarf and dropped them over the back of a chair. “I just went for a walk. Did you need me for something?”

  “I just saw this order. It’s fantastic. I’m glad you were here when they stopped by.” He looked at the paper again before setting it down and extending his hand. “Come on, let’s go sit in the living room and I’ll tell you about my day.”

  Reluctantly she followed him, unsure she could bear sitting with him in the room where they’d shared so many happy times.

  Ben sat down, leaning back with his legs stretched out comfortably in front of him. When Eugenie sat on the edge of the sofa, he tugged her backwards so she was at his side and slung his arm around her shoulder.

  “I had an amazing afternoon. The art dealer from Toronto had Daphne Standish eating out of his hand. I can’t believe how eager she was to make a deal with him.”

  “That’s wonderful.” She forced herself to sound enthused. “I guess you’ll be moving soon.”

  “Moving?”

  “To Toronto to pursue your new career.”

  He shook his head and laughed. “No way. I had my fill of the big city when I was married. Never again. At most, we’ll be travelling there a few times a year.”

  “We?” She caught on to that one word, hardly daring to hope it meant what she thought it did.

  “Well, you don’t have to come along but it would be nice if you did.” Ben continued talking, not seeming to notice her changing expression.

  A grin spread across her face and she snuggled closer to him. He was planning on her staying! She laughed silently at her own folly. Why had she doubted his sincerity?

  “I’m not going back to housing construction ever again. I wasn’t cut out to run a big business but I do hope to eventually fix up this house and renovate the barn. What do you think?”

  “I think it’s a splendid idea.”

  “It’s all because of you, you know. You were like my genie, making all my wishes come true.”

  “Um… About that. Ben, there’s something I have to tell you.”

  She opened her mouth to explain but Chip started barking.

  Ben turned to look over his shoulder out the window. “I’ve no idea whose car that is.”

  “Maybe a customer?”

  “Could be.” He went to check and it turned out she was correct. Ben didn’t return until dinner and the rest of the evening failed to offer an opportunity to broach the topic of her being an angel. Truth be told, she didn’t try very hard. One peaceful night with no worries, that was all she wanted.

  The next morning Ben woke early. Contentment filled him as he listened to Eugenie’s steady breathing beside him. He loved waking up next to her, loved feeling her warmth and having her scent on his pillow. Since she’d been sharing his bed, he’d slept better than he had in years.

  He eased away from her, stretched and yawned planning on making breakfast for her. The room was cold and he shivered as he threw back the covers. About to swing his legs out of bed, the memory of last night’s dream flicked through his mind. He’d relived the time he’d fallen in the river before, but this time Eugenie had appeared and wrapped him in warmth using her wings.

  Wings?

  Dreams could certainly be strange. And yet... He pulled open the drawer in the bedside table and took out an envelope. In it were several feathers, the ones he’d found caught on the edge of the door of his workshop the day he’d taken that unplanned dunking in icy water.

  The feathers were pure white and softer than anything he’d ever felt. They were also larger than the feathers you’d find on any local bird. He stroked his finger along the length of one, frowning.

  Angel feathers?

  The fanciful thought had him shaking his head.

  “Ben?” Eugenie spoke behind him, the covers rustling softly as she sat up. “What do you have there?”

  “Just some feathers I found once.” He turned to give her a morning kiss but she barely returned the gesture, her gaze locked on the feathers he held in his hand.

  “Those are mine!”

  “Yours?” He frowned. “You collect feathers?”

  “No. I mean I...” She paused and ran her hand through her hair looking delightfully befuddled. “Ben,” she wrenched her gaze from the feathers and looked at him wide-eyed. “I have something to tell you.”

  “What?”

  “I...I’m an angel.”

  “An angel?” He blinked at her and then laughed. “It sounds like we both had similar dreams last night.” He set the feathers down and stood up. “You can use the bathroom while I get breakfast ready.”

  “Ben, wait. I really am an angel. Or…at least I was, but now I’m not.”

  He stroked a finger along her cheek. “I think you’re still half asleep.” Still chuckling, he snagged his bathrobe and shoved his arms in the sleeves as he made his way to the kitchen.

  Eugenie watched him leave then flopped back down on the bed to stare at the ceiling. That didn’t go well. She had to tell him, though. The question was how, without him thinking she was crazy.

  She showered, dressed and headed to the kitchen, all the while planning her strategy. Her efforts were wasted, however, for there was a knock on the door as she walked down the hallwa
y. From her vantage point, she watched Ben open the door. Over his shoulder she saw the young GA from Michael’s office.

  “Eugenie?” Ben called her name.

  “There’s a young man here with a package for you.”

  She hurried to the door.

  “Package from Michael. Sign here.” The novice who’d tried to block her access to Michael the previous day stood in the doorway. He shoved a clipboard at her.

  Quickly, she scrawled her name.

  “Hmm... It seems to be correct.” After examining the signature and giving her a hard look, the young man handed her the package. His hand started to rise towards his forehead as if he were going to salute her before catching himself. “Michael said he wishes you well and he’ll see you again in several decades.”

  She glanced towards Ben who stood nearby. “Tell Michael thank you.”

  With a nod, the novice did a military turn on his heel and marched down the stairs.

  “Who was that?”

  “Umm…” She frowned. Had she ever heard the novice's name? “Just a delivery boy.”

  “Well, who is this Michael? I don't think I like the idea of other men sending you packages.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “You’re mine and I don't like to share.”

  “I'm yours? Really?” Those words made her feel simultaneously weak in the knees and so filled with joy she could soar around the room.

  “Of course you're mine. That is...if you want to be?” He drew back, a look of uncertainty on his face.

  “Yes! I'd love nothing more!” She reached up and linked her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

  A very satisfying interlude later, Ben cleared his throat. “I have something for you.” He led her to the kitchen and she saw a tiny present on her plate.

  “Ben?”

  “Open it.”

  She did as he asked, her fingers trembling. Inside the box, nestled on a bed of cotton, was a simple wooden heart, painted red and hanging on a bit of twine.

  “I saw it when I was in town yesterday. It seemed appropriate given I'm a carpenter and all.”